


Pinned down

by awesomemarrcus



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, No real smut yet, Plot before the smut, Some semi sexual content so far, Some vague mentions of oral sex, Wrestling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-09-14 14:43:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 100,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9186809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomemarrcus/pseuds/awesomemarrcus
Summary: Being a high school wrestler and screwing different girls every weekend takes up most of Connor Stevens time. He feels like he needs something new. A challenge.A long lost friend he once cared about re-enters his life. Coincidence? Probably.





	1. Amnesia

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I'll definitely go to hell for writing this.

Dylan yawned wide. Not that Monday morning had ever been his favorite, but this May morning was excruciating. He felt like he needed at least seventeen more hours of sleep.

“Who the fuck decided to have practice Monday mornings?” Dylan complained to his best friend walking beside him as they crossed the lawn.

Connor smirked and took a puff from the cigarette before handing it back to Dylan.

“Perhaps if you weren’t up all night jerking off you wouldn’t be so tired all the time?”

Dylan yawned again before taking a deep inhale from the rolled up paper in hand. “If God wouldn’t want me to jerk off he shouldn’t have come up with Sean Cody.”

Connor raised a brow and looked over at Dylan. “Who the fuck is Sean Cody?”

Dylan chuckled. “You want me to show you? I got my phone right here.”

Connor laughed back at him. “No man, that’s alright. I’m good.”

“Your loss.” Dylan said before remembering something. “Hey by the way, did you pity fuck Kara’s annoying friend or not? She was DTF as fuck.”

“Down to fuck as fuck?” Connor leered at Dylan.

“She was. Come on, tell me!”

Connor sighed. “No. When we got to the car she told me she had her period.”

“What? She was like begging for you to fuck her at the party?”

“I know, right? Fucking bitch.” Connor said and finished off the joint they shared. “So I told her I could fuck her in the ass, yeah?” Dylan nodded as a response.

“ _No, I’ve never done that before_.” Connor said mockingly imitating a female voice.

“What a cunt.” Dylan said back and shook his head in disbelief.

“Tell me about it.” Connor coughed before saying. “At least I got her to blow me.”

“The least she could do.” Dylan said, supporting his friend.

As Dylan and Connor got closer to the sports hall, Connor took up his phone and handed it over to Dylan, showing him a text message. Dylan laughed and said. “What a slut!” Connor laughed back. Dylan read the message again and said out loud ” _my throat is still sore_ ” while shaking his head.

“You gonna see her again?” Dylan asked when he handed back the phone to Connor.

“No way. She was boring. I need a challenge.” Connor said. Dylan thought for a moment. ”I think you’ve already fucked every girl in school Con.”

Connor opened the door leading to the hallway taking him and Dylan to the locker room. They continued their discussion. “Not all of them. Only the hot ones.” Connor smirked. ”You’re the one that’s fucked all the gay guys at our school.”

Dylan rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I’ve fucked like seven guys in my life.”

“Like I said, _all of them._ Including the ugly ones.” Connor said teasingly.

Dylan laughed back. “I’ll get picky when I move to a real city and leave this dump.”

“Sure you will.”

“Asshole.”

 

\---

 

Kara sat in her seat looking at two of her best friends. The professor was not doing an excellent job at getting his students attention. Connor seemed to have zoned out completely. He was playing with his pencil with his hands but his mind was somewhere far away from here.

Dylan Thomas, sitting beside him, was on his phone like he always was. Probably on that app “grinder”, Kara figured. The two had the ability to piss Kara off beyond words. Them being the school’s top wrestlers and the fact that they looked good and they knew it wasn’t the best combination for raising their likeability. Connor with his dark blonde messy hair and golden skin tone that drove all the girls wild with want. And that was even before they even saw the body that sports had shaped for nearly all of his 18 years on this earth. Those who guessed believed that Connor was into weightlifting or something like that with the enormous torso and strong legs he had.

Dylan wasn’t a small guy either, but he competed in the weight class under Connor despite being slightly taller. Kara could like Dylan, she really could. He was handsome, with his crewcut, high jawline and impeccable taste in clothes. He wasn’t even that stupid. For being on the wrestling team that was. The best thing about him, according to Kara, was that he was openly gay and had been for over a year.

All in all, Kara could like Dylan. If, and it was a big if, she didn’t find him to be a complete asshole. According to Kara he had to be the most arrogant, chauvinistic, smug person to ever have attended Salem Oregon High. Just don’t ask Kara why she’s friends with Dylan. She’s working on an answer to that, chill.

In other words, Dylan was the perfect friend for Connor Stevens. At least the Connor Stevens that most of the students knew. Having known Connor longer than anyone else, since they were four years old to be precise, she knew more about him than even Dylan did. At least she used to. That’s why she got so tired reading the text from Anna telling her that Connor once again had done what Connor always did. Not that Kara for a second imagined that Connor would fall for Anna of all people. She wished he could use a bit more tact when blowing her friends off though.

 

\---

 

“Yo hoe!”

The redhead didn’t acknowledge Dylan’s so called greeting with more than a roll of her eyes before taking her seat at their lunch table. Connor grinned seeing how irritating Kara found Dylan. He wondered how much longer she could keep herself from lashing out against him.

“I fucking hate Mondays.” Kara exclaimed.

”Tell me about it.” Connor said and took a big bite from his ham and cheese sandwich.

”By the way, I heard it didn’t work out with Anna, I’m so shocked Connor.” Kara didn’t even bother to use a sarcastic tone. She didn’t need to.

Dylan found it suitable to speak as Connor had his mouth full of food. “What a slut she was!”

Kara closed her eyes for a second. Connor chewed faster in an attempt to save Dylan.

“Can you… can you just shut up Dylan?” Kara’s temper giving Dylan one last chance, a chance he didn’t take as he blurted out.

“Not my fault she’s a slut.”

“She!? She’s a slut?”

Connor could only witness as his two friends started to raise their voices.

“What the fuck does that make you!? You fuck anyone you can.” Kara glared at Dylan.

“What, what do you…?”

Kara looked at Dylan knowingly. “Really? That Jewish kid, Noah?”

Connor laughed. He had almost forgot about that.

Dylan got uncomfortable. He had made Connor swear never to bring that up but he didn’t have that power over Kara. Dylan tried to sound casual. “So? I thought he was drunk?”

“Is that your excuse?!” Kara laughed mockingly.

Connor laughed so hard he had to put his arm over his mouth.

“Whatever.” Dylan said, trying to wave it off.

“You fucked a retard Dylan. That’s how desperate you are.” Kara informed him.

“He wasn’t a _retard_. He was just… slow.”

Connor put his hand on Dylan’s shoulder. Connor was laughing so hard from thinking about when Dylan found out that he got tears in his eyes. ”Dude… you fucked a retard.”

“He’s in special ed Dylan. He’s not just _slow_.” Kara said.

”I didn’t fucking know that did I?! Can we just drop it, ok?”

“I’ll drop it when you stop talking about girls like that. So fucking sick of ‘ _locker room talk’_.”

Connor hadn’t stopped laughing when Dylan and Kara called a truce.

“By the way guys. This morning? Discreet much?” Kara said the both of them. When they looked like questioning marks Kara continued. “I saw you smoking weed on the way to wrestling practice. You can get expelled you know?”

Dylan shrugged and said. “Nah. They never kick you out the first time.”

Kara shook her head in defeat, not in the mood to inform them how stupid they were. ”Fine. Your problem, not mine. Connor, tell me what was wrong with Anna?”

“Nothing. Just not my type.”

”Intelligent?” Kara sassed at him.

”Boring.” Connor shot back.

Dylan joins in on the conversation. ”Con needs a challenge. Something new.”

Connor ate his sandwich while his friends kept talking about him but not to him. ”Maybe if _Con_ rested his dick for a few hours his head could figure out what he wants.”

“Hey I got it!” Dylan looked like he’d seen the light of God. “You know how you said that could fuck a guy, yeah?”

Connor’s eyes met Kara’s. Connor could tell she was surprised, but mostly she was jealous. Jealous that Connor apparently had shared what she believed was something only she knew about him with that asshole Dylan.

“Yeah, so?”

“That’s the challenge. Fuck a guy?” Dylan smiled, he looked like he’d come up with the answer to all of life’s great mysteries in one go.

“You know I have higher standards than you Dylan. There are no fuckable gays at our school. No offense.” Connor smirked at Dylan.

“Eww. You wish I didn’t see you as my brother man. That’s the whole point, that’s a challenge worthy of Connor Stevens.”

“Alright guys, this is getting a bit too much _Cruel Intentions_ for my taste. Besides, I’m late to class. See you.” Kara said and left for English.

Connor laughed at Dylan. “Yeah, so I have to find a closet gay, that I want to fuck, to fuck? That doesn’t sound like it’s going to happen.”

On a completely different note. Having nothing to do with the previous conversation, at all.

“Hey, was it this week that we had to train with the new Sophomores?” Dylan asked.

“Yeah. Yeah I think so, coach said something about us two getting two new guys from Portland or something like that.”

“Fuck, that always sucks.”

“Yeah I know, but it’s just for a few weeks.”

“Still sucks.”

“I don’t know. If I’m rough enough with mine, he might quit after a week. It’s not like he’ll be in my weight class so I’ll just crush him.”

“Maybe he likes it rough.” Dylan said and winked.

Connor closed his eyes and shook his head “Man you suck, you can even make wrestling gay."

 

 

\---

 

“Come on Connor, you can do it, lightweights!”

Connor took quick breaths to oxygenate the blood. A sharp inhale through his nostrils and a firm grip of the barbell, his ass and shoulder blades the only parts touching the bench. Connor lowered down the barbell to his chest and gave a loud grunt before pushing it slowly upwards again.

Kara kept repeating encouraging words. “You got it, come on, push!”

Connor made a final push, his forehead vein looked like it was about to burst, to get the barbell back to the starting position. Kara helped him securing the weights.

“Damn Connor, you’re a fucking machine.” Kara was impressed. Connor had always been strong but lately he had taken it to the next level. He had just bench pressed 400 lbs. Connor lay down and recovered from the heavy lift. Kara threw him a towel and sat down next to the bench.

“I know your ego doesn’t need to hear this but your pecs are insane.” Kara paused and quirked a brow. “You sure you’re clean?”

Connor dried his forehead from sweat and chortled. “You mean besides those lethal joints? Yeah I’m sure.”

“How do you dare to smoke weed anyway, don’t you have to take urine tests and shit when you go to tournaments?”

“Relax granny. Takes a week for it to leave the body.”

“I hope you’re not getting your intel from _Dylan_.” Kara couldn’t even say his name without disgust.

“I would never. You heard about this crazy thing called the Internet?”

“Stop being cute with me, Stevens.”

Connor smiled as he sat up on the bench, still tired after the workout. Totally unknowingly he put his fingers through his hair at the same time as two girls in the gym passed them by. “Hi Connor.” They said at the same time sounding like they would burst out giggling any moment. Kara rolled her eyes while Connor responded “Hey ladies.”

“What?” Connor said to Kara who kept looking at him.

“Stop thinking with your dick for fucking once.”

“Come on, he deserves the attention.” Connor grinned at her while grabbing his, Kara had to admit, impressive package through his black gym shorts.

“I think he’s had enough.”

“The Connator is never satisfied.”

Kara cracked a smile and burrowed her head in her hand. “Please tell me you just made that up.”

Connor returned the smile. “Okay, maybe.” Kara looked relieved.

“Speaking of dicks, you told Dylan about... you know?”

Connor instinctively looked around before raising his shoulders. “Yeah. I don’t know. I mean it’s no big deal. And besides, he’s gay so, I figured I could tell him.”

“Okay Con, first things first. You _do_ know he would give _anything_ to sleep with you?” Connor leered but didn’t answer Kara so she spoke again. “You know that, right?”

“Yeah ok, maybe I do. But that won’t happen.”

“Ok, _good_.” Kara didn’t hold back on letting Connor know she was pleased to hear that. “And second of all, what do you mean not a big deal, what did you tell him?”

Connor shrugged again. “I told him I could… fuck a guy?”

Kara sighed. “Connor. Come on. Don’t give me that shit.”

“What shit?”

“You know what shit.” Kara kept her gaze on Connor. She was the only one in existence capable of staring down the mighty Connor Stevens. “Even if it’s a long time ago, I remember Connor.” Connor tried to swallow without Kara noticing it. Too bad she wasn’t an idiot. Kara sighed, again. “Come on Connor.”

“I’m into girls but I guess I could fuck a guy, what are you getting at?”

“You know I’ve never told anyone.” Kara looked dead serious. “Not once. You know how many times I’ve had to listen to my friends crying their heart out after you dumped them right after fucking them?”

Connor opened his eyes a bit wider and let his eyebrows go up questioningly. “Hmm… two times?” Kara stopped for a moment and tried to remember. “I try to avoid your friends.” Connor said and smirked.

“Yeah ok, two times.”

“Because you made it sound like a lot more…”

“I know. Shut up. That’s not the point…” Kara seemed to lose momentum.

“What is your point?” Connor laughed. ”Doris.” Kara smiled even if she didn’t want to. ”Shut up. I’m thinking. And I do not look like a fucking animated fish when I’m thinking.”

“I love it when you swear Kara. Makes me hard.” Connor said and licked his lips. Kara gave Connor a tired look and let her eyes drop to Connor’s crotch. “Prove it Stevens. I’ll wait.” Connor snickered. ”Lesbos are the worst. So hard to please.”

Like so many times before around Connor, Kara rolled her eyes. “My point.” She took a sip of water from her bottle. “My point Connor is. How many girls have you fucked?”

Connor shrugged and gave her an honest answer. “No idea.” The answer did not surprise her. “Exactly. How many times you’ve been in love? No even better. How many times you’ve even had a crush?”

Connor snorted. “Never.”

Kara snorted right back, louder than Connor. ”Lie.”

The hint of a smile that ever so often was on Connor’s face went away. Kara didn’t break eye contact. Connor has no explanation to the sudden appearance of drops of sweat going down his backside, he can’t credit the workout. Connor swallows again. He wondered how the casual conversation in the gym had turned into this.

“I’ve seen you cry a few times Connor, but I’ve only seen you cry from heartbreak once.”

“Come on Kara I was like ten years old. We knew each other for a month before they had to move again. I didn’t know what I was doing.” Connor found himself trying to convince Kara of something. He wasn’t sure of what.

”Listen Con, I know we haven’t talked about this for a long time and yeah, we were kids.” Kara groaned into her hands in frustration looking at Connor being passive for once. Kara was about to snap.

“Fuck Connor I’ve waited eight years!” Connor looked around. His attention returned to Kara after making sure no one was around.

“I’ve waited eight years for you to get your fucking act together. I’ve never pushed you. Not once. Not even when you fucked my best friend, in my parents bed to top it all off, and dumped her because, _surprise surprise,_ you didn’t fall for her.”

Connor wanted to stop her but Kara kept talking. It was like a dam had burst.

“No Connor I waited for you, because I know how hard it is. It’s eight years ago you came running to my room after saying goodbye. We stayed in there for the whole day crying. You said the word Connor, you said you…”

Connor stopped her from completing the sentence. “For fucks sake, Kara, I was ten. I barely knew who I was…”

“Yeah ok maybe you were too young for that, but… barely knew who you were? Connor that’s the last time I think I’ve ever seen the real you. After that you… you turned into something else and that wasn’t the Connor Stevens I’ve loved like the brother I never had for as long as I can remember.”

Kara felt that she was close to tears. Connor was worried where Kara’s ramblings would take her.

“I… I… I can’t even remember his name.” Connor said, Kara snorted and shook her head. “Listen Kara, where are you going with all this? That’s ancient history.”

Kara took a deep breath and stood up from the bench. She was not in the mood for this.

“You know where I’m going with this.” She kissed Connor’s sweaty and warm cheek and started walking towards the locker room. “I know you remember his name.”

Connor’s eyes flickered around the room without him really looking at anything. He lay back down on the bench and took a firm grip of the barbell. He tried forcing aside the name. Connor started doing his routine before making a heavy lift. Quick breaths. Sharp inhale through his nose. Just before lifting the barbell up in the air his mind betrayed him.

“Jude.”


	2. Face of an angel

Connor made his way down the hallway towards his locker. Like always the other students made room for him, something Dylan couldn’t help pointing out whenever he was with him. Someone, probably Dylan, had spread a rumor that Connor one time had put a freshman in the ER for simply bumping into him.

Those who knew Connor knew that Connor would never hurt anyone outside the wrestling ring. Unless they pissed him off. Nah, just kidding. However, Connor did find it amusing enough to allow for the legend to be passed down to the freshmen's each year.

In the corner of his eye he noticed one of his old hookups, Tina, smiling at him. An ordinary day he would smile back, probably making her day by doing so. This day he had another thing on his mind. That name. Connor would be lying if he said he thought about him every day. That would be insane. Eight years had passed since he saw him last. Quite a fucking lot had happened since he was ten years old and finding a way to see the new Harry Potter movie had been his biggest concern in life.

A life had happened. When life was good it could take months between the times he thought about him. Every time he did, Connor mocked himself by thinking something like _“Ten years old._ _What the fuck did you know Connor? Nothing. Jon Snow was fucking based on you."_

Connor opened his locker and took out his trunk before he continued to the sports hall.

After he’d moved away, Connor had tried to refrain from looking him up. It worked for about a week. His friend had moved to San Diego, that much he knew. Shortly after, his Facebook account had been set to private and after that Connor was left in the dark. Probably for the best.

“Hey Con, you ok?”

“Umm, what?”

Connor found himself looking at Dylan. They were both in the locker room, dressed in their wrestling gear.

“You haven’t said anything and I… I thought you were focusing on practice, but then you looked… sad? You ok?”

Connor got a hold of himself. “Yeah. Yeah, no problem. Sorry about that.”

Dylan narrowed his eyes and hesitated a second. “Alright. Good. You ready to kick some ass?”

Connor chortled. “Watch and learn Thomas, watch and learn.”

Dylan couldn’t help laughing for himself watching Connor using his undisputed authority during wrestling classes. Technically, they had a coach, but it was still Connor who was calling the shots. The hierarchy so clear that some of the younger wrestlers avoided to look Connor in the eyes. Outside the wrestling ring Connor was Mr. Popular, but in here, Connor was royalty.

 

\---

 

Connor and Dylan were sitting in Dylan’s basement doing one of the things they'd done many times before, talking shit while playing FIFA 2012. Dylan had bought several of the later versions of the game, but some traditions were not to be meddled with.

“I can’t believe how you can be so fucking bad at this game after all these years.” Dylan spat out while looking intensely at the TV.

“Yeah I know, funny that I still kick your ass every time even though _you're_ the ass master.” Connor said from his position in the couch. The position that had left a clear mold of Connor’s body in said couch.

“Fuck!” Dylan shouted as Connor scored. Dylan leaned forward and picked up the joint, he inhaled deeply before blowing smoke towards Connor.

“You know I prefer turd burglar.” Dylan said before handing over the joint to Connor.

“Really? I don’t know, I like ass master better, it suits you.” Connor said and copied Dylan’s action of inhaling the smoke and blowing it back.

Dylan laughed. “Fuck you. What did that make it, 17-17?”

“Something like that.” Connor inhaled again. ”Like I said, you’re being humiliated.”

“Hey by the way, did I tell you about the new guy?” Dylan said and started a new match.

“Nah, I don’t think so.” Connor replied as he changed the line-up the way he’d done approximately seven thousand times before.

“Yeah. Mad cute. Obvious homo.”

“Oh yeah?” Connor looked over at Dylan. “That sounds interesting, thinking about letting little D get some premium ass for once?”

Dylan chuckled. “I’ve told you not to call my dick little D.”

“Why not?” Connor looked genuinely clueless.

“You fucking know why, it’s not the nickname you want to get established. How would you like it if I… wait what do you even call it these days, I’ve lost track?”

“The Connosaurus Rex.”

Dylan squinted his eyes as he giggled. The weed making it impossible for him to keep it together. “See, that’s a good fucking nickname.”

Connor snickered. “Damn man, you are hiiiigh.”

Dylan stopped giggling after a minute. “Connosaurus Rex… fucking genius man.”

They continued playing for a minute before Dylan remembered. “Wait, what were we talking about?”

Connor had to think for a moment. “Umm… yeah, that’s right! You were saying something about some mad cute obvious homo.”

“Yeah that’s right. Anyway, this guy is something else. He looked like this innocent fragile shy little guy, yeah?”

“Uh-huh.” Connor hummed in response.

“Yeah so Patrick and his asshole friend Josh was showing off as always in front of Tina and Linda in class.”

“Uh-huh. Fuck!” Connor just missed an open goal. He was totally listening to Dylan though, the good friend that he was.

“How the fuck did you miss that?”

“No idea.”

“Anyway. This guy though. He wasn’t like overly feminine or anything like that but still, it’s obvious that he’s gay. You know, nice clothes, nice hair, stuff like that.”

“Uh-huh.”

Dylan started chuckling thinking back to earlier. “So Patrick was being a dick, he was obviously talking out loud about the new kid, he said something like, _Hey don’t you just hate when gays have to act like girls, I mean be a fucking man about it._ ”

“What an ass.” Connor commented.

“I know. But new guy…” Dylan started giggling. Connor figured it was the weed’s doing.

“New guy just turned around. He had this hint of a smile on his face and he looked at Patrick and said, and I’m not fucking with you Con, the first thing anyone had ever heard him say was, _You should see me take it like a man, you’d probably learn a thing or two._ And then he turned back”

Connor started laughing. “He did not say that.”

“I swear to god! Patrick sat there speechless like the fucking idiot he is. Tina laughed for like ten minutes at him.”

“That’s fucking amazing.”

“I know. It was the best. Before class was over new guy had made friends with Tina, Linda and their crew.”

“Really?” Connor was surprised, said girls were definitely part of the “it girls” of the school, they rarely let anyone into their circle.

“He sounds cool. What are you waiting for, if he’s gay, you’re hitting that, yeah?”

”Nah, not my type.”

Connor made a face and looked over at his friend. After looking suspiciously at Dylan for a few seconds, Connor said. “Ah, you mean he looks like he’s got standards?”

“Fuck you man” Dylan chuckled.

“No, but seriously, what the fuck are you talking about, not your type?”

Dylan shrugged. “I don’t know. Just not my type.”

Connor opened his mouth and looked at Dylan. He hesitated, thinking about if he had misheard him. ”But… you don’t have a type? Your type is it’s got a dick and a pulse. And I’m pretty sure that pulse is optional.”

Dylan chuckled and shook his head. “Fuck you.”

Finally, even though he still felt a bit shocked, Connor’s attention went back to the game.

 

\--

 

In another part of Salem, a young man was laying in his bed looking at the ceiling with his phone to his ear.

“Tell me, did you survive round one?” The female voice on the other side said.

“Barely.” He replied.

“Is everything like you remember it?”

“Em, I lived here for like a month. Ten years ago.”

“Please, at least tell me that the most common car on the parking lot is a truck.”

He laughed. “Em… It’s Oregon, not Alabama.” He paused a moment before he continued. “But I did see at least two guys wearing boots, not ironically.”

The girl laughed. “Yass… these are the things I live for.”

“Hearing about my misery? Wow. Thanks.”

“I just don’t want you to be happy right away. Am I horrible?”

“Umm… yes? That’s like the definition of being horrible Emma.” He said knowing that she could hear him smile.

“Sorry… I just miss you that’s all.”

“I miss you too. I miss all of you.”

“Are you still the prettiest of all the gays, sunshine?”

“I sure am. I don’t think the other gays here have understood that we’re supposed to look good. I’m basically the JonBenet Ramsay of Salem… you know, before getting murdered.”

“That’s such a beautiful reference.” Both of them snickered.

“Hey I almost forget, there was some asshole trying to come for me today in class.”

“What? Really? Oh god, poor guy. Did he suffer?”

“No, no, you know me, I politely asked him if he could try to be kinder next time.”

“So what you’re saying is that by now they are looking for a body?”

“Weeeeeeeell….” He said, making both of them laugh again.

“Shit… I’ll never forget when we played that game… you know when you had to guess which sentence described which person.” Emma said. He smiled knowing what she's going to say.

“Face of an angel, mouth of a whore.” She quoted, starting to snicker afterwards.

“That’s such an unfair and incorrect description of my personality.”

“Still everyone got it right. Funny that.”

“Purely coincidental.”

“Of course.”

They go quiet for a minute, enjoying each other’s company in silence.

“Hey, did you have your war paint on today?”

He’s glad she couldn’t hear him swallowing. “Nah, didn’t need it.”

“Alright, that’s good, yeah?”

“Yeah… might wear it tomorrow though…” Emma was taken a bit off guard by his tone. Usually it was confident, this time though, it wasn’t. He sounded unsure.

“Why tomorrow?”

He gulped again.

“Because… because tomorrow I got wrestling.”

“Umm yeah? Why does that matter? You own that shit?”

The response lingered, but when it finally came Emma didn’t call him out on it.

“Yes. Yes, you’re right. I’ll kick ass.”

 

\--

Following day

 

Dylan and Connor were getting dressed in the locker room, Connor had already put on his headgear like he always did when they had new recruits. He didn’t want to disappoint anyone and give them a reason to question his authority.

“Everyone already in there?” Connor said and nodded towards the hall on the other side of the locker room door.

“Yupp. They’ve gone through orientation with coach. We’re to take over when we’re ready. I’m guessing we’ll split them up in two groups as usual?”

“Yeah. I’ll just say a few words first.”

“Can you try not to scare anyone into quitting on the first day?”

Connor smirked. He knew Dylan was joking but the initiation rite of scaring newcomers was a tradition Connor was not about to break.

“Only two completely new guys right, the ones from Portland?”

“Yes. Well one’s from San Diego, coach must have got it wrong.”

“Hmm okay. Doesn’t matter.” Connor said while helping Dylan get his pads in order. “Yeah funny thing, you know cute obvious homo from yesterday?”

“The one who shut Patrick up? Yeah.” Connor took one last look in the mirror, making sure he looked pumped enough.

“That’s the one. He’s San Diego guy.”

“Huh. Another gay wrestler. You can start a support group soon.” Connor said teasingly.

“Ha-ha. Yeah, he really upped up his homo game today.” Dylan grinded his neck and took his place beside Connor just outside the door, ready to show the poor guys inside how wrestling’s done.

“Oh, yeah?” Connor said moving his arms in a circular motion to warm up the muscles. “By the way, you ready to go in?” He asked Dylan.

“Yes, let’s do this! And yeah, San Diego guy decided to wear nail polish on one of his hands today.”

“Yes, come on!” Connor grunted and opened up the door before his brain acknowledged what Dylan had said. Connor had no time to stop Dylan so he walked quickly up beside him and whispered, “Wait, what did you just say?”

Dylan furrowed his brow. “What? He wore nail polish today in class.”

“You sure?” Connor asked, like the idiot that he was.

“Yes...? Either that or his nails are naturally blue. Come on, focus.”

Connor stopped dead in his track, unfortunately for Connor that happened to be on the spot he was supposed to stop, just outside the big circle of wrestling students flocking around coach. Connor’s head was racing. He shook it to clear it. He needed to focus, today of all days.

“Ah, there he is. Class, meet Connor Stevens. The best wrestler the school’s ever seen.” Coach Petrasek said with pride.

Like always, most of the students avoided eye contact as Connor stared them down. The group consisting of about fifteen students went quiet. The students backed up and formed a half-circle so that they all could look at Connor.

Connor didn’t have to look to know who it was that took slow but steady steps forwards, leaving a gap in the half-circle behind him. Nobody said a word. Eyes went wide and a few of the students gasped as the brown haired boy continued to walk slowly up towards Connor.

It was like everything happened in slow motion. Disaster approaching, step by step. Connor avoided looking at him for as long as he could, instead his eyes witnessed the others look of shock. Dylan started to smirk. He couldn’t wait to have Connor tear this kid apart for showing, what he considered, such disrespect.

The slow but confident steps took the new kid right in front of Connor until Connor had no choice but to finally set his eyes upon him.

Dylan witnessed the moment that new kid got Connor’s attention. Instead of looking away in shame, new kid smiled wider than he’d ever seen a person smile before.

Connor had to blink a few times to regain focus, seeing what stood before him in flesh and blood. Connor’s lips parted. Did he try to say something? Connor had no idea. His mouth was dry and his mind was blank. He took in the facial features. He looked so different but at the same time it was so familiar. Those sparkling deep brown eyes might have changed in size but that was about it.

Connor’s eyes were drawn to the tongue that darted out and wet the pink lips. He nodded towards the newbie group before he spoke. “They told me not to look you in the eyes.” A second's pause. “Guess I didn’t listen.”

Dylan was starting to worry. _What the fuck is going on? Why isn’t Connor doing anything?_

New kid suddenly snickered. He looked down from Connor’s eyes, down his chest and even further down. His eyes lingered for a moment. Connor had to tell his body to behave when new kid slowly sucked on his own lower lip before he bit down on it. His eyes returned to Connor, his smile along with them.

“Damn Connor, you’ve gotten huge.” He said in a low and ambiguous tone.

Connor forced down saliva. Dylan was relieved to hear that his friend hadn’t turned mute on him.

“Hey Jude.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up, Chapter 3: Mouth of a whore


	3. Mouth of a whore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some semi-sexual scenes. So you know, consider yourself warned.

Jude’s big brown eyes were still smiling along with the rest of his face. They are standing not two feet from each other. Connor was not smiling.

“Long time.” Jude said, barely able to hide the affection from the tone of his voice. Hiding it felt crucial though. To Connor, he appeared calm, even composed.

“Long time…” Connor said, doing his very best to sound as confident and self-possessed as Jude just had. Connor would give anything to settle the chaos inside of him. Luckily for Connor, coach Petrasek saved him by clearing his throat.

“Alright… as wass saying, this is Connor. So nev kid if you-.” Coach Petrasek got interrupted mid-sentence by the brown haired boy who was still looking right at Connor.

“Jude.” He said.

“Sorry?”

“My name. It’s Jude.”

“Yess, of course. Jude. So, Jude, if you can take your place again…?”

Jude closed his eyes for a split second. Even so, Connor noticed his long eye-lashes, causing his mouth to become dry as a desert. Jude opened his eyes again and said, with a smile, “Yeah, of course. I just wanted to see what the fuss was about.”

Jude turned around and started walking back to the space he left in the half-circle of students. Jude didn’t walk like a girl, and if he wanted to he could blend in with the manly men’s club, but right now he made no attempt whatsoever not to swivel his hips ever so slightly. Anyone looking would see, and there were quite a few looking.

Jude turned his head to make eye-contact with Connor. A mischievous smirk before he said, “Must say, thought he’d be bigger.” For the first time since entering the sports hall, the corner of Connor’s mouth twitched upwards. It was just for a split second, Connor made sure to repress it as soon as possible.

Dylan couldn’t keep from snickering slightly from the scene unfolding in front of him. New kid, _Jude_ – Dylan reminded himself of the name, sure was a breeze of fresh air.

“Connor, d’you want them split into two groups as usual?” Petrasek asked and Connor nodded without him realizing doing so. Dylan came up to him as Petrasek sorted the rest of the students into groups. “Wow, San Diego boy sure is something else.”

Connor snorted by reflex and blurted out “You don’t say.”

“What did you say to each other, couldn’t hear?”

“Umm… nothing. He just wanted to say hello.”

Dylan chuckled. “Ok. You must hand it to him though. It takes balls to do what he just did.”

Before Connor knew it, wrestling practice was in full swing. Connor avoided anything Jude related, trying to wrap his head around the whole situation. It worked, for a while.

“Connor. Shov your group the basics today. Start with par terre position vith the two nevcomers, let Dylan handle others.” Petrasek said. Connor, still not able to focus, just hummed in agreement. He didn’t even realize what was happening until he saw Petrasek inform Jude and the other newbie, the one from Portland, what the plan was. Connor’s positive that he saw Jude smirking.

As Jude and the other newcomer walked over the wrestling mat towards him, Connor took the time to look at Jude. His hair was mostly covered by his headgear but naturally his face wasn’t. The prominent eyebrows, the narrow face and the upward nose, almost exactly as he remembered it.

His body had changed the most, not that surprising since the last time he’d seen him he had the body of a ten-year-old boy. Now, he had the body of an 18-year-old young man. Jude was still a bit skinny, but he filled out his blue wrestling singlet nicely. His body toned and firm. Jude had grown a lot. He wasn’t as tall as Connor’s six feet but he wasn’t more than 3-4 inches shorter than him.

“At your disposal.” Jude’s voice brought Connor back to the sports hall and wrestling mat.

Before Connor had the time to say anything, the other newcomer reached his hand to him.

“Hi, I’m David!”

“Hey David. I’m… I’m Connor.” He said while shaking his hand firmly. Connor gave David a look, seeing as the short black haired boy didn’t look away, he was still standing looking at Connor with his mouth open.

“Umm… you ok?”

“Yeah… yeah sorry. I’m just. I’m just a big fan. I’ve been to like all your matches.” In the corner of his eye Connor could swear he saw Jude rolling his eyes. David seemed like a nice kid, a bit too enthusiastic for Connor’s liking, but whatever.

“That’s alright David. Yeah so listen we’re gonna-“ Connor got interrupted by David giggling before he put his hand over his mouth.

“Sorry. I’m really nervous that’s all.”

Jude’s eyes and facial expression were screaming _Is this guy for real?,_ but he managed to just smirk at David. David turned to Jude, nodded eagerly and said. “He’s really good. We’re really lucky.”

“I’m sure we _really_ are.” Jude said and smiled, succeeding in hiding the sarcasm in his voice to David but not to Connor.

“Alright guys, come over here. I know you’ve both wrestled before but we have to determine which level you’re on.”

Connor, Jude and David walked to the other side of the hall. David had a hard time hiding his excitement. Connor didn’t know what to do, even less what to say, about the situation that had unfolded the last ten minutes or so.

“Ok guys, coach wants us to practice par terre, so… let’s do that.”

David said, “Great, you want us in top or bottom position?”

Like as on que, Jude smirked and said. “Yes Connor, you want us as tops or bottoms?” Connor’s focus was put to the test. David was way too eager to notice anything out of the ordinary.

“Umm…” A moments pause before he found the words. “You guys take bottom position.”

“Sir yes, sir!” David said, probably trying to be funny.

“Perfect, my favorite position…” Jude said extremely suggestively. Once again, everything lost to David but certainly not to Connor. Connor could feel himself getting warmer. _What the fuck is Jude playing at?_

Connor instructed how to go down in a perfect par terre bottom position. David took Connor’s words to heart and found the position in no time. “Like this?”

“Yes, very good David.”

Jude took a bit longer to go down on his hands and knees. “Like this, Mr. Stevens?” Jude said with that smirk on his face and edge to his voice that didn’t seem to go away.

Connor gulped. “Umm… no. Not… not quite like that Ju-Jude.”

“Oh, what’s wrong?” Jude said sounding helpless.

“Umm… you… lower your… behind.”

Connor swallowed again. Seeing Jude on his hands, clearly putting his ass on display for him by raising it way too high up. Connor’s dick twitched. _Fuck._ This was bad. He prayed to god that Jude didn’t see that.

Jude was obviously messing with him now as he just didn’t seem to be able to lower his ass to the right position.

“Perhaps if you show me?” Jude said while pouting.

“For fucks sake…” Connor whispered to himself before sitting down on his knees between David and Jude. Connor was determined to avoid Jude’s ass so he put his hand on Jude’s lower back. Both Jude and Connor gasped slightly by the contact but hid it from the other. Connor pushed firmly down on Jude’s back until he got into the right position.

“Ok. Now I’m gonna get behind you and show you the most common ways to break the hold.”

Connor started with David. David proved to be an excellent student. He listened to everything Connor said and when Connor got into the top position behind him, David’s body responded the way Connor wanted him to. Connor showed him a few throws and break aways, nothing more than that. Easy part over. Walk in the park.

Jude hadn’t said a word. He was still in the same position that Connor had left him in.

“Ok Jude. I’m gonna get in position now. Same things that I showed David. Ok?”

“Yes Connor, no problem.” Jude responded, it was the first time Connor had heard Jude’s voice without some underlying tone in it. Connor felt a bit relieved, perhaps Jude had gotten whatever came over him out of his system.

Connor was a fucking fool.

“Ok David, if you stand behind me you’ll getter a better view of the throwing technique I want you to use.”

Feeling much eager to please Connor, David did as he was told.

Connor sat down behind Jude, putting one of his knees in between Jude’s thighs and the other one of his knees on the side of Jude. Connor put his hands on Jude’s hips. Jude didn’t waste a single second as he slowly pushed his ass backwards until it made contact with Connor’s crotch. Connor’s mouth opened and like paralyzed all he did was to look down at the way that Jude’s ass started rotating in small circles, creating friction against Connor’s pride.

Before Connor got a hold of the situation, Jude let out a soft moan, only for Connor to hear. Jude’s ass rubbing against him and Jude’s sounds was more than enough to make Connor lose control over his body. He could feel blood rushing to his cock, making it grow and twitch against Jude’s ass. Jude moaned again in response, this time it was mixed with a small satisfied snicker.

The disaster was a fact. Connor’s 100 % sure that Jude feels his hard cock by the way Jude’s ass slowly rubs against his length. Connor closed his eyes and for a second he used his grip on Jude’s hips to allow himself to push his hard cock back against Jude’s ass. Even through two layers of fabric, Jude’s ass felt amazing.

Connor opened his eyes again and gasped for air, apparently he was holding his breath. Connor started to panic and in a split second decision he leaned over Jude and pushed down the brunette onto his stomach using his weight. Connor’s hard dick was still pressed against Jude’s ass and Connor’s stomach and torso were pressed against Jude’s backside. At least Connor had gotten Jude to stop moving.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Connor whispered in Jude’s ear.

“Getting you hard?” Jude whispered back.

“Well fucking stop. Stop moving.” Connor hissed into Jude’s ear.

“Yeah-yeah ok. Take it easy, just messing around.” Jude said.

From behind them, David was getting curious.

“Connor, is that a new position?”

Jude giggled.

“Shut up.” Connor whispered to Jude before raising his voice. “Yes David. Just showing Jude a new one.”

“Yes David, apparently this one is called the third leg.” Jude said from his position lying underneath Connor.

“Shut the fuck up.” Connor cursed that he had to whisper that instead of shouting at Jude, Connor was not amused.

“Come on he’s a moron, he doesn’t get it.” Jude said as he laughed softly.

After a minute, David asked them. “Umm… so you just lay there, that’s the position?”

Jude bit his lip, but at least he held his tongue even if every cell in his body told him to be a smartass.

“Yes David. Just… just a little bit longer.” Connor said, giving his dick time to return to its normal state.

 

\---

 

The following day

 

Connor and Dylan were sitting in the cafeteria. Connor couldn’t stop thinking about what had transpired during wrestling practice. Afterwards, Connor had left the hall before speaking to anyone, making up some lame excuse doing so. What had happened? Connor was nearly in shock.

“Damn Connor, maybe you need to put that Jude guy in his place. He was pretty fucking cocky during practice.” Dylan said as he finished his lunch. Dylan had noticed his friend being quiet all day, he wasn’t the usual Connor Stevens.

“Yeah, maybe.” Connor muttered.

A few tables over, Jude observed Connor sitting with his friend. Dylan, Jude’s pretty sure that’s his name anyway. He wanted to go over. He wanted to go over badly. Apologize. Apologize for everything. Honestly he had no idea what had come over him yesterday.

Okay, if Jude was honest with himself he did. Jude had been more nervous than he’d been in a very long time to meet Connor again and he did what he always did when he got nervous. He put on a mask and a show. _‘Act confident and smile and the world is yours’_ is something Jude once heard and most of the time he found it to be true. He wishes he hadn’t though.

Jude had also heard some things about Connor from the girls he had hung out with and truthfully, Jude had not liked what he heard. Jude got scared, feeling those feelings blossoming up again. Jude felt hurt and it scared Jude to his core. He wanted to prove something to himself, but even so, he’d crossed the line and he knew it.

Connor had been his friend before and Jude had fucked up. It was time to man up. Jude took a deep breath and started walking over towards Connor and his friend.

“Hey guys, can I sit with you?” Jude asked.

Dylan smiled while Connor remained still after the initial surprise factor had settled.

“Sure, sit down.” Dylan said.

Jude gulped and looked at Connor before sitting down.

Connor glanced up to him and nodded. “Yeah, sit down.”

Jude was surprised how relieved he got just by a nod from Connor’s head. Something lifted. He smiled slightly before sitting down on the empty chair on the left side of Connor.

“Oh, yeah, hi, I’m Jude.” Jude said before reaching his hand towards Dylan.

“Hi Jude, I’m Dylan. Nice to meet you.”

Connor frowned seeing Dylan not releasing Jude’s hand at once. Instead, his best friend turned Jude’s hand over.

“No nail polish today?” Dylan asked.

Jude withdraw his hand without saying anything. He had met enough jocks in his days to know where this was going. Dylan noticed Jude’s shifting body language.

“Hey, I didn’t mean anything bad by it. I think it’s cool. Not that many guys at this school would have the guts.”

Jude looked up with a surprised look on his face. Connor sure knew how to pick his friends.

“Umm… thanks. I don’t, I don’t wear it that often.” Jude glanced over at Connor, hoping that a certain memory lived as strongly in Connor as it did in Jude. Connor looked back at him, but alas, he was impossible to read.

The two must have looked at each other for a second too long as Dylan asked.

“Umm… do you two like… know each other or something?”

Jude felt a smile building up inside. Yes. He knew Connor. Connor’s friendship the best thing that had ever happened to him. Just when Jude was about to open his mouth, Connor’s expression hardened and he said.

“No. No, we don’t know each other.”

Whatever smile was building up inside Jude was smashed to pieces, probably along with other things as well. Jude’s heart dropped hearing Connor’s words. “ _We don’t?”_ Jude thought.

Jude zoned out as Dylan and Connor started talking to each other. Feeling hurt and exposed, Jude’s mind went down a familiar road.

Dylan didn’t even notice the way Connor’s body went stiff. Dylan kept talking to what he thought was a friend that listened. Connor was far from listening though, his mind somewhere else completely. Connor sat with his arms resting on the table, his hands and fingers connected.

Underneath the table, Connor’s leg had a hand laying on top of it. A thumb was massaging the skin underneath the jeans fabric. Connor swallowed as Jude’s hand kept moving up Connor’s leg and thigh. Connor concentrated on breathing, finding it hard to do so. He couldn’t look at Jude, he just couldn’t. He tried to hum in agreement with Dylan whenever he found it suitable.

Jude’s right hand travelled closer and closer to Connor’s crotch. Connor almost cursed out loud feeling his dick starting to awake. He used all his willpower not to, but when Jude started moving his fingers even closer to it, he felt his briefs getting tighter as his dick went from semi to hard. Usually, it was a good thing that Connor’s dick was so… alert at all times. This time though, Connor cursed his lack of self-discipline.

When Jude’s adventurous hand was but a few inches from reaching its presumed destination, Kara came out of nowhere and sat down next to Dylan. Connor got startled, and the same must have been true for Jude, because his hand wasn’t where it had been anymore.

“Hey guys.” Kara said to Dylan and Connor, before looking at Jude. “Hi, who are you?”

Jude cleared his throat. His voice seemed to need it.

“Hi Kara. It’s… it’s Jude.”

Dylan raised his brow in confusion. Kara’s lips parted slightly as she looked more closely at the young man sitting opposite of her.

“Wait, how did he know your name?” Dylan said to Kara but she wasn’t listening.

“Jude? Is that… is that really you?”

Jude smiled and nodded. It took a few seconds for Kara’s look of disbelief to turn into a wide smile.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe it!” Kara got up from her chair and so did Jude. The two met halfway and shared a long warm hug.

“What the fuck are you doing here Jude?” Kara said when they finally broke their hug.

“I’m back. I’ve moved back.”

“Damn… you’re all grown up. Wow look at you, you’re gorgeous.”

Jude laughed, feeling a bit awkward. Until he said, “I know.” Kara started laughing and so did Jude.  

”Umm… can someone fill me in?” Dylan asked, feeling very much out of the loop.

“Fuck Dylan, this is Jude. He lived here years ago. The three of us were best friends.” Kara said while pointing at Jude and Connor.

Connor sighed. _Fuck_. He glanced up at Dylan and like he already knew, his friend was looking at him. Connor couldn’t tell if Dylan looked angry or sad. He sure hoped it was angry because that he could deal with. Dylan being sad was something he was far worse at dealing with.

Jude and Kara started to catch up, leaving Connor and Dylan sitting in silence for once. When Jude and Kara didn’t seem to pay them any attention, Dylan said in a low voice, “What the fuck man? What’s going on?”

“Sorry. It’s… it’s a long story. Don’t worry about it, ok?”

Dylan nodded slowly. He did trust Connor. He’d been there when no one else bothered. “Ok. Alright. It’s cool.”

Jude practically screamed from laughter, making both Connor and Dylan chuckle. “Damn Jude, what’s so funny?”

Kara, who were also laughing but not as hard as Jude, said, “We were just talking about that time when we all shaved our heads. Don’t think I’ve ever seen my mom cry so much.”

Connor snickered. It was a good memory.

“Wow, you shaving Kara? That’s a first.” Dylan couldn’t help himself. Connor knew what was to come. Kara retaliation incoming.

“Shut up Dylan, just because you need to shave for your dick to become visible.” Kara spat back.

Jude looked uncomfortable. He was not used to Dylan’s and Kara’s way of talking to each other.

“Whatever, no one wants to get a mouthful of pubes while giving head. Everyone should shave. Especially women.”

Connor sighed. Why did Dylan have to add that last part, Connor knew he did it just to piss Kara off. Jude inhaled through his teeth and said just above a whisper, “Awkwaaaaard.” seeing murder written all over Kara’s face when she was looking at Dylan.

“Just kidding, chill bi-… chill.” Dylan said, finally getting the hang of it. He even managed not to call Kara a bitch. Progress. Noticing that Kara still was pissed at him, Dylan took another cause of action.

“I mean even animals should shave.” Connor smiled internally, he knew fully well where Dylan was going with this and he knew that Kara would hate it, just hate it.

Kara exhaled, clearly she had had enough Dylan for one day. “What the fuck are you talking about Dylan?”

“You know what would happen if King Kong got his shaving in order?”

With as little enthusiasm as humanly possible, Kara said. “No, please tell me. I’m dying to know.”

Dylan pointed towards Connor who smirked, leaned back on his chair and pointed with both index fingers towards his crotch.

“King Conn.”

By reflex, Jude hid his face in one of his hands while slightly shaking his head. He felt embarrassed for everyone that had been forced to hear that. Kara looked at Connor with a blank expression. “Just delete yourself Connor Stevens. Delete yourself.”

Connor and Dylan laughed and high fived. Jude felt even more embarrassed, even though he had problems not snickering at the way Dylan and Connor behaved. Jude hated that he found them funny. He made a mental note to never let Connor know that.

Kara stood up. “Come on Jude, let’s talk on the way to class. Had enough of those two for one day.”

Jude followed, before leaving the boys behind he glanced at Connor and smiled smugly. “Yeah, I’ll tell you all about wrestling practice.”

Anger built up in Connor seeing Jude, still slightly swiveling his hips, walking away from their table with Kara. Obviously, Jude had no respect for him. Of course he didn’t want Jude to be afraid of him like most of the other students were, but the least he could do was show him some respect. When Connor’s mind went back to the sports hall, to the way that Jude had done everything he could to embarrass Connor, Connor got even angrier. The wrestling mat was his area, no one challenged him there. And what the fuck was that just now, Jude stroking his leg with his hand in the cafeteria?

No, this had to stop. Jude needed to be taught a lesson. After a minute, Connor grinned, thinking he had come up with a good plan.

“Hey D, what did you say, you couldn’t make it to practice today?”

“Nah, it sucks. Have to re-take that math test since I flunked it last time.”

“Ah, that’s right. Bummer…,” Connor said. _Perfect_ , Connor thought.

 

\---

 

Practice was in full swing, as coach Petrasek always said. Connor was pretty sure it was the only pun that Petrasek knew, the old Czech not exactly known for cracking jokes. He was an excellent wrestling coach, but funny, he was not. Not on purpose anyway.

Petrasek and Connor were standing by the sidelines discussing the progress of their students. Ok technically Connor was also a student but being on a whole other level, Petrasek treated him as his equal. Seeing that Petrasek had represented Czechoslovakia in the World Cup in 70’s, this spoke to Connor’s skill level.

“Vhat d’you think of newcomers Connor?” Petrasek said as they were looking at David wrestling against another Sophomore.

“They are good. David has strong legs. I think he should go down a weight class. I think being in 185 would be ideal for him.”

“Agreed. He good but too fat right nov.”

Connor smiled. David was certainly not fat, at all, but Petrasek’s use of English wasn’t exactly perfect. Connor’s and Petrasek’s attention were drawn to the mat next to David’s. Wearing his blue singlet, Jude just performed a perfect hip heist to escape from his par terre bottom position.

Petrasek looked over at Connor. “He good.” Connor nodded. He had to agree. Objectively, Jude was a good wrestler. When Jude wasn’t fucking around and giving Connor those snide smiles while sucking on his lower lip that was.

“Yeah, he got good technique.” Connor had to say.

“If ve can get him to 132, he’ll be unstoppable. Very few good wrestlers in that weight class.”

“Might be difficult, he’s a bit too tall and he’s at 145 now.”

“Yess… and he not fat.” Petrasek sounded disappointed, to Connor’s amusement.

“No Petra, unfortunately he’s not fat.”

Jude looked over at Connor and wiggled his eye brows. For the millionth time, Connor looked back at him with a stern expression. _That smug little…_

That reminded Connor of something.

“You know Petra, I think I’ll want to go over a few things with him. Ok with you if we do it after practice?”

Petrasek nodded. “Yess… yess. Good. Train with…” Coach was clearly searching his head for the name.

“Jacob. Jude Jacob.” Connor helped him out.

“No… no that’s not it. Last name Adams-Foster, I’m sure of.”

“Huh? Oh, good for him.”

“Vhat?”

“Nothing.”

Practice was nearly over and Connor couldn’t wait. Jude had not stopped messing around and the other wrestlers had started to take notice of Jude’s lack of respect for Connor. Connor had to intervene. Jude had to be taught a lesson. That confident smug smile was to be wiped away from Jude’s face. Connor was planning on using a weapon he could wield like no other. Jude won’t stand a chance.

Connor looked as Jude’s face went from questioning to surprised to confused as Petrasek talked to him right after practice was over. The other wrestlers left the sports hall, leaving Connor and Jude alone.

“Umm… so Russian dude told me you wanted to go over some… things with me?”

Connor didn’t say anything, he just walked towards Jude standing in the middle of the hall.

“Should I put on my headgear again?”

“No, you won’t need it.” Connor said.

Jude sighed, even though he was hurt by Connor saying he didn’t know him he was even more tired of the charade. He wanted to tell Connor how much he’d missed him. He had so many things to tell Connor. So many things he wanted Connor to know.

“Listen… Connor, I’m sorry about-”

“Shut up.”

Jude gulped and started slowly walking backwards.

“I know I’ve been messing around but-“

“Just shut up.” Connor didn’t want to hear it.

Jude swallowed hard again as he continued to back away from Connor who didn’t look happy. Connor had also taken off his headgear, his blood red singlet stretched against his muscly upper body.

“You’ve been trying to make a fool of me ever since you got here. To embarrass me in front of everyone.”

“Listen Connor I was just-“

“You were just what? Fucking around? Didn’t mean anything by it?”

Jude absolutely hated the way his body reacted from Connor being so determined. Jude was not in charge in here. Jude’s eyes kept going from Connor’s grim face to Connor’s body. Jude had to say something, anything.

“Ye-yeah that’s right, I heard you were this alpha stud going around fuck-“

“Is that what you want, huh? Me to fuck you?”

Jude’s breath was caught in his throat. He felt warm.

“Wh-what?” Jude made a face. “N-no!”

Jude’s back hit against the wall. No more room to escape Connor who didn’t stop walking towards him.

“No? I think you’re lying.”

Jude tried to steady his breaths. Connor came closer and stopped just a few feet away from Jude. The way Connor kept staring at him made him weak.

“What was that yesterday, you wanted to get me hard? To prove something?”

Jude felt pressured. He wasn’t in control. Connor was mad at him, that much was clear. Jude’s defense mechanism when being in uncomfortable and stressful situations was often to smile and fake being confident. This time it manifested itself with a smirk.

“Well it worked…”

Connor took another step towards Jude, by reflex Jude put up his hands and put them on Connor’s chest to keep him away from him. “Fuck…” Jude wished he hadn’t said that part out loud just by touching Connor’s hard chest.

Connor grabbed Jude’s hands and lifted them above Jude’s head. He pushed them towards the wall and with one of his big hands around both of Jude’s wrists he pinned him against the wall. Connor pushed his body and used his legs in such a manner that Jude couldn’t move his legs either.

“What the fuck are you doing Connor?” Jude said after realizing it was pointless to try and escape from Connor’s hold of him.

“Payback.” Connor said in a low voice. Jude’s body shivered. Once again, Jude hated that it did so in a good way. When Connor leaned in to whisper into Jude’s ear, Jude could smell Connor for the first time in eight years. The masculine smell of sweat and musk that Connor radiated made Jude even weaker, at the last second Jude bit his lip to avoid a moan from leaving his lips.

Connor whispered into Jude’s ear, not that he needed to since they were alone in the hall. “I think you want me to fuck you.”

Jude’s dick had no chance to stay still when Jude felt Connor’s breathe against his ear and neck. “Connor… Connor wh-what the fuck are you…?”

Connor smiled and pressed his lips towards Jude’s ear, not to kiss it, but to make Jude hear every single letter Connor was saying. He talked slowly.

“I think you’re jealous, you heard about me fucking some girl and you wished it would have been you.”

“Connor-“ Jude gasped loudly as Connor’s free hand, the one not pinning Jude’s wrists above his head, found Jude’s hip. Connor smiled with his face still close to Jude’s ear. He could feel Jude’s body shaking just from his touch. Connor started brushing Jude’s hip and side, moving his hand behind Jude until it found his ass.

“I can feel you quiver Jude, just from me touching you.”

Jude wished he had the willpower to tell Connor to stop. Jude also wished that it wasn’t true that he’d never been this turned on in his life. If Jude wasn’t so lost, he would probably had heard on Connor’s breaths that he was as turned on as Jude. In fact, Connor had to make a real effort not to whimper smelling Jude’s sweet scent. Connor had a point to prove so he had to keep the act up. He hadn’t expected it to be so hard though, so to speak.

Connor looked down and grinned. “Look at that. You’re already hard.”

“Fuck.” Jude exclaimed. He could feel his own dick being pressed against his skin somewhere between his hipbone and stomach. Connor looked up at Jude and into his eyes causing Jude to close them. Connor’s so close that Jude could feel his breath on his face.

“You’d want me to just take you right here wouldn’t you? You want me to throw you down on the floor and just take you.”

Jude whimpered and pressed his lips together and shook his head in some feeble attempt to deny it to Connor.

“I know you want me rip your clothes off, to shred that pretty blue singlet of yours, to pin you down on that mat and rub my cock against that tight ass of yours.”

Jude moaned, once again hating himself for letting Connor drive him crazy just by talking to him. Connor snickered slightly. Connor gently squeezed Jude’s ass cheek with his free hand, Jude whined.

“I’d make you scream so… so loud Jude. You’d scream my name so loud the entire world would know I was fucking you.”

Connor looked down again. Jude was rock hard. Connor could see it moving at the same rhythm as his pulse.

“I would not be gentle Jude. I would ram my cock so hard into that you would feel it for days. You’ve felt how big my cock is Jude, you think you could take it?”

Jude whined and moaned at the same time. He shook his head. “N-no.”

Connor kept talking in a calm and slow pace. “Oh you’ll take it. You’ll beg for it. Beg for me to fuck your brains out.”

“Co-connor…” Jude pleaded. Connor smirked and looked down again. Connor bit his lower lip and snickered. Connor took his free hand from where it was squeezing Jude’s ass. With his index finger Connor touched the contour of the tip of Jude’s cock, making Jude whimper. Connor stroked the area until his fingertip was covered in Jude’s precum that had left a dark blue spot on Jude’s singlet.

Jude was breathing heavily through his nose.

“Open your eyes.” Connor said.

Jude’s eyes still closed as he was concentrating on breathing.

“Open your eyes.” Connor repeated, voice more assertive. Jude obeyed.

Jude’s eyes darker than Connor had ever seen them, dilated. Connor didn’t say a word as he moved his finger covered in Jude’s precum towards Jude’s mouth. Jude knew what Connor wanted and parted his lips, allowing Connor’s finger entrance.

Jude closed his lips around Connor’s finger, when Jude started sucking lightly on it, Connor gave away a deep moan. Jude moaned softly as he tasted the mix of his own precum and Connor’s finger.

“Fuck you’re hot when you’re horny…” Connor slipped out in a low voice. If it wasn’t the truth though. Connor pulled out his finger from Jude’s mouth and let his hand settle very near Jude’s hard dick. Connor reminded himself of his mission.

“You liked the taste didn’t you? I knew you would. You’d love the taste of my cum as I shoot it down your throat.” Connor started stroking Jude’s cock through the singlet. Jude nearly passed out from the sensation of Connor’s hand slowly massaging him while talking to him. Jude’s completely unable to form words, good thing Connor seems to find some.

“Would fuck your throat until it’s sore. Make you choke on it. Would hold your head with both my hands as I thrust it all the way down. Feel your nose against my skin when you’re choking on it.”

Connor started stroking Jude faster through the fabric. Jude panted feeling that he was losing the last control he had over anything.

“Co-co-connor…” Jude managed to whimper out.

“When I’m done with your mouth I’ll just flip you around. I’ll spread you open when I push deep inside you. You’re gonna scream like a slut when you ride my cock. Gonna fuck you until you pass out and then I’m gonna fuck you harder, gonna-“

“Connnoooooooor!” Jude screamed out as his body started to shake violently. “Fuuuuck, Connor!” Jude kept screaming out. Connor looked down to witness Jude spraying his load inside his singlet. Jude came a lot, leaving a large dark blue wet spot on his blue singlet. Jude panted and moaned loudly for a long time, coming down from what Connor could hear was an intense orgasm.

Connor let go of Jude’s wrists and it proved to be the only thing keeping Jude on his feet as he started sliding down towards the floor with his back against the wall until he was sitting down. Connor needed a minute. Jude looked like a complete mess, trying to catch his breath. Connor shook his head to clear it, the sight of Jude having an orgasm in front of him had made his mind blank. After another moment, Connor leaned down to a panting Jude.

“And to think Jude, I barely touched you.”

Jude continued to gasp for air, not ready to even try and get a grasp of what just had happened. Connor started to walk towards the locker rooms, leaving Jude alone in the hall. The last thing Jude heard Connor saying was, “Clean yourself up. Next class starts in ten minutes.”

It took another two minutes for Jude to even try standing up. The first two attempts proved to be failures, the second time Jude fell back to the floor made him laugh at himself.

Jude wiped his forehead from sweat as he on faltering legs made his way out of the hall. He smiled slightly and said to himself. “Alright, game on Stevens, game on.”


	4. The bonds we make

“BEEFCAKE!!”

“Beefcake!” Dylan imitated the distinct high pitched voice from the TV.

“Beeeeefcake!” Connor screamed at the TV before breaking out in laughter, Dylan joined him.

“Fuck, Cartman is my spirit animal.” Dylan said, still chuckling, while sitting in the familiar couch in his basement.

Connor sniggers. “I can see that, you’re both douchebags.” Connor paused before looking over at Dylan. ”But you not fat,” Connor said trying to imitate coach Petrasek’s accent causing Dylan to snicker.

After a few minutes of the two of them watching an episode they’ve probably seen at least twenty times already, Dylan said, “Hey by the way, did I miss anything yesterday?”

Connor looked over at Dylan. “Huh?”

“Yesterday? Practice? I missed it cause of that stupid test. Did you learn the new guys something?”

Instinctively, Connor smiled for a second, good thing Dylan’s eyes were at the TV. “Nah. You didn’t miss anything, just boring stuff.”

Connor put his hands over his crotch, concealing what he felt was a boner in the making just from thinking about what had happened between him and Jude. It had just been a little more than 24 hours since it happened but Connor had already jerked off four times thinking about it.

Not just had he found it surprisingly hot, dominating Jude the way that he’d done. He had also taught Jude a lesson for messing with him. Some of his lost pride regained, he was back in charge and he’d used his best weapon – sex. What he hadn’t expected was liking it so much. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. The way that Jude had looked like when Connor picked him apart by just talking dirty to him. Jude had loved it and that turned Connor on in a way he’d never felt before.

Somewhere in the back of his head something warned him. Everything in his life that had involved Jude had taken Connor to higher places than he’d ever been before and frankly, it scared the shit out of him. So like he always did when Jude entered his mind in a non-sexual way, he pushed it aside. Thinking about him sexually was much easier. Far less complicated and very rewarding. Connor thought about Jude’s pink lips closing around his finger, sucking on it, Connor’s dick started to ache.

“Con? Connor…?”

Connor blinked and tried swallowing down some saliva even though his mouth was nearly dry.

“Yeah?”

“What’s going on man?

”Nah, it’s nothing. Just... nothing.”

Dylan looked concerned, Connor could see it from the corner of his eye. After a moment, Dylan said, “You sure? Because you’ve been… I don’t know.”

Connor looked down. The two friends don’t say anything for a minute.

”You know Connor, we don’t have to get high all the time and just goof around watching South Park and play videogames.”

Connor smiled at Dylan. “What do you wanna do then, study?”

Dylan laughed. “Fuck you man, I’m trying to be serious over here. Study...” Dylan shook his head over the insanity of Connor’s suggestion. After a minute Dylan continued. ”Nah I meant like… we can talk about serious stuff too.”

Connor looked over at Dylan who still had that concerned look on his face. Connor looked back down at his lap and fiddling hands. After looking at Connor for a while, Dylan swallowed slightly and said, “You know… I never really thanked you.”

Connor looked back at Dylan, furrowed his brow and said, “For what?”

Dylan looked down, another gulp. “You know… when I came out and shit.”

Connor shrugged. “What of it?”

Dylan hesitated. He’d wanted to say something for a while but now he didn’t know what to say. “I don’t know… Just… You were just… there. You didn’t act different, you always stood up for me… just… just know it meant a lot.”

“Hey… look at me.” Connor said, Dylan looked up. ”We’re bro’s, yeah? I’ll help you hide the body if you kill someone by accident. Or not by accident.”

Dylan sniffled, feeling a bit emotional, before snickering. “Yeah, we’re bro’s.”

“Besides,” Connor said, “Who the fuck else am I gonna smoke weed with? Cade? Nah you’ll have to do.”

Dylan chuckled and so did Connor.

“Thanks man.” Dylan said.

It took another minute for Dylan to speak again.

“You know Connor, you can tell me anything, yeah?”

“Yeah, I know.” Connor said casually. Obviously not even considering sharing anything with Dylan. Dylan sighed slightly.

“How long we been friend Con?”

“Umm… I don’t know, five years? Something like that.”

”Yeah, something like that…,” Dylan hesitated. It was a touchy subject, Dylan knew. But Dylan also needed for Connor to know that he could tell him anything.

“You know... in these five years… I’ve been to your house one time. We’re always here.”

Connor looked down immediately, he started chewing on his lower lip. “You know why… You have your own basement and shit, much cooler to hang around here.” Connor said, not in his usual voice, a much lower one.

Dylan kept looking at his friend from the side. Connor avoided eye contact. Dylan decided not to push. “Yeah… yeah ok. Nevermind.”

”Hey, by the way, we’re going to Anna’s party right?” Dylan said, thinking it a good idea to change the subject.

“Umm… Anna… Anna… she the one with that big ass Jacuzzi?”

“That’s the one.”

Connor grinned and nodded his head. “Yeah we’re definitely going there.”

“I’m assuming you already got pussy waiting for you?”

Connor hesitated, he noticed it himself. The smug smile took way too long to find its way to his face. _What’s happening to me?_ Connor shook it off and after a moment he picked up his phone, opened his texts and gave the phone to Dylan.

Dylan started reading out loud. _“Can’t wait to meet The Conndensator again.”_. Dylan looked at Connor, “Conndensator?”

Connor’s famous smirk. “You know, because it makes her moist.” Connor’s wiggling eyebrows all that was needed for Dylan to start laughing loudly.

“I fucking LOVE that you even got your hoes to use nicknames for it.”

“I know right?!” Connor said snickering along with Dylan, feeling proud over himself.

“Please just never say _moist_ again, it’s the worst fucking word in the English language.”

Connor chuckled. “Alright, will try not to.”

“Please can I let Kara know about The Conndensator? She’ll hate it.”

Connor smiled. His friend was not wrong. “I don’t know man. She might unfriend us permanently.”

“She already hates me so, no problem.”

“Maybe if you like… weren’t such a dick to her all the time, you know Kara’s alright, yeah?”

“I’m not a dick to her, she just hates me.”

“No she doesn’t. But you say things like cunt, bitch and whore to her and about all women all the time.”

Dylan snickered. “You say those things too!”

“Not… not like that. You say it like you mean it.”

Dylan looked surprised. “What? Really? You don’t think she knows I just fuck around?”

Connor shrugged. “I don’t know man. You can at least… try, yeah?”

Dylan got quiet for a minute, seemingly thinking things over. “Umm… yeah.”

Connor smiled at him. “Hey, by the way, how’s dick hunting going?”

Dylan smirked at him. “It’s going good.”

Connor sat up in the couch and smiled, genuinely happy hearing that. “Really? Anyone I know?”

Dylan blushed slightly before scratching the back of his head. “I kind of… fucked Pablo.”

“Alright, that’s my boy!” Connor said, still smiling.

After a moment, Connor said. “Wait… Pablo? As in… Pablo the janitor?”

Dylan smiled back. “He calls himself a sanitation manager.”

Connor opened his mouth. “Wait a fucking minute, are you fucking the janitor?!” Connor started laughing and so did Dylan.

“Isn’t he like… isn’t he like forty!?” Connor said, he couldn’t stop laughing. Dylan had trouble breathing as he was laughing so hard. “Forty… forty-four!”

Connor put both his hands over his face. His stomach was aching as he was practically crying into his hands. Dylan was gasping for breath.

“Oh god…,” Connor said between gasps. Then he remembered something. “Wait… Pablo… isn’t he the one without any teeth?!”

Dylan was still laughing so hard that his response came out one word at a time. “W-why d-do you t-think I c-came back for s-seconds?!”

Connor screamed from laughter, he could feel his eyes watering, his face warm and his cheeks probably bright red.

It took 2-3 minutes for the two teenager to stop laughing. Connor finally pulled himself together. “Oh man… that could be the funniest shit I’ve ever heard, and we’re not even high.”

Dylan was still chuckling. When they had come down from their laughter, Connor had something at least partly serious to tell Dylan.

“Hey man, you know I don’t care who you fuck, yeah?”

Dylan nodded so Connor continued. “But hey… you know you’re not ugly? I mean you got this Mark Salling thing going on-”

“Who the fuck is that?”

“Mark Salling? Puck from Glee? Shaved dude, had a Mohawk for a while?”

“Umm… ah yeah. Wait a minute, you watch Glee?”

Connor smiled, “Fuck you man, it’s a good show.”

“Whatever Con, I’m onto you. Wait… didn’t that guy got arrested for kiddie porn or some shit like that?”

“Umm… what? Did he?”

“Yeah something like that, major creep alert.”

“Umm… okay, so you’re not exactly the same. But you still look a bit like him, only paler.”

“Whatever.” Dylan said, nearly blushing.

“My point D is… I know there aren’t a lot of gay dudes in Salem and you have to use that app to hook up or whatever. But… I mean, you don’t have to fuck toothless janitors, yeah?”

Dylan smiled awkwardly. Connor said, “Wow. Can’t believe I’d ever say that sentence in my life.” Both of them started laughing again.

“Hey,” Dylan said after a while. “Thanks.” Dylan smiled at Connor who returned it with a nod.

”What do you say, another episode?” Connor suggested. Dylan nodded. That sounded like a good idea.

 

\---

 

”So Jude tell me, how are you liking Salem so far?” Kara asked Jude while he was filling the washing machine.

“It’s great. I like it, even the assholes at school are entertaining.” Jude said truthfully.

Kara giggled. ”Yeah, I’ve heard you’ve been putting them in their place with that sassy mouth of yours.”

Jude snickered. “They really make it too easy for me.”

“How’s wrestling going? I think it’s really cool you picked that up.”

Jude bit his lip, trying not to show her his smile. “Wrestling’s… wrestling’s been interesting. Much more fun than in San Diego.”

“That’s so cool. Hey, love the color of your singlet. Your fav. Do you have to wash it like every day or something?” Kara said and looked at the blue piece of clothing in his hands.

Jude cleared his throat and put down the stained singlet in the machine as quickly as possible. “No… not every day, just when… just when it gets dirty.”

“I think it’s so cool that you’ve moved back Jude. Fuck, I’ve missed you so much.”

Jude walked up to Kara where she was sitting on the plastic chair next to the washing machine. Jude started playing with Kara’s red curls with his hands. “I’ve missed you too.”

”Hey Jude? Since you’re friends with the _popular girls_ ,” Kara said the last part teasingly making Jude smile. “Are you coming to Anna’s party?”

“Umm… I’ve heard about it. Not sure, got some stuff to unpack but I don’t know.”

“Come on Jude you have to come.” Kara paused and quirked a brow at Jude. “They have a Jacuzzi.”

Jude wiggled his eyebrows. “You don’t say? Count me in.”

Kara nodded while grinning at him. “I’m sure you have some really slutty swimwear to shock all the straight boys with, am I right?”

“Oh gurl, you have no idea.” Jude said putting a hand on his hip making them both laugh.

They stay like that, just enjoying each other’s company. Up until now they’ve avoided a certain topic. It’s gotten to a point where it started to get ridiculous, they couldn’t avoid it forever.

“So…,” Kara started. “You talked anything to Connor?” Jude gave her a snide smile, not really knowing what to tell her.

“No… not really. It doesn’t seem like he wants to.” Jude said looking at his hands that were aimlessly playing with Kara’s strands of hair.

Kara closed her eyes and sighed. “Jude… he wants to. He’s just a fucking coward. He doesn’t know what to say.”

Jude laughed nervously and rolled his eyes. ”Talking doesn’t seem to be his problem.”

Jude goes back to filling the washing machine. Jude wore a super skinny dark blue t-shirt with matching skinny jeans, when he bended over to reach into the basket a portion of his back was exposed. Kara smiled and said, “I’ve always loved that about you, you know.”

Jude looked back at her with his hands full of clothes. She continued.

“You’ve always been sure of who you are. I mean you knew you were gay when you were ten.”

Jude shrugged. “If you know you know.”

“Yeah but, not everyone is proud of it. Especially not at ten. But you were.”

“Hey I was fabulous and I knew it. No point in hiding it.” Jude said grinning at her. Kara snickered and said, “No you’re right. But just so you know… you inspired me. I don’t think I’d be so open about liking girls if it wasn’t for you.” Jude smiled at her, more serious this time, showing her he appreciated her telling him.

“And for the record Jude, fuck you for having that ass. I mean it, I fucking hate you.”

Jude laughed and looked innocent, perhaps while performing an ass pout. “What?”

“You know what I mean. You have the hottest ass I’ve ever seen and you’re a dude.”

Jude laughed again, “Thanks.”

Kara rolled her eyes. “Like you’ve never heard that before from a zillion guys.”

“I have not!” Jude protested.

Kara gave him a knowing look. Jude put on as a neutral expression as he could. “Not a zillion...,” he said causing them both to laugh.

Thinking about Jude slapping his own ass in another dance routine he’d put together, Kara said, “My god I remember when you made Connor sing Katy Perry songs with you. You know he still hates her because of it.” Jude laughed from the memory. “Oh my god yes! The famous duet version of ‘ _I kissed a girl_ ’…” Jude said and looked into the wall while reminiscing.

“Hey Kara,” Jude said, “Does Connor still sing?”

Kara gulped, Jude noticed. “No… not since… Not for a long time. Never in public anyways.”

Jude looked over at her, not smiling. He nodded. “Ok…”

Jude cleared his throat. ”So… Kara. According to Tina and Linda… Connor seems to… get busy.” Jude really tried to say that as casual as possible, he really did. Kara could hear it though, in Jude’s voice. It hurt to hear it. It hurt even more to have to answer Jude.

”Yes. Connor’s… Connor’s been busy.”

Jude forced down saliva. “So it’s true… he…. he… he sleeps around, a lot.”

Kara sighed, she couldn’t lie to Jude, nothing good would come of it. “Yes. It’s true.”

Jude nodded slowly while folding some sheets. “Alright.”

They go silent for a minute, Jude kept folding laundry. Kara thought about what to say. It could be a bad idea to tell him. They had never said it out loud to each other. They had never talked about the bond that Jude and Connor made when they were just ten years old, but Kara had been the one person to see the effect it had had on Connor’s life and Jude deserved to know some things.

“He’s not fallen in love with any of them you know. He’s never been in a relationship or anything even close to it.”

Jude froze for a second, he inhaled through his nose, after another moment, he continued folding laundry.

“Not once. He just fucks them. Like he has to prove something. They don’t mean anything to him.”

“Having sex with someone means something.” Jude answered her without missing a beat.

“Yeah, to most people,” Kara muttered.

Jude bit his lip, he turned away from Kara. “But not to Connor? He can have sex with someone without it meaning anything?”

“Yes, he can. It means nothing to him.” Kara said, thinking she was saying something Jude wanted to hear.

Jude sniffled, low enough so that Kara wouldn’t hear him. He nodded his head and fought the tears building up in his eyes. He had promised himself not to do this. _Fuck._

“Ok… I wish I could do that.”


	5. All hands on deck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter became longer than I anticipated, will probably fix it in a few days so that chapter 4 will get longer by including some scenes from this chapter.

”Hey Connor!”

Connor looked up from where he was sitting outside the classroom waiting for next period to start.

“Oh, hi Lisa.”

Kara, leaning against the wall next to where Connor was sitting, could barely refrain from laughing out loud looking at the blonde trying her best to get Connor’s attention. “ _My good she’s even twirling her hair_ …,” Kara thought.

“So, you going to Anna’s party?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Ok, cool.” Lisa lingered. It took a moment for Connor to get the hang of it. ”Oh, are you going there Lisa?”

Lisa leaned her head and smiled. Kara almost threw up in her mouth.

“Yes I am. Perhaps I’ll see you there… could be fun,” Lisa said and dropped her eyes for a second towards Connor’s legendary parts before taking a walk.

“Wow, if I didn’t know you better I’d say you aren’t interested,” Kara said.

“Huh? Whatever. Just keeping my options open.”

“Right…,” Kara said. Of course Connor heard the tone of her voice, telling him she wasn’t buying it. Connor remembered something, something far more important than arguing with Kara. “Hey can you get beer for me and D?”

“Umm… yeah, sure. Two six packs?”

“Yeah oughta do it, thx Kara.”

“That’s alright. I was getting some for me and Jude anyways so.”

Without thinking, Connor turned his head towards Kara, “Jude’s coming?”

Kara smirked at him, “That got your attention? Shocker.”

Connor cursed himself, he didn’t want to give Kara any ammunition regarding this subject. “Just didn’t know he was invited. I don’t give a shit.”

Kara raised her eyebrows and nodded, “Of course you don’t honey. Yes extremely surprising, seeing that all the popular girls love him more than they love labels.”

Speaking of the devil. At the far end of the corridor commotion was heard. Singing, to more precise. Around the corner came Jude with the two brunette bombshells Tina and Linda. Trailing them were three more from the same popular click. Connor could only witness as Jude, smiling wide, came jumping or dancing, Connor couldn't really tell which it was, down the hall. The group was obviously enjoying themselves, making everyone around them stop and smile. Connor closed his eyes hearing the singing. He’d recognize it anywhere.

Not long before they were about to pass Connor and Kara, Jude stopped and tilted Tina backwards so she fell into his arms. Jude planted a playful kiss of her lips before continue singing “ _I kissed a girl and I liked it, I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it!”_

Tina laughed and swirled Jude around. The group didn’t even notice Connor and Kara as they passed them, being too busy laughing and messing around. Connor found himself smiling looking at Jude. Jude looked so very happy. He didn’t care what anyone thought of him, he was just being himself, so full of life and it made Connor feel warm all over. Connor was smiling wide when he felt a pair of eyes looking at him. _Fuck._

“Yeah. You don’t give a shit alright,” Kara said, grinning at Connor before going towards the classroom.

 

\---

 

_Saturday afternoon_

 

“That’s awesome Jude, already invited to parties. You gonna drink?” Emma said to Jude who had his phone on speakers while trying on clothes in front of the mirror.

“Yeah, Kara bought us some sparkling that we’re going to share.”

“Share? Is it at least champagne?”

Jude snickered. “No Em. It’s not that kinda party. It’s more… frat house, but with more girls and less douchey guys. I hope.”

“I don’t know Jude. I could totally see you at a frat party with a bunch of guys. You taking turns turning the straight guys gay with your fab ass.”

Jude laughed. “Wow Emma, fantasy much?”

“You know I only watch gay porn.”

“And I’m so happy you shared that with me. Fuck, I don’t know what to wear. What do you think guys wear to parties in Oregon?”

“Umm… plaid.” Emma said like it was the most obvious thing ever.

Jude snickered while trying on a black shirt. “Plaid? To parties?”

“It’s Oregon Jude, they always wear plaid.”

“I think you might be surprised. Speaking of that, when are you guys visiting?”

“I spoke with Lee and Taylor and I think three weeks from now works for all of us.”

Jude squealed, “Can’t wait! I miss you guys.”

“We miss you too sunshine. They don’t deserve you over there.”

Jude laughed. “You don’t think anyone deserves me.”

“Well…,” Emma paused. “It’s true. Certainly not the assholes you-”

“Please, can we not?”

Emma bit her lip. “Ok. Sorry.”

“You know my super skinny white jeans, too much?” Jude said as he looked at his own ass in the mirror.

“Depends.”

“On what?” Jude said feeling a bit confused.

“If you want all the girls to hate you, you wear them. I you want them to like you, you don’t wear them.”

Jude laughed again over Emma’s informative tone. “Ok, so I don’t wear them,” he said.

“On the other hand, if you want some guy to fuck you, you wear them.”

Jude bit his lip as he took off the jeans. He folded them neatly and put them over the chair next to the underwear and socks he’d already decided on.

Emma cleared her throat. “I’m guessing by your silence that it’s drilling season.”

“Can’t hear you Emma, sorry,” Jude said and grinned while trying on the most important piece of clothing for the evening. _Perfect._ Jude took them off, leaving him naked in front of the mirror. He turned around and looked at his own ass. He glanced at his bedside table, his cock twitched thinking about his toy lying in the drawer.

“What are you doing?” Emma asked, startling Jude who’d got lost thinking about a certain boy.

“No-nothing. Just trying on clothes. Wanna look good tonight.”

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you wanted to impress someone. Already found someone, you know you can tell me sunshine?”

Jude gulped and took on a pair of jeans. He returned to his phone and turned off speakers. He had something to do, something he’d been avoiding this whole conversation. Seeing as Emma had been his best friend for so long, he was a bit worried how she would handle what he was about to tell her. He knows how much she cares about him. He just hoped she doesn’t go full on overprotective super bitch on him.

Jude chewed on his lower lip for a moment, thinking long and hard before speaking.

“Umm… yeah. Listen there’s… there’s something I… something I haven’t told you.”

<<<<<< 

“Can you please stop staring? I’m starting to question your sexuality you know.” Jude grinned as he and Kara were walking to what Kara promised was Anna’s house just up ahead.

“Oh fuck you Jude, if you didn’t want people to stare you wouldn’t have put those on. Do you even have room for underwear?”

Silence from Jude. Kara leaned back, again. “Seriously, are you going commando?”

Jude started laughing. “No I’m not! I’ve got briefs on. Jesus, chill.”

“Hey, did I tell you you look good? Love that dress,” Jude said.

“You think so? Thanks. I like it too. It squeezes in all the right places. I mean I can barely fucking breathe in it but at least I don’t look fat.”

“You’re not fat Kara, don’t even start.”

“Oh shut up Jude. Mr. born with the perfect twink body,” Kara said. Jude looked at her a bit surprised, Kara continued, “Yeah that’s right, I know your gay lingo and shit.” Jude laughed, a bit impressed.

“Damn. I’m already a bit tipsy from that drink your mom gave us. Promise to take care of me if I get messy.”

“Yeah me too, I don’t know what that was. I’m not gonna drink so much so I got you. I promise not to grope your ass that much if you pass out.”

Jude snickered. “You’re such an awesome friend Kara.”

Kara raised a finger and looked sternly at Jude. “Hey just to be clear, you’re not dumping me to hang out with the pop girls.”

Jude smiled seeing Kara smile after saying that, he said, “I won’t.” Jude chuckled before going on. “I love that you call them the _popular girls_ , like they are taken out of Mean Girls, you know they are ok right? I know for a fact at least Linda and Tina likes you.”

Kara sniggered, “Yeah I know, I like them too, they are cool. I hate when girls hate on other girls just because they are pretty.”

Jude gasped and put a hand on his chest. “I know right. I mean I can’t help it that I’m pretty, blame genetics.”

Kara chuckled. “Fuck you Jude.”

They were getting nearer to Anna’s house. Kara looked over at Jude who had started singing for himself, something he did quite often. Kara smiled to herself, she’d missed him. Jude had this positive energy around him that she’d never really seen in a grownup, it’s like someone hadn’t told him the world sucked she reasoned.

Kara worried though, Connor would be at the party. Jude, alcohol, Connor and the way he usually behaved at parties. There were a lot of things that could go wrong.

“Hey,” Jude said, breaking Kara from her thoughts. “I’ll be alright. I’m not as fragile as you think I am.” Kara smiled. He’d read her.

 

 

\---

 

 

“Jude, seriously. How did you get into those jeans?” Tina said and toasted with Kara. They were standing in the kitchen together with Linda and the hostess Anna.

“I fucking hate you for having that ass. I’m not even kidding,” Anna said before taking a sip from her drink.

Jude giggled, feeling perhaps a little bit more than tipsy. Kara said, “Right? I have to concentrate to not grope him constantly. Not good for my lesbianism that’s for sure.”

The three other girls laughed along with Jude. Casually, Jude picked a loose dark blonde hair from Anna’s sweater, he said, “Hey I have one thing to attract some dick with and that’s my ass. All of you are fucking beautiful but that’s all I have.”

“Oh whatever Jude, you’re hot and you know it!” Tina objected.

Kara witnessed as Jude traded compliments with Tina, Linda and Anna. She wasn’t quite as drunk as they were and the scene playing out in front of her amused her. Kara excused herself and left the kitchen for the more crowded living room. She passed a few people she knew and a few more she didn’t knew before going outside to where the Jacuzzi was. There were a few people in it but nobody she knew so she went inside again.

“Hey, there you are!” Dylan greeted her in the living room.

“Hey guys, good to see you,” Kara said and hugged Dylan and Connor who was standing beside him. Kara handed over the beer she’d got for Dylan and Connor, much to the boys’ delight.

“You boys look good. Trying to impress someone?” Kara teased. Dylan had a black shirt on and some tight fitting jeans. Connor had a dark red sweater on that just happened to enhance his pecs, his sleeves were rolled up and the top button unbuttoned.

“Thanks, you too Kara. You always look good,” Dylan said, leaving Kara looking at him suspiciously. “ _Don’t overdo it,_ ” Connor whispered to Dylan. 

”Anyways…,” Kara started before pausing and looking at Dylan again skeptically. “You guys going in the Jacuzzi later?”

“You know it. Might even get D to join in,” Connor said grinning at his friend.

 “I said maybe. I won’t be your wingman, _again_ ,” Dylan said, emphasizing the last word.

Connor chuckled. “Damn, is the whole school here or something?” Connor said looking around the living room that was getting crowded. The music turned up loud didn’t help to ease the noisy atmosphere of the room.

“Anna said she didn’t expect the turnout but she’s cool with it, as long as they don’t start breaking things.”

Connor kept glancing towards the kitchen, he’d heard Jude’s distinct laughter coming from there. Not that Connor really cared, he’d just noticed. Yeah.

Dylan, Connor and Kara kept talking for a few minutes. Connor was about to finish his first beer of the evening when he saw Jude coming from the kitchen. Jude looked up at the trio and smiled that smile that made Connor smile inside. Jude had fixed his brown hair so his sides were short but his top was textured, Connor had the time to notice. Another thing he noticed was the white jeans Jude wore. Add to that the maroon t-shirt with a very deep neckline, the result being Connor gulping while hiding his mouth behind the beer can.

“Hi Connor, Hi Dylan,” Jude said casually as he passed them going to what Connor knew was the bathroom.

“Hi Jude,” Dylan said as Jude passed them. Connor didn’t say anything, he just nodded, hiding behind the fact that he’d just taken a large sip. In the corner of his eye Connor could see Kara smirking slightly at him. Not in the mood to engage, he ignored her.

Dylan downed his first beer. Being in a good mood he decided to ask the other two something, breaking the ice that he had no idea why it was there in the first place. “So, when did Jude move to San Diego?”

Kara waited a moment, giving Connor the opportunity to answer. When he didn’t, Kara said, “Oh, long time ago. About eight years ago this summer.” Dylan looked at Connor who nodded and said, “Yeah, something like that.” Dylan smiled and nodded. Why Connor acted the way he did Dylan didn’t know, but he sure as hell noticed when his best friend acted strange.

“Ok. Cool that he moved back. He seems like a lot of fun, always happy and smiling,” Dylan said.

“And you know he’s gay,” Kara said with a grin to Dylan, completely ignoring Connor’s presence.

Dylan chuckled. “I kind of figured he was. He’s not hiding it so well.”

“He’s not trying to hide it. Why should he?” Kara asked.

“No… no I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry, I should have worded it better.” Dylan said. Once again making Kara suspicious with being much politer to her than usually. Connor was proud over Dylan. He knew it took him some effort.

“Hey guys! Sorry for rushing by earlier but I had to pee like a pregnant woman,” Jude said out of nowhere as he’d returned from the bathroom.

“Hey man, love the pants!” Dylan said. Jude hesitated just for a second, “Oh, thanks. Yeah they’re a bit tight but what the hell.”

“If you got it, flaunt it,” Dylan said with a smirk. Connor opened another beer can, feeling much too sober all of the sudden. Jude snickered and said, “Words to live by.” Jude glanced at Dylan for a second, having a hard time reading him.

“Jude!” Tina shouted from the kitchen. Jude looked over. Tina shouted again. ”Get in here we’re doing shots!”

Jude smiled at the trio. “Sorry guys, gotta go. Duty calls.” Jude turned around and walked towards the kitchen. Connor felt his cheeks getting warmer just from a glance at Jude’s derriere. Dylan had also made a similar observation. “You know for being a guy, Jude’s gotta pretty hot ass,” Dylan said laughing slightly. Kara kept sipping her drink, at a much slower pace than most of the others at the party. She smirked seeing Connor feeling uneasy, sympathy for him she had none.

 

\---

 

People kept dropping in to Anna’s house, it didn’t take long for the party to take off. Alcohol flowing, loud music, people having serious drunken discussions. Kara observed it all with amusement. Connor and Dylan had had quite a few beers and they kept laughing and arguing with some of their classmates about nothing and everything. As usual a few girls had tried hitting on Connor but he’d shrugged them off, not that unusual seeing that the evening still was young. Jude had come and hugged her a few times and had told her how much he liked her, every time Kara’s response had been disarming Jude from what he currently was drinking.

“Hey Kara, let’s go to the kitchen, you need a drink!” Connor said as he put his arm around her, Connor seemed to be in a good mood.

“Yeah and besides it’s not as loud there,” Dylan filled in.

When they got into the kitchen they were met by the sight of Jude sitting at the table with a bunch of girls and some guys standing around him. On the table there was a beer bottle and on top of it a straw. Jude was moving his hand around the straw that moved without Jude moving it.

“Whoooa dude that’s so cool!” Thomas said, granted not the hardest guy on the planet to impress.

“What’s going on?” Connor asked.

“Jude’s been doing party tricks. He’s amazing.”

Jude looked like he was trying to concentrate. Connor thought he looked about as cute as can get seeing he was slightly tipsy. Connor shook his head, pushing it aside. He went for the punch, a refill seemed to be in order.

“Hey man, you ok?” Dylan asked him. He’d obviously followed him to the punch bowl.

“Yeah of course, just getting a drink,” Connor said and shrugged his shoulders.

Laughter erupting. Dylan and Connor looked over. Jokingly, Jude exaggerated a look of being sad and hurt by pouting. On the table the bottle of beer was laying down. “I blame the punch! Otherwise I’d done it,” Jude said smiling.

“One more Jude!” Tina practically begged him. The others cheered him on as well. Connor filled up his glass. “You want one?” Connor asked Dylan who nodded, Connor obliged.

“Ok ok, this one is more grose than anything else but what the fuck,” Jude said and looked around the room. He met Connor’s eyes and smirked. “I need a condom, Connor you got one right?”

“What?” Connor coughed but managed not to spill any punch.

“You heard me Stevens, I need a condom. You got one?” Jude said playfully.

Dylan helped Connor out, “It’s Saturday night. I can guarantee you Connor’s got one.” Most of the guests in the kitchen laughed, Connor looked a bit bothered but played along.

“Yeah-yeah very funny,” Connor said and picked up his cardholder. He opened it up and took out a condom wrapper. Jude stood up and walked up to Connor and held out his hand. Probably the alcohol talking making Connor grin at Jude as he handed it over, “Will this do?”

Even though prepared and ready to play the game, Jude blushed slightly from reading the text _‘King Size’._ Jude took the wrapper, looked Connor in his eyes and said a single word in that voice that Connor hated to love, “Perfect.”

Jude unwrapped it and started stretching it with his hands making it even longer. He took his seat at the table again. “Ok, this is perfect when you got a cold and you need to floss your nose.”

Jude started inserting the condom into his nose, making most of the others look disgusted or at least bothered. Jude smiled one last time before inhaling the condom into his nose while holding on to the edge of it. When it got all the way up Jude opened his mouth and put in his fingers, reaching for it. As he started gagging Jude took out his fingers and laughed. “Sorry for gagging, it’s been a while,” Jude said in a tone leaving no room for interpretation regarding what he meant.

The ones that didn’t laugh did so because they hadn’t gotten over how uncomfortable they got from the sight. Jude reached one more time into his mouth and this time he got a hold of the condom. He pulled it out through his mouth while holding on to the other side. Jude started ‘flossing’ his nose having the condom reaching through his nose out his mouth.

“Ewwww!” was heard from Tina and Anna. Kara looked away from the revolting sight while Linda laughed. Connor and Dylan kept looking with wide eyes as Jude put on a show, both feeling a smile creeping up on them as Jude started doing some insane dance while sitting down flossing his nose. After a minute, Jude pulled out the condom through his mouth.

“Fuck that’s awful!” Jude took a few breaths and made a face. “Dick tastes _so_ much better,” Jude said making the rest, including Connor and Dylan snicker. “Words to live by,” Dylan said loud enough for Jude to hear him. Jude looked over and furrowed a brow. After being told how disgusting and awesome he was, Jude excused himself and walked up to Connor and Dylan.

“Umm… wild guess here, you really want this back huh?” Jude said to Connor holding up the condom.

“You know what, I’m good.” Connor laughed slightly.

“Sorry, should have told you I would ruin it. I blame the shots,” Jude said and made a notion towards the so-called “ _shot station_ ” that Anna had put up on the counter. “Where liver’s come to die,” Jude filled in.

“That’s ok, I got more,” Connor said.

“I’m sure you do,” Jude said smiling slightly even though for some reason he didn’t feel like smiling. “So, how are you guys doing, nice party huh?”

“Yeah it’s awesome, Anna’s parties always deliver,” Dylan said while Connor kept drinking from the punch. Connor was starting to feel the buzz but for some reason he had an uneasy feeling in his stomach, he figured more alcohol should take care of it.

“Ok, cool. So…,” Jude trailed off while searching for words. He could probably had been more discreet about it. “Any hot girls around?” Jude asked while looking at Connor and then Dylan. Connor swallowed. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_

“Umm… well I’m not really into girls but…,” Dylan said.

“Oh. So you’re… gay?” Jude said in a neutral voice, he put in the effort.

“Yupp.”

”Oh,” Jude said and looked between Dylan and Connor. Connor looked really uncomfortable for some reason. “I didn’t know. Are you out?”

Dylan nodded. ”Yes, for about a year now. And you?”

Jude chuckled. “How long I’ve been out?”

Dylan nodded before finished up his punch, not wanting Connor to be able to tease him for drinking like a girl.

“Wow… a long time man. Can’t really remember.” Jude lied.

“Ok, but, how long have you known you’re gay then?”

Jude laughed nervously. He sucked on his lower lip for a second. He glanced at Connor, blaming the alcohol for not being able not to. Jude hesitated, but decided to lie again. “I… I’m not really sure. A long time.”

 What could have been an awkward moment was saved the moment Jude heard an intro to a song in the background. Jude’s face lit up and he opened his mouth as in shock. Jude squealed and looked at Tina who was smiling at him while standing by the speakers and the iPad controlling the music being played in the kitchen.

“You can’t be serious?” Connor asked him but it was too late.

Jude started singing. Jude sang loud. Jude did not sing well. Tina came up and hugged Jude from behind. The two started singing along with the song. Neither one of them being anywhere near in tune.

“Come on, sing with us Connor!” Jude said looking very happy.  Connor muttered, “No way, I fucking hate Adele.” Jude gasped and put his hand on his heart. He leaned back and exclaimed, “Blasphemy! I love Adele!”

Connor just shook his head at the sight of Jude and Tina singing along. He felt like smiling though, they looked like they were having a good time.

Patrick and Josh, the two that Dylan had told Connor had gotten into some word exchanges with Jude, came into the kitchen and went for the punch. In the corner of his eye Connor saw them looking at Jude and Tina singing. They whispered something to each other, chuckled, and left the kitchen.

“Con? Singing? Have I missed something?” Dylan leaned in and said to Connor.

“Nah man, you haven’t missed anything,” Connor answered, hoping Dylan would drop it, which he did.

 

\---

 

The evening progressed. Connor and Dylan kept downing beers in the living room as they hung out with some other members of the wrestling team. It was all going well if you asked Connor. He had it under control. He could totally do this. That he kept glancing in Jude’s direction not even relevant. He’d just missed his old friend, nothing else.

“Ok guys, we’re getting in!” Tina said to no one in particular, she’d changed into a bikini. Connor checked out the body he’d already seen naked. After Tina, a few other girls kept walking through the living room in their bikini’s on the way to the Jacuzzi. Some guys followed who had put on swim shorts, some of them also wore a t-shirt. Connor followed the group with his eyes as they exited through the glass door leading to the backside.

And then. Then there was Jude. Connor was made aware of his presence by Dylan’s eyes going wide and he looked towards the stairs. “Jesus fucking Christ…,” Dylan said causing Connor to turn around.

Down the stairs came Jude, he’d apparently changed upstairs. Jude had nothing on but a pair of light blue and white swim trunks. Extremely short and tight swim trunks, to be precise. Connor froze seeing Jude’s body for the first time. The most exposed he’d seen him was in his singlet. Jude’s body toned and firm, you could see his abdominals without him having a prominent six pack.

Connor was probably staring, luckily for him Dylan was doing the same. From his right, Connor heard Dylan saying, “You asked about Sean Cody?”

Connor didn’t answer him, Dylan continued, “That right there is about as close as you come without having to pay for it.”

Connor was still not able to speak. He swallowed feeling a stir in his pants. _Fuck_.

“I guess I should have known he was fit, but… once again, jesus fucking Christ,” Dylan said in a low voice to Connor. Connor agreed, but at least he was self-aware enough not to say that out loud.

Jude beamed when he saw Connor and Dylan in the living room. He came up to them, only wearing those tight trunks. “Hey guys! You getting in?”

“Yeah we are. Fuck Jude, congrats on that body,” Dylan said shamelessly. Jude snickered and blushed slightly. “Thanks, I haven’t eaten in two weeks,” he said jokingly. Jude had a mission though so he turned around and asked, mostly Connor it seemed as he looked at him. Connor’s eyes glued towards Jude’s ass.

“You don’t think it’s too much? I could barely fit the bubble in these,” Jude said in his most innocent voice.

Dylan laughed, “Trust me Jude they are awesome. Umm, do you like… shave? You have zero body hair.”

Jude snickered and said, “No, naturally smooth as a seal.”

“A seal? What a weird reference,” Dylan said.

Jude rolled his eyes, “You have no idea.”

“Hey, Connor?” Dylan asked seeing his friend walking away without notice.

“I have to go. Bathroom,” Connor said and left Dylan and Jude.

“Connor, bathroom’s that way,” Dylan informed him as he was going the wrong way.

“Umm… yeah, that’s right, thanks,” Connor fled the scene, not feeling like giving Jude the satisfaction of seeing Connor hard just by showing Connor his ass.

Jude excused himself. “Time to get wet.”

 

\---

 

“Just keep it together, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Connor kept staring at himself in the mirror. No matter how much he tried not to, he couldn’t stop thinking about Jude. Jude, Jude, Jude. He could see him smiling, dancing, laughing, being funny, being witty and for what felt like the 100th time Connor caught himself smiling like an idiot. Like all the times before, Connor wiped the smile off his face. After splashing cold water on and slapping his own face Connor made it back from the bathroom finding Dylan talking to Kara.

“There you are stud, you feeling ok?” Kara asked him while throwing an arm around his waist.

“Yeah, I do, let’s get hammered,” Connor said bluntly. Dylan and Kara both laughed at Connor’s determined voice. Kara also smiled hearing Connor's grammar slipping.

“Well alrighty then, let’s get hammered. Kara, we are your responsibility now,” Dylan grinned, liking Connor’s idea very much.

Everything was going as planned. Connor and Dylan sat in the couch in the living room and kept drinking the shots that Kara provided from the kitchen. Cade, their dark haired skinny pale friend was sitting with them, naturally wearing his snapback as always. Connor chuckled at Dylan’s attempts of flirting with Cade, it had gotten to the point where Dylan came up with any excuse to touch Cade. Super discreetly of course. Connor called this phase three of Dylan’s dick hunting ritual. Being the considerate friend that Kara was, she mixed the shots she provided them with some soda. She knew they would thank her tomorrow.

After a few minutes, Jude opened the patio door leading to the backside. “Oh, cold cold cold,” he kept repeating as he with quick steps on his toes made his way to the bathroom by crossing the living room. Seeing that looking at Jude in only those tight trunks had proven to be a bad idea, Connor was smart enough to look away.

“What a fag,” Patrick said and snickered, Josh joined in, they were clearly talking about Jude. They were sitting on the other side of the room but Connor still heard him. Connor looked over at Dylan but he didn’t seem to have heard him. Connor took one more look at the ginger sitting on the other side. Connor looked down at his own fist, it was clenched. He reminded himself to take a breath, relax. Patrick opened his mouth again, “Can’t wait to shut him up.”

Connor got up from the couch and walked over towards Patrick and Josh. Just seeing Connor approaching them made Patrick and Josh smile. Beside them sat two of their friends that Connor didn’t know the names of. That they barely dared to look at him told Connor all he needed to know.

“Hey Stevens, good to see you man,” Josh said. “Yeah hey man, decided which pussy to fuck yet? You’re a fucking legend,” Patrick said feeling like he’d just been granted a royal audience. It wasn’t every day that Connor Stevens would take the time to talk to them.

“Hey guys,” Connor said calmly. He took two large gulps from his beer. From his position standing up he towered the four boys sitting on the small couch. Patrick laughed nervously as Connor wasn’t saying anything for a few moments.

Connor took another gulp before looking down at Patrick. “Yeah so listen. I really don’t like the word fag.”

You could almost hear Patrick swallowing over the loud music. Connor didn’t look at the other three but a good guess was that they weren’t moving many muscles. It took a moment for Patrick to realize that Connor must have heard him.

“Fu-fuck I’m sorry Connor, I wasn’t talking about D-Dylan, I know he’s your bro’. We… we like Dylan,” Patrick said and nodded to his sides to get aide from his friends. Josh nodded, the other two didn’t breathe. Connor didn’t say anything, he just another gulp from his beer. He didn’t stop staring down Patrick who was starting to sweat.

“We were… we were talking about that new kid. You know the one that dances around like a sissy being all girly and shit, fuck man we would never say that about Dylan.” Patrick laughed nervously again and nodded to Connor.

At that moment Jude came walking back from the bathroom, even though obviously in a hurry to get back into the warm water, Connor said.

“Hey Jude?”

Jude turned around, not expecting Connor to address him, especially not while talking to the guys he was talking to, Jude recognizing them as class A assholes.

“Umm, yeah?” Jude said with a raised brow.

“How’s the water man, good?” Connor said casually.

“Umm… yeah? Yeah it’s good. Warm.”

“Alright good, I’ll be right there, see you.”

Jude turned around, feeling more than confused. He couldn’t help smiling over the fact that Connor had addressed him in front of everyone. It felt good, Connor talking to him.

As Jude closed the patio door, Connor’s gaze returned to Patrick's. Connor took another step towards the foursome sitting in the couch. A stern look on his face.

“See Jude’s my bro too,” he said.

Josh had at least seven or eight big drops of sweat going down his back. Patrick kept taking short breaths through his nose, he knew he was in serious trouble.

“And I think you know what I do to anyone messing with my bro, yeah?”

Patrick whimpered something. Connor’s eyes not being merciful. “Yeah?” Connor said and looked at all the boys sitting down. They all responded by nodding obedient.

“Good. Good.” Connor finished off his beer. He looked Patrick in the eyes for a few seconds, that was all Patrick could take before looking down in shame. “You have a good night boys.”

Connor turned around, feeling positive he got the message across. The first thing he saw when turning around was Kara standing leaning against the wall smirking at him.

“Wow Stevens, the evidence just keeps piling up.”

Connor didn’t say anything out loud as he passed the grinning girl, internally he was cursing a whole lot though.

 

\---

 

Jude was sitting in the Jacuzzi, his feet were being massaged by a jet stream to the point where Jude just closed his eyes and moaned. Jude was pretty sure heaven must feel something like this. His head was swimming from the alcohol but he’d tried to hold back some, not wanting to make a fool of himself at the first party he was invited to in Salem. Tina and Linda were talking to some guy from the school’s soccer team, Jude can’t remember the name.

“Hey guys, can we join?” Jude opened his eyes. Dylan, Cade and Connor were getting ready to get in. It’s not that Dylan and Cade didn’t have nice bodies, they had. Even the fact that Cade still had on his snapback could hinder that Jude’s eyes were drawn to the Adonis that was Connor and Connor only. He had on some red swimming shorts but what really caught Jude’s attention was how ridiculously fit Connor’s upper body was. He’d seen the contours of the pecs through his singlet but seeing the chest out in the open, perfect nips and all. Jude was more than happy having some specific parts of himself below the water surface.

“Damn Connor, how often do you work out?” The unknown soccer player asked as Dylan, Cade and Connor took their place in the Jacuzzi. The pool had eight seats, Jude sat between Tina on one side and Cade on the other, Connor sitting opposite him.

“Gotta stay in shape Max, state championship in a month,” Connor answered and opened another can of beer.

Jude had a hard time. Jude also had a hard time even looking at Connor. Connor leaned back and let his arms rest on the edge of the Jacuzzi, leaving his chest in plain sight. Jude didn’t consider himself as someone not being able to control himself. However, barechested Connor sitting just a few feet away from him was starting to become a stretch. Speaking of that, Jude couldn’t wait to get home and put his toys to use.

“What are you smiling at Jude” Tina asked him curiously.

“Oh, no, nothing. Was thinking of… school,” Jude bit his lip and started talking to his own brain. _School? School? Really? That’s all you came up with?_

“Sure you were,” Tina said and continued, “Hey Jude…” that was all that Jude heard. Tina was still speaking but he wasn’t listening. Hidden under the bubbles, Jude felt a foot caressing his calf. His lips parted and he looked up. There was no doubt that the foot belonged to Connor and that was even before Jude saw the irritating smirk on Connor’s face.

When Connor’s foot reached the inside of Jude’s knee, he had to intervene. Jude squirmed and at the same time he pushed away Connor’s foot away from him while looking at him harshly. Connor’s only response was a repressed smirk. While settling down again, Jude took the time to readjust his dick that for some reason had moved around inside his trunks.

The party continued and so did the drinking. Connor kept his feet to himself. The girls and soccer-Max eventually got out of the Jacuzzi, leaving Jude with Connor, Cade and Dylan.

“Hey Jude, you want some beer?” Connor asked him after Connor had scooted over closer to Jude, still with some distance between them.

“I… I don’t think so, not really a beer guy,” Jude said truthfully.

“Have you ever tried?” Connor asked.

“Umm… no, just a sip years ago. Didn’t like it.”

Connor grinned and moved closer. “Come on, I think it’s time to try it again.”

“No thanks. I’ll get some wine instead,” Jude said.

Connor smirked and signaled to Cade, “Hold him.”

Before Jude could react his arms were being held onto by Cade and Connor moved right next to him. They were all laughing. Jude included, mostly because of that Cade’s hands were kind of tickling him. Connor took the beer can to Jude’s face and held on to Jude’s head with one hand. “Come on, open up!” Connor said while laughing. Jude shook his head until Connor started pouring beer over his mouth. After a few seconds of having beer poured over him he opened his mouth and swallowed as much as he could.

Jude didn’t know what was driving him more crazy, the fact that Connor was holding his head while pouring beer into his mouth or the fact that Connor’s other hand was stroking the inside of his thighs underneath the surface. Jude knew he kind of had a problem from the way he reacted by Connor being pushy.

Cade, Connor and Dylan all cheered when the can was emptied. Jude choked and laughed. Connor moved back to where he was sitting, Jude was glad that Connor hadn’t let his hand feel exactly what his treatment of Jude was doing to him.

“Congrats Jude, you’re now a beer drinker!” Dylan chuckled.

Jude snickered himself before saying, “I feel like I was raped by a beer can. Beeraped.”

“Oh come on, I know you love it Jude,” Connor said as he grinned. Jude fucking hates that it caused him to blush.

Perhaps it was the alcohol inside Jude that made him take his next decision. While Connor, Cade and Dylan talked about whatever, Jude got the idea to mess with Connor back in his head. Sure, Connor had won last round when Jude played that game. On the other hand, losing had never felt better.

Jude was not an idiot, Connor might think that Jude hadn’t noticed him glancing at him, constantly checking out his ass every chance he got. The time he fled to the bathroom Jude could swear he saw Connor’s bulge growing. And yes, Jude feeling… excited having Connor around him might not help him to make well-planned executive decisions.

“I don’t know about you guys but I’m getting out, hitting the shot station inside,” Cade said. The idiot hadn’t brought any alcohol to the Jacuzzi.

Dylan, Connor and Jude stayed behind and continued to talk. Jude and Connor kept glancing at each other while they were talking. Dylan too hammered to notice. Without reflecting over it, Jude accepted a beer from Connor. Jude didn’t hate the taste. Connor smiling at him while giving it to him probably didn’t make the situation worse.

“You know D, I think Cade is warming up to you,” Connor said out of the blue, casually of course.

“What? Really? You sure?” Dylan said wide eyed.

“Yeah I think you might get some dick if you work on it. You should go after him,” Connor said, he was just looking out for his friend.

“Umm…” Dylan was not sure. He’d tried to get in Cade’s pants for so long he’d all but given up.

“I’m sure of it D. Jude, you saw it right?” Connor said and looked at Jude with a funny look.

It took a few seconds for Jude to catch up, he blames the alcohol for taking so long. “Yeah. Yeah definitely. You should go for it,” Jude said to Dylan.

Dylan looked at them, Jude almost felt bad for the hopeful look Dylan threw against the house. “I’m fucking going for it!” Dylan grinned as he got out of the Jacuzzi, eagerly cheered on by Jude and Connor.

An awkward silence followed, both sipping out of their beer cans. Jude broke the silence after a minute or so. With a slight smile he said, “So… you finally got me alone.”

Connor snorted. “You mean you got me alone.”

Jude was still smiling, feeling cocky. “I’m not the one that’s been checking out my ass the entire night.”

Another snort from Connor. “You’re imagining things. I’m not the one that came in his pants,” he said smugly.

Jude blushed but couldn’t stop smiling. “True. But as I remember it I wasn’t the only one hard that day.”

Connor’s lips tugged upwards before he took another sip. “Whatever, you’re imagining things again.”

Jude bit his lip, very much enjoying the game. “So you’re saying if I sat next to you and put my hands in your shorts, you wouldn’t get hard?”

“That’s right Jac-… Adams-Foster,” Connor said smirking at him. Jude already felt warm, but hearing Connor saying his correct last name made him even warmer.

“Is that a challenge?”

“Wow, you just can’t wait to touch my dick, huh?” Connor gave Jude his famous smug smirk.

“Well, I’m not the one of us that’s touched the other one’s dick, am I?” Jude sassed back, wiping a portion of Connor’s smile of his face.

The two boys kept looking at each other when they were disturbed by the patio door opening. Anna came out with her phone. “Ah you’re here! Picture time!”

Connor rolled his eyes. “Aren’t you ever getting too old for that?”

“Never!” Anna exclaimed. “Come on Jude, sit next to Connor and smile that perfect smile of yours.”

Jude stood up and took his beer can. He leaned over the side and reached the beer can towards Anna. “Here, can you take this?” Naturally, Jude leaned in such a way that his ass got above the water surface. Anna took the can and Jude turned back and got under the surface. As he saw Connor he knew that mission was accomplished as Connor was looking to the side with a flushed look on his face. Jude took a stroke in the Jacuzzi and sat down next to Connor, their legs touching.

“Perfect, Connor, put your arm around Jude and look happy!” Anna said and Connor obliged.

“You want us to make out too?” Connor said jokingly.

“Could you!?” Anna looked really happy until Connor’s eye roll crushed her dreams causing Jude to laugh.

Anna took a few pictures on her phone before going inside again. Jude and Connor were still laughing, a bit more awkwardly as the moments passed. They were still sitting next to each other. Jude gulped and so did Connor. Connor tried his best not to think about the sight of Jude’s ass that he’d just seen. Jude tried not getting lightheaded thinking about the size of Connor’s chest. Jude might have a slight infatuation with nice looking pecs.

A look of determination came over Jude after thinking about what Connor had done to him in the sports hall earlier. Jude put his hand on Connor’s leg and stroked it with small circles. Connor’s breath caught in his throat when Jude’s hand made contact with him. The both of them concentrated on breathing, not daring to say a word. Jude sure as hell was nervous but he still kept stroking Connor’s leg.

Slowly, Jude's hand travelled up until he touched Connor’s shorts. Jude looked straight ahead, he was scared to look at Connor. Jude’s hand continued to navigate its way up Connor’s leg, ever so slowly.

“Wh-what are you doing Jude?” Connor said in a low broken voice, it sounded hoarse.

If the idea was to make Jude think Connor wanted Jude to stop, it failed miserably. Connor’s voice and the fact that Connor kept spreading his legs wider as Jude’s went up his thigh kind of gave it away.

Connor took shallow breaths, through the water he could get a glimpse of Jude’s hand and arm working its way to his crotch. Jude’s touch tender and soft. “Fuck… Jude what are you doing?” Although being extremely turned on, Jude let out a huff of air hearing Connor’s low almost whispering voice.

Jude’s throat dry, his hand moving by itself against Connor’s muscular leg. As Jude was getting nearer to his crotch Connor kept spreading his legs, allowing him access. All Jude needed to hear was Connor’s deep breaths. Jude’s hand was about to reach the area where Connor’s thigh ended and the base of his dick started. Jude could feel his own dick pressing against the fabric of his trunks, if he knew himself he was probably already precuming from being so turned on.

Connor closed his eyes and moaned softly as Jude’s hand was getting nearer. All of Connor’s concentration was now going to not letting Jude getting him hard without even touching it, Jude would not get that satisfaction. Suddenly, Jude removed his hand making Connor open his eyes. Connor was about to ask Jude what the fuck he was doing when he felt Jude’s hand against his hipbone before Jude’s fingers slowly pressed inside the waistband of his shorts. Connor panted and his lips parted. Instinctively he wet his dry lips as Jude’s fingers touched Connor’s trimmed pubes.

“Fuck… wanna touch you,” Jude said that part out loud even though it wasn’t intended. Feeling Connor breathing heavily from his touch. At the last second, Jude got a hold of himself. He stopped his movement, letting his fingers play and stroke the area just above Connor’s dick. He wanted to hear Connor say it.

“Fuck.” All Connor said as he pushed his hips upwards slightly, urging Jude to continue. Jude kept teasing him, taking every last ounce of willpower that Jude possessed. Connor closed his eyes in frustration, he bit down on his lower lip hard but nothing helped. “Fucking touch it already,” Connor sighed out much to Jude’s relief as he could probably not have waited another second. Jude pushed down his hand further until his fingertips made contact with the base of Connor’s dick. Jude wished he hadn’t moaned but he did, he did from the feeling of how warm and thick Connor’s dick was.

Connor closed his eyes and closed his lips not to let out a deep moan of his own as Jude’s hand wrapped around his dick. Jude could barely breathe as he let his hand work its way up the shaft of Connor dick. He tried to close his fingers around it but didn’t manage to. Feeling hornier than ever, Jude’s mouth needed to say something as his hand finally found its way to the head of Connor’s cock. “Fuck you’re huge.” Jude said feeling breathless. He could feel Connor’s dick getting harder and harder, it took the one stroke from the base to the head of Connor’s uncut cock to get him fully hard.

"Oh, you're not...?" 

"Nope," Connor answered him inbetween panting noises. He didn't know why but Jude's body shivered from being so turned on by that.

Jude’s head was again swimming as his hand worked its way down Connor’s hard cock, the feeling of warmth and the way he got Connor to lose his breath completely made Jude lose track of space and time.

Connor felt like he was about to pass out. He had had no chance whatsoever when Jude’s eager hand had started working his dick. In fact, it felt harder than ever before. Jude’s hand felt amazing and Connor couldn’t help himself as he started moaning.

Before things got out of hand, Jude somehow found words to say even though having zero saliva in his mouth.

“Con Air,” Jude said before giggling slightly.

Connor laughed slightly just from hearing Jude’s happy sounds, well that and from having his dick being taken very good care of. “What?” Connor asked.

“Con Air. We’ve got lift off,” Jude snickered. Even in all his fantasies he’d made himself say that to Connor and when the opportunity had risen, he couldn’t resist.

Connor chuckled, in honesty a bit impressed by Jude’s pun but right now he had other things on his mind. Jude’s hand kept going slowly up and down Connor’s entire length, when it reached the head, Jude slowly stroked the glans with his hand before going down again. When Jude had pushed his ass against Connor he’d felt that Connor must have a big cock, even so Jude was almost shocked. He’d never felt anything like it, feeling inch by inch of the naked warm skin pulsating against his hand drove him crazy.

“It’s so fucking big Connor… fuck…,” Jude moaned out. Hearing Jude’s words filled Connor with pride, hearing how horny Jude got just by jerking him off slowly made Connor’s entire body shudder from want. Connor had never felt so good just by having someone jerk him off, Connor was sure that Jude’s hand was made for this sole purpose.

Jude got as close to Connor as possible without it looking suspicious if someone was to see, the board of the Jacuzzi screening any line of sight from the house. In slow strokes Jude kept feeling Connor’s length, feeling privileged for every inch of Connor’s dick that he could feel. Jude was losing his mind, he turned his head and whispered into Connor’s ear.

“I-I love your big cock Connor.” Jude had to pause as his hand reached the end of Connor’s shaft. Connor moaned out loud as the palm of Jude’s hand gently squeezed around the head, massaging it by pressuring just right in a way Connor had never felt before. All Connor could do was moan as Jude was picking him apart. “I love the way your cock keeps twitching, so fucking hot,” Jude whispered in Connor’s ear.

“Fuck I can’t even reach around it,” Jude kept talking as his hand stroked Connor’s rock hard shaft. Jude increased the speed, causing Connor to lean his head backwards. Connor was losing control over what he was doing, the moans coming out of his mouth uncontrolled and loud. Jude concentrated on pleasuring Connor by working on the shaft alone, letting his hand work it up and down repeatedly. The encouraging sounds coming out of Connor the sexiest sounds that Jude had ever heard. Missing Connor’s glans, Jude returned his hand to it and let two fingertips circling Connor’s dick slit. Connor gasped from the sensation when Jude put pressure on it and rubbed it relentlessly.

“Ju-Jude!” Connor was begging for mercy but Jude was way too turned on to give him any. Jude started tugging at Connor’s waistband with his free hand. “Take… take’em off,” Jude said. Connor didn’t question him as he at once lifted his ass allowing Jude to pull down his shorts to his ankles leaving Connor’s dick standing straight up.

“What a-are you doi-,” Connor tried talking but it ended with him practically wailing as Jude’s free hand found its way to his dick. Connor’s eyes were almost rolled completely back as Jude started working his cock with both his hands. “Co-Connor… fuck you’re so big I need t-two hands to reach around it,” Jude was panting as he was whispering compliments into Connor’s ear. Jude’s hands kept going up and down Connor’s cock. Never in his life had Connor felt like this, it had never felt this good, the way Jude’s hands gave him pleasure like they’ve never done anything else in their life.

Jude got so turned on by seeing the undisputed pleasure written on Connor’s face that he knew he would come himself if he so much as touched his cock aching in his trunks.

Jude wanted, no Jude needed to feel more of Connor. Connor had his mouth closed as to not moan too loud, but he struggled. Connor was about to protest when one of Jude’s hands stopped working him, it turned out that Jude only moved one of his hands to Connor’s balls. Jude gave away a deep moan as one of his hands felt Connor’s large balls in his hand. His hand on Connor’s cock started jerking him off even faster while the other hand slowly rubbed his sack, feeling Connor’s testicles against his fingers.

“Fu-fuck Connor I want to empty your balls, wanna make you come,” Jude barely able to make himself audible. Connor closed his eyes shut and bit his lower lip, feeling overwhelmed by the sensation of having Jude pleasuring both his cock and his balls. Jude talking the way he did wasn’t making it easier for Connor.

“I can feel your balls being f-full of your cum, gonna empty them, gonna make you shoot you load, want your cum Connor,” Jude’s mouth kept going, having no idea what he was saying.

Connor’s body started to shake, his jaw trembling as he felt himself not able to hold back much longer. Jude’s hand had not for a second stopped working his hard cock, every time Jude’s hand just touched his sensitive glans was driving Connor closer to the edge. Jude's arm belonging to his hand that wwas rubbing Connor’s balls could feel Connor’s leg twitching and moving up and down, telling Jude Connor was getting close.

As a final act, Jude took the hand from Connor’s balls and grabbed it firmly around the base of Connor’s dick. Jude moved his other hand to the head of Connor’s cock and started jerking off the head and the head only at a fast pace.

“Come Connor, come. Think about when you’re fucking my tight ass,” Jude whispered. Connor started whining, not able to hold back any more. The way that Jude’s hand worked his glans while the other hand held it in a perfect angle for Jude’s hand to give Connor as much pleasure as possible proved to be too much for Connor. Jude kept talking in his low hoarse voice, “Come Connor, I want you to fuck me so hard, come in my ass Connor, fill me.”

Connor grinned badly as he felt a fire pooling low in his abdomen, bolts of lightning flashing behind closed eyelids as the rippling sensation of one of Connor’s most intense orgasms ever took place.

Seeing that the moment approached, Jude wanted to touch as much as possible, he needed more of Connor. He kept jerking Connor off with one hand while he put the palm of his other hand just above Connor’s cock.

Connor screamed high even with his mouth closed. Connor’s eyes shot open as he gasped for air. In the high of the orgasm he could still feel one of Jude’s hands going up and down his pulsating cock.

Connor had no idea how many times his cock shoots into the Jacuzzi, it felt like he never stopped coming, his body kept trembling. Jude’s hand felt stream after stream of Connor’s come shooting out of his dick. Jude almost came by the feeling of Connor’s come shooting against the palm of his hand.

After, god knows how long, Connor exhales and lowers his hips again. He and Jude keeps breathing heavily, gasping for breath. Connor’s a mess, for a moment he almost feels like crying from the sensation of coming so hard, from Jude making him come harder than he’d ever come before. Crying, or laughing, Connor can’t decide. All he knows is that he's really fucking happy for some reason.

Jude sighed and rested his head against Connor’s shoulder. Connor smiled, eyes still closed.

Jude turned his head against Connor, Connor can hear him smiling as he said, “Does that count as making you hard?”

Connor laughed and put his arm around Jude's shoulder and held him close. “Yeah… yeah Jude, that fucking counts.”

Jude snickered, the warm feeling inside only known to him in the presence of Connor settled inside him, “Good.”


	6. The ghost of Connor

_Sunday_

 

“Good morning!” the cheerful woman said.

Dylan grunted an answer, not having a perfect morning if Dylan was being honest. His mother smiled, “When did you get home?”

“Four,” Dylan mumbled as he turned on the faucet in the kitchen. Dylan gulped down the whole glass in one go, instantly refilling it. His mother came up and hugged him from his side, she frowned and said, ”Good god you smell like my alcoholic cousin from Colorado.”

Another grunt from Dylan. He turned around and put his hand to his forehead, not really feeling blessed for being alive.

“Did you at least have fun?” she asked.

“Ye-yeah… yeah it was fun,” Dylan said before opening a cabinet. “Umm mom, we got painkillers?”

“Yes, top drawer.”

Dylan found and downed the painkillers, not that differently from how he downed jello-o shots some twelve hours ago.

“How’s Connor, I’m guessing he’s in the basement?”

“I don’t know, haven’t checked on him yet.”

Dylan’s mother nodded. After a moment of silence, she said, “What do you guys want for lunch, hamburgers? I know Connor loves them.”

Dylan smiled, she was being too nice. “That would be awesome mom.” Dylan was about to leave the kitchen when his mother said, “How… how is he?”

Dylan stopped and turned around. He felt annoyed for a moment, a bit too hungover for this conversation. He knows she got good reasons though.

“He’s alright, I told you.”

Dylan’s mother sighed slightly, she swallowed and said, “Yes, but… how is it… how is it at home?”

“You know how it is, same as always,” Dylan responded. His mother smiled awkwardly and nodded.

 

 

\---

 

 

_In another part of Salem_

 

“Rise and shine bubba!” Jude’s energetic foster-mother, Stefanie, sang as she opened the blinders causing the deadliest sunrays Jude had ever experienced to hit his face.

“Jesus fucking Christ, what’s going on?!” Jude hid underneath his comforter, for good measure he put two pillows on top of him as well.

“It’s almost 2, time to get up!” Stef said in a loud voice. A way too loud voice. It was probably not really that loud but Jude found himself being, for some reason, noise sensitive this morning.

“Go awaaaaay!” Jude said as loud as he managed, making his head hurt.

“Oh no mister, you’re not getting away that easily. This is the price you pay for having too much fun,” Stefanie said as she snickered. Jude could feel her sitting down on his bed.

Jude whined from underneath his comforter. “Please, can’t you just love me?”

Stefanie laughed, “I love you more than rainbows bubba, but you still have to get up.”

“No you don’t, if you love me you’ll leave me alone. I need sleep. I’m a teenager, I need to sleep to be able to… do school and stuff.” Jude said in a, comforter to blame, muffled voice.

Stefanie snickered and started pulling Jude’s comforter down, exposing his head. ”There you are beautiful.”

Jude pouted. “This isn’t fair.” Stefanie glanced at Jude’s bedside table without Jude noticing. She bit her lip to keep her from smiling too wide.

“Come on, we haven’t seen you all day. We’ve made your favorite.”

For the first time since waking up, Jude felt hopeful about the future. He just might survive this. He had to make sure though. “Organic?”

Stefanie smiled. “Yes, organic salmon, I said it was your favorite.”

“And the beans? The beans have to be-,”

“Yes bubba, they are organic too. You know you have the weirdest favorite food. We’ve told you that, right?”

“It’s delicious and healthy,” Jude said matter-of-factly.

Stefanie whispered. ”Yes, god forbid you’d eat an actual calorie for once…”

“You know I can hear you even when you’re whispering?” Jude said.

Stefanie smiled and got up and ruffled Jude’s hair. “Come on, take a shower and come down and eat with us.”

Jude groaned again before sighing heavily. “Fine.”

“So Jude, does he have a name yet?” Stefanie grinned at him.

”What?” Jude said, utterly confused.

Stefanie glanced at his bedside table, this time making sure he saw.

“Seems like you had fun tonight when you came home.” She couldn’t stop smiling at him, seeing the moment realization washed over him. He’d been drunk and he must have fallen asleep right afterwards. With wide eyes he looked to his side.

“Shit,” Jude said and put the comforter over his face again.

Stefanie laughed and looked at the dildo on his bedside table. Next to it a bottle of lube that had fallen over and next to that a fair amount of used Kleenexes.

“Me and mama are just glad you used Kleenexes. We were getting worried that the washing machine would get pregnant soon.”

“Go. Away. Now!” Jude shouted from under his comforter, probably red all over, not that he was showing his face to his mother any time soon.

 

 

\---

 

 

“Thank you so much for the burgers, they were fucking awesome,” Connor said as he hugged Dylan’s mother standing in the hallway.

“You’re welcome Connor, but what have I said about that mouth of yours?” She said after hugging him back tightly.

Connor chuckled. ”I’m sorry, it’s your son’s fault, I get it from him. He’s a bad influence.”

Mrs. Thomas laughed while Dylan rolled his eyes.

Connor smiled before returning to a neutral expression, he looked at both Dylan and Dylan’s mother. “And hey, thanks for… you know… letting me crash here.”

“You’re welcome, you know you don’t have to thank every ti-,” Mrs. Thomas started before getting interrupted by Connor. “Yes. Yes… I do. It… means a lot.”

“You know you can stay, yeah?” Dylan asked after a moment of silence.

“Thanks, but it’s Sunday… I got the…” Connor trailed off.

“The thing. Yeah, forgot. Sure man, see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah. See ya. Thanks again,” Connor said as he hugged Dylan goodbye and left the Thomas residence.

Connor knew that he probably should feel more hungover, he’d drank a lot of beers, shots and some other drinks as well. However, Connor had other things on his mind. Sure he remembered the party, no blackouts or anything like that, it had been fun. There was just one thing, one person, that he really remembered though. As the evening had progressed Connor had had a harder and harder time ignoring that Jude caught his attention all the time. He found himself looking, or maybe even staring, more than once. When he wasn’t in plain sight, he’d thought about him, he’d missed him. He missed his laugh, his energy, the way he lit up the room.

Connor found himself, once again, smiling. When realizing doing so his facial expression changed into a much more troubled one. _What is happening? Fuck._

Connor took irregular breaths in an effort to clear his head, a lesson he’d learned from wrestling. It usually worked. Connor managed to avoid thinking about how much he liked seeing Jude smile. However, Connor allowed himself to think about Jude in another way. It felt easier. Much easier. Perhaps the best solution had been avoiding thinking about him at all, but that Connor could simply not do.

The way Jude’s hand had felt going up his leg and thigh. When Jude’s fingers had teasingly caressed his pubes, when Jude’s fingers and hand finally had made contact with Connor’s dick. The way Jude managed to get Connor rock solid from a single stroke of his hand up Connor’s length. Going down the pavement, Connor closed his eyes for a moment, allowing himself to think about last night.

Connor looked around before putting a hand in his jeans pocket. Through the fabric he stroked his semi, feeling it growing inside his underwear. Jude’s hand had felt better than anything before, Connor couldn’t even wrap his head around how it could feel so good just being jerked off. Connor had had a lot or orgasms before last night. Connor had never had an orgasm like that though. He swallowed down saliva thinking about how he nearly passed out when his dick started shooting come.

_Fuck._

His phone started ringing, bringing him back to the real world. The boring world where Jude’s hand wasn’t making him see stars.

Connor cleared his throat before answering. “Hey.”

“Hey, how are we feeling today?” Kara asked. She was sitting in her backyard wrapped in a blanket with big sunglasses on.

“I’m alright. Not that bad. Could have been worse. And you?”

”I’m ok, tired. I stayed and helped Anna clean up so I got home late.”

“Alright, was it bad?”

”Bad?” Kara said. ”It was a fucking warzone. The floor was sticky as fuck, had to scrub it twice. The backyard was bad too.”

“It was?” Connor didn’t pay that much attention to that.

“Yeah, even the pool was messy ,” Kara said, getting Connor’s attention.

“Umm… oh… ok, that… sucks,” Connor closed his eyes and grinned badly.

“Yeah. Good thing Jude took care of it,” Kara said. Connor made an effort not to exhale loudly for Kara to hear.

“Oh, he did?”

“Yupp. It was beer and shit everywhere but it looked like new when he was done with it.”

Connor bit his lip and smiled. “Oh… ok, nice of him to help.”

“Yes. Jude is nice.”

“Yeah… he is,” Connor said absentminded.

Kara sniggered. “I’m glad you’re finally onboard,” she said teasingly.

Connor groaned. ”Can you…,” another sigh from Connor before he continued, “I’ve never said he wasn’t nice.”

“You know what I mean Connor,” Kara said teasingly again. Connor had had enough.

“I’m not… I’m not gay Kara! For fucks sake can you drop it? I know what you’re implying all the fucking time but can you just drop it?” A lot of frustration let out in one go. Connor rubbed his forehead. He wasn’t feeling that good anymore.

Kara heard she’d taken it too far. She was sure of what she’d seen, knowing Connor since he was five it was clear as day to her. However, she knew it wasn’t that easy for Connor. She knew how complicated things were for him.

”I’m sorry Con. You know I’m just messing with you.”

“I’m not gay,” Connor repeated. He wasn’t sure who he was talking to, Kara wasn’t either. Connor sniffled. _Fuck_.

“Hey, ok. I’m sorry Con.”

Kara listened as Connor took heavy breaths. She gave him a minute before she spoke again, not teasingly anymore.

“It’s just… you were friends Connor. You were best friends. I don’t give a shit that you knew each other that one summer but you… found each other. You know what I’m talking about, I know you do.”

Connor didn’t say anything. From the sounds of his breaths, Connor wasn’t doing that good.

“That was a long time ago,” Connor said when he’d steadied his voice.

Kara groaned loudly. “You’re both so fucking frustrating I swear I want to fucking murder you.”

Connor kept silent, not knowing what to say. Kara sighed.

“Just… just ask him. Be his friend. Jude wants to, I know he does. He’s just too fucking proud to ask, apparently you were a real class act and told Dylan you didn’t even know him.”

By reflex Connor looked down in shame, it didn’t matter that he was walking by himself. He’d regretted saying that, he’d seen that it hurt Jude. Even if Jude has acted weird, he wished he could take it back.

“I… I don’t know,” Connor said after a few moments.

Kara nearly screamed into the bend of her arm.

“Connor. I’ve had to stand by and see you taking every bad decision possible since he left. I’ve waited for you to come around but you’ve never… you’ve never stopped running since you were ten. I’m not standing by and just let you fuck this is up, I know you want him back in your life.”

Kara paused, she was getting angry and she needed to cool down. Not what Kara did best. “You don’t have to be Dr. Phil to see that you’re scared. And that’s ok Connor, it really is. I know all about it, but please, don’t fuck this up. For your own sake. You were friends.”

Connor forced down saliva and sniffled. “It’s a long fucking time ago…” Connor whispered.

Kara was getting more and more agitated. The list of Stevens-fuck ups she’d witnessed already way too long. “By the way, nice touch of you to leave Anna’s party without saying goodbye to him.”

Connor closed his eyes. Another thing he regretted, but there and then he just needed to get out of there.

Kara continued, raising her voice as she kept talking, “He put on his war paint after that you know. At 3 in the morning. Didn’t say a word. Just put it on. You remember when he wore it the first time? Or is that _too fucking long ago_?!”

Kara hung up the phone and dropped it on the lawn. She couldn’t deal with fuckboy Connor Stevens right now. She knew she’d call or text him tonight telling him she was sorry, but it would have to wait.

Connor could just listen to Kara going on about his fuck ups, like he didn’t know it already. Even if he spent a whole lot of time pretending, somewhere Connor had come to understand that he couldn’t go on like this. One word that Kara had said had really hit home. _Running_. It felt exactly like that. Everything in his life for the past eight years. _Running_.

Connor felt a familiar feeling creeping up on him. Anxiety spreading through the body, cold sweats. Connor parted his lips to take deep breaths through his mouth, he felt like he was suffocating. The feeling of only living as a shadow of himself, Connor had felt it for so long now, but still he had troubles keeping it together when reality came knocking.

Connor found himself outside a familiar house. Connor calmed down. He closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing. After a minute, he walked up the porch and rang the doorbell.

“Ah, Connor. Welcome.”

Connor smiled seeing the elderly woman smiling back at him. He was safe here. He felt alive again.

 

 

\---

 

 

Afternoon had turned into evening. Jude checked his phone. He had unanswered texts from Emma. She wanted to know how the party had been. He’d thought about calling her for some time, he was just gathering up the courage to do so. He’ll have to tell her, about Connor. She deserved it. Being the one that had been there for him more than any other of his friends, she deserved to know. She could get mad, about the lying.

He sat down in his bed, cross legged position. A deep breath before dialing the only number he knew by heart.

“Hey sunshine! Finally.”

Jude chuckled, “Hey Em. Sorry for taking so long.”

“It’s ok. Thanks for texting me when you got home.”

Jude smiled. He didn’t know why it still felt so good hearing that she cared. He wondered if he’d ever get used to it. “No problem, I promised.”

“So...,” Emma trailed off before going on a few moments later, “How was the party?”

Jude hesitated, just for a second. “It was… good.”

“Ok… good.” An awkward silence. They both knew they had another thing to discuss. Jude didn’t know what to say, so Emma started. “Do you want to… tell me what you wanted to tell me last night before we got interrupted?” She’d thought about it a lot. She’d heard in his tone that it was something important he’d wanted to tell her before they got interrupted by Kara coming over to Jude’s house.

“Yes. Yeah…”

Jude trailed off. Emma sat up in her bed, “Ok, tell me?”

Hesitation, regret, insecurity, fear, all emotions present inside him. Jude felt vulnerable, and he knows that he shouldn’t. Enough water had passed under that bridge to fill the Atlantic Ocean by now. At least it should have. Problem was that last night had proved that it wasn’t the truth though.

Jude broke the silence, feeling scared.

“Emma… you remember I… you remember… me talking about… a guy?”

“A guy?”

“A guy. The guy.”

”Oh. _The_ guy.”

Jude closed his eyes and rested his forehead in the palm of his hand. “Yeah… Umm, thing is Emma. I… I lied.”

“What? About what?”

Jude didn’t say anything for a few moments, searching for words. He had to do this right but he had no idea how to do it.

“Jude, talk to me?” Emma was getting worried.

Jude can feel tears starting to go down his cheeks. He puts his hand over his mouth so she can’t hear from his breathing that he’s losing it. Emma gulped. Whatever this was, it was important. That Jude had mentioned _the guy_ was reason enough for her stomach to ache.

“Please Jude… talk to me. I don’t care if you lied just talk to me.”

Jude took a few deep breaths before he finally said, “Emma, _the guy_ …. They guy was at the party last night.”

Utter silence. Jude concentrated on not letting her hear how emotional he was.

“Emma…?”

“Wh… what are you saying?”

“That he… that he was there. I… saw him.”

“So the guy, he lives in fucking Salem? He moved there?”

“No, no… no he’s always lived here. I met him when I lived here.” He could hear her thinking all the way from San Diego. “Please Emma, say something.” Jude begged after an excruciating silence.

“But… that’s, that’s crazy?”

He sighed. Like he didn’t already know it’s totally fucking crazy.

“But… but you told me… Wasn’t… weren’t you ten when you lived there, for a month or two?”

“That’s why I didn’t tell you the truth. I know… I know how it sounds. I couldn’t tell you I met him when I was ten, you’d laugh at me. So I made up that story about meeting him when I was older and… I’m so sorry Emma. Fuck.” By now Emma could hear him sniffling. Something that normally made her drop everything else just to be supportive of him. Right now, her head couldn’t stop racing.

“But… but Jude. So…” Emma’s mind going back to memories, memories caused by Jude being damaged.

“So you mean that you lied? When I finally got you to open up to me that night when you were shitfaced, about why no guy ever was good enough?” Emma was getting worked up, Jude knew for good reason. “Did you make that up?! Because it sure as hell didn’t look like you were lying.”

Emma snorted. “The ghost of Connor…” She took a moment. “You know I always thought that was such a weird thing to say, even when you were a drunken mess. Now I know why…”

Jude started to cry into his hand, trying to muffle some of the sounds.

“What’s his name? I’m guessing you made that up too. Wait, is he old? Did he do things to you when you lived there?”

“Wh-what?” Jude had to stop her, even if he had trouble talking through his sobs. “No, no. We’re… we’re the same age. And… i didn’t lie about the name. His name is… Connor.”

Emma felt relieved and maybe a bit stupid. She had to calm down and not let her emotions take the better out of her, there was a boy in Salem that needed her.

“Jude… I don’t understand. It’s so long ago… I don’t understand. I mean… fuck I don’t know what I mean.” Emma sorted her head, going through conversations they've had, trying to make sense of it. Jude just sat there passively, he felt tired. The short time he’d been in Salem had been more than intense.

“Have you talked to him, while you lived here?”

Jude swallowed. “No… no I haven’t.”

Another moment of silence.

”So… but explain it to me. Did you even have a… Are you even gay or straight or anything when you’re that young?”

Jude sniffled and took deep breaths. “I don’t know… I knew I was. But Em it was… it was never about that. I just… We. Fuck this is so hard. I’m so sorry you have no idea.”

“It’s ok Jude. Please, just… talk to me.”

“Like I said, I _know_ how it sounds. But we… we connected. Something happened that I can’t explain and… and I’ve waited for it to go away…” Jude started to cry again. This time he wasn’t able to hide it from her. Emma felt her eyes starting to sting. Jude pushed a few words through. “Bu-but it never did…”  

“Fucking hell Jude…,” Emma said and dried her eyes with her hand.

The two friends stayed quiet for a few moments, both feeling like they needed it. Emma had a million other things to ask him about this but she figured it could wait. After quite some time, Emma said, “How was it then, to see him, you talked?”

“Yes. Yes we talked. Well… we haven’t really talked-talked. It’s like we… avoid it. I don’t know.”

“Ok. You’ve only been there a few weeks. Maybe not so strange it’s awkward, you haven’t seen each other in a long time.” Emma made sense to Jude, but Emma didn’t know about… what had happened.

“Yeah… maybe. But… I want to tell you something but promise me you won’t freak out.”

“No Jude, I’ll Mia Wallace your Vincent Vega right there. You know I can’t promise that.”

Jude snickered. Emma had that ability, to make him smile even when he didn’t feel like he wanted to. “Ok fair enough, but… just try not to freak out.”

Jude sighed. He felt embarrassed thinking about what a fucking mess he’d been since moving to Salem.

“Ok so… I… I panicked. When I saw him, I didn’t know what to do. And you know how I get when I panic.”

“You smile and act confident, yes I know.”

“Yeah… So… I kind of, hit on him. Did some… fuck it’s so embarrassing but I kind of… yeah hit on him.”

Emma was glad Jude couldn’t see her facial expressions. She let him continue.

“And… it’s just that doing stuff with him is much easier than talking. So… and this is the… please don’t freak out but we kind of had… we’ve made each other… you know… come.”

“You’ve what?!” Emma blurted out.

”I know I know, please don’t freak out.” Jude pleaded.

“You’ve fucked?! Are you… what?!”

“No, no we haven’t _fucked_ , just made each other come.” Jude groaned, he kept rubbing his forehead and eyes.

“Just made each other come?” Emma said, trying to make a point. “But what the… so you can’t talk to each but you can have sex?” Emma really didn’t know what to say.

“Fuck I know Emma, I know. I know. But it’s not like… it’s not like it means anything. He… he doesn’t mean anything by it. Please I don’t want to... I don’t want to talk about it, just wanted you to know. Please.”

Emma went quiet. She needed to think and calm down. It took a few minutes for her to do so. Finally, she said, “Ok… we’re gonna talk about it some day though.”

“Fair enough. Thanks.” Jude really was grateful.

Emma smiled. Jude wasn’t getting away that easily. ”Is he hot?”

Jude snickered, still so relieved that Emma had dropped the more serious part of their conversation. “You have no idea.”

“Big dick?”

“Yes…,” Jude sighed just thinking about it, “Perfect dick.”

“Describe it Jude, let out your inner hoe for me,” Emma said in a low seductive voice making the both of them laugh.

Jude bit his lip. “I… I’ve actually not seen it.”

“What? How do you know it’s big then?”

Jude blushed, “I’ve… touched it.”

“Yass! What are we talking about here, wheelchair of coffin?”

Jude laughed, he’d missed their conversations. “Definitely wheelchair.”

”Wait he’s a… top? That’s the expression yeah? He’s a top?”

Jude grinned. ”Oh yes, he’s definitely a top.”

Emma purred, causing Jude to laugh. It felt so good to smile again. “Wait, how do you like, know those things? Do you have a code?”

“It’s hard to explain, but he’s just… he’s alpha as fuck,” Jude let out an involuntarily pathetic sigh afterwards from thinking about Connor. Emma snickered hearing Jude’s sounds.

“So sunshine… you gonna let him fuck you?” Emma said, sounding probably way too casual for it to be considered normal. Good thing their friendship was better than normal.

“Emma! Jesus… that’s so explicit.”

”Whatever. I think it’s time that ass of yours gets some action.”

“Amen to that sister. It’s just… I’m not sure it’s… possible.”

“Possible? Oh… oh! I get it. Can’t you just use lube or something?”

“Em I know this goes against everything I believe in, but lube doesn’t solve everything you know?”

“Who are you and what have you done to Jude?”

Jude laughed. “I could barely fit one hand around it Em, it’s crazy.”

Emma giggled. ”Oh come on Jude, you have small hands, stop whining. It'll be fine.”

The two best friends listened to each other’s laugh for a few moments. It felt familiar. Them moving apart hadn’t been easy, this was needed.

“Hey Jude… we’ll be alright, yeah?”

Jude smiled. “Yeah… yeah we’ll be alright.”

 

 

\---

 

 

Back in his room, Connor laid down on his bed. He felt more at ease than earlier this morning, but his head still had a lot of things to process. There were many things he didn’t allow himself to think about though, taking it step by step.

Connor got up from his room and paced around it, trying to keep himself busy. Anything.

Jude. Jude kept entering his mind. Connor shook his head. No, he isn’t allowed. From downstairs he heard a noise. Made aware of his presence, Connor had an even harder time keeping it together. Connor started rubbing his face and neck with his hands. It itched. He closed his eyes, tried breathing irregular to focus.  

Kara’s words echoing in the back of his head. Jude wanted to be friends again, she’d said. She couldn’t know that, he reasoned. Connor tilted his head from side to side, making his neck give away cracking sounds.

Connor eventually gave in, he let his mind think back to times past. He still remembered it so clearly. That whole summer. That summer, those months, had meant more to Connor than the rest of his life.

Connor snorted by reflex thinking about the sad excuse of a man he lived with. The moment after, Connor smiled internally. Jude. As far as he remembered, Jude’s been the only person that his father has liked. How couldn’t he? Everyone liked Jude. Even back then. Jude gave so much of himself, Connor thought. Constantly sending ouy positive energy, never taking. So yeah, no wonder that even Adam Stevens liked him.

Connor remembered the three of them playing at his house. Him, Kara and Jude. He remembered putting on that nail polish. It belonged to Kara’s mother. He liked the color, it was blue. Jude’s favorite color. He’d showed it to Jude and Jude had smiled and told him he liked it. Connor remembered the warmth he felt at that moment.

Like the idiot he was back then, he wanted to show his father. The child Connor was back then hadn’t given up, he still craved his father’s love.

Connor showed his father his nails. He felt proud and happy. Connor snorted again from the memory. What an idiot he was. He still remembers the burning sensation of his father’s hand against his cheek, knocking him to the floor.

The rest Kara had filled him in on. The way Jude hadn’t thought twice, that he’d splashed nail polish on his own hand as fast as he could before running up to Adam. Tiny ten-year-old Jude had put himself between Adam and Connor, stopping Adam from continuing hitting Connor. Jude had raised his hand and showed his nails to Adam. Told him everyone did it. All the boys wore nail polish. It was a thing. Jude had made him do it.

It had been the only time in his life that Adam had apologized to Connor.

_Fuck!_

Connor smashed his fist against the wall. The same spot he’d hit many times before. The pain felt good. He leaned his forehead against it and fought his tears. It was a fight he always won.

After a good ten minutes Connor walked over to his mirror. Miraculously the mirror had survived unharmed all these years. Connor can swear that the longer he looked himself in the mirror, the more transparent he got. When feeling like fading away wasn’t all that bad, Connor’s mind saved him. He thought of a moment when he’d felt very much alive.

Connor thought about Jude. He made him happy. That, Connor could not deny.

Connor laid back down in his bed. He thought about what Jude did to him. The way it made his body feel. Connor bit his lip. He was getting hard, again. It had happened way too often lately. The smell of Jude, touching him, holding his wrists, whispering dirty words in his ear, touching his dick through the singlet. Connor smirked from the memory of when he made Jude taste his own precum. The way Jude had obeyed him, the way that Jude’s body had shivered every time Connor had showed dominance.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Connor was aware that he used sex as an outlet for something else. It was easier, to think about Jude sexually than to think about him in another way.

Connor started stroking his hard dick through his jeans. He looked over to his phone laying next to his bed. He looked back to his dick. Another glance towards his phone before his cock finally won the call of attention. It usually did.

Connor unzipped his jeans and started thinking about the treatment Jude had given him in the Jacuzzi. The way Jude had made him come so fucking hard that the thought of it alone had made Connor’s dick twitch all day long. Connor smirked thinking about all the things he wanted to do to Jude.

_Text from Connor_

[C] Hey Kara been thinking about what you said. Can I get Judes number?

 

 

\---

 

 

Heavy breathing only thing heard. Jude was panting. Jude gasped for air as he licked his own lips. Even though he was naked in bed he was sweating. Jude couldn’t help moaning as he pushed the black latex object inside him. He felt like he was covered in lube. His fingers, cock, balls and ass anyways. With both hands he pushed it all the way in, as far as it could reach. Jude whined as his hole clenched around it, it burned but in the best way. Jude moaned and laughed softly, it felt so good.

Slowly he started pulling out the butt plug, Jude closed his eyes and opened his mouth, he smiled and moaned as he felt himself being stretched out. Jude was in heaven.

He opened his eyes and looked down at his own cock. He always avoided touching it for as long as possible. It was the best kind of torture. He smiled looking at it, his cock was begging for release as it was pressed against his stomach. Precum had already started leaking. Once again Jude used both his hands as he guided the latex up inside himself again. His cock jerked when his ass opened up, swallowing the thickest part of the butt plug.

Jude was starting to lose control of his breathing, his moans and grunts coming out of his mouth at its own will. When the source of his pleasure was all the way inside him, Jude moved it around. He whined every time it brushed against his very sensitive prostate.

Jude closed his eyes and thought about Connor making good of his words from when he was holding his wrists. Jude fantasized about Connor throwing him down, Connor ripping his clothes off, Connor taking him without asking. Jude’s hands were trembling, he kept pounding the latex against his prostate as fast as he managed. Connor, pounding against him.

Jude couldn’t take it any longer. He kept fucking himself with the butt plug with one hand while the other one grabbed around his cock. It felt wet, being covered in both precum and lube. Jude felt the orgasm even closer than he thought, it took not more than two desperate strokes to get his body to practically lift from his bed. Jude closed his mouth as he whined loudly, feeling the blood buzzing inside as he light-headed started coming. During all of the orgasm Jude kept slowly pushing the butt plug in and out of himself. Jude’s body collapsed back down on his bed, still moaning and trembling.

Jude snickered, feeling jizz over his whole chest. Some had even hit his neck. Jude kept alternating between laughing slightly and sighing in content, his head was still swimming after several minutes.

When he finally reached for some paper to clean himself up with, he noticed that his phone was lit, indicating a new text message. Jude did take the time to remove the black latex from inside him before opening it up, probably a good call.

Reading the text, Jude’s heart started racing. It was the last thing he expected.

[C] Hey its Connor, is this Jude?

[J] Hey Connor! Yes it’s the one and only

[C] :) Ok Good. Got your number from Kara.

[J] Ok cool.

[C] Sorry for not saying goodbye at the party. Had to get D home.

Even if Connor wasn’t 100 % honest, he felt like he had to apologize. Jude smiled slightly. It had bothered him how sad it made him, it probably shouldn't feel like that big of a deal.

[J] Its ok I understand

[C] It was nice seeing you. :)

Jude bit his lip. Why the fuck did his dick just move?

[J] Yeah I’m glad you came

[J] To the party I mean

[J] ;)

Connor was smiling. Feeling very much alive again.

[C] I’m really glad I came. To the party ;)

Both of them kept smiling while looking at their phones and their open text conversation.

[J] Btw you owe me one, I cleaned the jizzcuzzi afterwards you know… :)

[C] lol. Shit, was it bad?

[J] =D Nah it was ok. Just cleaned the filter

Truthfully, it hadn’t been all that sexy cleaning Connor’s come from the filter. Jude had learned that hot water and semen did not mix that well.

[C] Ok good. Hope you don’t regret it… coming to the party I mean ;)

[J] Nope, best party ever :) Cant wait to the next one

Connor chuckled. His cheeks were starting to ache from smiling so wide for so long. He hesitated a moment before sending his next text.

[C] Might be a while. Do you want to, idk, hang out before that?

Connor bit his lip, feeling nervous about the response. Had he seen Jude’s face he hadn’t felt nervous.

[J] Id love 2 :)

Jude had typed in “I missed you” but deleted it, reminding himself that Connor didn’t feel like he did. This wasn’t about that.

[C] Perhaps see a movie or something?

Jude snickered. Connor was so smooth.

[J] I got Netflix ;)

[C] Perfect :D

Jude put his hand over his mouth as he laughed. He wondered if Connor would find it as funny as he did. Kara had told him about Connor’s fascination over nick names about his own dick.

[J] Speaking of Netflix. I saw RPDR today, made me think of you

[C] RPDR?

Jude sighed and shook his head.

[J] Wow, you need to hang out with me more. RuPauls Drag Race.

[C] I’d love that ;) lol ok. Why think of me?

Jude bit his lip. He knew this was terrible. He just hoped that Connor wouldn’t block and delete his number.

[J] They had a lot of feather boas. Made me think of a certain Boa Connorstrictor

No answer from Connor. Jude started to worry.

[J] Im sorry I know that was painfully bad, forgive me?

[C] LOL. I’m still laughing. The bad ones are the best! Seriously Jude, I loved it.

Jude smiled feeling relived and warm again. Somehow he already kind of knew that Connor would find it at least a bit funny.

[J] My moms are away tomorrow, Im home alone, if you want 2 we can hang out then?

[C] Moms? That sounds awesome.

[J] I got two foster moms, tell you later. Gr8, youre welcome :)

[C] Ok cool. I’ll be there, text me the address. What do you want to do?

[J] Besides Netflix? ;) I’ll do whatever you want me 2 do Connor

Jude blushed after sending the text. He felt warm over, hopefully Connor would play along.

Connor nearly moaned reading the text. He squeezed his cock that craved attention.

[C] Is that right? *devil smirk-emoji*

[J] Yes. Im sure you can think of something *smiling halo emoji*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Chapter 7: Oral Exam" will include what some might consider semi-sexual scenes


	7. Oral Exam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but this chapter also turned out longer than expected, ~14 200 words. 
> 
> So you know, read some, take a break, continue reading. Or just read some of it. May I suggest just the beginning? The rest if kinda crappy. You're not missing out on anything. You know what? Don't read this. At all. Wait until chapter 8 and read that chapter instead, I promise it will be much better than this one. 
> 
> Oh yeah, if you're sensitive I guess you can say that this chapter has some semi-sexual content.

Laying in his bed, Jude was a complete, pure, unmitigated, utter mess. When the text conversation with Connor ended with them saying goodnight to each other, realization struck Jude like a ton of bricks. Connor was coming over. Connor Stevens, coming over to Jude’s house. The two of them, alone for a whole evening. At least Jude hoped it was for a whole evening. Maybe it wouldn’t be. Maybe Connor would want to leave as soon as possible after noticing how boring, uninteresting and pathetic Jude was.

Yes, Connor would come to his senses. Connor would most likely understand that he’s got this _thing_ out of his system, the thing of having some kind of gay experience. They had all told him about how many girls Connor had conquered. Tina, Linda and Kara had been very clear on the topic. Connor was just playing around, messing with Jude. Yes, that’s most likely what’s happening.

_Ok Jude, keep it together. Focus._

Jude stopped himself. He thought it over. Connor had been the one that had texted him. Connor had been the one suggesting they should hang out. Connor had been flirting with him, that Jude could not deny. Jude had been flirting back, the underlining meaning being sexual. They had both hinted at it. Sex.

Jude shudders just from the idea of having sex with Connor. Big, strong and extremely attractive Connor Stevens, having sex with him, with Jude Adams-Foster. Jude would give anything for that to happen. Anything just to feel Connor’s hands roaming his body. Connor could do whatever he wanted to do with him, Jude would not hesitate. Pleasing Connor, Jude can’t think of anything he’d rather do.

Jude thought about when he saw Connor shirtless in the pool. His well-defined chest that Jude wanted to touch so badly. Sure Connor was big but you could still see his abs even though he was far from skinny having to maintain his weight for wrestling. That golden sun kissed skin of Connor’s. His beautiful golden-brown hair that Jude wanted to touch. Jude whined from thinking about Connor’s strong muscular legs, they turned Jude on more than anything. He fantasized about Connor pinning him down using those legs, giving Jude no chance but to submit. Ok, there was another thing of Connor’s that turned Jude on more and he hadn’t even seen it.

For a moment, Jude felt the urge to use his toys, he felt hot all over. Jude snickered at himself. How the fuck was he going to be able to even sit next to Connor when just thinking about him made him so horny that he couldn’t think about anything else.

Jude took a few deep breaths, he needed to calm down. He was jumping to conclusions. They would probably not be having sex. Perhaps just talk some. Jude was fine with that. Jude was more than fine with that. Reconnecting with Connor was, truthfully, even more important. Even if his dick and ass tried their very best to convince Jude to change his priorities.

Jude swallowed. He couldn’t come again, he’d already jerked off twice since he and Connor stopped texting. That was two hours ago.

He got up from his bed and headed to the bathroom. He needed to cool down. He got undressed and looked himself in the mirror. Not that he really needed to do this but he wanted to look his very best for Connor. He wanted to be perfect for Connor, if anything should happen. Not that it would, of course it wouldn’t. But, you know, just in case. Jude took his hair removal cream and razor and turned on the shower.

 

 

\---

 

 

Connor was standing in the shower. He looked down at his cock which he was stroking. He smiled seeing it hardening, again. The hot water felt good against his skin but thinking about Jude working his cock felt better. He took pride in his size. He imagined how Jude would look like having his cock in his mouth. Having those pink perfect lips close around it. Connor grunted thinking about Jude’s tongue, how it would feel licking and sucking his dick. Jude’s tongue a fascination of his. Jude had this thing where he bit his own tongue while smiling wide when he found something to be very funny. Connor liked that tongue very much.

Connor bit his own lip and swore. He was so fucking hard, his cock begged him to continue stroking it but Connor stopped. He didn’t want to come. Not yet. It took all the self-discipline he could muster to turn off and get out of the shower. He looked himself in the mirror and smiled. His cock was still hard.

When Connor could do some actual thinking, he thought about what Jude wanted. Would Jude want to do all the things that Connor wanted to do with him? Probably not. But… there was a chance, Jude had implied it. When Connor had pinned Jude to the wall Connor had noticed it. The way Jude whined and twisted in pleasure whenever Connor had been rough with him. Maybe he’d like it. Maybe Jude would even like it being done to him, when it’s not just talk.

If, and it’s a big if, things would get… heated with Jude, Connor was going to make sure Jude had the best experience of his life. Sex was the only thing Connor knew he was good at. He was even great at it. He had had a lot of practice.

An unfamiliar feeling got into Connor. Practice. For a moment it felt like it had all been just that before, practice. Now, with Jude, he wanted it to be something else.

Connor gulped, he never got the least nervous thinking about sex before. However, thinking about Jude in that way made Connor feel just that, nervous. Connor shrugged it off. It was just that he hadn’t had sex with a guy before. Yeah, that’s probably it.

Those thoughts were about to enter Connor again. Those dangerous thoughts. Jude… sweet sweet Jude. Connor pushed it aside, refusing to let his mind go down that road. It wouldn’t lead to anything good. Connor knew he was good enough for Jude for one thing and one thing only.

The last thing on Connor’s mind before drifting off to sleep was of course how tomorrow would turn out. Connor didn’t even have the energy to push aside the fact that he already knew it would be the best day of his life because he would get to spend time with Jude.

 

 

\---

 

 

“Umm… are you ok?” Kara asked him. Apparently he’d got lost in his own thoughts again. The correct answer to Kara’s question would be that no, Jude was not ok. He’d barely got any sleep. All he could think about was Connor. Jude was nervous. Jude was excited. Jude was happy and Jude was scared. He was scared to fuck things up, that he for instance would be too nervous to even talk to Connor. Not an unlikely scenario. He would not forgive himself if he would ruin the chance given to him, the chance to reconnect to what was once lost to him.

So naturally, Jude’s answer was, “Yes. Yeah, I’m fine.” He forced a smile, hoping Kara would settle with that. She looked at him suspiciously for a moment before saying, “You sure? You seem… distant.”

“Sorry, just tired. Had trouble sleeping,” Jude said, not even lying.

The two of them continued eating their lunch. Jude felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He picked it up and read the message.

[C] I’m starving. Late lunch today :( How are you?

Jude repressed his instinct of smiling wide. He glanced at Kara before answering.

[J] That sucks :( Im good, eating now. You still want 2 come over tonight?

Connor’s response almost immediate, Jude figured Connor’s current class wasn’t all that interesting.

[C] Of course! If I’m still welcomed :)

Jude smiled, this time not able to refrain from not to.

“See you later Jude, I got class,” Kara said and got up from the table.

“Yeah ok, see you later,” Jude said while typing in a reply. Kara rolled her eyes seeing Jude lost in conversation.

“Say hey to him from me,” Kara said teasingly.

Jude looked up. “What?”

Kara grinned. ”Nothing. See ya,” Kara said before kissing Jude on his cheek. Jude smiled and returned to his text.

[J] You are :) When do u want 2 come over? Moms leave after dinner

[C] Perfect. Is 7 good with you?

[J] Yes, I’ll be ready for u then :)

[C] You better be ;)

Jude bit his lip and smiled. He looked around the cafeteria, making sure he was alone.

[J] Something tells me u wont care if Im ready or not ;)

Connor chuckled slightly into his hand. He could feel a stir in his pants.

[C] Oh I would never dream of forcing you to do anything… *devil smirk-emoji*

Jude blushed but he couldn’t help sending back a teasing text.

[J] What a shame ;)

Connor had to put down his phone for a second. He smirked, his briefs felt even tighter.

[C] ;) Do you want me to bring anything?

[J] Just yourself :)

[C] I might bring a snack ;)

[J] Oh, is it something I will like?

[C] It will make your mouth water ;)

Jude snickered and blushed. His mouth was dry and he crossed his legs, trying to hide the erection Connor had managed to cause.

[J] Cant wait 2 taste it *smiling halo-emoji*

[C] =) Really looking forward to tonight. Have to stop texting, prof whines. Ttyl Jude :)

[J] Me 2. Ttyl Connor :)

 

 

\---

 

 

Jude managed to get through the rest of the school day, don’t ask him how because he has no idea. He doesn’t even know how he got home. Back at home Jude kept going over anything. He’d cleaned his room, even the bathroom next to his room, it had to be perfect for when Connor was coming over. He’d checked his hair in the mirror at least ten times. Okay, fair assessment something like 50-60 times by now.

He’d made it through dinner, his foster mothers had complained over him barely touching his food. The time was 6.30 and his mothers were downstairs, getting ready to leave, when his phone buzzed.

[C] I’ve just finished working out. I’ll just take a shower and then I’m coming over, ok?

Jude swallowed. Of course Connor had been working out at the gym before. The asshole. That would mean his muscles would be even harder than usually. Jude was in serious trouble, and that was even before he sent his text.

[J] Umm… u dont have 2 shower before… *innocent smile-emoji*

[C] You sure? I’m all sweaty.

[J] Im sure. Plz dont shower *innocent smile-emoji*

Jude was already feeling warm, he had no idea where he got the courage from to tell Connor not to shower. He just hoped that Connor wouldn’t find it weird, but Jude couldn’t let the opportunity slip.

[C] Ok I won’t *devil smirk-emoji* I’ll be over soon.

[C] *Picture message*

Jude’s lips parted as he opened the picture message from Connor. It was a selfie of Connor standing in the gym locker room. He had a towel wrapped around his waist but it hanged so low that Jude could see some of his pubes sticking out, probably totally unintentional of Connor. Connor’s hair was all sweaty and his chest glistered, proving he’d been working out hard. Jude had trouble breathing, he had to stop staring at the picture.

“Ok bubba we’re going now, see you tomorrow, love you!” Lena, one of Jude’s foster mothers, shouted from downstairs.

“See you, love you!” Jude shouted back. He heard the door close and as their car backed down the driveway, all Jude could do was wait.

 

 

\---

 

 

The doorbell rang. Jude had to take a moment, he concentrated on getting his heartbeat under control. It was happening. Connor was here. _Shit_. He tried to tell himself this was no big deal, they had seen each other before, they had talked… isch.

The doorbell sounded again and Jude took a breath. He headed to the outer door and opened it.

“Hey,” Connor said with a smile on his face. Connor was wearing his brown leather jacket and jeans. His hair was messy in the sexiest way possible, Jude was probably staring. Jude smiled awkwardly.

“Hey, welcome, come in.”

“Thanks,” Connor said and stepped into the house. Connor took the time the check Jude out when Jude closed the door. Jude was wearing dark blue skinny jeans and a tight fitting black t-shirt. He looked amazing if you asked Connor, showing off Jude’s thin but firm body. His face flawless as it always was and his chocolate brown hair done without a single straw being out of place.

“Can I-I take your jacket?” Jude said. He had no idea what he was doing.

Even though a bit nervous himself, Connor noticed Jude being more so. Connor couldn’t help finding it adorable, the way Jude had troubles even looking him in his eyes.

“Sure, thanks,” Connor said and took off his jacket. He bit his lip seeing Jude staring at him. Underneath his jacket Connor wore a white tank top, it had the effect Connor had wished for. Jude swallowed hard seeing Connor handing over his jacket to him. Jude couldn’t stop staring at those huge arms, Connor’s biceps tensed from the workout.

For a moment Jude considered dropping to his knees there and then. Be over with it. Have Connor laugh at him seeing the mess he’s turning Jude into. Jude blushed, seeing that Connor caught him checking Connor’s arms out. He turned around and hung up Connor’s jacket, not before very discreetly smell the inside of the collar.

“Hey, you look good,” Connor said and gave Jude a smile. Connor figured it might calm Jude down a bit.

Jude looked away and smiled like an idiot, he was undoubtedly blushing as well.

“Thanks… You… you too,” Jude said still smiling. _Idiot, get it together_.

“Thanks. So… nice house,” Connor said while looking around.

“Yeah I like it too. Much nicer than the one we lived in in California. C-come… I’ll give you the tour,” Jude said, just like he’d planned on doing.

Connor didn’t say much as Jude showed him downstairs, what Jude didn’t see was that Connor took every opportunity he could to check Jude out, especially his ass. Connor had to bit his lip, an ass shouldn’t be allowed to look like that, it wasn’t fair.

“Yeah that’s about it down here… We can go upstairs and I can show you my… my room,” Jude said.

“Yeah great, let’s go,” Connor replied. The both of them painfully aware of that they still avoided doing some actual talking. It was like there was an underlying understanding between them, don’t bring up the past, not yet anyways.

Going up the stairs behind Jude, Connor couldn’t help inhaling deeply through his nose. He could get a slight sense of Jude’s sweet scent. He’d felt it before, when he laid on top of Jude during their first wrestling practice and also when he pinned Jude to the wall. It had been intoxicating and Connor wanted more.

The boys walked in awkward silence towards Jude’s room. It had been so much easier conversing over text, over text Jude was funny and brave. Right now, Jude was happy just to be able to breath and walk without falling over.

Connor repressed smiling. He liked this. He liked it a lot, Jude being so nervous around him, not knowing what to say or do.

Jude cleared his throat, “So… this is my room.” Connor looked around. Jude’s room was cozy and neat. Jude had a quite small bed which was made. He had a desk with a laptop on it, some wardrobes and also a small grey-isch couch in front of a flat screen TV.

“Nice. I like it,” Connor said as he walked around. In the corner of the room, something caught Connor’s attention.

“Yeah, that’s my retro record player,” Jude said while scratching his neck. He thought Connor most likely would find it stupid.

“Wow, cool. Vinyl,” Connor said and opened up the recorder. He chuckled seeing the LP Jude most recently had played.

“Shut up. She’s awesome,” Jude said seeing Connor’s wide smile.

Connor closed the recorder, he snickered.

“What’s so funny?” Jude said smiling, Connor looked pleased and that was reason enough for Jude to smile. Connor looked up at Jude, Jude was able to keep his eyes on Connor’s for about a second before he looked away.

“Oh nothing, I just remember you singing at the party,” Connor said.

Jude wrinkled his forehead, he looked worried. “Oh no, did I sing Adele?”

“Yupp. You sure did. Well, you tried to,” Connor said teasingly.

“Fuck I don’t know why I always do that. I sincerely apologize for putting you through that,” Jude said causing Connor to chuckle once again.

Connor kept going around Jude’s room, looking. For the 187th time, Jude found himself staring at Connor. His bare arms, the way his triceps looked when he flipped through Jude’s records. The way his muscles looked underneath the white tank top. Jude did his very best not to look Connor below the waist, that could have dire consequences.

Jude noticed that Connor looked at the table in front of the couch. Jude laughed nervously.

“I’m… I’m sorry, I know it might look like a lot but I didn’t know what you liked so I just…”

“Bought the whole store?” Connor said breaking out another smile at Jude, like he needed to to make Jude melt. The table was filled with glass bowls with snacks. Chips, popcorn, chocolate, marshmallows, cookies, crackers, you name it. Jude had even baked two different kinds of cake.

”I… I see now that I might have gone a bit overboard,” Jude said while scratching his side.

“Hey, don’t worry about it, I love it,” Connor said seeing Jude getting uncomfortable. Connor continued, “Now we can watch Netflix the whole night without having to re-stock.”

Jude looked up at Connor. For the first time he could look into Connor’s beautiful hazel eyes for more than a second. Both of them cracked a smile. Truth be told Connor had troubles not smiling the whole time. He didn’t even know why he felt so happy, it made no sense. Well, maybe it did but Connor was not getting into that discussion with himself right now.

Connor found Jude gorgeous where he was standing, still a bit shy, just a few meters away from him. Jude’s usually pale cheeks were slightly red, but what most of all caught Connor’s attention were how beautiful Jude’s deep brown doe eyes looked. Sure he’d seen it before but right in this moment, they were even more so. Connor was grateful for Jude finally looking away, breaking the distraction.

“So…,” Jude started but trailed off for a moment before he found the words again, “You want to… I don’t know, sit down?” Jude motioned towards his small couch. Connor nodded and took a seat in the comfy couch.

Jude gulped before taking his seat sitting on Connor’s right side, making sure to leave some distance between them. Jude started the TV.

“What kind of movie do you want to see?” Jude asked.

“Umm… what? Oh, yeah. Umm… I don’t know. Something good,” Connor replied.

Jude smirked. ”Ok, that really narrows it down, thanks.”

Connor leaned back in the couch as Jude started browsing through possible movies to watch.

“Wait, go back,” Connor said sounding excited. Jude did as Connor asked.

“Oh my god they’ve got Big Trouble in Little China, have you seen it?”

Jude looked over at Connor with raised eyebrows. “Umm… yes? Queen Cattrall is in it, of course I’ve seen it.” Connor chuckled and put his right arm on the headrest, exposing his armpit. Jude’s eyes instantly flickered to it, making him almost swear out loud. After getting a glimpse at Connor’s armpit, Jude noticed the hair being trimmed, he looked back at the TV experiencing the temperature considerably higher all of the sudden.

Connor snickered. “I bet you don’t mind looking at Kurt Russel either.”

“It helps,” Jude said causing Connor to laugh slightly.

“I haven’t seen it in ages, you game?” Connor asked.

“I’m definitely game,” Jude said and started the movie. When the opening credits rolled Jude got up. “Just turning off the lights.”

“Cozy,” Connor said and wiggled his eyebrows jokingly.

Jude took his seat while Connor was helping himself with some snacks. “You’re not having any?” Connor said as he turned towards Jude. Jude leaned forward and took one popcorn and put it in his mouth. Connor snickered and said, “Wow, so that’s why you got zero body fat, self-discipline perfection.”

“Shut up,” Jude said and blushed leaning back again.

Jude tried to watch the movie, he really did. Problem was that Connor was practically laying down in the couch, on his right leg, the one next to Jude, Connor rested his arm. Jude gulped while glancing at Connor’s arm, the arm veins and big strong hand making Jude feel lightheaded.

 

 

\---

 

 

About fifteen minutes into the movie, Connor thought it was about time to do something. Talking not really on option, his mind went to familiar ground, something he was more comfortable with. Figuring Jude still being too nervous, Connor felt he should make the first attempt at breaking the ice. Up until now they’d only made some comments or laughed slightly at the lame 80’s jokes coming from of the TV.

Connor moved his hand from where it rested on his knee and started slowly moving it towards his own crotch. He could see Jude’s eyes following his movements in the corner of his eye. Connor smirked as he started slowly stroking his, so far, neglected bulge through his jeans. Connor bit his lip seeing that Jude’s lips parted as he let out a barely audible gasp the moment Connor started touching himself.

Jude’s mouth dried up, he wasn’t even sure he was breathing. He did his best to try and look at Connor touching himself without Connor noticing. Connor’s hand was slowly going over his own bulge. After a minute, Connor opened the palm of his hand and clearly grabbed around his cock as he continued stroking it.

It didn’t take long for Connor to get hard. Sitting next to Jude was kind of the only turn on he needed. Connor let out a low moan, just loud enough for Jude to hear him. Connor stopped touching his own dick through the jeans and let his arm once again lay against the headrest. Again, Connor smirked seeing Jude not being able to look away from his bulge. Connor’s size making it hard for Jude to miss. Seeing that Jude couldn’t look away from his hard cock made Connor smile. He was getting Jude exactly where he wanted him.

Connor raised his hips but an inch, the reaction from Jude being that the boy started sucking on his lower lip unknowingly. Finding it beyond hot, Connor’s dick twitched from the sight. Connor had to fight the urge to grab a hold of Jude’s hair with his hand that was laying not far from Jude’s head. His hard cock was begging Connor to just grab a hold of Jude’s head and push it down towards his hardness. But no, Connor had to be patient. He wanted to drag this out for as long as possible.

Jude continued staring. Being so close to it, the source of practically all of Jude’s fantasies, made Jude shiver with want. He could see the outlines clearly, even through Connor’s underwear, Jude presumed, and through his jeans. Jude’s mouth still a bit open, taking heavy breaths. For a second Jude glanced at Connor, panic struck Jude as it looked like Connor was looking at him.

Jude forced himself to look forwards again, taking a loud much needed breath while doing so. Jude’s eyes were on the screen but he wasn’t looking at it, not really.

After a minute of intense breathing and being unable to form a single thought, Jude’s phone buzzed. It took a moment for him to realize it. When he finally picked it up he read the text message.

[C] You ok? ;)

Jude didn’t dare to look at Connor. He was sitting right next to him, but Jude could simply not look at him. Thinking it over for a second, Jude texted back. He smiled for himself before sending it.

[J] Yeah, having a hard time concentrating on the movie though…

Jude could hear Connor snickering slightly reading his text.

[C] I know what you’re talking about ;)

Feeling more confident communicating this way, Jude smiled again and sent another text.

[J] I think I should call animal planet…

[C] Huh? Why? :)

[J] They think the Mighty Conndor is extinct in the wild but I swear I just saw one ;D

Jude closed his eyes when he heard Connor’s phone receiving the text. It took a moment for Connor to react but when Connor started laughing out loud it was the best sound Jude had ever heard. He started laughing as well.

Jude turned towards Connor. “How terrible was that?”

Connor smiled wide, still chuckling some, and said, “Very. Loved it.”

The two boys both snickered and looked at each other. Jude feeling comfortable for the first time this evening. Jude stopped laughing and gulped as Connor’s hand started caressing Jude’s hair. Jude looked down for a second, feeling Connor’s eyes on him. The feeling of being lightheaded returned to Jude as Connor’s hand was touching the strands of his hair. It took a minute for Jude to look back up at Connor.

Their phones along with everything else, long forgotten as they kept looking at each other. Connor’s fingers were still playing with Jude’s hair when Connor rested his other hand on his bulge. His thumb started caressing it.

Connor looked deep into Jude’s eyes before glancing down at his cock, making sure Jude noticed. Connor said, “You want this?”

Jude made some pathetic noise at the back of his throat.

“You want it?” Connor repeated, his eyes dilated and filled with lust. Jude couldn’t speak so he nodded instead. Connor smirked and bit his lower lip seeing Jude nearly shaking in his seat. Connor savored the moment, just looking at Jude filled with desire.

“Say it,” Connor said in a firm voice.

“I-I wa-want it.” Jude was stammering.

Connor grabbed a hold of his dick through the fabric.

“You sure Jude?” Connor had to make sure.

Jude didn’t hesitate, “Yes Connor, I’m sure. I wa-want it.”

Connor leered at him. ”Good.”

Jude’s eyes drawn back to Connor’ left hand, the one that wasn’t still touching his hair ever so slightly. The moment Connor unbuttoned his jeans button, Jude was transfixed. Connor never stopped looking at Jude’s face, the way he made the boy sitting next to him almost unable to breathe the hottest thing Connor had ever seen.

Connor put on a show. He let Jude look down at his crotch for a moment while stroking Jude’s hair. Jude was staring, mouth open. In the background sounds were coming from the movie but it mattered not.

Ever so slowly, Connor started unzipping his jeans. Jude had to close his mouth as he tried to wet it, deep breath when his lips parted again.

It wasn’t until Connor’s zipper was all the way down that Jude was able to see any of Connor’s skin, the jeans still concealing it up until then. Okay, Connor’s underwear must be quite low because Jude could see more and more of Connor’s lower abdominals without… Jude swallowed hard. Connor was obviously not wearing underwear as Jude saw some trimmed darker hair sticking out of Connor’s jeans.

Connor smirked seeing the moment Jude caught up, he said, “Oops. Must have forgotten…”

Jude barely heard him, all he could do was watch as Connor kept opening up his jeans further and further apart, showing more of his lower abs and pubes. He didn’t even notice that he himself was hard in his skinny jeans, being completely unable to form a single thought. Connor, the boy he’d fantasized about ever since being able to get an erection, was sitting next to him with his pants starting to come off. Unreal, not even close to describe the situation for Jude.

Taking it even further, Connor took his hand and reached into his jeans and grabbed his hard dick. He began stroking it inside his jeans, not that he needed to get any harder but because he loved the way it made Jude react. Connor wanted to touch more of Jude than just his hair but he refrained, sticking with just gently brushing it. Looking at Jude while stroking his dick felt fucking amazing. Unknowingly he’d started moaning and biting his lip.

“P-p-please…” Jude stammered out in a low, begging tone.

Connor had to focus to regain the authority in his voice needed. He had to swallow before saying, “Please what?”

“Please… can you… can I…” Jude whispering, voice still low and already hoarse.

Connor kept massaging his shaft in front of Jude. “What do you want Jude?”

“Can I… can I see it?” Jude said before his eyes went to Connor’s, he pleaded, “Please?”

Connor felt his dick pulsating in his hand from Jude’s request. Jude was begging him to show it. Jude big brown doe eyes, begging him. He’d gotten him where he wanted. It had been harder than expected for Connor, staying in control, holding back in order to drive Jude crazy.

After looking into Jude’s pleading eyes for a few moments, Connor smiled and gave Jude a single nod. Jude smiled and even let out a small laugh mixed with a sigh of relief. Jude wasn’t sure how much longer he could wait. He needed this. His body needed this more than it had needed anything else before.

Connor took his right hand from Jude’s hair and his hand from his dick. He sat up in the couch and removed his tank top before leaning back again. Jude whined, he literally whined seeing Connor’s upper body again. The sun-kissed skin in the dimly lit room almost too much for Jude to handle. His eyes flickered towards Connor’s pecs, his perfectly formed nipples crowned the sexiest chest Jude had ever seen. No contest.

Connor put his hands on the waistband of his jeans and started pulling them down. Jude’s eyes glued to the area where his prize was about to be revealed to him. Connor stopped pulling down his jeans just for a moment, teasing Jude once more. He wanted to tease him longer but in all honesty, Connor was too turned on to be in complete control. Connor lifted his ass a few inches, leaned forward and pulled down his jeans down to his ankles.

Connor leaned back and put one arm on the headrest and the other on his leg.

One look. One look at Connor completely naked sitting next to him was all that Jude could take.

“For fucks sake,” Jude whined and looked away, his jaw was trembling. Connor’s hard cock was standing right up. Jude closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. Connor chortled somewhat seeing Jude’s reaction. Jude looked back, his lips parted again and his eyes went wide from staring at Connor’s perfect cock. Teenage pride filled Connor as he saw Jude appreciating his dick. Connor made his dick twitch for Jude, he smiled seeing Jude’s face react to it.

Jude could only watch as Connor pulled back his foreskin exposing his thick head. A drop of precum made its way down Connor’s length. Connor removed his hand, letting Jude take it all in, so to speak. If Jude had been transfixed by looking at Connor touching himself through the jeans, it was nothing compared to how he felt now.

Jude was sure. Connor’s hard cock was the best thing he’d ever seen. Almost completely straight as it stood right up, the broad long shaft that was a slighter darker color than his thick pinker head. Sure, Jude had known from touching it that Connor was huge, but it was another thing seeing it in the flesh. Completely lost, it was a miracle that Jude heard Connor speak.

“Look at how hard you make me Jude.”

Jude continued staring, breathless, as Connor took another grip of his dick, slowly going up and down, pressing another drop of precum from his slit. As it was running down Connor’s shaft, Jude instinctively wet his lips.

“You make me so fucking hard Jude, just thinking of you makes me hard,” Connor said as his right hand made its way to the back of Jude’s head, touching his hair again. Connor’s voice thick and hoarse, greedy. Connor had to clear his throat before he continued speaking.

“You wanna taste it don’t you?” Connor’s left hand going up and down his shaft, every time his hand made its way to the head of his dick made more precum appear. Jude whimpered and nodded while looking at Connor slowly jerking off his big thick dick in front of him.

Jude couldn’t take it any longer. Truthfully he has no idea how he’d made it this far. Planning on taking as much as Connor’s cock in his mouth he opened his mouth and threw himself towards Connor’s crouch.

Unfortunately, Connor was ready for him. Jude groaned some from the pain of having Connor’s right hand grab a hold of his hair when Jude had made it half-way to Connor’s cock that he couldn’t resist anymore.

Connor chuckled from the sight of Jude trying to lean over him to reach his hardness. With a firm grip of Jude’s scalp Connor said, “Fuck Jude, you really want it badly.”

Jude still had his mouth half-open. If only he’d been a little faster, maybe Connor wouldn’t have had the time to stop him. Then Jude would have Connor’s cock in his mouth now and Jude needed it, he needed it badly.

“Ye-yes Connor, please Connor, please,” Jude said between pants. Jude’s hungry eyes and begging tone made Connor shudder to his core. He had to try and get a hold of himself, part of this was not letting Jude see that Connor was as turned on as Jude was.

Yes, Jude was losing hic fucking mind. Yes, Jude was a trembling horny mess because of Connor. But, even at 10 % brain capacity, Jude was not an idiot. He noticed in Connor’s voice how much Connor liked this. How he liked being in charge, making Jude beg and plead for it. Jude gladly obliged though, it wasn’t like he needed to act, he fucking needed Connor’s cock more than oxygen.

“Ok, I’ll give it to you if… if you’re good,” Connor said and guided Jude’s head down towards his crotch while still using his left hand to please himself.

Jude shifted in the couch so he was half-laying down on his side, a more comfortable position as his head was getting pushed closer to where he needed to be.

“Don’t try… don’t try to get lose. Keep your mouth closed. If you lick or suck on it before I tell you I won’t let you have it, ok?”

Jude nodded, not the answer Connor wanted.

“Say it,” Connor said sturdily.

“O-ok. I won’t.”

Connor laid down Jude’s head in his lap, letting it rest on his thigh with Jude’s face turned towards Connor. Jude’s eyes and face but a few inches from Connor’s crotch. Connor spread his legs, giving Jude a clear visual to his balls. Connor guided Jude’s head closer and closer. He stopped when Jude’s head was laying high up on his thigh. Jude looked up, Connor’s dick partly clouding Connor’s face. Connor pushed him a bit closer, Jude could feel the warmth coming from Connor, his sack not an inch from Jude’s panting mouth. Connor moved Jude’s head even closer, making Jude’s nose almost touch his balls.

Jude looked up at Connor, desperately asking for permission. Hoping it was what Connor wanted. Connor’s eyes dilated, lips parted. If Connor’s hard cock wasn’t proof enough of him being turned on, his eyes gave it away. Connor nodded at Jude giving him permission. Jude probably smiled, that’s how happy he felt inside. Jude closed his eyes, pressed his nose towards Connor’s balls and inhaled the intoxicating smell. Pathetic as he found himself, Jude shivered where he was laying in Connor’s lap. He kept inhaling through his nose as often and deeply as he could.

Connor smelled amazing, masculine, musky and sweaty. Everything Jude wanted and craved. Of course Connor would even have to have the perfect smell to Jude, like he wasn’t royally screwed already.

Connor had to bite his lower lip seeing Jude getting more and more turned on just by getting to smell him, just by having his nose pressed against his balls. Connor took another grip of Jude’s hair and pulled him towards the base of his dick.

Connor paused his movements for a moment, he couldn’t help himself from pressing Jude’s face against his shaft, making both him and Jude moan deep in their throats.

Connor’s warm hard dick felt so good against Jude’s face where it was pressed underneath his nose. If Jude opened his mouth he could finally taste it with his tongue. It took a lot of effort refraining from doing so, knowing he wasn’t allowed.

As he had done with his balls, Jude pressed his nose towards the warm but surprisingly soft skin, even though Connor was hard as granite, the skin of his cock felt soft and delicate. The familiar feeling of being lightheaded returned to Jude. The amazing smell from before once again filling all his senses, perhaps a little less intense than from his balls but Jude still needed to try and calm down.

Jude felt dizzy but he couldn’t stop smelling Connor. Connor guided Jude’s face up along the shaft of his cock. When Jude felt precum getting smeared on his face he had to close his eyes and shut his lips tightly, fighting the urge to taste Connor. Connor had more and more troubles holding a steady hand as he pulled Jude face up along his dick. He wouldn’t be able to deny his dick friction from Jude much longer. Yes, Jude looked like a total mess but Connor wasn’t far behind.

When Connor felt Jude’s face being pressed against his entire length he gently nudged Jude back so that his face wasn’t pressed against him any longer. Both missed the contact more than they would miss a functioning brain. Jude still had his eyes closed and his face and mouth a few inches from the tip of Connor’s cock when Connor released the grip he had of Jude’s hair and also the grip he had of his own dick.

Connor leaned back completely and let one of his hands rest at the back of his head while the other one rested on the couch. He looked down at Jude and said, “Open your eyes.”

Jude did as he was told. Jude took deep breaths, seeing Connor’s cock with leaking precum just in front of him, pulsating, twitching every other second. Connor’s hands not anywhere near him. He had full access to the source of his heart’s deepest desire. Ok maybe not the heart but most of Jude’s organs and body parts anyway. Perhaps even the heart. Right now it definitely felt like the heart was included. Yeah fuck it, even the heart.

Once again, Connor wanted to drag it out, making Jude whimper and maybe even beg for it. But, Connor couldn’t. Even in the state he was in, Connor’s heart skipped a beat seeing Jude’s beautiful face looking back at him. All it took was a glance at Jude’s plump soft lips to make Connor say,

“It’s… it’s all yours Jude.”

Not a second later, Connor moaned loudly at the sensation of having Jude’s hands on his shaft and Jude’s mouth and lips and tongue against the head. Jude had not wasted any time at all, he parted his lips and took Connor’s head in his mouth and started licking at it while having it inside his mouth. Jude made low, growl-like sounds tasting Connor, eagerly letting his tongue whirl around the edge of the tip. Finally, he got to taste it. Hearing Connor’s broken sounds, Jude continued working the same spot with his tongue, letting it slide over the slit over and over again.

Jude sucked so good that Connor’s head was thrown backwards, neck against the headrest and his mouth was giving out encouraging sounds.

“Fu-fuck Jude, fuck, so-so-so fuck-fucking good,” Connor kept making theses sounds and it drove Jude wild. Jude parted his lips as wide as he could and took Connor’s whole head and part of the shaft inside, closing his lips around it. Jude moaned around it, it was so warm, it tastes so good, even better than Jude had ever imagined. The salty taste, Jude wanted, no Jude needed it.

Jude steadied himself on the couch with one hand and his other, right hand, jerks Connor’s shaft from the base and up to where his mouth was sucking on Connor’s head.

Connor’s thick dick barely fitted in Jude’s hand, once again Jude felt the warmth. Connor forced his eyes open, he wanted to see. He wanted to see Jude working his dick, sucking his dick.

Jude’s head started bobbing up and down, making wet popping sounds every now and then. Jude’s cheeks were stretched and saliva ran down Connor’s shaft and over Jude’s knuckles belonging to the hand jerking off the part of Connor’s cock that Jude couldn’t fit. Jude sucked eagerly, he whined and moaned from being so turned on by the taste and feeling, he had little control over what he was doing. He needed to taste more and more of Connor’s cock, he needed to hear more of Connor panting irregularly, he needed to hear Connor losing his fucking mind because of how Jude’s mouth felt around it.

Connor kept repeating Jude’s name so often that Jude was tempted to ask him _What?_ but Jude had no way of stopping himself from sucking on Connor’s hard cock. The taste of Connor’s salty precum has been sucked away from Jude’s eager and hungry tongue. Jude wanted more, needed more. Without considering Connor’s length and girth Jude inhaled through his nose and tried to deep throat Connor.

Being unprepared, Connor gasped as Jude’s warm mouth swallowed as much as it could of Connor. Jude gagged after getting to perhaps two thirds of the shaft, forcing him to withdraw.

The feeling of having so much of his cock in Jude’s mouth made Connor scream out, “Fuck, Jude!”

Jude didn’t stop, not for a second. The moment he caught his breath Jude opened his mouth again and started sucking on the head relentlessly, making good use of his tongue. Connor was losing his fucking mind as Jude’s hand was jerking him off at a faster pace. Connor’s hand found its way to the back of Jude’s head again, feeling it go up and down as Jude was blowing him.

“Yeah, fuck, take it, take it Jude,” Connor said in between heavy breaths. Connor had never felt or seen anything like it, the way Jude’s lips and tongue kept giving him pleasure without him ever slowing down. It was like Jude couldn’t help himself, like he had no way of not doing exactly what he was doing.

Jude had Connor’s cock inside his mouth the whole time as he moved his body from the couch so that he was sitting on his knees on the carpet in between Connor’s legs. Jude pushed his tongue to the sensitive area where the head and the shaft meets on the bottom side of Connor’s cock.

Connor moaned deeply and had trouble not lifting from the couch as Jude’s tongue made him see stars, going over the delicate part of Connor’s cock over and over again. Connor felt precum gushing out of his cock and into Jude’s mouth before he instantly swallowed it down.

“Fuuuck you’re good at this,” Connor said when Jude’s mouth gave Connor a temporary break. Jude was breathing heavily when he smiled at Connor hearing his words of praise. Jude could see drops of sweat going down Connor’s upper body. Feeling proud, his eyes returned to Connor’s perfect dick. Jude was about to take him down his throat again if Connor hadn’t put both his hands on Jude’s head before that.

“Take my cock Jude, need your mouth baby,” Connor said and pushed Jude’s head towards his aching hardness. Jude gladly parted his lips and let Connor push Jude down until he once again felt Connor’s cock in his throat. Jude moaned, the taste was still amazing, he’d missed it by not having it in his mouth for a few moments.

Connor started fucking Jude’s mouth, raising his hips while pushing down Jude. Wet sounds coming from Connor fucking the saliva out of Jude’s mouth, impossible for him to hold it in his mouth as Connor’s cock hollowed his cheeks.

Jude gagged as Connor’s dick pushed against the back of his throat, Connor smirked every time, loving the sounds he made, loving the feeling of Jude’s mouth around him.

“Fuck… yeah… take it Jude, take my cock Jude.” Connor kept thrusting into Jude’s mouth, Jude tried to keep up, tried to use his tongue but it was hard with Connor’s cock filling him up. Jude concentrated on keeping his lips as tight as possible around Connor’s cock, sucking at it as hard as he could.

He tried to take Connor as deep as possible without gagging on it as it made Connor thrust a little less rough the next time and Jude wanted it as far down his throat as possible as he could hear on Connor’s moans that’s what Connor liked, that’s what he wanted.

Connor lost control for a second, fighting it so far, Jude sucked him so good, he was so good for Connor but Connor was greedy. Connor used both hands and fucked deeper into Jude’s throat than he’d done before and he held Jude down for a few seconds while Jude choked and gagged on him. Connor moved the head against the back of Jude’s throat and the intensity of the pleasure made his head spin. Jude’s lips were stretched as far as possible around him. Connor fucked into Jude’s throat a few more times, moaning loudly each time, “Take it, take my fucking cock Jude.”

Jude kept gagging, Connor didn’t notice the way Jude’s body started to tremble before Connor let go of him, having no idea what just happened.

“Fuck your mouth feels so fucking good,” Connor panted while Jude was catching his breath. After a moment, Jude looked up through those beautiful eyelashes and yes… Jude smiled at him. His lips were wet and darkened, probably with a mix saliva and precum. Jude’s cheeks were red from the rough treatment and he still gasped for air, but Jude was smiling at him, eyes filled with lust. In this moment, Connor was certain that Jude’s the most gorgeous human being ever created and he was right in front of him, on his knees, giving Connor the best blowjob of his life.

Connor shook his head in disbelief, mouth open, “You’re amazing,” he said like he couldn’t believe what’s happening.

Jude blushed. The adorable fucker blushed after Connor had fucked his throat until he gagged, all it took was for Connor to tell him how good he was, how good he made him feel.

Jude tried to speak but choked up, a familiar feeling by now. Jude cleared his throat, he needed to tell Connor and he needed to tell him now. Jude tried to speak again but it came out more as a whisper, voice hoarse and unsteady from the rough handling.

“Yo-your cock is unreal,” Jude the romantic sap said and paused to take a few breaths. “It’s unreal,” he filled in. Connor smiled hearing Jude’s words, not that he’d not seen or heard how eager Jude was to taste and suck on his dick when Jude moaned like he was in heaven.

Jude put his small hands around Connor’s shaft, one of them working the base and the other one the skin underneath the head. Jude started licking Connor’s tip like he was licking a damn lollipop or something. Jude concentrated on licking up the newly produced stream of precum that gushed out of Connor’s cock. Jude traced the trail to the slit and started sucking on it, swirling his tongue around in circles until Connor’s head once again flipped backwards as his hips elevated from the couch.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.” The only thing Connor managed to say as Jude jerked Connor off while sucking and licking on the exposed head. Jude swallowed around Connor’s entire head, the feeling of it being engulfed in Jude’s wet heat made Connor swear uncontrollable. Jude’s head starts bobbing up and down his cock and Connor was losing it.

Connor made deep sounds while Jude’s mouth continued to make Connor lose his mind. His body was shaking as his cock was being sucked and jerked by an eager Jude. Wet popping smacking sounds filling the room as Jude gave it his all. Pleasing Connor all he wanted. He wanted to hear him moan, wanted to hear his name on Connor’s lips, wanted to make him feel good, wanted him to come, Jude wanted him to come so badly

Connor could feel his body starting to tell him what was about to come, the known electricity building up. Jude was about to make him come and Connor needed for him to stop. He was not finished with Jude yet, he wanted more and he knew Jude can take it.

“Fuck… Jude, wait… Fuck, baby,” Connor pulls slightly at Jude’s hair, pulling him off his cock soaked in Jude’s saliva. Jude whimpered when he couldn’t taste Connor’s cock anymore and the sounds made Connor’s member stir. Connor wanted nothing more than to ram his cock down Jude’s throat again but he managed to resist. It could’ve been the most difficult thing Connor had had to do in his 18 years on this earth.

Jude looked at him like Connor’s just robbed him of his favorite thing in the world for all eternity.

“Pl-please, let me taste you again, pl-please,” Jude begged him and Connor nearly let him take him in his mouth again.

“B-bed,” Connor said. Jude blinked twice, as if taking in Connor’s words. Connor stood up, his legs were shaky but he made an effort. Jude moved back on his knees. Connor looked down at Jude and ordered him, “Bed. Now.”

 

 

Jude nodded, a little bit too eagerly perhaps but Jude had no way of playing it cool, no way. Connor kicked off his jeans and Jude stood up. Connor started pulling at Jude’s tight t-shirt.

“Arms up,” Connor said and Jude did what he was told. Connor tore off Jude’s t-shirt in one go and threw it on the floor. Connor’s normally hazel eyes much darker as he looked at Jude who’s backing towards his bed like he was prey. Connor’s eyes roamed Jude’s pale slim body. Connor reached for Jude’s skinny jeans and started tugging at the button. Jude wanted to protest but Connor wasn’t asking, Connor was taking.

Everything moved so fast that before Jude knew it Connor pushed him on the bed. Jude landed on his back shirtless with his jeans unzipped.

“Co-Connor,” Jude said without knowing why. Connor reached for Jude’s pants and pulled them off without saying a word. Connor’s hard cock was leaking as he roughly pulled Jude’s pants off. Jude’s head was spinning from being so turned on by the way Connor undressed him.

After Connor threw Jude’s pants to the other side of the room he mounted the bottom of the bed. Jude moved up the bed to give Connor room. Connor’s eyes once again explore Jude’s body as he was laying nearly naked. When his eyes settled on Jude’s light blue briefs Connor saw it. Jude blushed even in the heated moment.

“Di-did you?” Connor said looking at the dark wet stains on Jude’s underwear. Far too big a stain for it not to be what it looked like.

“Y-yeah… sorry,” Jude said, apologizing for coming in his pants when Connor was face fucking him, Jude had barely touched his dick through the jeans and underwear for him to shoot.

Connor didn’t look sorry, Connor smirked and moved up towards Jude.

“You’re unreal,” Connor said to which Jude re-affirmed his previous statement, “Your cock is unreal.” 

Connor moved up Jude’s body on his knees, he put his muscular legs on each side of Jude’s hips, before gently sitting down on Jude’s thighs. Connor’s hands started exploring Jude’s body. He felt dizzy touching Jude’s soft skin. Connor’s hands went up Jude’s sides and his fingers touched every inch as it travelled from Jude’s chest down to his stomach.

“Your skin is so soft, I love it,” Connor said and Jude smiled all over from the way Connor said it. Connor’s voice soft and sincere, Connor couldn’t stop touching or staring at Jude’s body. Compared to Connor, Jude looked like he had zero muscles but as long as Connor liked what he saw, Jude didn’t care.

Laying on his back, Jude reached for Connor’s cock. It had probably not been more than a minute since he touched or tasted it, but Jude couldn’t wait any longer. Connor refused him by pushing Jude’s hands back again.

“You’ll get it soon enough.” Connor’s firm tone, ordering him, continued to turn Jude on. Jude nodded. Connor’s hands kept touching Jude’s body, kept exploring it. He touched Jude’s arms. Connor’s big hands warm, Jude loved the way Connor’s touch made him feel, he shivered in the best kind of way.

Jude had no way of preparing for when Connor fingers found Jude’s nipples and twisted them. Jude wailed, both from pleasure and pain, and put his hands over his chest, covering his nipples. Connor snickered and Jude felt liquid dropping from Connor’s dick on his thighs. Connor sat up again and moved up Jude’s body on his knees. Jude was still laying on his back as Connor stopped when his knees made contact with Jude’s armpits.

“Suck it,” Connor said before he put one of his hands behind Jude’s neck, lifting it from the pillow. Connor’s put his other hand around his member, guiding it towards Jude’s mouth. “Clean my cock Jude,” Connor ordered and Jude more than willingly obeyed. Connor leaned forward and pushed his hard cock into Jude’s mouth.

Jude moaned, even though trying not to, as the taste and feeling of Connor’s dick filling his senses again. Connor’s sweat mixed with what Jude assumed natural salty taste drove Jude insane. He had no idea dick could taste so fucking good but he wasn’t questioning it. Jude cleaned Connor’s cock from his precum and if his mouth wasn’t full of Connor he would smile wide as he swallowed it down his throat.

“Look at me,” Connor said and Jude did as told. “Fuck,” Connor exclaimed seeing Jude’s face as he kept sucking Connor’s dick. Lips stretched and cheeks hollowed, Connor pushed into Jude’s mouth while never breaking eye-contact. “So fucking beautiful, so fucking good for me,” Connor continued to praise Jude as he fucked his mouth.

Connor was picking up speed and Jude was reduced to just passively receiving Connor’s cock in his mouth. He tried sucking as hard as he could but Connor was starting to get too rough. Jude was only waiting for him to go deeper, for him to go from fucking his mouth to his throat. Just when Jude thought that Connor was going to fuck his mouth until he came, Connor slowed down and pulled out just a bit, allowing Jude to suck at his head.

“I want to fuck your throat, you can take it, yeah?”

Jude pulled out Connor’s dick for a moment to be able to look up and nod at Connor before he continued to take Connor’s head in his mouth again, spending as little time as possible with his mouth empty. Connor’s mouth opened for a second, never breaking eye-contact with Jude, a smirk emerged on Connor’s face.

Connor moved his knees and legs. First he put his left leg on top of Jude’s right shoulder and then he put his right leg on top of Jude’s left shoulder, pinning him firmly to the bed. The only thing Jude was able to reach was himself and Connor’s legs and backside.  Connor sat down on Jude’s chest, making sure most of his weight was put on his legs and knees. Connor’s dick a few inches from Jude’s face.

Connor’s fingers once again found Jude’s nipples. Having no way of defending himself with his arms Jude tried to twist and curve in the bed but Connor’s weight made him stay in the same position. Connor started brushing the darker area surrounding Jude’s light pink nipples.

“Co-Connor please, th-they are sensitive,” Jude said. When he saw Connor’s leer he knew he made a mistake. Connor squeezed the nipples with his fingertips until they hardened. Jude whimpered. Connor snickered and continued twisting his nipples, Jude closed his eyes and panted, a soft whimper heard. Not satisfied, Connor squeezed them a bit harder. Connor bit his lip as he increased the pressure until Jude started screaming.

“Connor! P-please!” After a moment or two, Connor finally let go of Jude’s nipples. He looked down at them, finding them a bit redder than before.

“I’m… I’m gonna fuck your throat now Jude… you said you could take it,” Connor said in a low voice. Connor was so turned on that he had trouble speaking, he tried not to let Jude see it.

Jude was still recovering from the nipple treatment when Connor put both his hands on Jude’s head and pushed his hips forward. Connor’s hips pushed against Jude’s panting mouth and Jude opened wide. Connor caressed the strands of Jude’s hair for a second before he pushed his cock deeper into Jude’s mouth. Connor closed his eyes feeling the warmth of Jude’s wet warm mouth engulf the most delicate part of his dick.

Connor fucked into Jude’s mouth a few times before he grabbed a firmer hold of his head. While holding Jude in place exactly where he wanted him he thrusted his wide cock down Jude’s throat. Jude gagged and produced lots and lots of saliva, making it even easier for Connor’s dick to slide down his throat.

Even though Jude didn’t think it was possible, Connor’s taste was even better in the back of his throat, it tasted more. Connor pulled out before ramming it back in, using force. Jude and Connor both moaned but in different voices, Connor a deeper one while Jude’s more high-pitched and muffled. Jude looked up at Connor who was straddling his chest. Connor was looking him straight in the eyes with an open mouth. Jude felt his own dick stirring from the sight of Connor lost in pure lust.

After pushing his cock down Jude’s throat, letting him take in about two thirds, a few more times Connor pulled out of Jude’s warmth. Connor started jerking off.

“Suck my balls,” Connor ordered and pushed his sack towards Jude’s mouth. Jude’s head was swimming as he took one of Connor’s balls into his mouth. Gently he sucked on it while massaging it with his tongue, never breaking eye-contact with Connor who was grinning badly feeling Jude’s skilled tongue.

“Fuck you’re so good… Just like that… Suck on it…,” Connor said. At the last second, Jude closed his eyes when Connor slapped his hard dick playfully on his cheek. He’d felt it before in his mouth, how heavy Connor’s dick felt. Even though Connor wasn’t slapping that hard, Jude could certainly feel it.

Jude sucked a bit harder on Connor’s sack making the bigger boy moan deeply.

“Yes, just like that… Jude… Just like that baby.” Jude felt immensely proud for some reason when Connor gave him pet names. He knew it was just sex talk but he still loved hearing it.

Connor smeared a mix of Jude’s saliva and his own precum on Jude’s forehead while Jude sucked his balls. “Suck the other one, just like that…,” Connor said. Jude fir Connor’s whole testicle in his mouth and sucked at it harder, he could hear on Connor’s moans that he was doing good. He was being good for Connor. 

Connor laughed slightly, he couldn’t help it, Jude was taking him to places he’d never been before. “Just like that baby… suck it.” Connor kept encouraging Jude while jerking off. Connor let Jude suck his balls until he needed his mouth again.

Connor aimed his cock at Jude’s lips and Jude could see it in Connor’s eyes. Connor was going to fuck his throat in a whole other way than before.

“Just take it, yeah?” Connor said like it was a question but it really wasn’t because one second later his cock was intruding Jude’s mouth again and this time Connor picked up speed from the start. Connor’s legs pinning him down while Connor’s hands holding his head still made Jude completely at Connor’s mercy. Connor didn’t need to know that Jude wouldn’t want it any other way.

Jude was forced to take Connor deeper and deeper as he pushed further and further into his mouth. Connor was getting louder, rougher. Connor pushed down Jude’s throat and Connor shivered from how good Jude felt for him. Connor kept fucking Jude’s mouth, Jude gagged and concentrated on breathing through his nose whenever he could. Connor pushed it further than ever before and Jude choked and tried to break free but Connor held him down and continued fucking his mouth, not letting him catch his breath like before.

Even while choking every now and then Jude loved the feeling of Connor’s cock using him. He still couldn’t get enough. Connor was about to test his limits.

“Take my whole fucking cock Jude,” Connor said firmly. Jude barely had time to look up with wide eyes as Connor grabbed his head and forced down his entire eight inches down Jude’s throat. Jude closed his eyes, gagged and tried his hardest to break free. Connor was too strong though. Jude was desperate for air, feeling Connor’s pubes against his nose. Connor gasped from the feeling of having his whole cock inside Jude. He pulled out unwillingly. Jude coughed and panted loudly for breath.

“Fuck Jude, you took my whole cock,” Connor said. Jude was still coughing. Connor dried a tear from Jude’s cheek. “You were so good baby, open up again,” Jude took a breath just before Connor’s cock entered his mouth again. Without showing any mercy Connor started fucking Jude’s mouth again. Wet smacking sounds heard as Jude gave it his best, sucking as hard as he could on Connor’s cock.

Jude gagged when Connor pushed in further, Jude knew Connor couldn’t help himself. Connor stroked his cheek and said, “You ok? Can you take it?” Jude was pretty sure Connor wasn’t really asking but he didn’t take any chances. He looked up into Connor’s eyes and nodded and Connor could see, Connor could see Jude smiling slightly even with his mouth practically full.

Connor smiled but it wasn’t that smug smirk that he’d been giving Jude most of the night, it was a much softer one, Connor’s eyes glistering. It lasted but for a moment before Connor’s expression hardened.

“Just like that Jude, keep taking it…,” Connor said, like Jude has any choice with Connor holding him in his place. His throat and jaw were aching but he didn’t want it to end. Jude wanted to touch Connor’s chest or abs but he couldn’t reach it from the way Connor’s sitting on him. Connor’s got sweat going down his body as he’s been pumping Jude’s mouth for quite a while without slowing down.

“I’m gonna teach you to take my cock Jude, I’m gonna fuck your throat until it’s sore, teach you to take it,” Connor said slowly between his moans, his cock constantly fucking Jude’s mouth. Jude couldn’t say anything but he tried telling Connor with his moans that he wanted that.

“Fuck, you love this yeah?” You can’t get enough huh? Connor’s said smirking down on Jude seeing his cock move in and out of Jude’s plump pink lips.

Jude gave away a noise and tried shaking his head. Connor saw it. The smirk stayed as Jude felt Connor taking a firmer grip of his hair. The only preparation Connor gave him was him saying, “Fucking take it.” before he once again thrusts with all his force down his whole cock in Jude’s throat.

Jude’s gag reflex kicked in like before, but Connor just pulled out about half of his cock before ramming it down his throat again. Connor kept face fucking Jude, not satisfied with how deep Jude took it until he could feel Jude’s nose against his pubes.

Connor leaned back, he had to make sure Jude was ok. Connor had to bite his lip to keep from laughing as he saw Jude’s cock pulsating in his briefs. Jude was rock hard. Jude got rock hard by Connor face fucking him. Connor turned back to Jude, repressing the sudden urge to kiss Jude.

Jude’s mouth produced massive amount of saliva as he gagged constantly. Connor didn’t stop making Jude take his entire length. Jude choked on it and he started whining loudly. Jude starts patting Connor’s side and legs with his hands, anywhere he could reach, begging Connor to stop thrusting all the way in.

The feeling of having his entire cock in Jude’s warm mouth nothing less than euphoric for Connor. Hearing Jude choke and gag on him turned him on even more so, he could feel precum leaking out of his cock and down Jude’s throat.

“Gonna teach you to deep throat it Jude, I know you love this,” Connor said in a low deep voice as he didn’t stop making Jude take all of him. Jude tried breathing through his nose but he couldn’t, Connor’s cock made it impossible. Even though loving the taste and Connor’s dominance, Jude was running out of air.   

“Fuck Jude your mouth feels so fucking good, you’re gonna make me come,” Connor’s voice starting to sound unsteady. Connor kept looking down as he made a mess out of Jude. He kept pounding Jude’s throat on and on brutally until Jude started making high noises and Jude’s hands kept patting him harder and harder.

Connor pulled out his cock and Jude gasped for air with wide eyes. Connor pat Jude on the head and said, “Fuck baby you were so fucking good, your mouth is so fucking amazing Jude.” As soon as Jude caught his breath, it took a few moments, he closed his lips and retracted the foreskin with his lips and started sucking at Connor’s head at his own initiative.

“You’re gonna make me cum Jude,” Connor warned him. Connor could feel it building up, no way to stop it now, even if he wanted to. “Yo-you want my load? You want me to come?”, Connor asked. Jude looked at him and nodded as much as he could while not stop taking Connor’s cock as deep as possible.

“Jude… Fuck you’re so good… Gonna come in your face.”

Connor’s legs were starting to shake. Connor felt like he was falling. A pulsating sensation going through his body down his lower abdomen. Connor’s vision temporarily blurry.

“Jude… Jude… Fuck… I’m gonna… I’m gonna…”

At the last moment, Connor pulled out his cock from Jude’s mouth and jerked it intensively. Jude kept his mouth open, his tongue reached for Connor’s cock who started shooting come.

Connor moaned louder than Jude had ever heard, nearly screaming. Connor must have twitched his dick at the last moment because the first spurt landed partly on Jude’s cheek with the rest of it hitting his ear and hair.

The second one he managed to lay in a line from Jude’s nose down his face over his lips, Jude got some of it in his mouth. Connor wasn’t in control as he continued painting Jude’s face with his come. Connor tried to aim his load at unsoiled skin. The third spurt he sprayed on Jude’s forehead.

Connor repeated swear words and Jude’s name throughout his entire orgasm.

Jude nearly giggled as Connor just kept coming and coming. The feeling of Connor’s warm jizz on his face drove Jude even wilder than before, if that was possible. Jude get a full stream of his come in his open mouth, swallowing it down the moment it hit his tongue. Connor’s last full spurt hit Jude’s other cheek, completing the masterpiece.

Jude was sure that he will remember this moment the rest of his life. The one emotion that stood out most of all was happiness. Jude almost felt like crying because he was so happy. It probably didn’t make any sense but that’s the way he felt when Connor sprayed his load all over his face.

Connor was panting heavily, gasping in order to catch his breath. His body still trembling from having, without a doubt, the most intense orgasm of his life. He looked down at Jude and Jude was looking back up at him. Jude was smiling with his entire face. Even with, or maybe because of, Connor’s come covering most of it, Jude was so fucking beautiful. Connor had to tell him.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, fuck…” Jude smiled even wider and said, “You are perfect.” They looked at each other for a moment, that was how long Jude waited until he leaned forward and closed his lips around Connor’s cock again. Jude closed his eyes and cleaned Connor’s cock, moaning the entire time tasting the mix of Connor’s cock and come.

Jude took his time, being thorough and gently with Connor’s now sensitive tip.

“Baby wait… I’ll give you more…,” Connor said and pulled out his dick. He rubbed it on Jude’s face, gathering as much come as possible on the head before feeding it to Jude who gladly took it all. The ritual took a few minutes, Connor cleaning Jude’s face with his cock and Jude cleaning Connor’s cock in return, swallowing as much of it down as Connor would give him.

After Connor had cleaned Jude’s face, Jude kept licking at Connor’s shaft, running his tongue up and down it slowly. Jude stopped for just a second and looked up at Connor, “Was it good?” Jude asked before he returned at licking the shaft.

Connor snorted. ”Good? Good? Jude… Jude I’ve never come that hard before in my life,” Connor said truthfully. Jude smiled, not believing Connor. It was nice of him to lie though. Perhaps Jude had done at least ok.

“I… I need to lie down,” Connor said. Feeling dizzy.

“Okay…” Jude said as he moved his body slightly to give Connor room. Connor laid down on his back in Jude’s bed, separating his dick from Jude’s mouth. Jude moved in between Connor’s legs and went back to sucking and licking tenderly at Connor’s cock.

“Jude… Jude I want to make you come, sit up,” Connor said after catching his breath. In honesty Connor was exhausted but he would not leave Jude hanging.

Connor’s words were met by Jude looking up at his with a serious expression. Jude shook his head. “No, I already came remember, I can’t… can’t come twice…,” Jude said and started sucking on Connor’s semi-hard cock. “Just want to…” Jude licked it again. “Just want to taste your…” Jude licked from the base up till the tip. “Just want your cock.”

Connor’s sighed from content and let his hands land on top of Jude’s head, caressing the soft strands of hair. Connor glanced at Jude’s alarm clock, 10pm, not that much but Connor was so done for. The workout and the intense orgasm had stripped him of all energy. Jude was laying between Connor’s spread legs. Jude was sucking on it so gently, like he was handling the most precious thing in the world to him. Jude even kissed his balls, gently massaging them with his tongue before returning to touching and sucking on Connor’s cock.

“Jude… Jude you’re amazing… amazing baby…,” Connor whispered while stroking Jude’s hair. Jude laughed softly and kept tasting Connor. He couldn’t stop. Most of the time he avoided the head as he noticed from Connor’s twitching that it was sensitive since he recently came. Connor took the time to really look at Jude as he laid on his stomach. He pressed his lips together. Fuck, Jude’s beautiful. And Connor wasn’t even taking into account that perfect ass that he could see clear as day under Jude’s briefs.

“Hey, do you want to… lay here with me? I need a quick rest,” Connor asked. Jude didn’t need to think it over. He shook his head and continued licking and sucking at Connor’s shaft, he put his nose against it and smelled it.

“You rest. I want to… Just a bit longer, please?” Jude said through long eyelashes while licking she shaft. Connor would shake his head in disbelief if he had the energy. Surely he was dreaming, Jude was too good to be true.

“Ok…,” Connor said and smiled at him while stroking his cheek gently with one hand. Without thinking, Jude turned and kisses the hand a few times. Slowly, Jude took Connor’s cock in his mouth, he was able to deep throat Connor’s semi without any problems. Connor moaned at the back of his throat.

“Love your cock Connor,” Jude said softly, it almost seemed like he was talking to himself. Connor couldn’t stop smiling. The boy of his dre… a person that he liked was laying down, still sucking his dick. Connor never felt comfortable after sex, but now, now he felt at home. While still smiling and stroking Jude’s soft hair, Connor dozed off to sleep.

 

\---

 

Connor made a noise. Slowly his eyes opened. For a moment he felt disoriented. Where is he? Oh yeah, in Jude’s bed. He must have fallen asleep, he reasoned. It took another moment until he was fully aware. He looked down.

Jude.

Jude was still laying between his legs. still licking, sucking and kissing his cock. Jude had his eyes closed, like he was savoring the moment or something. Jude put his mouth as far around Connor’s shaft as he could reach and moved it sideways across his length.

Connor glanced to the side. 10.40 pm. Does that mean? Connor bit his lip. Jude’s probably been sucking his cock for the 40-isch minutes that Connor had been sleeping.

Connor reached for Jude and touched his hair again. Jude flinched, being startled from Connor being awake. Jude continued working his cock with his mouth.

“Hey…,” Connor said, barely able to form words.

“Hey there sleepy,” Jude said while smiling sheepishly.

“Have you been… the entire time?”

“Maybe…,” Jude said trying to look innocent. Let’s just say the attempt failed.

Connor chuckled. Fuck. His cock was waking again. Jude smiled and looked at Connor’s cock and said, “And hi to you too sleepy.”

“Can you not have the most amazing mouth in the world?” Connor asked as Jude hollowed his cheeks and fitted Connor’s semi in his mouth.

“I swear your tongue… your tongue… fuck…,” Connor tried talking but Jude bobbing his head up and down his cock made talking too hard a thing to do.

Connor tried to move but that made Jude look up at him.

“No. Just lay there, be still. I want to make you come like this. Don’t move.”

What kind of gentleman would he be to deny Jude’s request, Connor thought? Jude’s mouth made him moan again as he closed his eyes and relaxed back into Jude’s bed.

Jude started working his cock again. It didn’t take long for him to get hard. One of Jude’s hands massaging his balls, the other one jerking the base of his shaft and Jude’s mouth taking as much as he could. Connor already started to have troubles lying still, the way that Jude pleasured all his sensitive parts at the same time made his body tremble. Jude didn’t stop. That was the thing. He kept jerking him off. He kept gently squeezing his balls. He kept sucking hard on Connor’s cock, his tongue never stopped licking at his head.

“Jude… Jude… W-wait…,” Connor was now the one begging. _What the fuck is happening?_ Connor didn’t understand it. Connor hadn’t been fully hard for more than 5 minutes when a familiar feeling creeped up on him.

“Jude… Jude… Stop…”

Jude didn’t stop. Jude increased the speed. He jerked him faster, he sucked him even harder, concentrating on the head. Connor’s hips lifted a few inches in some attempt to escape Jude but Jude took his hand and pushed Connor down before he went back to touching Connor’s balls again. Connor was losing it, vision blurring and his abdominals sending a rippling feeling throughout his body.

Jude moaned loudly around his cock.

“Fuck… What the...? Jude… Jude!”

Connor put both his hands over his face and covered his mouth as he screamed out another orgasm. Jude’s mouth and tongue never stopped sucking, Jude swallowed everything Connor had to shoot down his throat.

Connor kept repeating Jude’s name as the boy sucked him dry. Connor opened his eyes and just stared at the ceiling. His legs were twitching. He couldn’t help it. Connor has no idea how long his orgasm lasted, Jude never stopped blowing him throughout it, completely emptying his balls from come. Connor panted when Jude pulled off him.

“Fu-fuck….” Jude’s voice completely broken. ”I… I love your come… I fucking love your come Connor,” Jude said. Jude said it like he meant it. When Connor finally came down from his high he looked down at Jude. There was no way that Jude was getting away this time.

Connor sat up and pulled Jude up from his lying position.

“Wh-what are you doing?” Jude asked feeling confused as Connor made him sit in his lap. Connor being strong enough to just pick him up and put him in his lap didn’t exactly make him less turned on.

“I’m gonna make you come,” Connor said in that tone that he used when he ordered Jude around earlier.

Jude started to protest but Connor was already pulling down his briefs. Connor wasn’t asking as he flipped Jude to his side so he could tear Jude’s underwear off. Connor threw them at the side of the bed and with his strong arms he lifted Jude back to his lap. Connor leaned back onto the bed and looked at Jude sitting naked on top of him. He pulled Jude further up until Jude was sitting on his lower abdominals.

“Connor I don’t think,“ Jude started but he stopped talking as Connor’s hand grabbed around his dick. His hard leaking dick.

“You-you don’t have to,” Jude said looking a bit bothered. Connor started jerking him off.

“I want you to come Jude”

Jude still looked at him weirdly. Connor couldn’t read him. Connor repeated. “I wanna make you come baby.”

“Yo-you don’t have to,” Jude said but he was starting to whimper as Connor hand continued to jerk him.

Connor looked him in the eyes, making sure Jude got it. “I want to.” Connor thought he saw a small smile on Jude’s face. They didn’t look away from each other while Connor’s hand kept going up and down Jude’s hard dick. Connor could feel his hand getting wet, knowing he was milking Jude of precum he smiled at him. Jude’s breathing heavily while being worked by Connor. Jude leaned forward and steadied himself against Connor’s chest. Jude wanted to last, he really did, but sitting on top of Connor Stevens he knew he probably wouldn’t for long.

Jude panted, in between every pant Jude said, “Connor… Connor… Connor…”

Having Jude sitting where he was, Connor couldn’t resist. With the hand not jerking Jude off he reached around Jude and grabbed his own cock. He slapped his semi against Jude’s butt cheeks. Fuck, that turned him on more than he thought. Jude’s ass so very firm. He started brushing his cock between Jude’s cheeks, them being a bit spread as Jude was leaning forward. Jude’s eyes widened.

“No… no Connor, not now…,” Jude said.

“I know… Not now, but some day, I’m just… your ass feels so fucking good Jude.”

Jude’s breathing was getting more and more irregular. “You want to fuck me Connor?” Jude said.

Connor grunted. ”Yeah baby, I want to fuck you, want to fuck your ass.”

“I p-promise Connor, I’m gonna let you fuck me,” Jude was trembling.

“Yeah? You promise?”

”Yeah Connor I want your huge cock inside me, I ca-can’t think of anything else.” Jude’s mouth just kept going, Connor’s hand had moved up his dick and was now jerking his head using Jude’s own liquids as lube.

Connor slapped Jude’s ass again with his cock. It felt heavy and strong against Jude’s ass. Jude moaned in appreciation every time Connor’s cock spanked him.

“Think about me fucking your fucking brains out Jude, gonna fuck your tight ass so hard Jude,” Connor said while looking Jude in his eyes, driving the smaller boy on top wild with his words.

“F-fuck… Connor…” Jude was getting closer, he closed his eyes.

“Come Jude, think about me fucking you until you’re sore, gonna fuck you for hours,” Connor said as his hand continued jerking Jude’s dick.

“Co-Connor!” Jude closed his mouth and moaned, muffled sounds of pleasure as Jude came all over Connor’s chest. Connor smiled and panted as Jude sprayed a respectable amount of come over his upper body.

Connor smiled seeing Jude twisting and turning while coming, it was like he didn’t know what to do with himself. Jude’s muffled moans continued for quite some time after he’d stopped coming. Connor put his hands on Jude’s hips and started caressing Jude’s sides and upper body. He just wanted to feel Jude’s skin.

Jude opened his eyes. He started laughing seeing his own come on Connor’s chest. That, and that he was once again feeling very very happy. Having just come on Connor’s chest, Jude thought he was allowed to feel like that.

Jude was feeling delirious. He couldn’t stop smiling or giggling. Jude’s laugh infectious to Connor who started snickering as well. Jude looked at Connor for a moment, he looked down on Connor’s chest and rubbed his thumb on it, getting his newly produced come all over it. Jude snickered and moved his hand towards Connor. Connor just smiled at the smiling boy sitting on his lower abdomen, feeling a bit curious over what Jude was up to.

Jude moved his thumb to the side Connor’s forehead. He pressed his thumb against the skin and moved it from left to right, smearing the come. Jude pulled back his hand and looked at Connor. Jude hoped that Connor would remember the scene as strongly as he did from when they had watched the movie together all those years ago.

“Simba,” Jude said before breaking out in a wide smile. It took but a second for Connor to follow, he started laughing loudly. Jude joined in, laughing so much his entire body was shaking, Connor had to hold onto him.

Connor didn’t take his eyes off Jude while he was laughing. Somewhere deep inside this was the moment. This was the moment Connor began to realize that maybe, maybe, this was a fight he couldn’t win.

Still snickering some, Jude reached and got Kleenexes from his bedside table. He cleaned Connor’s torso from his own come, taking his time doing so, savoring the moment of feeling so close and intimate with the one person that meant more to him than he would probably ever know.

“You tired?” Connor asked him. Jude nodded, he was.

”Come, lie on top of me,” Connor said and reached for Jude.

Jude hesitated a second but when Connor’s arms found him he stopped trembling and laid down on Connor’s chest. Jude wished that Connor didn't feel that. Jude's body reacting to being held by Connor. It wasn't exactly hard to interpret the signs.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Connor asked, having to gulp afterwards.

“I wouldn’t let you leave,” Jude said with closed eyes resting on top of Connor. Jude could feel Connor not being able to refrain from chuckling out of relief and happiness.

Connor pulled the cover over the both of them. His hand found Jude’s hand resting on his chest, they intertwined their fingers.

“Goodnight Jude.”

“Goodnight Connor.”

Both contemplated saying something else, something more, but refrained from it. Neither one wanted to ruin this moment by doing something as stupid as talking. They will need to, but not tonight.

They went to sleep smiling. Jude felt both scared and happy at the same time. He could feel it inside him, he just wished that Connor felt the same. The bond had never gone away, it had just laid dormant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up, "Chapter 8: The Talk"


	8. The Talk

Connor woke up to small wheezing sounds. Connor’s body flinched. Someone was laying on his chest, sleeping. Connor laid absolutely still. A sigh of relief from Connor. Jude, it was Jude laying on top of him. They were in Jude’s bed.

Connor turned his head and looked at Jude’s alarm clock. It was 6 am. School started at 8. No rush. Connor looked down at the sleeping brunette laying with his head resting on the right side of Connor’s chest, Jude’s small cupped right hand laid on Connor’s left chest.

Connor smiled. Jude was making the cutest noises when he slept. The wheezing sounds mixed with small whimpers and other inexplicable noises whenever he exhaled through his nose. Connor was holding Jude. The comforter had been pulled down so it only covered their lower parts, probably because their body heat was all the warmth needed.

They were both naked. One of Jude’s legs was on top of his thigh, just below his crotch. Connor leaned forward a bit so that he could smell Jude’s hair. Connor leaned back again, feeling content.

Connor closed his eyes and thought about what had happened just a few hours ago in this very bed. How could he not? It had been… wow. After swallowing, Connor chuckled slightly and kept the smile on his face. He started brushing Jude’s back with his hand. Jude’s skin felt soft, very soft.

It shouldn’t feel like this. Not really. Jude was a guy. Connor had had sex with a guy for the first time in his life. Shouldn’t it feel weird? Connor thought that it should. It had been so different, the whole experience, when Connor looked back at it. During, Connor had been too turned on to reflect upon it.

Jude’s body had felt different from anything he’d touched before. Even if Jude was kind of skinny for a wrestler, he sure had muscles. When he had let his hands feel Jude’s arms, he remembers feeling the biceps and triceps. The way Jude sounded when he moaned, Connor had to bite his lip. He remembers the masculine sounds, even when Jude whimpered it was no doubt sounds coming out of a guy and not a girl.

It shouldn’t feel like this, it shouldn’t feel so familiar, because it wasn’t. Not to Connor. 

“Umm… do you want me to move?” A low voice heard. It had an edge to it. Hesitant and unsure. Connor could feel and hear Jude swallowing afterwards.

“What?” Connor asked. Jude had apparently woken up without him noticing. Probably his back rubbing was to blame.

Jude cleared his throat, something close to a whisper heard. “If you… I understand if you… want me to move.”

Connor wasn’t following, why in the world would he want that? Oh yeah, now he got it. Jude had had the same thought that Connor had. For Connor, it shouldn’t feel like this. Jude knew.

“No, I don’t.”

“You sure?” Jude’s voice still low and hesitant.

“Yeah I’m sure,” Connor said and exhaled. He held Jude a bit tighter. “If you don’t want to?”

Jude closed his eyes and smiled into Connor’s chest. Jude had to make an effort not to tremble from relief and happiness. That would have been awkward.

“What time is it?” Jude said, voice hoarse and low.

“A few minutes past 6.”

Jude gathered up the courage and opened up his cupped hand laying on Connor’s chest. Slowly his thumb started stroking the firm sun-kissed skin.

They stayed like that for a few minutes in silence, only listening to each other breathing.

“You ok?” Jude asked.

Connor took a moment to answer, knowing what Jude was really asking him. He couldn’t lie to Jude though. Connor can’t remember the last time everything had felt right.

“Yeah… Yeah I’m ok. And you?”

Jude smiled again. He couldn’t help himself. Jude whispered back.

”Apart from not being able to talk properly, I’m more than ok.”

Connor chuckled, causing Jude to snicker himself.

“So… the movie was great,” Connor said smiling wide. His hand wrapped around Jude never stopped caressing his back.

“I know. And good thing I got us all those snacks, I think we ate it all,” Jude said in his by now familiar low hoarse voice.

A second later, Connor’s stomach growled, making both of them laugh.

“You hungry?” Jude asked smirking.

“No. Ok, maybe a little…,” Connor said.

“We can have snacks for breakfast right? It’s not _that_ weird is it?” Jude said.

“That chocolate cake looked so fucking good last night,” Connor said and moaned.

“Why didn’t you have any?” Jude said with a smile.

“Must have gotten distracted…,” Connor said and smiled even wider than Jude.

After a moment, Jude moved and sat up. “Come on then, let’s have breakfast,” Jude said teasingly as he got out of the bed and walked, still naked, towards the couch.

Connor had probably never stared as intensely in his life. Good thing Jude’s room was quite dark, Connor might not have been able to cope otherwise. Jude’s small, lean and firm bubble made Connor hard in about two seconds. Connor had to laugh at himself, at the way his dick moved from laying on his hip bone to his stomach.

Very discreetly, Jude stopped and bended over reaching after his underwear. Naturally, Jude took his sweet time bending over.

“Fuck…,” Connor whispered to himself, it just slipped out. His fascination with Jude’s ass was becoming a serious problem.

Jude let his briefs cover his bubble before turning around smiling at Connor. Connor didn’t even have the decency to keep his lips shut.

“You coming?” Jude said with that voice and that smile that made Connor warm all over. That Jude’s voice was hoarse from Connor fucking his throat didn’t make things better. Well, maybe it did.

“Yeah… yeah I’m coming,” Connor said after a moment and got up from bed.

Jude giggled, making Connor ask, “What are you laughing at?”

“I was looking for your underwear, then I remembered,” Jude said while throwing a towel at Connor. “Take this or I’ll have one dislocated jaw to fix before school.”

Connor laughed and wrapped the towel around his waist. Connor joined Jude on the couch, Jude was leaning forward and taking the plastic wrapper off the cakes still sitting untouched on the coffee table.

Connor leaned back and took the opportunity to look at Jude who was only wearing his briefs. So much milky white skin to appreciate, the way Jude’s toned muscles on his sides showed when he moved while sitting down.

“Which one you want?” Jude said as he turned around. Connor laughed slightly, he didn’t know why. It probably had something to do with that smile on Jude’s face that didn’t seem to go away.

“Chocolate,” Connor responded.

“Good choice Mr. Stevens,” Jude said and cut a piece of the chocolate cake and handed it to Connor on a small platter.

They ate their “ _breakfast_ ” in silence. Connor eating about four times as much as Jude. Stolen glances and goofy smiles might have been exchanged but they admit to nothing.

From out of nowhere, Jude recognized a familiar feeling settling inside him. Sitting here in the couch with Connor, it felt so right and it felt so easy. Jude tried his best, he really did, to tell his emotions to take a fucking break. Chill. It shouldn’t feel like this, not now, not already. Usually, Jude could handle himself whenever his sensitive side decided to make him overthink everything.

However, sitting here in front of Connor without anything to shield himself with, made it impossible.

Connor noticed Jude’s expression shift from happy-go-lucky to something more… reserved. He kept staring down the carpet, clearly deep in thought. Connor gulped, he didn’t want this to end. Whatever it was, Connor wanted to stay here, in this space they somehow created only for them. It felt fragile, talking seemed too big a risk.

“I… I want to apologize,” Jude said, still looking down. The joking easygoing tone from before gone.

“For what?” Connor asked, his stomach clenched.

 _Everything._ Jude wanted to say.

“For how I… behaved, when I first got here…”

“It’s… it’s ok Jude.”

Jude sniffled and shook his head. “No… no it isn’t.”

Connor gulped while Jude was breathing through his nose, his jaw trembled some.

“I just… It…,” Jude paused, stubbornly staring at the carpet. “It was harder than I thought… seeing you again.”

“ _Tell me about it.”_ Connor nearly said out loud, but he couldn’t form words. His heart was beating fast. Jude was touching the subject that scared him more than he wanted Jude to know.

Jude sighed. “So I… I panicked. I know it’s not an excuse but I did. I…,” Jude looked over at Connor. Connor was taking shallow breaths, sitting passively listening to Jude. “I… really want us to be friends again Connor.”

Connor nodded slowly before taking a small gulp. “I… I want that too Jude.”

A small smile from Jude all it took for Connor to part his lips while smiling back wide at the brown haired boy sitting next to him.

“Pinky promise?” Jude said. Connor snickered, at the last second he hindered himself from sniffling. The last time he made such a promise had been eight years ago with the very same person.

“Pinky promise,” Connor said and met Jude’s pinky with his own, sealing the pact.

Jude returned to looking down again, this time with a light heart. Both of them thought similar thoughts, they were becoming painfully aware that they were stalling. Both of them aware of the risk it brought with it.

One of them saw bigger problems with having the discussion than the other, Connor had little faith in what good would come out of it. Jude saw it though, of course he did. He saw what kind of reward it could bring. Them being closer again. Jude wanted nothing else.

Connor closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He reminded himself not to let his mind race, he had to fight this. He shouldn’t overthink it, it was just that he’d missed Jude. His friend Jude, nothing else. That’s why it felt the way it did right now. That’s why he’d never felt as happy as…

Connor gulped and corrected his train of though. That’s why it felt… _good_ , waking up with Jude. Holding Jude. It was because he’d missed his friend. His best friend. That he’d just had sex with. _Fuck…_

Being as conflicted as Connor, Jude was searching for words. Just when he thought he’d found some, he refrained. The risk too great. Jude looked around the room, he took a safer approach.

So much for the talk.

“So… things got a little… crazy last night,” Jude said, blushing slightly while looking down at his lap. Still sitting in his briefs only he put his hands in his lap, covering his crotch.

Connor hesitated for a moment. He’d seen it on Jude in the corner of his eye, Jude had had other things on his mind than the more playful topic he chose.

“Yeah… yeah you can say that,” Connor said, he couldn’t help smiling slightly. Jude’s normally pale cheeks a bit redder made Connor warm himself. He kept looking at the attractive boy sitting next to him, almost naked.

“Umm… can I ask… can I ask you something?” Jude said avoiding looking at Connor. Connor, sitting in nothing but a towel around his waist. No, Jude couldn’t look at Connor, that would be unwise.

“Yeah, sure,” Connor replied.

“Was that the… umm… was that the first time that…. You know, with a… with a guy?”

Connor laughed a bit nervously and bit his lip. “Yeah… yeah it was.” After a moment of silence, something struck Connor, even more nervously he blurted out. “Did you… did you notice?”

“What? No… no, I didn’t mean it like that. You were…,” Jude blushed even more. “You were very good.”

Connor glanced at Jude’s briefs, more precisely at the side of his butt cheek visible to Connor. Not even Connor was smug enough to say “ _You haven’t seen anything yet_.” out loud.

“Was it… you know… good for you?” Jude bit his lip while looking down at his fiddling hands resting in his lap.

Before Connor got the chance to speak, Jude filled in, “Be-because I can do better it’s just that you’re so big and I wasn’t you know ready I just lost control because you were so good and I didn’t know what I-“

Jude’s rambling stopped the moment Connor moved closer to him. Jude took a sharp inhale of breath as Connor’s leg pressed against his own and Connor put his arm around his shoulders.

“Jude. Stop. You were fucking amazing.” Connor had to focus, Jude’s skin felt way too good against his own. He had moved towards Jude without thinking, he just couldn’t stand him sounding insecure.

After the initial shock of having Connor’s warm body close to his, Jude relaxed some and said, “You sure?”

Connor started rubbing Jude’s arm with his arm he held around Jude’s shoulders as Jude felt a bit cold, that was not acceptable for Connor.

“Jude. You practically blew me for like 90 minutes straight. I’ve…,” Connor paused a second, him knowing he was about to tell Jude the truth scared him some, “I’ve never come that hard before. Ever. I’m sure.”

Jude blushed and shivered from Connor’s touch and words. Connor was lying again but it didn’t matter. Connor was grateful that his towel covered up the fact that just mentioning Jude blowing him had made his dick grow.

“Me neither…,” Jude whispered. Jude closed his eyes, just enjoying the blissful feeling of Connor’s arm around his shoulder, caressing him.

“What?” Connor leaned forward, trying to hear what Jude was saying.

“N-nothing…,” Jude said. Connor warmth alone made Jude lightheaded. Connor’s smell was the thing Jude had most troubles dealing with. He smelled so raw and masculine, his sweat probably just enhancing his scent. _Fuck Jude, get it together._

“How was it for you? I mean I’ve never jerked another guy off before, you can tell me if I sucked, pun intended, at it.”

Jude snickered and rolled his eyes. “Connor I came after like a minute, what do you think?”

Connor laughed slightly, mostly happy hearing Jude’s snicker. “Ok, just making sure…”

They stayed like that for a minute, neither one of them wanting to move, not wanting to lose the feeling of skin against skin. Connor broke the silence.

“Can I… can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, sure. Anything.”

Connor didn’t know how to put it. He had thought about it though. About Jude’s hesitation during such a heated moment.

“Why… why didn’t you want me to… touch you?”

Jude clammed up some. He didn’t know why but he felt embarrassed.

“I just… I just didn’t think you… wanted to,” Jude said in a low voice.

Even though Connor noticed Jude being uncomfortable, he needed to know, “Why?”

Jude shrugged. Connor would probably think he was beyond a loser. He hesitated.

“I don’t… I don’t know,” Jude finally said.

“Did you not want me to… make you come?” Connor had been confused about Jude’s reluctance the night earlier. He’d seemed so uncomfortable and Connor couldn’t understand why. Jude didn’t say anything.

“Jude? I just… want to know what you… like… and stuff.”

Jude sighed. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a breath. In a low voice he started speaking.

“You know… you know that time in the… at the hall?”

Only thing stopping Connor from smiling was the fragile tone in Jude’s voice.

“Yeah… yeah of course.”

Jude waited. He felt vulnerable. What he was about to tell Connor no one knew. Jude felt ashamed. Especially in front of Connor, knowing how… experienced he was.

“Umm… so… that was the…,” Jude swallowed, he cringed. “That was the first time someone else has made me… you know, come.” Jude looked down and didn’t move a muscle. He noticed that Connor stopped stroking his arm, it was just for a second but he felt it.

Connor’s lips parted as he processed the information.

“B-but… what? Are you…?”

Jude didn’t say anything. Connor’s mind raced until he came up with an explanation.

“Jude I know you might think I think that’s… hot or whatever, to tell someone stuff like that. But… seriously, I’m so not buying that that was the first time you gave a blowjob. I mean… I’m not exactly a virgin either. You don’t need to lie to me,” Connor said snickering slightly.

“Umm… no, no it wasn’t. I’m not a virgin. I’ve… done that before,” Jude said, still low voice.

“I could tell,” Connor smirked, trying to ease the tension he felt coming from Jude.

“But Connor… I… didn’t lie,” Jude said, once again he felt Connor’s fingers stopping caressing his skin for a fraction of a second.

“What, so you’ve had sex but never…?”

“Yes…”

“What the fuck kind of guys have you been with?” Connor said, from the bottom of his heart.

Jude gave Connor a small smile. “The kind that wants to come?” Jude said jokingly, trying to calm down a seemingly upset Connor. When it didn’t work, Jude continued, “It’s ok, really. It sounds worse than it is.”

Connor was at a loss of words. Jude gave him a moment. Finally, Connor said, “So what, I don’t get it… they come and then you… what, just leave?”

Jude snickered. “No… or… I…” Jude paused, the topic was embarrassing enough as it was without having to deal with Connor’s adorable confused expression. “I’ve jerked off myself a few times, during… The first guy I had sex with kind of didn’t want to… help me you know. I guess it made me feel bad, or something… I don’t know.”

“Sorry,” Jude filled in, having no idea why. Neither had Connor.

“Any guy should feel lucky as fuck to have sex with you. Seriously Jude.”

“Thanks…” Even though it felt like a lame response, Jude didn’t know what else to say.

They went silent for a minute, Connor needing time to process things. Jude felt relieved. Relieved and scared at the same time. Relieved that he had told Connor and that Connor didn’t seem to think any less of him. Scared about how easy it had been telling him, considering how big a deal it was for Jude.

Connor chuckled. “So let me get this straight, pun intended,” Connor said and paused, making both of them laugh. “You fucking baptized me Simba with your first load on someone else? Who does that?”

Jude started laughing, Connor joined in feeling Jude’s entire body not being able to stop shaking with laughter.

“I’m so sorry for that, I don’t know what came over me,” Jude said smiling wide.

“Or rather what came over you,” Jude continued laughing. He found it way more funny than it probably was, but Connor couldn’t help laughing with Jude seeing Jude looking carefree again.

Without thinking, Connor leaned in and smelled Jude’s hair. Connor caught himself. _What the fuck was that?_ He hoped that Jude didn’t notice.

“Sorry… I guess I’m still a bit tired,” Jude said coming down from laughter.

“Well you worked hard yesterday,” Connor said with smirk.

Jude looked at Connor with a smile on his face, “Oh yeah like I had a choice? I was like face fucked for an hour.”

The smirk still on Connor’s face, “Well you didn’t seem to mind.”

Jude blushed, again, and looked away. Connor chuckled slightly. “If I didn’t know better I would even say you loved me being rough with you,” Connor said into Jude’s ear causing the boy to shiver. Jude just hated that Connor had this power over him.

“Admit it, you loved it,” Connor said, Jude could hear him smiling that smug smile of his.

“Maybe…” Jude said.

Connor bit his lip. He pressed his lips to Jude’s ear and whispered, “Next time that ass of yours aint getting away.“

Jude swallowed hard, he had to stop Connor before things got out of hand. Connor whispering things like that did things with Jude’s body that he wasn’t proud of. Jude had to snap out of it, he stammered, “U-u-umm C-Connor, a-about that…”

Connor leaned back again, hearing Jude not wanting to keep playing the game right now.

“What?”

“I’m not sure… about that. Y-you know.”

“What aren’t you sure of?”

Jude gulped, he felt warm all over, sweating. “Umm… you know… you… in me.”

“Umm… okay…” Connor knows he probably shouldn’t sound so disappointed. It wasn’t right to Jude. He felt like an ass, normally that wasn’t a problem. Things with Jude weren't exactly normal though were they.

“It’s just… fuck… you’re so… you’re so big and I’ve never… you know.”

Connor nearly froze. “What have you never?”

“You know… been… fucked…”

“Oh…,” Connor said, trying not to let anything shine on.

“Yeah…,” Jude said in that low voice, still feeling exposed.

Jude looked over at Connor. He raised a brow. “Are you… are you smiling?”

“What? No…,” Connor said. Jude must be seeing things.

“You are! I can see you smiling.”

Connor could not for the life of him make his lips and entire face look neutral. “You’re imagining things Jude.”

Jude started smiling himself, that he was blushing was starting to become so common he didn’t even feel embarrassed anymore. Once again, Jude did notice how comfortable he felt around Connor just after telling him something so private that it should make him feel the exact opposite.

“You’re such a dog Connor.”

Connor snickered. “For the record, you are a… bottom?”

“Hashtag asking-for-a-friend,” Connor filled in.

Jude rolled his eyes. “Does Tim Gunn say Make it work?”

Connor looked confused. Jude gaped. “Are you serious now Connor?”

“Tim who?” Connor said.

Jude shook his head. “Jesus fucking Christ Connor I need to educate you on so many things…”

“Yes, I’m a bottom,” Jude stated.

“But how do you know, I mean if you’ve never…?” Connor asked.

“Are you a bottom?” Jude shot back.

“Umm… no?” Connor looked at him like it was the most ridiculous thing he’s heard.

“How do you know if you’ve never?” Jude said teasingly.

“Ok, point taken,” Connor said while smiling.

Jude bit his lip after a moment of silence. They stole some glances while smiling and chuckling slightly.

“I’ve… I have some toys that I use…,” Jude said sheepishly.

“Really? Cool. Where are they?” Connor sounded excited, making Jude frown. “In the drawer, why?” Jude said while nodding towards his bedside table.

Connor got up. Jude already missed his body heat. “What are you doing?” Jude asked as Connor walked over to the bed and opened the drawer. Jude hid his face in his hands seeing Connor take out the two black latex toys from it. He still had his face covered when he felt Connor returning, sitting down on the couch again. Connor sat down close to Jude, but their sides weren't pressed against each other’s like before.

“Come on Jude, stop being embarrassed. I think it’s cool,” Connor said trying to pull Jude’s arms to uncover his face. Jude obliged.

“So these are the ones?” Connor asked.

“Yupp. Meet my boyfriends,” Jude said, looking at Connor examining his butt plugs. Connor grinned.

“Which one’s your fav?” Connor asked casually, like he was asking Jude what his favorite color was.

Jude manned up, refusing to get embarrassed as Connor didn’t seem to, he looked between them. “That one.”

“Really? The other one’s longer?” Connor said, enjoying this conversation a lot, Jude could tell.

“Yes, but that one is thicker.” Jude said, still able to sound casual. Until Connor had to turn up the difficulty.

“Ah I get it. So you’ve never had anything bigger than this inside you?” Connor said smugly.

“No... that’s about it,” Jude said, playing it cool.

Connor put the plug on top of his towel covered crotch. “Yet,” Connor said while grinning against him.

Jude rolled his eyes. “You see the problem… you are so much bigger than that. I’m… I’m not sure…” Truthfully it was more the feeling of not being in control that scared Jude. With his toys he decided everything, he knew that with Connor he wouldn’t be in charge.

“Ok… I understand,” Connor said. Jude didn’t believe him for one second.

Connor put the plugs back on the table. He leaned back in the couch and looked at Jude who looked back at him. Jude saw the spark in Connor’s eyes, the spark of mischief.

Connor sucked on his lower lip and grabbed a hold of his hard dick through his towel. Jude got a feeling of déjà vu as Connor showed Jude his hardness. With exceptional good or bad timing Jude’s alarm clock started going off just before Jude was about to get on his knees and ruining any chance of being able to speak for the rest of the day.

“Fuck!” Jude said.

Connor was brought back from his state, he tried thinking with his shoulder-head. Not what Connor did best.

“We’re gonna be late for school. That’s my second alarm, it’s 7.30,” Jude said. He glanced one more time at Connor’s crotch before he shook his head to clear it.

“We need to go, fuck,” Jude said again and stood up. Another look at Connor’s crotch. Jude whimpered. “Fuck,” Jude said again sounding heartbroken.

Connor seemed to agree with Jude. Talking and flirting with Jude had made time fly by.

Connor got up from the couch and searched for his clothes while Jude did the same. Connor got dressed while Jude was sprinting around the room. Connor tried not looking at Jude’s ass the entire time in those skinny jeans that Connor had learned to love.

He chuckled seeing Jude being so stressed out. After been observing him for a minute or two, still running back and forth from the bathroom to fix whatever wasn’t already perfect, Connor walked up to Jude from behind and put his hands on his hips.

“Hey, relax. We’ll make it on time,” Connor said and hugged Jude. It did seem to work, Connor could hear Jude exhaling and he could feel him relaxing some into his embrace.

They stood like that for a while, knowing they would soon have to leave Jude’s room and whatever moment they had had would be over. Jude’s head was still resting on Connor’s shoulder, their cheeks connected.

“I… I won’t tell anyone.” Jude said in a low voice. It was like he could read Connor’s mind. Connor closed his eyes, he didn’t know what to say. Jude didn’t know what he expected, that Connor would tell him that he didn’t care about that?

Jude sighed, he regretted saying something. This had been sex and nothing else. Of course it had. Sex meant nothing to Connor, Jude reminded himself. He’d been stupid for a while.

Finally, Connor decided to say something. “I’m… I’m sorry.” Not the words Jude was hoping for. Jude swallowed and took a breath. He opened his eyes and plastered on a smile as he broke free from Connor and turned around.

“No worries. I get it.”

Connor stood still for a few moments, looking at Jude leaving his room to go downstairs. Connor sighed, hanged down his head and followed Jude.

 

 

\---

 

 

They took Connor’s car to school. Connor looked over a few times at Jude, but Jude was staring out the window. Jude’s hands were cupping each other, like they were trying to get warmer. Jude had so small delicate hands, his thin pale fingers were in constant motion. Connor cleared his throat and let his gaze return to the road.

Connor wanted to say something, anything really, but he came up with nothing. So many things he wanted to tell Jude, so many things to talk about, so many things Connor wanted to know. Problem was… all those things scared Connor, he was scared what it would lead to. Best case scenario was Connor getting hurt. Worst case was Jude getting hurt.

They were getting closer to school and Jude was still not talking to him. Connor was in all fairness not saying anything either but Jude was the one looking away, distant.

Time had gone by so fast this morning, just by talking. Naturally, Connor did acknowledge that they avoided talking about anything that was them or about the past. Connor was happy though, Jude had shared some things with him. Jude had felt comfortable enough.

As they were approaching the parking lot, something occurred to Connor. _Fuck._

Connor slowed down, his stomach clenched. As if he needed a reminder that there was only one thing that he was good enough for Jude for. Jude seemed to be taken back to the car as he started looking around. Connor was tempted to greet him welcome back.

Connor stopped his car close to the school but not at the parking lot. Jude looked over at Connor with a quizzical look. He needed only see Connor’s sad expression to understand.

“Oh… you don’t want anyone to… Ok… I get it. Sorry, didn’t think of that…,” Jude said and looked down at his lap and his fingers that hadn’t been still for a second.

Connor sat quiet, like the idiot he very much felt like. Connor didn’t want Jude to get out of the car. He needed him to stay.

Jude inhaled and grabbed his backpack. “Ok, I guess I see you,” he said as he put one hand on the door handle.

“March 22nd 2012.” Connor said. Jude stopped his movements. He leaned back into the car seat and sniffled.

“That was you, right?” Connor said, voicer lower and more unsteady than Jude had ever heard it.

Jude gulped, nodded and closed his eyes. Closing his eyes made a single tear escape his eye and run down his cheek.

“A-and… my 11th…. My 11th…,” Connor couldn’t get the words through. Jude sniffled again and nodded. Eyes still shut.

Even if it was over seven years ago, it’s something Connor will never forget. How the phone rang. Connor was turning eleven. He had a party. There weren’t that many there, Kara and a few others. Connor had become something of a loner, he needed the time to think, and he needed the time to mourn what was lost to him.

Connor remembers picking up the phone standing in the empty living room, everyone else was in the kitchen, thinking it was some relative or whatever wishing him a happy birthday. Connor answered the phone and was met by nothing but barely audible breaths. It was eerie really, the way Connor _knew_ after a second who was on the other side. Everything else around him faded, all sounds silenced. Connor remembers how he started to tremble within seconds. A few seconds later he was crying into his hand, trying to muffle the sounds.

“Jude?”

To this day Connor can’t explain how he just _knew_.

“Jude… is that you?” Connor said with a broken voice, not able to stop crying.

He had heard the person on the other side trying to get their breathing under control. His heart sunk when the one on the other side hung up, Connor heard the other person starting to cry just before the line went mute.

Connor looked at Jude who sat still with eyes closed. His jaw quivered. Connor had done the forbidden thing. He’d opened the door to the past. He needed to know though, about the second and last time he had heard from Jude since that godforsaken day he left Salem and Connor behind.

“W-what… what happened that day?” Connor finally got through. Jude inhaled sharply. The same thing had happened as on his 11th birthday. This time Connor was 13 and he wasn’t considered a loner anymore. He had made friends, gotten more invested in sports, he’d met Dylan who quickly became his best friend.

That was the thing, Connor was totally unprepared as his phone rang that day, caller unknown. Still, it took only a second for his entire body to just _know_. Connor had been on the way home. He’d been at Dylan’s house. It was a Saturday. That’s all he can remember before picking up his phone.

This time it was one thing that was different. In the background Connor could hear voices, they sounded far away like they were in another room or something. He heard laughter. He also heard the young boy that he still missed more than anyone could ever understand. He heard _him_ , he knew it was him. Breathing, only breathing through his nose.

“Jude?” Connor asked him. This time the boy started crying softly, but he didn’t hang up. Connor sat down on the sidewalk and started crying as well. They stayed like that, just crying into their phones.

Something happened, noises heard on the end of the line, he thinks that he heard something that sounded like a knock. The boy sitting on the other side tried to stop crying, after a minute he sniffled and whispered so low that Connor can’t be sure but he thinks he heard him whispering “I miss you…” into the phone before hanging up.

Connor had been inconsolable. He had no idea how long he sat there, sobbing loudly. He remembers a woman with a stroller sitting down beside him, startling him, asking how he was doing. He’d leaned into the woman’s embrace for a long time, he cried so much that his body started to ache. The woman had stroked his back, he remembers that. When Connor had calmed down he’d felt too embarrassed to even look her in the eyes. He’d never seen her again.

Back in the car Connor’s fighting his tears and so was Jude. Jude opened his mouth, trying to speak, but he couldn’t get the words out. Connor’s question lingered until Jude gave speaking another shot.

“That… that w-was the day I got adopted,” Jude said in his by now familiar whimpering low voice.

“Yeah?” Connor said, his emotions were in turmoil.

Jude opened his eyes, Connor could see them glistering. Jude nodded while looking straight ahead, his voice unsteady, “I thought… I was so happy. That day. I had n-never felt so happy… not since…,” Jude had to close his eyes again and concentrate on breathing properly.

Jude sniffled and dried his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater. He was looking back, remembering.

“I thought that I… that I could… I wanted you to know. I… fuck!” Jude didn’t find the words, frustrated he started crying softly.

“I-I-I was so happy and that made me think of you.”

Jude couldn’t hold back his tears any longer, running freely he said through his sobs, “I missed you every day Connor…" Jude repeated and emphasized the words, "Every day…”

Needing to get out this very moment, Jude opened the car door without looking at Connor. He couldn’t.

Jude’s parting words finally made Connor’s walls come down the moment Jude closed the door behind him. He fought it, he really did. It was a fight Connor always won. Not today though.

Connor leaned his arms against the steering wheel. Connor put his forehead against his arms and started crying for the first time in many years.


	9. Rescue me

Neither one of them made it to their first class in time.

Connor ended up sitting in his car for 30 minutes before he got ahold of himself. For the greater part of it he was thinking about where to go. He just wanted to drive and continue driving until he was so far away from everything and everyone that no one could reach him. He even used an app that could tell him how far in the US he’d get on a full tank of gas.

Things were quickly getting out of control. Things were going too fast. What the fuck had he just done? He’d had sex with a guy. It had felt… right. Connor had no other word for it and by god did he want to find one. He hadn’t even been that nervous apart from when he just got to Jude’s house. One thing had led to another, Connor had done much of the leading to be honest, and Connor had come harder than ever before.

Connor had said that before. To more than one girl he’d had sex with. They like that. Feeling special. Of course none of them were. Connor hadn’t met the one yet, that’s why it hadn’t felt special, that was what he told himself.

“Fuck!” Connor yelled as he hit his steering wheel. The feeling of everything spiraling out of control a familiar one to Connor. There was something else though, through all the frustration there was something deep down in his gut. Something… warm. Something that Connor only let come out when he really needed it. Something that only certain thoughts brought him.

Somehow Connor got a hold of himself. He had let Jude leave his car. Why the fuck didn’t he say anything? Jude was miserable and Jude being miserable was something that Connor couldn’t allow. Even so, Connor had just sat there like a fucking idiot. Like a coward.

Connor dried his face with his hands. He picked up his phone despite not knowing what to do, but he had to do something.

 

 

\---

 

 

Jude spent almost as long in a bathroom stall, faucet turned on all the way so that nobody would hear him. At first he thought about going home, _fuck this shit_ , too many things running through his head.

He had had sex with Connor. They had talked, even opened up some at his house, Jude more than Connor had. Not that Jude had any real hope, but it still hurt knowing that Connor didn’t want anyone knowing. Jude understood, but it still fucking hurt.

Jude could handle all that, he thought. Then Connor had to fucking mention the phone calls… Jude thinking back to those days were rarely a good idea. Alone, he felt so fucking alone. He thought about his adoption. Good days. Bad days. Very bad days.

 _Fuck_. Jude was leaning over the sink, breathing heavily. Far too many extreme emotions bubbling up at once. Everything… too much.

 _Fuck… I even had to tell him I missed him every fucking day._ Jude rubbed his face with the palm of his hands as hard as he could, trying to reset his brain or something.

Something in his jeans vibrated. He leaned down, through his jeans pocket he could see the screen lighting up. A few more deep breaths before he, with some hassle due to _non-baggy jeans_ , managed to get his phone up.

[C] For the record. I missed you too.

Jude rubbed his face again with one hand, pushing his thumb and middle finger against his closed eyes until his eyeballs started to hurt. He inhaled through his mouth and exhaled through his nose, trying to calm down. Easier said than done. Jude checked the time, seeing he was already late for class he decided not to reply.

While rubbing his neck Jude’s light blue briefs became visible for a moment. Yes, deliberately he wore the same underwear as the night before and yes he’d been avoiding washing his face. Because of reasons.

Jude nearly smiled thinking that he did not envy the psychologist that would have to handle his mess in the future.

 

 

\---

 

 

Jude was having troubles concentrating in class. Strategically enough he took a seat at the back. He needed to think, what just had happened. He could avoid talking to anyone since he didn’t really know anybody in this class.

His phone buzzed again, startling him while deep in thought. He had been smart enough not to have it in the confined space that was his jeans pocket.

[C] You wanna have lunch with me and D?

Jude snorted. That smug asshole.

[J] I thought u didnt want 2 b seen w me?

The response from Connor was immediate.

[C] What?

Jude snorted again and shook his head. _This guy…_

[J] Whatever

It took a minute for the response to come this time.

[C] No, no Jude I didn’t mean it like that! D always waits for me @ parking and I didn’t want him to know, ok? He would get it if I he knew I spent the night with you. I’m sorry.

Deservingly enough, Connor felt like a coward.

Jude looked at the text. The anger and hurt from before receded some. He could understand Connor, in some way. Jude felt relieved. If Connor had meant that he didn’t even want to be seen with hi, that would be something that Jude could never accept, and the bare thought of having to cut Connor out completely made him shudder from pure fear.

[J] Ok. Could have told me that. Now I look like drama q

[C] Sorry :( Please have lunch with me?

[J] Forget it. Ill b there

Jude had to do his very best not to use any smiley emojis, even if he maybe didn’t have any real reason to be that mad at Connor he liked Connor apologizing to him. Yes, Jude knew it might not be his most attractive trait. He was 18, perfection had to wait a while longer.

 

 

\---

 

 

“Hey man, can I sit with you?” Dylan asked. Sitting at his desk waiting for second period to start, Jude was a bit lost in his thoughts.

“Umm, yes, of course,” Jude said.

“Cool,” Dylan said and smiled at him.

Jude cleared his throat. He’d come to understand from the way Connor talked about him that Dylan was an important person to Connor. He should make the effort.

“You good?” Jude asked as Dylan was taking up his notebook from his backpack.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Dylan said and smiled.

The boys unpacked their backpacks in silence and class started. Being a physics class they got an assignment doing some experiment. Jude and Dylan decided to team up. It became quite obvious that they were at about the same level, that not being a high one.

“Come on Jude, I thought you were smart,” Dylan said as both struggled with the assignment.

“Me? Smart? No, trophy wife is my career goal,” Jude said and made his wrist fall limp, looking totally hetero.

Dylan laughed. He could see why Connor liked Jude. Him and Jude hadn’t said much to each other but Jude seemed to be like an open book, not afraid to be himself.

“So, how are you liking Oregon? A bit different from California I guess?” Dylan said as they continued working on their assignment turned into a project.

Jude snorted slightly, “Yeah you can say that. We had assholes in Cali but at least nobody gave a shit that I was gay.”

“Patrick and Josh?”

Jude thought about it. “Umm, actually… they’ve been… I don’t know, cool? The last week or so. Even said hello to me, not sarcastically.”

“Really?” Dylan looked surprised.

”Yeah, really. Super weird. But it’s… you know, other assholes. I hear them laughing and stuff like that, about how I walk and… I don’t know, sing and stuff. Being happy seems to piss people off.”

“Hey Jude. You know we got your back, yeah? Me and Connor. Just point them out and we’ll kill them for ya, ok?”

Jude snickered. ”Kill them? Sounds reasonable. Thanks but I’m good. I’m used to handling assholes.”

Dylan nodded.

Jude gave him a moment. “Really? Nothing?” Jude said.

Dylan looked over with a raised brow. ”Huh?”

“Nevermind. I was just being fucking hilarious.”

Even though Jude’s fantastic pun went unnoticed, Jude couldn’t help liking what Dylan said. Connor had found a good friend in Dylan. So good it made Jude wonder.

“Hey… was it… was it hard for you, coming out… you know, here?” Jude asked.

“It was ok. There’s always idiots, but it was ok,” Dylan said.

Jude swallowed. After a moment he said, “You think there are… others… afraid of coming out, here at school?”

Dylan finished up what he was doing while thinking about it. “Umm… yeah. To be honest with you… I don’t know if I would have done it if it wasn’t for Connor.”

Jude tried to sound unaffected. “How do you mean?”

“Well… everyone knows me and Connor are close and… well everyone has mad respect for Con so they were pretty much forced into accepting me,” Dylan said, having had much time thinking about this subject.

Jude went silent and nodded while looking into nothingness. Deep inside he started to realize this stupid dream of his wouldn’t come true. Noticing Jude’s mind being somewhere far away from here, Dylan also kept quiet.

When class was finished and they were wrapping up, Dylan said, “So guess I’ll see you at practice this afternoon, yeah?”

“Umm… I think I’ll see you at lunch,” Jude said a bit awkwardly. Dylan noticed.

”Okay? That’s cool.”

”Yeah… Connor kind of… invited me, if that’s cool?”

Dylan had a real hard time repressing the smirk on his face.

“Of course that’s cool. See you then,” Dylan said and walked to the last class before lunch, with his back turned to Jude he started grinning. Dylan was no idiot. Connor had never invited anyone to sit with them before.

 

\---

 

After getting his lunch, Jude looked up. Connor was sitting at the table he always sat at. Alone. _Shit_. He had hoped that Dylan would have been there, taking some of the awkwardness away.

Before Jude had the time to think of something, Connor looked up and met his eyes. He gave a shy smile after Connor waved at him.

“Hey…,” Connor said as Jude sat down in front of him.

“Hey…,” Jude said, looking anywhere but at Connor.

They both sat in a very awkward silence for a few moments. Connor was searching for something to say, he glanced at Jude but Jude looked like he wanted to just disappear from the face of the earth. The difference vast from the cocky boy who had sassed at him and rubbed his ass against him at wrestling practice.

“I’m sorry… for this morning…,” Connor started in a low voice. Jude didn’t say anything, he kept chewing on his lower lip while looking down.

“I shouldn’t have made you get out of the car. I’m sorry,” Connor continued.

“It’s ok…,” Jude murmured, but Connor heard him. Connor sighed. It really wasn’t.

Another minute of silence.

“I’m sorry for… you know, talking about… before… It wasn’t… the time to do it,” Connor said with a concerned voice. Jude didn’t look at him and he looked so small, even smaller than he was.

Jude sniffled and looked up at Connor. “It’s ok. It’s just… hard…,” Jude said.

Connor gulped and nodded. “Yeah, I know…”

Jude looked down again and whispered more than talked. “I really want us to be friends again…”

“Me too,” Connor said and saw the corner of Jude’s mouth twitching. Connor had to fight the urge to get up and sit down beside Jude and hug him until he stopped looking sad. Jude couldn’t be sad. He was always happy. Ok not always, but Connor wanted him to always be happy.

“But, Connor,” Jude said, still looking down, “I think we… we need to talk…”

“Yeah, I know.” Connor sighed and ran a hand through his dark blonde hair, “I know.”

Jude sniffled once more as he finally dared to look up at Connor again. “Yeah?”

Connor nodded. ”Yeah.”

Jude talked quickly, as to not give Connor time to change his mind, ”We don’t have to talk about everything but I just… Just so we can be friends again and-,” Connor interrupted him and said more calmly, “I know Jude, I know. Tomorrow?”

Feeling a bit embarrassed over getting worked up, Jude smiled awkwardly. “Ok. Tomorrow.”

Connor got warm seeing the smile return to Jude’s face. No one looked better while smiling than Jude did. His face was meant to smile. Connor was sure of it.

They didn’t stop looking at each other, after but a moment their grins got wider before they started snickering.

“Sorry… it’s just… it’s been an intense 24 hours,” Jude said after not knowing why he couldn’t stop smiling.

“Tell me about it,” Connor said thinking the same as Jude.

Connor turned his head slightly to smell his own armpit. “Man I need a shower.”

Jude put his hand over his mouth not to laugh too loudly and said, “Sorry about that.”

Connor chuckled, the high of happiness mixed with loss of anxiety to blame. “Don’t be, I like your kinks.”

Jude smiled wide, a slight blush on his cheek. He looked down and tugged at his own briefs, ”You know I think I forgot to change underwear.” Jude looked up at Connor again and wiggled his brow, “Sticky.”

Connor laughed, bit his lip and said, “Damn you’re filthy.”

Jude looked to the side and tried to look cute and innocent. “Aaaand I might have forgotten to wash my face… honest mistake.”

Connor chuckled as his dick twitched in his pants. And here Connor thought that no one had as dirty mind as he had.

Jude started laughing. “Fuck I’m sorry. Why do we always start talking about stuff like this?”

Connor was smiling wide when he responded without thinking, “It’s easier.”

Both of them gave a single nervous huff of a laughter before looking away, knowing it was the uncomfortable truth. As a gift from some higher power, Dylan made his way to their table, saving them from what undoubtedly would have been a long awkward silence.

 

 

\---

 

 

Dylan and Connor were sitting in Dylan's basement.

“So… where were you last night? You kinda disappeared after practice,” Dylan said casually.

“Umm…,” Connor paused as he nearly scored, “Fuck!” he missed, “Umm… I was, you know… just stuff at home.”

“Uh-huh,” Dylan said. They continued playing for a few minutes before Dylan continued, ”I had physics with Jude. He’s a cool guy.” Dylan gauged Connor’s reaction but he was hard to read just looking from the side.

“Yeah… yeah he’s cool.” Connor kept his cool, there was a slight edge to Dylan’s voice. Maybe Connor imagined it.

“You know… you could have invited him over.” Once again, Dylan was super casual and discreet. Too bad for Connor he wasn’t able to do much thinking while playing FIFA.

“Nah he couldn’t tonight, he’s going to Tina’s, some movie night with the girls.”

Dylan leaned back even more so Connor wouldn’t see his smile. Connor had already thought about that, of course he had. Sometimes Connor remained a mystery to Dylan, but sometimes he was as transparent as water.

“Alright… alright. Maybe some other time,” Dylan said, deciding not to push, much to Connor’s liking.

 

 

\---

 

 

Jude and Kara were over at Tina’s. Together with Linda, Tina’s best friend and sidekick, and Anna who had hosted the pool party, they were having a great time. It was Kara’s first time hanging out with the other three girls. For Kara it was kind of surreal hanging out with Linda, Tina and Anna. Not that being popular was important to Kara, but still it felt kind of cool hanging out with people she knew others would literally kill for.

They were all up in Tina’s room, having just finished watching a movie they had laughed and cried to.

“Oh that Logan Lerman is too cute. I want to have his babies,” Tina said while sighing loudly.

“Me too,” Jude said.

“God, you would look so hot being pregnant Jude!” Tina exclaimed.

“I know right!?” Jude shot back. They were all laughing.

Linda took a single potato chip before saying while moaning, ”I fucking love male pregnancies.”

Jude giggled, “What?”

“Mpreg? Hello?” Linda looked at him like he was an idiot. Jude looked at Kara for some support, to Jude's relief she looked as confused as he was.

Tina sniggered, “Linda is into a lot of weird shit Jude, just ignore her.”

“Hey it’s not weird, it’s hoooooot,” Linda said, not giving up. The next ten minutes she spent educating Jude and Kara about… they weren’t even sure. Linda kept using words like _alpha_ , _beta_ , _omega_ and _slick_ over and over again. More than anything else, the two of them were fascinated over how enthusiastic Linda was while telling them.

“Wow…,” Kara said when Linda seemed to have finished. Kara’s pretty sure that the last sentence Linda had uttered had the term _come inflation_ in it but she really didn’t want to ask.

Tina and Anna were both shaking their heads in defeat. Their friend was beyond saving.

“It feels so good to meet someone who’s even kinkier than I am, thank you Linda,” Jude said jokingly while patting Linda on her shoulder in encouragement. They all laughed, mostly Linda, she was kind of used to people not getting it.

“Oh please Jude tell us about them! I know it’s stereotypical as fuck but boy on boy action is soooo hot,” Tina said.

Jude laughed loudly, “Oh hell no, I’m not telling you!”

Kara kept an eye on Jude, ready to rescue him if he seemed uncomfortable.

“Please!” Anna said. ”We’ll tell ours.”

Kara chuckled. If she had been in a petty mood she could have snorted about how cliché the popular click was. If only they would be mean and not so fucking nice all the time they would certainly click all the boxes.

“Black guys,” Anna said like it wasn’t known to anyone that’s ever talked to her.

“Blindfolded,” Tina said, “Not knowing who I was doing,” she filled in.

“Three guys doing me on a pool table,” Linda said, getting worked up, “Before they start fucking each other. And we all get pregnant and live together with all our babies.”

All five of them laughed. Not that Linda was joking one bit.

“Hey Kara, tell us some lezz fantasy!” Anna said, seemingly eager to know.

Kara hesitated a moment. “Come on!” Tina cheered her on.

”Ok. Ok. Don’t take this the wrong way but… straight girls.”

“Straight girls?” Tina said, she seemed intrigued. “Like, you converting them or something?”

“I don’t know, something like that. Like it’s forbidden… I don’t know,” Kara said while blushing. She wasn’t as used as the others talking about stuff like this.

Tina, Linda and Anna all high-fived Kara. ”Yes! Sharing is caring,” Tina said before looking over at Jude expectantly.

Jude thought it over. Not that he needed to really, he had a pretty good idea what he liked even if he lacked the experience.

“Umm…,” Jude trailed off and started to blush. The group snickered at him. “Come on Jude!”

“I don’t know… like… rough,” Jude said the last word in a low voice.

“Rough?” Linda said in a much higher voice. Jude blushed again and nodded.

“Like, you want to fuck someone rough?” Anna said like it was no big deal at all. Jude could talk about sex with his friends but them he had known for years, not weeks.

Jude shook his head and continued to blush.

“What then?” Anna said, not getting it.

“Idiot! _He_ wants to be dominated,” Tina said while rolling her eyes at Anna.

Kara snickered while looking over at Jude. He seemed a bit embarrassed but nothing more than that. He was with friends and Kara was glad for his sake.

They kept laughing and eating the snacks.

“Ok ok so to summarize. Jude getting brutally gangbanged by black guys on a pool table, blindfolded, until he gets pregnant while…,” Tina struggled, “While some straight girls tries eating vag, I don’t know!”

“Yass!” Jude moaned jokingly.

The quintet continued talking about everything and nothing until it got dark. When it was time to leave Kara and Jude decided to walk home together.

 

 

\---

 

 

“Hey, you and Tina are getting close. She likes you,” Kara said as they were walking home.

Jude looked over and raised a brow, “She knows I’m gay Kara.”

“Duh. I didn’t mean it like that. Like a friend.”

Jude shrugged, even though he hoped she was right. He liked Tina a lot.

They walked in silence for a while before Kara asked him. “Talked anything with Connor?”

“Yes, a little…,” Jude said with his eyes glued to the ground as he kept walking.

“Anything about… stuff that matters?”

“A little.”

“Ok… that’s good.” Kara found herself in such a frustrating position. She saw how Jude reacted whenever she mentioned Connor, Connor reacted the same way when she mentioned Jude. She knew that Jude was actually kind of shy, even though he tried not to let anyone know. She also knew that Connor was a fucking coward when it came to anything that involved Jude. With anything else, Connor didn’t give a shit, but with Jude… with Jude it certainly mattered.

“Should we go by his house? It’s not much of a detour,” Kara asked him.

“What? No… it’s late,” Jude said.

“I didn’t mean to go in. Just outside. Come on,” Kara convinced him.

Reluctantly, Jude agreed.

 

 

\---

 

 

They started hearing loud voices and sounds up ahead. Jude didn’t really recognize the neighborhood. He hadn’t been here for many years. Kara on the other hand, was starting to worry. She started walking more slowly.

“What is it?” Jude asked her.

“I’m not… I’m not sure.”

The sidewalk was dark, only a few light posts were dimly lit. A car passed them, it seemed to be in a hurry. Some more shouting heard and Kara stopped.

“Hey, Jude. Wait. I think… I think it’s from Connor’s house.”

Jude stopped and stood by Kara as the car that passed them drove up and parked on a familiar driveway. It was Connor’s house and that was Connor's car. He’d recognize it anywhere.

Jude looked around. There were some people on the streets out on their lawns, all looking towards Connor’s house. Loud shouting heard, Jude saw the source of it. His heart ached seeing Adam Stevens, Connor’s father, lying on his yard, only his head resting on the porch. He was screaming. He sounded angry. Jude could see the bottle in his hand.

”Fucking niggers get the fuck… get the fuck… stop fucking looking at me!” He screamed, seemingly at the colored couple standing on their porch that was located across from the Stevens’s.

Jude saw Connor opening the door to the parked car. He was half-running to his father. Jude’s heart ached again seeing Connor’s pained expression. He gulped and looked over at Kara who looked almost as sad as Connor.

“Should we help him?” Jude whispered to Kara.

She shook her head, ”No… I don’t think Connor wants us to…”

Adam kept screaming profanities. He slurred his words, he sounded wasted.

“Fucking faggots! Get tha… get tha fuck out of here you fucking… fucking niggers,” Adam was now screaming at all his neighbors it seemed and he tried to stand up, which failed. Most of the spectators shook their heads. Some were laughing at him.

Jude didn’t like standing like this in the dark, it felt like he was spying on Connor or something.

“Dad… dad please get up,” Connor pleaded with him. Kara and Jude barely heard him as they were standing at some distance, but they heard how broken Connor’s words were.

Connor tried getting his father to stand up by putting one of Adam’s arms on Connor’s shoulder. Adam wouldn’t have it. “Dad, please, come inside,” Connor whimpered.

”I’m gonna kill all of you! Fu-fucking idiots!” Adam screamed at the top of his lungs. The neighborhood was completely silent except for Adam’s screams and Connor attempts of calming him down. Adam put the bottle to his mouth but Connor took it from him.

“No dad, no more, you’re drunk. Please come inside with me.” Connor was huge for being 18 but Adam was almost as big as Connor. Connor had no chance to lift his father inside.

Adam was not calming down the slightest, he kept screaming swears and insults to everyone he could see. Connor was getting desperate, Jude could hear. “Please dad, let’s go inside.”

Jude could only imagine how humiliating this had to be to Connor who was close to tears. All their neighbors seeing his embarrassment of a father making a fool of himself.

“Give me my fucking drink boy!” Adam turned his anger to Connor. Jude couldn’t take it, Connor didn’t deserve this.

“No dad, come inside, please,” Connor kept repeating, it sounded like he was about to break down. Voice already broken.

“Give me it! You fucking fag, why do you think your mother left!?”

Jude had had enough and acted on instinct. He would not stand idly by seeing Adam destroying more of Connor, he’d done plenty of that already. Connor had taken a step back, not knowing what to do. Adam kept screaming and screaming, now standing up even if it was on unsteady legs. Connor just wanted to disappear. Forever. It wasn’t the first time his father had used his mother against him but it still hurt more than anything else.

“Hey, Adam!” Jude shouted as he made his way over the Stevens’s lawn.

“Jude…?” Connor said to himself.

“What the fu-fuck?” Adam stuttered, a bit lower this time, not expecting the small figure concealed by darkness who was approaching him. Adam clenched his fists ready to attack when the young boy stepped into the light coming from their porch. When Connor saw Adam’s reaction, he didn’t need to hesitate, he rushed to the side of his father and put a hand on his shoulder, ready to intervene.

“Adam… it’s me, it’s Jude.” Kara witnessed history repeating as Jude walked up to Adam, showing no sign of being scared of the huge man who clearly was unstable.

Adam blinked a couple of times. He squinted his eyes. His clenched fists eased up some. Connor was breathing heavily.

“Jude?” Adam said, in a normal voice for the first time in hours. By just holding a hand on Adam’s shoulder, Connor could feel Adam’s body relaxing.

Connor looked over at Jude at the exact right moment. Connor could feel what was left of Adam’s extreme anger leave Adam’s body as Jude smiled and nodded at Adam.

Connor couldn't tell why or how or... anything really. What he did know was that it was among the most beautiful things he’d ever seen. Time was most certainly slowing down. Here, in all the chaos created by his deadbeat father, Jude managed to shine like the freaking sun.

How Jude did it, Connor did not know. No one had ever had the effect on his father that Jude had. He hated everyone, everything.

Adam smiled. It wasn’t a beautiful smile but Connor's eyes widened. He couldn't remember the last time he’d seen his father smile.

“J-Jude… wow. All gro-grown up,” Adam said and chuckled. He took a few steps forward and hugged Jude. Another action causing Connor to question if anything of this was real. Jude held his breath, Adam reeked of alcohol but he hugged the older man back even though he sure as hell didn’t want to. However, Adam needed to remain calm, for Connor’s sake.

“What do you say Adam, let’s get you inside yeah?” Jude said.

Adam agreed and let himself be guided back to the house by holding onto both Jude and Connor. Jude looked back at Kara who signaled for him to go on, she would be ok.

“So g-good to see y-you Ju-Jude,” Adam stuttered as they finally got him inside the house, Connor closed the door behind him.

“Good to see you too Adam,” Jude lied.

“Let’s get you to the couch dad,” Connor said and together with Jude he led his father into the living room.

Adam kept rambling, the message each time being it was good to see Jude again. The moment his back hit the couch, Adam dozed off and he started to snore within seconds.

Seeing his father being unconscious and finally under control, Connor pushed his back against the wall and sat down on the floor. He pushed his legs to his chest and put his elbows on his knees before burrowing his head in his hands. Connor closed his eyes and tried getting his breathing under control. Jude sat down beside Connor in the familiar living room, not much had changed in eight years. After a moment, Connor started crying for the second time this day.

Jude put one of his hands on Connor’s leg and started stroking it in some attempt to comfort Connor.

“Hey… it’ll be alright…,” Jude said in a low voice.

“No it won’t…,” Connor said hiding behind his hands. “It will always be like this.”

Jude moved closer to Connor and put his forehead against Connor’s shoulder. Jude also had tears running down his cheeks. Jude hadn’t exactly had the best childhood but Jude started to realize that the big strong boy sitting beside him probably had had an even worse one. Of course Jude had thought about it but somewhere he had convinced himself that Adam had changed his ways.

“I didn’t want you to see that…,” Connor said and sniffled.

“See what?”

“That. Him… He’s such a fucking embarrassment,” Connor spat out angrily as he leant his arms forward, still resting them on his knees, making his hands stop hiding his face. Jude raised his head from Connor’s shoulder so he could look at Connor from the side. Connor had tears on his cheeks. Jude wanted to dry them but he knew he couldn’t.

“Hey I don’t care about that. I just care about you,” Jude said while stroking Connor’s calf up and down.

Connor closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. Another tear escaped his eye.

“This day… Fuck, it’s just… Too much going on,” Connor said, still with closed eyes. Jude wanted to hug him, anything, Connor looked so sad and it was breaking Jude’s heart.

“It’s going to be alright…,” Jude didn’t know what else to say.

They sat there on the floor for a few moments. Jude just listed to Connor breathing heavily, every now and then a tear ran down his cheek but Connor wasn’t sobbing loudly anymore. Jude almost wish that he were. Connor’s silent tears made Jude tremble. Connor didn’t deserve feeling like this. Never. Not Connor.

Connor opened his eyes and looked at Jude.

”Thank you…”

”For what?” Jude whispered back.

Slowly Connor moved one of his hands towards Jude’s face. Using his thumb, he dried Jude’s wet cheek. Jude closed his eyes, Connor’s tender touch felt so good. Jude was trembling again but for a completely different reason, this time it was Connor nearly undoing him with a single touch.

“For saving me… again.”

Jude blinked and a tear made its way down to where Connor’s thumb was slowly caressing his cheek. Connor looked into Jude’s deep brown eyes. Jude could barely breathe. Connor’s hazel eyes had been what Jude fell for the first time he saw Connor. Even if Connor looked different now than he did back then, the hazel remained intact. It was the eyes that still haunted Jude and now here he was, sitting not two feet away from them.

A dangerous thought entered Connor’s mind. Not that it didn’t do so all the time, but with Jude sitting right in front of him, Connor had to fight it. He had to remember that he was good for one thing only to Jude, Jude deserved so much better than the lost boy he always felt like.

Connor looked away, Jude felt like he was brought back from hypnosis, he had to re-orientate himself.

Heartbeats heard. In the background Adam was probably snoring but they didn’t listen to that. They listened to each other’s breaths and their own heartbeat. It felt so good. Just sitting there. It probably shouldn’t, nothing about this was normal but even so, they didn’t care.

Connor was still looking forward with Jude sitting beside him, turned towards him. Connor sighed, for a moment he let his mind think of his father and all the shit he had had to endure.

“I hate this fucking house…,” Connor spat out.

Jude remained silent. After a minute, Jude said just above a whisper.

“I don’t.”

It took a moment for Connor, as if he had to register what Jude had said. Connor turned towards Jude and said, “What?”

“I don’t,” Jude said again and looked down. He swallowed and kept looking at his cupped hands.

“Why?” Connor didn’t know if he asked Jude why he didn’t hate it or why Jude was looking down, clearly avoiding eye contact.

“Be-… because something happened here that I will never forget,” Jude said in the same low whispering voice.

Connor’s breathing slowed down. He forced down saliva. Was Jude going to…

“Because in this house… a long time ago… in this very room a boy I…. Iiked, more than he knows, gave me the first kiss of my life,” Jude whispered and looked up at Connor, eyes filled with tears, “And I’ll never forget it.”

Connor’s lower lip trembling, Jude whispered, “Never.”

Connor could feel his eyes stinging. Jude had tears running freely. The boy was almost shaking.

Without breaking eye contact, Connor moved closer to Jude. The moment finally came to Connor, his body and mind agreeing for once. It was time to stop running. He had no way of stopping himself. He had waited eight years for this.

 

Connor leaned in and kissed Jude.


	10. Quite a pair

Technically, it wasn’t their first kiss. However, the difference from a chaste close-lipped kiss between two ten-year-olds and this one sure made it feel like their first.

Jude had fantasized about this moment so many times that he’d lost track years ago. He tried to avoid it, only to let himself think about it when he really needed to, when he was at his lowest. Jude had just sat there, passively, when Connor started to lean in towards him. He had had no time whatsoever to react to the surreal moment Connor was about to create.

Just before Connor’s lips touched his, Jude closed his eyes. Still sitting passively, Jude felt Connor’s lips move slightly against his. At first, Jude was too scared to move or kiss back or really do anything. His brain turned off. He couldn’t do a thing. He did none of the things he’d daydreamed about for eight years. He didn’t smell Connor, he didn’t put one hand in Connor’s hair, he didn’t part his lips to deepen the kiss.

Jude’s brain started to communicate with him again.

Connor’s lips felt soft, Connor was so tender and careful. Connor moved so slow. So slow. Like he just _had_ to do this right. Like Jude’s lips were the most delicate and precious thing in the world, like they had to be treated like they were invaluable.

Taste. Jude found Connor’s lips to taste with a hint of salt. Just barely noticeable.

Jude’s nose grasped against Connor’s. Jude inhaled. There it was, Connor’s rousing musk. It sent signals all through Jude’s body, he needed more. Jude inhaled again, trying to press his nose against Connor’s skin. Connor’s smell filled his senses, Jude felt like he was falling.

Very gently, Connor sucked on Jude’s lower lip before he broke the kiss by pulling back not a full inch.

Connor had to put his forehead and nose against Jude’s to steady himself. Both boys still had their eyes closed, taking deep breaths.

Jude tried to fight it, he pressed his eyes shut but it didn’t help. Too many emotions, _way_ too many emotions, to hold back warm tears. Jude sniffled. Jude trembled, or so he thought. He realized that it was Connor who did, he felt it through their connected foreheads.

Connor also tried to keep it together. He’d kissed Jude. He’d kissed Jude. He’d kissed those perfect pink lips. He wanted to taste them again, he wanted to taste that sweet taste again, but right now he had to concentrate on breathing.

Connor moved his nose against Jude’s, slowly rubbing them against each other. Jude made a low sound as he started to move his nose against Connor’s, copying his movements. Foreheads still connected, still so very close to each other.

They stayed like that for a minute. Breathing and moving their heads slowly, not wanting the moment to end, not wanting to get back to whatever was waiting outside of this. Connor had never experienced intimacy like this before, all it took was for them to ever so tenderly brush their noses against each other.

Connor sniffled and exhaled, still not able to keep his jaw from shivering some. Connor pulled back, disconnecting their foreheads. Jude was taking shallow breaths through his nose as he opened his eyes. When he did, Connor’s hazel ones were already open and looking at him.

Perhaps it was that Jude himself wasn’t in control that made it so hard for him to read Connor. At least Connor didn’t look away from him.

Jude gave Connor a slight smile, Connor gave him a weak one back. At least it was a smile, Jude thought. They kept looking at each other, Jude trying to get a read of Connor, but it was hard. A few times, Jude noticed Connor swallowing, perhaps even a small frown on Connor’s forehead. Connor’s eyes sometimes flickered some, like they concentrated on looking at one of Jude’s eyes at a time.

A loud snore from Adam broke the spell. Adam moved in the couch and Jude and Connor cleared their throats and took their first normal breath in quite a while.

Connor nodded towards the hallway and got up, Jude followed in silence. Jude walked as if on eggshells. Like he didn’t want to startle Connor. He carefully observed Connor walking a few feet in front of him without saying a word. There were a million things he wanted to say to Connor, but right now he couldn’t utter a word.

They got to the front door. Jude didn’t know what to say or do so he let Connor take his time. Connor’s huge stature didn’t help one bit, he looked smaller than Jude had ever seen him.

Connor looked down for a few moments before he looked back up at Jude. Connor’s jaw moved from side to side.

“So… I have to…,” Connor nodded towards the door, “Apologize to the… neighbors.”

Jude nodded back. Connor looked sad again, he hadn’t since the kiss.

”Hey, do you want me to… come with you?” Jude asked.

Connor looked up at the ceiling and sniffled, his eyes watery.

“No… that’s ok. I can handle it on my own,” Connor said, voice low and hoarse.

Jude bit his lip. He wanted to touch Connor. He wanted to take his hand and tell him that everything was going to be ok.

“I know you can… But you don’t have to,” Jude said, wanting to add _not anymore_ but he decided not to.

Connor lowered his head and stopped staring at the ceiling. Another sniffle before looking over at Jude. He gave Jude the same weak smile as from before.

“Please. I want to help,” Jude said as he saw Connor hesitating. He also saw that Connor was far from ok.

Connor didn’t say anything for a moment, blank expression. Once again, much to Jude’s disliking, he wasn’t able to read the big fragile-looking blonde standing in front of him.

“Yo-you sure?”

“Yes. Please.” Jude didn’t hesitate.

Connor swallowed and nodded. He reached for the door handle, Jude stopped him by putting his hand on Connor’s wrist.

“Hey, you ok?” Jude said, caring eyes almost too much for Connor to handle. A moment lost looking into familiar deep brown ones.

“Yeah, yeah I’m ok,” Connor responded.

Connor’s mind caught up with him as he was looking at Jude, who still was gently holding onto his wrists with his tiny hand.

“Are _you_ ok?” Connor asked, with his gaze telling Jude he really wanted to know. Telling Jude he was back. It hadn’t been long but Jude sure had missed him.

Jude smiled and even snickered. He couldn’t help it. His face lit up.

“Yes Connor, I’m ok.”

And there it was, Connor’s genuine smile. It wasn’t there for long as Connor repressed it from his face, but his eyes were still smiling as he nodded to Jude and said, “Good. Let’s go.”

 

\---

 

It was hard, for Jude, to hear Connor talking to his neighbors. But, Connor needed him and Connor wanted him there so Jude tried harder than ever before at keeping it together.

Connor didn’t deserve this. Going from door-to-door apologizing for the drunk currently sleeping it off on the couch. Jude could tell it was far from the first time Connor had done this. Most of them understood, told Connor they appreciated him coming over. It seemed like this wasn’t that big of a deal which made Jude’s stomach ache. It must have gotten much worse than this before, he figured.

The last house they went to chosen not by accident. _The Millers_ , it said on their door post. Connor had been composed before but he had started sniffling when they walked up the porch.

The couple living at the house had been the ones that Adam had directed most of his anger at. They opened the door holding on to each other. The woman had been crying, Jude could tell. The older man, probably in his 50’s or 60’s kept slowly rubbing the woman’s shoulders. His features looked rugged, having a big scar underneath his eye. Connor was looking down.

Jude had already seen Connor cry not an hour ago sitting in the Stevens’s living room. He had no idea that, before this day, it had been years since Connor had cried and he’d never done so in front the two persons standing in front of him.

When Connor started to cry in front of the Miller’s the couple didn’t hesitate a second. The woman made it to Connor within a second. “Oh sweet child, come here,” she said as she held onto Connor’s waist and let him lean down to cry into her neck. The man, about Connor’s height, hugged Connor and wrapped his arm around him, rubbing his back firmly.

Jude didn’t really know what to do but the sight brought tears to his eyes. The woman and Connor cried but Mr. Miller didn’t. Connor repeated “I’m sorry.”, his voice muffled as he talked into Mrs. Millers neck.

Mr. Miller cleared his throat, apparently not unaffected by all of this. “It’s not your fault Connor.”

Once again, from their conversation Jude understood this had happened before. Connor apologizing for his father screaming unforgivable things. Jude had never heard anyone say _that_ word before, not to someone’s face anyways. He’d preferred never to hear it again.

Jude gathered that the Millers wouldn’t press any charges, not as long as Connor lived in the house. They told him it was ok, which it really wasn’t, numerous times.

When Connor broke free from the threeway hug, Mr. Miller looked at Jude.

“And who’s this?” he said.

“This is my friend, Jude,” Connor said before Jude got the chance to. Jude smiled awkwardly and gave an even more awkward wave to the Miller’s.

The woman smiled warmly. “I remember you.”

Jude looked quizzically at her.

Mrs. Miller looked at her husband. “It’s him,” she said to him. When she didn’t get the reaction she obviously wanted she rolled her eyes. “Connor’s friend. From… before.”

”Oh! Oh, yes, I remember you,” Mr. Miller said.

“Umm… what? I’m sorry I don’t… I don’t remember…,” Jude said apologetically.

“We don’t blame you. You two were always busy playing with each other. We wondered what happened to you,” she said.

“Oh ok… I… I moved away,” Jude said.

“Ok… we figured. A shame. You two were quite the pair,” Mrs. Miller said. She’d never forgot how happy Connor had been that summer. She’d missed that boy.

Jude and Connor said their goodbyes to the Millers and walked over towards Connor’s house again. Compared to when they had left the house, Connor seemed like another person. Especially after visiting the Millers. Before, each step Connor took seemed heavy, every sigh and breath took effort. Now, much more easy-going. Connor didn’t have to say anything. Jude could feel it.

They stopped at Connor’s porch and looked at each other, small smiles appearing for some reason.

“Will you be alright?” Jude asked.

”Yeah, yeah I will. Thank you. Do you want a lift home?” Connor said.

Jude smirked. ”Nah, I’m good. But thanks. It’s not that far and I… I think I want to walk.”

Connor nodded, he understood. A few moments of silence, no one knowing what to say but something had to be said.

“Listen Connor… I don’t want to ruin this… this night or anything…,” Jude said. Connor listened carefully.

”And Connor I understand that you need to… you need to think about… stuff. And I understand you got a hundred things on your mind and I understand if you feel…” Jude trailed off, he had lowered his eyes from Connor’s towards some point at the ground instead. Connor kept looking at him.

Jude closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Gathering his own thoughts. “It’s been a crazy day… For me. I understand if it’s even crazier for you… But Connor… we need to talk…,” Jude gulped and looked at Connor who was barely breathing while listening to Jude trying to get his point across.

“ _I_ need for us to talk,” Jude said.

“Okay…,” Connor said, surprising Jude. “Now?” he filled in.

Jude snickered, feeling relieved that Connor didn’t react badly to what he had said. “No, not now. I’m fucking tired enough as it is without… that.”

Connor smiled at him and by god did it feel good to see Connor Stevens smile.

“Tomorrow after school?” he asked Jude.

“Yes… that would be perfect. Thank you…,” Jude said smiling sheepishly at him.

They were standing at some distance. Jude had already stopped himself four or five times from going up to Connor and hug him, Connor would most likely not appreciate the gesture. A few awkward moments passed.

“So… umm… I see you,” Jude said and walked backwards slowly.

“Yeah… see ya,” Connor said. Jude had given up to try and read Connor, this night it hadn’t been possible. Some part of Jude, needless to say the most stupid, ignorant, idiotic part of Jude, waited for Connor to like… come after him. To walk up to him and hug him and kiss him and…

Jude chuckled internally at himself. Reality check needed. Jude gave Connor another smile and a wave and turned around. He picked up his phone as he started crossing Connor’s lawn. He was pretty sure that Connor had seen him getting emotional. He needed to fix it.

[J] Stop looking at my ass ;)

It took a minute to get a reply. It was a picture message. It was taken of him, just a few moments ago, Connor had zoomed in on his ass.

[C] *add to _jerk off material_ folder*

Jude laughed. He didn’t know if Connor was still looking but naturally Jude swayed his hips even more than he normally did. His phone buzzed. Jude laughed again.

[C] Bitch…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up, Chapter 11: The Real Talk
> 
> awesomemarrcusuniverse.tumblr.com  
> twitter.com/OstlingMarcus


	11. The Real Talk

Back at home again, Jude laid down in his bed. The bed where he and Connor had slept together the previous night. Jude rolled over and smelled the pillow that Connor had laid on. Jude smiled into it, it still smelled of Connor.

Jude giggled. His bed probably had come stains all over it. Jude most certainly didn’t mind. The sheets were to remain for as long as possible. He giggled again, thinking for a second about him finally carrying his sheets, stiff like a board, to the washer. Before things got out of hand, Jude did do some serious thinking. He thought about what Dylan had said, coming out had been possible due to Connor being Connor. Connor’s respect and status had made it possible.

What would happen if anyone knew that Connor was… Jude snorted. Connor being what? Jude didn’t even know. Did Connor even know? They did have sex just the previous night, and Connor sure as hell didn’t fake it when he came all over Jude’s face while screaming his name. No, Connor did enjoy having sex with someone who wasn’t a girl.

However, the step from having sex to coming out in any way… Jude closed his eyes and even shook his head. No, that was a step that he had a hard time seeing Connor take. Knowing that being a secret wasn’t anything that he would settle with for long, Jude feared he had started something that he might regret. Something that he might regret deeply.

“Goodnight Jude!” Stef shouted from across the hall, saving Jude’s thoughts from spiraling out of control.

“Goodnight!” Jude shouted back.

After a few minutes of silence, Jude couldn’t help himself any longer. He got naked and reached for his black latex boyfriend. For the following twenty minutes the black toy played the role of Connor’s cock as Jude fantasized about Connor taking Jude’s bottom virginity until Jude came all over his chest while he muffled his sounds with his arm.

 

\---

 

Connor had troubles concentrating in school. He and Jude were to meet up afterwards. Last night he’d promised Jude that they would talk. He knew that they needed to, Jude was right, but as the day progressed Connor got more and more worried. He kept tapping his pen against his paper. He didn’t even know what it was about. _What class is this even?_

Connor kept trying to come up with some excuse to why he couldn’t make it until he finally sighed. _Okay Connor keep it together. You’re Connor fucking Stevens, you can do this. It’s just talking. Easy._

The bell rang and time was running out. Of course Connor knew it wasn’t just talking. This had meaning. He’d thought about _this_ since he was ten. To talk to Jude again. What he would say to him.

Much had changed though. Much had happened that Connor couldn’t have undone. Jude wasn’t the same boy as he was when they were kids and neither was Connor. But… even if Connor had made denial into a profession he couldn’t deny that the bond between them was still there. Not in the same way, that would have been weird. But, Connor felt it. When he was near Jude, when he saw him. His body and mind kept telling him things, that it’s important. Jude’s important.

Without realizing so, Connor had made his way out of the classroom and was almost at his car. He looked up and as promised the brunette was waiting for him, standing leaning against the fence separating the car park from the school yard.

“Fuck…,” Connor said to himself. The sun hit Jude’s face as he looked up at Connor. Jude was wearing a grey hoodie and Connor gulped. Jude always looked good to Connor, but right there and then, Connor had to repress outright grinning like an idiot.

“Hey…,” Jude said softly as Connor approached him. Connor was wearing an orange and grey striped tank top and black shorts. Casually. Like it wasn’t a big deal. Jude hated him for it. They were about to have a serious conversation and Jude would be forced to try and ignore Connor’s arms while doing so. Jude caught himself staring.

“Jeez Connor, aren’t you cold?” Jude said as they walked towards Connor’s car.

“Huh? Oh, California boy not used to Oregon climate?” Connor said and smirked at Jude.

Jude snickered. “I’m freezing, isn’t it supposed to be summer soon? It’s like a month left of school.”

”It doesn’t get much warmer than this,” Connor said still smirking seeing Jude covered up in his hoodie.

Jude opened his mouth and looked at Connor with wide eyes. Connor laughed before opening the car door.

“So…,” Jude started. Connor hadn’t said a word since they had got into the car.

Jude was searching for words. He was nervous and didn’t know what to say, but anything was better than the uncomfortable silence they were now sitting in. Connor made a, for Jude, unexpected turn.

“Where are we going?” Jude asked as he looked over at Connor.

”Umm… I have this… place… I go to sometimes. We’ll be alone there,” Connor replied. Jude kept his eyes on Connor, Connor kept looking straight ahead.

Jude turned forward again. He had a lump in his stomach, from being nervous no doubt. He pressed his lips together and inhaled deeply through his nose. Jude only wished that he would be able to tell Connor everything he wanted to tell him. He had thought about this many times, but just sitting in the car next to Connor made Jude aware that it probably wouldn’t be an easy task.

If possible, Connor was even more nervous than Jude. He wanted to say something but he drew a blank so he concentrated on driving.

They sat in silence for about ten minutes when Connor made a turn off the highway. They kept following dirt roads for a few minutes before Connor turned again, this time onto an even narrower road. Trees on both sides of the road made it hard for Jude to get an idea of where they were but Connor seemed to know where he was going.

After a while, Connor slowed down and parked the car on the side of the road at what appeared to be the remains of an old parking space. Now it was mostly dirt and vegetation covering it.

“We’re here?” Jude asked.

“We’re here.” Connor said.

They didn’t get out of the car for a few moments. Connor knew that Jude would ask him so he beat him to it.

“I found this place by accident, was just driving around. I go here… when I need to think… and stuff,” Connor said softly while he looked down at his lap.

Jude nodded and bit his lip. “Ok… I get it. I have a place like that in… well, I _had_ a place like that in San Diego.”

A few more moments of silence. Connor turned his head and looked at Jude for the first time since the parking lot. He looked Jude in the eyes dead serious.

“You’re not having this place. It’s mine.”

Jude parted his lips. ”Wh-what? No, no I didn’t mean-“ Jude stopped himself seeing Connor starting to smirk at him. Jude blushed and smiled as he hit Connor’s shoulder.

“Asshole.”

Connor snickered and opened the car door, Jude followed his action. Connor lead the way on a path going through some trees and bushes. Jude figured there weren’t enough trees to call it a forest but it felt desolate, not a soul except Connor in sight.

After a minute or so, they got to a clearing. There was a dusty dirt road going through a mix of ramps and what looked like some kind of obstacles. Connor looked over at Jude and saw his confused expression.

“It’s an old training circuit for dirt bikes. Don’t think it’s been used in a few years,” Connor said.

“Oh… dirt bikes… like in Eyewitness?” Jude said.

It was Connor’s time to look confused. “Eye…?”

“Are you kidding me? You haven’t seen Eyewitness?” Jude said almost sounding offended.

“No…? Sorry? I don’t watch much TV. Should I?”

Jude nodded frantically. ”Umm, duh?”

Connor laughed at Jude’s exaggerated look.

“What’s so good about it then?” Connor asked as they walked around the circuit. It felt good just talking, the awkwardness from before not present anymore.

“Well…,” Jude thought about it. “It’s like… exciting… and stuff…”

Connor smiled seeing Jude struggle. He had an idea there was another reason for Jude’s enthusiasm.

“Wild guess here Jude, there’s a cute guy in it?”

“Oh god yes! It’s two of them, and they are gay! Well, one is cuter than the other, but they are so cute together and they love each other and they witness a murder together, that’s why it’s called “ _Eyewitness_ ” and…”

Connor bit his lower lip as he smiled just looking at Jude rambling on about some TV show he’d never heard of before. It was something about hearing and seeing Jude being passionate about it that warmed his heart.

Before Connor knew it Jude had his phone out and was showing Connor a picture of some blonde guy.

“Just look at him!” Jude said.

Connor snickered. “He’s ok I guess, who’s that?” Connor said and pointed at a brown haired boy standing beside him.

“That’s Philip, his boyfriend,” Jude said.

Connor looked over at Jude before looking back at the brunette on the picture. “Cute,” Connor said.

“What? No no Lukas is the hot one,” Jude protested. Connor had to bite his lip again to keep him from laughing.

“Nah, Philip is way hotter,” Connor teased.

Jude put away his phone again and muttered, “Clearly you have no taste.”

Connor sucked slightly on his lower lip, he looked at Jude and said, “Clearly…”

Jude glanced at Connor but looked back when he saw Connor looking at him. He hated himself for blushing.

“You watch a lot of shows?” Connor asked after a few moments, just wanting to keep the conversation going.

“Not really, just the gay ones,” Jude replied.

“A man of principles,” Connor said, probably teasingly but Jude wasn’t sure.

“Ok it doesn’t _have to_ be gay in it, but it helps. It’s like _Skam_ , no one gave a shit about the first two seasons and now, bam! Everyone’s watching it,” Jude said.

“Because… now there are gays in it?”

Jude stopped dead in his tracks.

“Please tell me you are just messing with me right now Connor,” Jude said while staring with wide eyes at Connor. Wide deep brown doe eyes. Connor had to clear his throat.

“Umm what?”

”Skam? You’ve seen it, right? Right!?”

Connor started snickering again. He couldn’t help it. Jude was too god damn adorable like this. Connor shook his head. ”Sorry, never even heard about it.”

Slowly, Jude started walking again to catch up with Connor who was a few steps ahead.

“Ho-how? How is that even possible? Isn’t your best friend gay?”

Connor laughed. “The only thing Dylan watches is something called Sean Cozy.”

“Cody,” Jude corrected him quickly.

“Huh?”

“Nevermind. So you haven’t seen Skam? You haven’t even seen the two Scandinavian angels?”

“I have not,” Connor said and Jude didn’t even hate the way Connor couldn’t stop smirking at him. Jude picked up his phone again and fiddled with it. Before handing over the phone to Connor, Jude hesitated. He made a quick assessment how likely it would be for Connor to travel to Norway and marry the boy on the picture. Ok, chances were pretty low. Even though Jude still didn’t like the odds, he gave the phone to Connor

“Look at this perfect specimen,” Jude said.

Connor took a good look, he gave the phone back to Jude and shrugged his shoulders without saying anything.

“Well?” Jude asked with a raised brow.

“Cute, but average,” Connor replied.

”Excuse me?” Jude said, hoping he had misheard Connor.

“What?” Connor smiled seeing the look on Jude’s face. ”Five out of ten, tops,” Connor filled in.

Connor kept smirking while glancing at Jude who seemed to be searching for words, he was stuttering.

“Fi-five? Five? Five?!” Jude sounded upset, Connor laughed.

”How is that possible, are you.. are you even gay?!” Jude spat out jokingly before it was too late. Connor’s expression shifted in an instant to a serious one. Jude closed his eyes and grinded his teeth, cursing himself for being such an idiot. With that, everything between them changed, they both felt it. Connor didn’t say a word, which made it even worse for Jude.

All Jude wanted to know was what was going on inside Connor’s head. From what he’d seen and heard, he’d come to understand that Connor’s life wasn’t an uncomplicated one. And yes, Jude knew he probably wasn’t making it easier for the boy walking beside him. The boy he’d never stopped thinking about. He wanted Connor to know what he meant to Jude, but at the same time he was terrified of showing him.

Jude knew that it wasn’t normal. Nothing about this was normal. The way Connor never left his mind, that he never stopped thinking about and wondering about Connor.

Many times while living in California, Jude caught himself sitting in a room full of people. Among his friends for many years. He kept thinking that no one in this room even knows who Connor is. They don’t even know that he exists. That realization, that Connor only really existed through Jude’s memories always broke him. He didn’t know why he did it to himself. He knew what those kind of thoughts would lead to, but still he chose to walk down that road. In some very weird and dysfunctional way, Jude guessed he liked the pain it brought. At least it felt real.

The years passed and Jude grew up. From a boy to a young man. He learned much about himself. Early on he knew who he was, looking back at it Jude might have grown up a bit earlier than his classmates and friends. Guess going through what he’d gone through forced him to grow up faster. He was the one that had to comfort his friends when they were young. Jude was the strong one back then, secure about himself and already knowing that the world was full of disappointments, he was more ready for adolescence than his peers.

Jude remembers how much it pained him, the way that the life he had had in Salem faded more and more for the people around him. His sister stopped talking about it, his moms stopped talking about it. It was like they’d forgot he’d lived there. They all forgot. But Jude never forgot. Jude never forgot Connor.

 

”Jude…?”

Jude blinked a few times. He felt scared.

“Jude, what’s wrong?”

Jude turned towards Connor. Connor looked concerned. They had stopped walking and Jude had apparently let himself zone out, something he did when feeling stressed.

Jude cleared his throat. ”So-sorry. I’m ok, nothing’s wrong.”

Connor’s eyes looked sad, which Jude hated. Connor took a step towards Jude, instantly causing Jude’s breath to shorten. Connor raised his hand and stroked Jude’s cheek with his thumb. With Connor’s thumb stroking his cheek Jude felt that Connor was wiping tears from it.

“Fuck…,” Jude said while exhaling.

The both of them stayed still for a couple of minutes. Just breathing. A wind made the sand on the dirt road circling the track blow up on Connor’s leg. They took it as a sign to keep walking.

“I guess we’re staling…,” Connor said after a few minutes of them walking around the track in silence.

“I guess we are…,” Jude said.

Another minute of awkward silence. Nothing but the wind heard. Finally, Jude spoke, “I just… I don’t know where to start.”

“Me neither,” Connor said.

Jude looked up. There were a couple of trees on a small area of grass surrounded by sand.

“Can we sit down?” Jude said and nodded towards the trees. Connor replied by nodding.

They sat down in cross legged position opposite the other in the grass who had nearly been turned brown by the sun. While touching the grass straws with his hands, without looking up at Connor, Jude said, “I don’t know why this is so hard…”

Connor glanced at Jude, waiting for him to continue.

“I’ve… I’ve missed you,” Jude said in a low voice. It was a fucking pathetic thing to say but Jude felt he needed to say it. Connor felt his eyes starting to sting, breathing normally became more troublesome. Another minute of silence before Jude looked up from staring at the grass. Connor was looking down but Jude could see that Connor was struggling.

“How… how have you been?” Jude asked.

Connor looked up, meeting Jude’s eyes for the first time in quite a while. Both of them looking carefully at the other. Jude continued, “Please. Tell me. I want to know.”

Connor gulped and shrugged. “Umm… you know…”

”No, I don’t,” Jude said as Connor trailed off.

Connor wasn’t opening up. Despite being big as a house, he seemed much smaller than Jude right now.

”I’m glad that you and Kara stayed friends,” Jude said after a while, trying to get through to Connor.

Connor nodded and inhaled through his nose, “Yeah… me too.”

“Hey, have you thought about everyone around you turns gay? Me, Kara, Dylan. You’re like Lady Gaga – the guy. Lord Gaga,” Jude said with a smirk hoping that it would work. Connor chuckled, so it did.

“She turns people gay?” Connor asked.

”Sure worked on me,” Jude said.

“Pretty sure you were gay before that,” Connor said while smiling at Jude, making him feel warm.

“Yeah… maybe,” Jude said, still smiling. More than anything he was glad to see Connor smile again.

“No, really Jude. You ha-… you have no idea how much I admired that about you. That you knew and… and that you weren’t ashamed of it,” Connor said, looking down before saying the last part.

“If you know you know,” Jude said.

“Yeah… yeah but, it was… You had just met us, me and Kara… and you were fucking ten years old. I never forget how you said it so… casual, or whatever.”

Connor cleared his throat and spoke in a high pitched voice, probably trying to imitate 10-year-old Jude, “She is so pretty but I don’t like her like that. I’m gay.”

Jude grinned from ear to ear. He did remember saying that exact quote. It had just slipped out. It wasn’t a secret per se, but for some reason Jude hadn’t planned on telling Connor of all people that. Today, he knows why.

Connor looked at Jude, who still was beaming. He found it funny how just yesterday he had kissed Jude, and the day before that they had had sex, but now he didn’t even find the courage to touch him.

“Can’t believe you still remember that…,” Jude said.

“It’s not something you forget.”

“No… no it’s not,” Jude said sounding like he was talking about something else.

“You know… I think… no, I _know_ that was the best time of my life. That summer,” Connor said.

“Mine too…,” Jude said without hesitating. Voice low and unsteady.

After a minute or two of silence, Jude said, ”Did you ever… I mean… Have you… Did you ever think about… us… you know? I mean… fuck, I don’t know what I mean.”

Connor pressed his lips together seeing Jude searching for words, Jude’s eyes were getting watery.

“I guess I ju-just… I know, I know how crazy it sounds. But… but when I told you… that I tho-… that I thought about you every day Connor. I… I wasn’t lying. I did…”

Connor gulped, he wanted to speak but he couldn’t, it was like his lips were glued together.

“Fuck, I’m so pathetic,” Jude said before speaking in a silly voice, mocking himself, _“Did you ever think about us?”_ What the fuck are you supposed to say to that? Jude snorted.

Jude took deep breaths to calm himself down. Connor stayed passive.

“You know, saying goodbye to you-,” Jude started but Connor cut him off.

“Please. Please don’t… Don’t talk about that. Anything, but not that.” Connor’s tone pleading not commanding, Jude nodded slowly.

”Tell me… tell me about your life in California. I’ve thought about it so many times, about so many different scenarios what you were doing that… I want to know the truth.”

Connor’s hazel eyes distracting Jude for a second before he nodded again and started talking.

“It was… bad, at first. Really bad,” Jude gulped and looked down, Connor’s heart clenched.

“Even though I was put into the best foster home you can ever imagine Connor… I mean Stef and Lena… they are… I can’t even describe how great they are. What they’ve done for me,” Jude sniffled and dried a tear from the corner of his eye. He had to stop before getting too emotional.

“So yeah, it was bad… at first. I… I didn’t do so good. I… didn’t really know why, honestly. I thought about you so much, and I didn’t understand why I felt so bad all the time. Not then, back then it was too much you know?” Jude looked up and Connor nodded, Connor knew exactly what Jude was talking about.

“Fuck…,” Jude sniffled again before continuing, ”But, I learned to… cope, I guess. When I understood that me living with Stef and Lena was going to be a permanent thing it got better. And I even made some friends. They didn’t care that I wasn’t like the other… boys you know, that I wasn’t normal” Connor was about to protest, Jude noticed and raised the palm of his hand, “Don’t even Connor, you know I wasn’t like the other boys. Today it’s no problem, but kids can be mean.”

“So… I got a life in Cali. A home. I could be myself. I started wrestling, maybe a bit inspired by someone,” Jude said and smiled. Connor mimicked him.   

Connor sat and looked and listed to Jude as he told him about his eight years in California. Jude told him about the adoption, about his close friends, about the awkward time a girl tried to jerk him off without any greater success. Connor smiled internally while listening to Jude, even though Jude never said he had been happy Connor knew that Jude had had a good life in San Diego. It was all that Connor had ever wanted for him.

Jude didn’t go into any details about his romantic life, Connor didn’t mind, but the underlining was that it hadn’t been all that successful.

Jude stopped talking and sighed. “But… and this is the weird part, I don’t want to freak you out Connor but… But I… I still thought about you. More than… more than what anyone would ever say was normal.”

Jude paused a moment before chuckling. ”Man you do not want to know how many times I’ve stalked you on Facebook.”

“I tried that but you were on private,” Connor said, he couldn’t stop smiling, it was becoming a problem.

“Like any sane person is,” Jude said and laughed, Connor joined in.

The laughter subsided and Jude got a serious look on his face again, “It’s not normal you know… To feel like… like I did. Not after so long. I mean I was too young when we met to even be in…,” Jude stopped himself at the last second. “Too young to feel like that.” Jude gulped. ”But I did…”

”And that was the thing,” Jude continued, ”I knew it wasn’t normal so I couldn’t tell anyone, they would all think I was crazy. Like really fucking Britney-shaving-her-head crazy.”

Jude laughed, seemingly at himself. ”But Lena… somehow Lena… understood. She saw it, she saw that there was something… something,” Jude paused again and looked at some point at the ground, deep within his own head. “She never forced me to say it, but when she told me she was offered a job in Salem she already knew I wouldn’t have to think twice.”

Jude looked up at Connor and before he knew it he was lost in his eyes. They had always been like that, caring. When Connor looked at Jude it made Jude feel like he was worth something, like he mattered. Jude cleared his throat and blinked a few times.

“Umm… so, yeah. Tell me… tell me about your life. God knows I’ve thought about it,” Jude said and snickered.

Connor shifted some in his sitting position. His fingers rolling grass straws while he was thinking. For a second he thought about doing something he’d never done before, telling someone what it was like to be Connor Stevens.

He looked at Jude, at those beautiful deep brown doe eyes. Connor looked, and decided to lie.

“You know… I’ve been ok. Dad’s still an idiot, but I’ve been good. I got wrestling, even decent grades you know, friends.”

Jude nodded at Connor. Connor probably didn’t know it yet but Jude did know the boy sitting in front of him, he knew exactly what was going through his head. Connor wanted Jude to think he had had a good life, for Jude’s own sake.

Jude wanted to tell Connor that he didn’t have to lie to him, but he decided against it. Jude wasn’t going anywhere, now that Connor was back in his life he felt like he had all the time in the world.

Connor was silent for a full minute before he spoke again. There was something that Connor couldn’t lie about, Jude deserved to know. Connor couldn’t look at Jude while saying it though.

“But… I… I missed you.” Saying those words out loud made Connor’s eyes sting like fire. He started crying, “I never stopped missing you.”

Jude moved closer so that their knees and legs were touching. Jude cupped Connor’s face, “Please Connor don’t cry, please… I…” Connor looked up, sad wet hazel eyes almost undoing Jude. Jude leaned forward and planted a soft and gentle kiss on Connor’s lips. With eyes closed, their lips stayed pushed together for a moment. Jude leaned back again, when Connor opened his eyes the sadness wasn’t there anymore.

Jude sniffled, smiled and said, “Now we’re even.”

Connor furrowed his eyebrows telling Jude he wasn’t following. Jude hesitated for a second before he reached for his backpack. He took another deep breath before he opened it up and reached inside it.

“You recognize it?” Jude said as he held the old mobile phone in his hand.

Connor shook his head. “No, should I? It looks… old.”

Jude snickered. ”Yeah, yeah it’s old. It’s my old phone… from before.” Jude pressed the power on button. “Good thing I kept the charger,” Jude said and gave a small smile to Connor who still wasn’t following.

“So… I kept this... relic. I kept it for one reason. It makes me very happy. It also makes me cry sometimes, but it’s… it’s important to me,” Jude said and slowly gave the phone to Connor.

“I saved the text messages on the phone and not the sim card,” Jude explained, not that Connor was really following. Connor flipped the phone and looked at it. Reading the opened text message hit Connor like a ton of bricks. It was a message sent from him over eight years ago to Jude. In an instant Connor was taken back in time to a very special moment.

 

\---

 

 

Jude was standing in front of him in his living-room. Jude was crying, Connor had never seen Jude cry before and it was one of the worst experiences of Connor’s life. Some boys had been mean to him, Connor got out of him after a while. 

“Please Jude, calm down,” Connor said trying to calm 10-year-old Jude down. It didn’t work.

Connor was getting desperate. Not Jude, Jude couldn’t be this sad. Jude was the strong one. Despite being smaller than most he was the bravest boy Connor had ever met. Jude had stood up to Connor’s father, Jude had been the best friend possible to Connor, Jude was kind and Jude was perfect. Jude had seen Connor several times and he always comforted him, he always made Connor feel better.

Connor tried everything but Jude kept crying. Connor didn’t know that what got Jude upset was that the boys had said very mean things about Connor and about Connor’s father being a drunk. Jude knew that Connor was afraid of anyone knowing about his father and now it seemed that some boys had found out and Jude knew it would make Connor sad.

“Please Jude stop crying I don’t want you to cry.” Connor said as he put his arms around him. Jude’s head rested against Connor’s chest as Connor hugged him. Connor remember it feeling… something. Hugging Jude like this, it felt good. After a while, Jude went from crying to sniffling. Connor kept holding him for a few more moments before going from holding his arms around him to putting his hands on his shoulders. Connor remember that he was much taller than Jude back then.

“Please don’t be sad,” Connor said to Jude who was still sniffling and looking down at the floor.

Connor wanted to look at Jude so he gently put a hand under his chin, making Jude look up at him. Connor remember that Jude looked so very sad and it made Connor’s stomach and chest ache. He wanted to make Jude feel better.

Without thinking Connor did something he will never be able to explain. He leaned down towards Jude, who with wide eyes witnessed as Connor put his lips on Jude’s. Like petrified Jude closed his eyes at the last second before Connor’s warmth was felt on Jude’s lips.

Just a peck. A peck was all it took. When Connor opened his eyes again and looked at Jude, the sadness wasn’t there anymore.

Later that night, Connor had felt like his insides were like jelly. Like his chest had been filled with bubbles. The last thing he did before going to sleep happier than ever before was sending Jude a text message, knowing Jude would get it as Connor was quoting Jude’s favorite song at the moment.

“I kissed a boy and I liked it :)))))”


	12. Amazing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some innocent cuddling.

_“I kissed a boy and I liked it :)))))”_

With his arms pushed against his chest, Jude had to cover his mouth with the palm of his hand while looking at Connor reading his own text message from eight years ago. Jude sniffled as nostalgia washed over Connor.

Slowly, Connor gave the phone back to Jude. Connor closed his eyes in an attempt of calming down. He was close to tears when he said, “Wow… I… I can’t believe I wrote that.”

Jude wanted to ask what Connor meant by that but he didn’t. Jude think that he knows, he could hear it in Connor’s voice. What he had written to Jude was probably not something that Connor had said to himself that many times since then. If ever.

Jude remember that Connor’s text had surprised him even more than the actual kiss itself. It wasn’t really a kiss, it was a peck on the lips. It was Connor showing Jude affection when he was upset. It had been the first time that Connor had done anything of the like, anything physical. Jude would never ever had dared to. But despite being young, Jude had a mind of a much older person. He made sense of it. Of what Connor did. He had comforted Jude, nothing else.  

That was why the text he received meant so much. It was confirmation. For Jude it was. It was confirmation that he wasn’t alone in this, and boy had he felt alone in feeling the way that he did. It was Connor in some way confirming that he liked him. That Jude was liked.

For over seven years it had been bittersweet knowing it. Knowing that that was the moment it happened. If Connor hadn’t kissed him back then, or if Connor hadn’t sent that text message then maybe… maybe Jude would have been able to break free from the hold that the bare memory of Connor held over him.

Jude had given up on ever seeing Connor again. When nearly eight years had passed hope was gone but the memory and feelings remained. Jude was waiting, still waiting for it to go away, when Lena told him about the possibility of moving back to Salem.

Right here in this moment, having Connor standing in front of him in flesh and blood, the memory wasn’t bittersweet anymore.

Connor still had watery eyes when he snickered and smiled. He looked up and scratched his back and said, “Quoting Katy Perry, fuck I had zero game back then.”

Jude laughed and dried the corner of his eye.

Both boys took a moment, probably thinking back to times past. After a while, Connor looked at Jude and said, “Thank you. For showing me that. And thanks for… you know. Keeping it.”

“You’re welcome. It’s a nice memory,” Jude said thinking it was at least partially true.

With smiles on their faces they started walking back to Connor’s car. The moment they had both feared and longed for had gone better than they had dreamed of. The need for processing had perhaps been even greater than they thought.

Half-way back to the car, Jude stated the obvious, “Thanks for wanting to talk. It meant a lot to me.”

“No problem. It was… we needed to,” Connor said before filling in, “ _I,_ needed to.”

They stopped as they got to the car. A few moments of silence before Jude looked up at Connor standing just in front of him. Connor was looking right at him.

“It still feels unreal. All of this… you… standing here in front of me. Do you know what I mean?” Jude asked. Connor nodded and said, ”I know. It’s like, I don’t know. Like you said… unreal.”

Jude gave Connor a soft smile which the slightly taller young man returned. Jude took a few steps towards Connor. Jude didn’t need to ask, as he approached Connor he opened his arms and embraced Jude. They didn’t need to use words to show the other they needed this. Jude burrowed his face in Connor’s chest. Stupidly enough he inhaled. Connor’s smell caused Jude to sigh, it was loud enough for Connor to hear him. Jude only wanted to kill himself for a few seconds, Connor’s big hands stroking his back made all bad thoughts disappear.

Connor held Jude tightly, he smelled Jude’s hair, discreetly of course. They stayed like that for a few minutes, just holding each other, not saying a word. Jude’s hands didn’t travel as much as Connor’s did, he only drew small circles on Connor’s back and shoulders. The mix of feeling Connor’s muscles and smelling him made Jude lightheaded. 

Jude hesitated before saying in a low voice, ”What now?”

“What do you mean?” Connor asked.

Jude snickered, perhaps even blushing some, good thing Connor couldn’t see his face. “You know, you and me... Being… friends.”

“Yes… we are friends?” Connor said playing dumb.

”Yeah, but… we…,” Jude smiled and so did Connor, but Connor wasn’t helping him out.

“But…?”

“You know. We’ve had… sex,”

”We have? Oh, that was you?” Connor said teasingly. Jude snickered and pinched him, Connor laughed and said, “Ouch! I’m kidding I’m kidding!”

“Asshole…,” Jude said while still smiling. It felt so good, laughing with Connor again. It felt right, standing there with Connor.

“Hey, do you think it’s weird that we go from… you know talking about serious stuff to… this. And it doesn’t even feel strange? If that makes any sense at all,” Jude said.

Without thinking Connor said, “I know what you mean, I feel the same. I… I feel like I can by myself with you.”

Jude couldn’t help to let out a small giggle at that, “Yeah I notice.”

“Huh?” Connor said, still with Jude pressed against him.

“Your hands Connor,” Jude said.

”What about them?” Jude could hear Connor smiling wide while saying it.

“You are such a romantic,” Jude said as Connor kept rubbing his thumbs against the fabric concealing Jude’s ass. They had been doing so for quite a while. Connor couldn’t help it, his fascination for Jude’s ass was not something he had any control over.

“You want me to stop?” Connor said with that smug teasing tone that he sometimes used.

Jude didn’t respond at once, only because he didn’t want to give Connor the satisfaction.

“No…,” Jude said as Connor squeezed his cheeks a bit tighter. Jude bit his lip and swallowed, allowing himself to brush his nose against Connor’s chest. Jude’s hands explored more of Connor’s impressive back.

“Fuck… I hate your body,” Jude said.

“No you don’t,” Connor said. Jude wanted to punch him for sounding so smug and confident. Naturally, Jude said, “No I don’t.”

Heavy breathing only thing heard, Connor’s mouth was going dry as he continued stroking Jude’s ass. Tension building up.

“I hate your ass,” Connor said in a low voice, Jude recognized the tone and it made him shiver from lust. Somehow he managed to reply, “No you don’t.”

Connor pushed his body against Jude’s, making Jude feel Connor’s hard crotch against his stomach.

“I fucking don’t…,” Connor whispered into Jude’s ear before he kissed the earlobe. Once again, Jude shivered from Connor’s voice. Having Connor’s hard cock pressed against him didn’t make it easier to form any sentences consisting of actual words.

Connor squeezed Jude’s ass even harder, as Jude moaned Connor’s cock twitched. Feeling Connor’s hardness Jude said the only thing he could think of, “You are so fucking hot Connor.”

“I love your ass,” Connor whispered in a hoarse voice. Jude was almost too turned on to really acknowledge any words hearing Connor’s horny voice.

Connor kept kissing Jude’s ear and hair as both of them moved their crotches against the other. Finally, Jude gave in and leaned back his head from Connor’s chest. Their eyes met for but a second before their lips found each other. Jude parted his lips and Connor didn’t waste a single second as his tongue found Jude’s.

This kiss not anything like their previous ones. This one hungry, desperate. Jude kept moaning as Connor’s tongue and lips tasted all of Jude he could reach. Their noses hit against each other, teeth sometimes getting in the way, the kiss sloppy and non-perfect but they couldn’t care less. Jude put his arms around Connor’s neck as Connor sucked on his lower lip, gently biting it.

Connor’s hands constantly touching, squeezing, stroking Jude’s ass. Jude pouted, allowing Connor more access, making Connor moan while deepening the kiss. Both boys were losing control. Connor’s hands made their way further down Jude’s bubble butt. Connor’s middle fingers started pushing harder and harder, clearly searching for Jude’s hole through the fabric. Jude whined as Connor’s fingers pushed close to his happy place.

Jude let go of his hold around Connor’s neck. His hands hastily making their way towards Connor’s shorts. Jude’s voice more desperate than ever before, “Fu-fuck Connor, I want, I want your cock.” Jude started stroking Connor’s hard length through his shorts. Connor opened his mouth as Jude’s hands finally gave Connor’s cock much needed attention. Jude’s fingers and hand moved against Connor’s cock making Connor unable to breathe normally.

Jude’s fingers were shaking as he tried opening up Connor’s shorts. When he couldn’t get the button to open, Jude smiled awkwardly. Connor smirked and helped him. With steady hands Connor opened the button. Immediately, Jude’s small hand pulled down the zipper before he reached inside Connor’s shorts and underwear. With parted lips Connor looked down and watched as Jude’s hand made its way down his shorts. Connor gasped when Jude’s fingers grabbed around his hard shaft.

”Fuck!” Jude sighed when his hand felt Connor’s warm and hard cock. He went up the shaft until he got to the head. Connor’s head and underwear were wet from all the precum he had produced. Jude’s small hand took a gentle grip of the head of Connor’s huge cock, it was soaked in precum. Slowly Jude moved his hand down, retracting Connor’s foreskin exposing the head completely. Jude started jerking the head of Connor’s cock, making wet sounds.

Jude was beyond turned on, touching Connor’s cock again, making Connor moan, Jude could feel his own dick being rock hard in his pants.

“Fu-fuck I love your cock Connor, you’re so fucking big,” Jude said as he panted. Connor wasn’t really listening. His hands had gone from massaging Jude’s ass to trying to slide inside his pants.

Needless to say Jude’s pants were too tight, frustrating Connor. Connor grunted and without saying anything he reached for Jude’s jeans. Connor almost growled as he opened up Jude’s jeans. Jude tried moving around to make it harder for Connor but Connor held him in place as he opened up all four of Jude’s jeans buttons.

“Connor what are you-,” Jude started but stopped mid-sentence when Connor forcefully pulled down Jude’s jeans leaving him standing in his underwear.

“Keep working the head,” Connor commanded. Jude gulped and continued jerking Connor’s cock, not aware that he’d kept his hand still for a while. Jude doesn’t think that Connor even heard him whining as Connor reached for Jude’s ass again. Connor had the same voice and determination as when he had ordered Jude to get to bed. Connor was horny and Connor was taking what he wanted, driving Jude crazy

Still standing a few feet from Connor’s car, Jude gasped and groaned as Connor’s hands slipped inside Jude’s red briefs and cupped his cheeks. Jude looked up into Connor’s dilated eyes, Jude’s lower lip trembled as he begged Connor to kiss him using his eyes only. With Jude’s hand making Connor’s cock impossibly hard Connor leaned in and started kissing Jude ferociously. The sweet taste of Jude kissing him back brought Connor to a new high.

While they were making out, Jude felt Connor’s hands, or more preciously his fingers, moving inwards in-between his cheeks. With his palms Connor spread Jude’s cheeks, allowing his eager fingers to gain better access. Jude kept giving Connor these encouraging moans that made it very difficult for Connor to remain any control at all over what he was doing.

Jude could feel Connor’s hard cock twitching in his hand, more and more precum spilling out as Jude jerked Connor’s cock in a steady pace. Connor’s fingers were getting closer to Jude’s hole, Connor’s hands spreading the cheeks as wide as he could. Connor felt hornier than ever before, his fingers needed to touch what he had fantasized about fucking far too many times.

When one of Connor’s middle fingers was but an inch from its destination Jude whimpered and moved his ass from side to side, playfully trying to get away. Connor’s finger still continued and when the tip of the finger grasped against his entrance Jude whined and broke free.

Connor smirked looking at Jude who was catching his breath for a second. Connor moved towards Jude, but before he got the chance to continue his efforts of reaching Jude’s ass, with his jeans around his ankles, Jude kicked off his shoes and kneeled before him. Through long eyelashes Jude looked up at Connor.

“Please, I... I need it,” Jude begged. Connor bit his lower lip and put one hand in Jude’s hair guiding Jude’s head towards his cock.

“Fuck Jude, I love it when you beg for it,” Connor rasped as he pulled down his shorts and underwear.

Jude’s jaw trembled at the sight of Connor’s eight inches, Jude whispered to himself, “Fuck…”

Jude did not disappoint, without breaking eye contact with Connor he breathed, “Please Connor let me taste your c-cock, fuck my mouth, please.”

“Open wide,” Connor smirked as he put his other hand in Jude’s hair. Jude did as he was told. Connor pushed his leaking cock inside Jude’s warm mouth. Jude closed his eyes for a second and whimpered, loving the salty taste of Connor’s dick and precum. Connor wasted no time as he started thrusting, using his hands to make Jude’s throat meet his cock. Connor wanted to drag this out, but he couldn’t. His cock needed to feel Jude’s mouth, lips and tongue against his hardness. Connor loved the sight of seeing his cock push past Jude’s lips and disappear inside Jude’s mouth. Connor could get about half of his cock in Jude’s mouth before it hit the back of his throat causing Jude to gag each time.

If Jude had been able to, he had smiled seeing the pleasure written all over Connor’s face. Jude tried to open as wide as he could as his mouth was being used by Connor. Jude’s tongue took every chance it got to lick and suck on Connor’s cock as he was being face-fucked. Saliva ran past Jude’s lips and down his chin.

“Fuck… fuck your mouth is so fucking amazing. You’re amazing Jude, fuck,” Connor kept praising Jude while picking up the pace. Jude gave away muffled moans as Connor’s cock was thrusting further and further down his throat.

Connor looked down at Jude’s crotch, hidden inside his briefs. Connor never stopped ramming his cock past Jude’s lips as he snickered seeing Jude fully erect.

“You love this, don’t you?” Connor murmured, too turned on to speak properly. Jude tried giving away some kind of confirming sound.

“You love taking my cock don’t you? Fuck, you feel so good.” Jude loved hearing Connor talking to him while making him gag on his cock. Jude concentrated on breathing through his nose, but it wasn’t that easy.

Connor’s thick and heavy cock was making Jude’s throat sore, relentlessly fucking his mouth. After a minute of hearing Connor moan and groan Jude saw as Connor’s eyes wandered from looking at what a mess he was making of Jude’s face to leaning forwards and looking over Jude’s shoulder. Through sucking his cock, Jude could feel Connor’s entire body shivering from the sight.

“Fu-fuck… I want your ass baby,” Connor said in his hoarse voice. Jude whimpered.

“I want your ass Jude, fuck you’re so hot, your ass is amazing,” Connor grunted as he pulled his cock out of Jude’s mouth. Jude took the opportunity to catch his breath. Connor couldn’t believe the sight kneeling before him. Jude was a mess but Connor was sure that he was the most beautiful thing Connor had ever seen.

That Jude got turned on by Connor dominating him was probably not a secret to Connor, Jude figured, but still he couldn’t help himself as he faked a look that was a mix of innocence and being scared.

“No… please Connor, just let me suck you, I want your come,” Jude pleaded. All Connor needed to see was the tiniest hint of a smile on Jude’s lips. Like many times before, Connor smirked at Jude. Connor put one of his feet on Jude’s jeans who were laying on the ground pulled down to his ankles.

Jude gasped as Connor reached down and grabbed him under his arms by his sides. Effortlessly, Connor lifted Jude right up. With his foot on Jude’s jeans he effectively stripped him of them as he lifted Jude from the ground. Jude put his naked legs around Connor’s lower back and his arms around Connor’s neck as Connor pulled him closer to his body.

Jude breathed heavily over Connor’s shoulder. Connor’s hands had already pulled Jude’s briefs down, exposing his ass once again. This time, Jude had no way of denying Connor whose fingertips were already brushing against Jude’s hole.

Jude felt like he was about to pass out from arousal, all of this too much for him to handle but he could never get enough of Connor.

Connor’s finger started circling his entrance, putting pressure against it. A drop of precum left Connor’s glans hearing Jude give away the sexiest sounds in form of moans and whimpers.

“Fuck you’re so tight baby, love your ass,” Connor said without really knowing what he was saying. Like on que, Jude smiled hearing Connor call him baby. Even though it was sex talk Jude didn’t give a fuck.

Connor put more pressure against Jude’s ass, he stopped because of too much friction. It was too dry. Without giving a single thought of him not being used to that, Connor put his index finger in his mouth and wetted it. With saliva on it his finger returned to Jude’s entrance, this time pushing past Jude’s rim. Connor only made it to the first knuckle until Jude whimpered loudly.

Being the first time anyone but himself penetrated him in any way, the feeling was unfamiliar to Jude. Even though he trusted Connor he begged, “Please… wait…”

Connor kissed Jude’s cheek while keeping the tip of his finger inside Jude. He could feel the hole clenching around it. It didn’t take more than a few moments until Connor felt Jude relaxing. Connor started moving his finger slowly inside Jude. Jude kept moaning at the sensation. His head swimming as Connor slowly fingered him. Connor held Jude up using one arm while pushing his finger deeper in Jude.

“Your ass feels so good, fuck Jude it’s amazing,” Connor moaned. When Connor’s index finger made it to the second knuckle he started pulling it out. Jude grinned, for a few seconds the burning sensation hurt but the unpleasant feeling didn’t last. Jude put both his hands on the back of Connor’s head, burrowing the fingers in Connor’s sandy blonde hair. Jude breathed heavily as he felt Connor pushing his finger back in again.

“You ok?” Connor breathed. Jude nodded, not quite able to speak while focusing on Connor penetrating him with his finger. Like before, Connor stopped at the second knuckle before pulling out, this time it hurt for not more than a second.

Connor had to make a real effort to keep his calm. Jude’s ass felt even better than he had imagined. The way it clenched around his finger was one thing, but the way that Jude sounded when he moaned was nearly too much for Connor.

“You’re doing so good baby, love your ass,” Connor grunted. Connor repeated the same procedure until he felt Jude relaxing even more. Jude was still too unfamiliar to the feeling of someone else moving inside him to simply focusing on how good it felt.

Connor started moving his finger a bit faster, feeling Jude being stretched out enough. He started going deeper and Jude kept whimpering with his eyes closed. After a minute Connor was pushing his finger in and out of Jude’s ass every other second, pushing in harder and deeper. Connor’s next words made Jude’s eyes open wide.

“Fuck baby I’m gonna fuck you so hard, can’t wait to fuck your ass.”

Despite Jude being horny as fuck, a proud bottom, and having the man of his dreams holding him, Jude had the capacity to understand there was a vast difference between Connor’s index finger stretching him and Connor’s huge cock fucking him.

Connor kicked his shoes, underwear and shorts off, leaving him naked from the waist down. With Jude’s legs around his lower back Connor took the few steps needed towards his car. Connor pulled his finger out of Jude, Jude felt embarrassed for already missing it. With his free hand Connor opened the car door to the back seat.

“Fuck baby I want your ass,” Connor said as he laid Jude down on his back in Connor’s surprisingly roomy backseat. “Connor wait-,” Jude said before Connor pushed Jude’s legs forward until Jude’s knees were pushed against his own chest. Jude’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he whimpered loudly as Connor’s tongue started licking his rim. If Jude had some sanity left, he would have realized that he might be in love with his hair removal cream.

Everything happened so fast. How he ended up laying on his back in Connor’s backseat with Connor’s tongue making him see stars, Jude did not know. He did not give a single fuck though, as long as Connor kept doing what he was doing Jude was fine with World War 3 to be honest.  

“Fuck!” Jude screamed outright as Connor’s tongue kept licking his ass. Jude had to put his arms over his eyes not to lose his fucking mind. Connor’s finger had felt good but his tongue made Jude religious. “Oh god! Fuck, oh god! Fuck fuck fuck,” Jude kept repeating. When Connor moaned deeply with his mouth covering Jude’s hole Jude felt his body spasm.

“Your ass is unreal!” Connor said when he came up for air for not more than a second before he went back to run his tongue in circles around Jude’s hole. Connor was holding onto Jude’s legs by the hollow of his knees. Jude kept alternating between swearing and praising god.

Connor licked one last time from Jude’s hole up to Jude’s balls. Connor snickered hearing Jude being in heaven. Connor pushed Jude further down, making Jude’s ass pout even more. Without any warning Connor pushed the tip of his tongue inside Jude. Once again, Jude screamed outright, that did not make Connor stop fucking him using his tongue. Connor alternated between pushing it past his rim and licking around it.

Jude was begging for mercy, it was too much for him, his cock felt like exploding just from his ass being played with.

“You taste so fucking good Jude, I can lick you for hours,” Connor said breathing heavily. Jude was about to tell him to stop, not really knowing why, when Connor once again started fucking him with his tongue.

Jude moaned and whimpered and screamed as Connor continued to praise his ass every time he came up for air. It took all the willpower that Jude possessed to stop him from attending to his neglected cock.

Jude made a displeased sound as Connor stopped licking him. Connor sat up, his knees on the backseat. Connor’s lips parted, eyes full of lust and want as he temporarily let go of Jude’s legs. Connor started pulling on Jude’s hoodie and Jude arched allowing Connor to pull it off him leaving him completely naked. Jude reached for Connor who took the hint and pulled his own tank top over his head.

They stopped for a second, looking each other in their eyes. Jude laying on his back and Connor sitting on his knees.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Connor said like it was a scientific fact.

“I-,” Jude was one second away from blurting out three words he would regret. It would have been the truest words Jude had ever spoken but he knew they were forbidden.

“I want you,” Jude said.

Connor smiled warmly before his expression changed back. Jude felt not one but two fingers pressed against his entrance. Jude’s ass was practically drenched in saliva, making it an easy task for Connor’s middle and index finger to enter him. Jude arched as a reaction to the intrusion. Connor wasn’t as careful as he had been outside the car, he kept pushing his fingers deeper into Jude’s ass.

With one hand Connor grabbed Jude’s legs by his ankles and pushed his legs back to being pressed against Jude’s chest. When the fingers were almost all the way in, Connor stopped and started scissoring Jude. Jude grinned badly as Connor’s finger’s stretched him. The sight of Jude in front of him had kept Connor rock hard for quite a while, seeing Jude in a mix of pain and pleasure made Connor’s dick jerk up and down, pulsating.

Jude panted as Connor continued scissoring him, moving his fingers in and out. It didn’t hurt anymore, not a single bit. When Connor bended his fingers and grasped at his most sensitive spot Jude had no way of keeping from making noises that obviously pleased Connor by the look on his face.

“You like that?” Connor said looking at Jude panting and moaning. Jude couldn’t speak so he just nodded.

“Can’t wait to fuck you, gonna fuck your amazing ass so hard baby,” Connor said and once again Jude was reminded of what Connor wanted to do that probably wasn’t possible.

Some part of Jude wanted to say no, wanted to tell Connor that he didn’t want to. Well Jude took one look at Connor’s perfect cock, his glans wet from precuming, and decided that another part of him wanted Connor to at least try to fuck his brains out here and now. Perhaps being 18 and horny not the best prerequisites for making excellent decisions.

Connor noticed Jude looking at his cock. “Yeah? You want this inside you, yeah?”

Jude didn’t really know what he was doing, some sort of mix of nodding and whimpering in a begging way.

Connor leaned over Jude and started kissing his neck while moving his body even closer. Connor pulled out his fingers and grabbed his cock instead.

Jude’s body trembled as he felt the thick tip of Connor’s hard cock brushing against his hole. Connor was smearing precum around his rim when he whispered in Jude’s ear, “Gonna fuck you until you’re numb baby, gonna make you scream so loud.”

If Jude had been anything other than a horny mess he would have made some kind of joke of Connor being so romantic, attentive and caring about taking Jude’s bottom virginity. As that wasn’t the case, Jude said as needy as humanly possible, “Take me, fuck, I want your cock, get the lube already.”

“Fuck…,” Connor huffed as he smiled hearing Jude being as turned on as he was. “You got it in your backpack?” Connor asked while still teasing Jude’s hole with his cock, just brushing it against it.

“What?” Jude said while panting from Connor kissing his neck, ear and cheek.

“Where’s the lube?” Connor asked him again. Connor could feel Jude tensing up before Jude said, “Umm… fuck I don’t have any, don’t you?”

Connor leaned back and looked at Jude, Connor grunted, “Fuck! No… fuck, you think we can try…?”

Jude wanted to say yes. Jude felt like he wanted Connor inside him like two hours ago, but Jude did have some self-preservation. Jude was horny as fuck but he didn’t want to perish this exact day. Probably. Maybe it would be worth it? No, snap out of it Jude.

Jude didn’t have to say anything. Connor didn’t recognize himself, didn’t recognize the feeling inside him. Connor couldn’t do that to Jude.

“Another time, yeah?” Connor said. Jude smiled before Connor kissed him. Connor leaned back, sat down on his ankles and smirked. ”I’m not done with your ass,” Connor said. Connor moved back and grabbed a hold of Jude’s waist. Jude would probably never be used to Connor’s strength as he simply lifted Jude’s hips upwards until Jude was laying with his shoulders and back of his head the only thing touching the backseat. For the third time, Connor pressed Jude’s knees against Jude’s own chest. With Jude’s ass on full display, Connor started licking it while having Jude’s lower back resting on his chest.

When Connor didn’t have his tongue and mouth pleasing him, Connor alternated using one or two fingers, grasping against his prostate every chance he got.

Jude closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing in-between moans. Suddenly, he felt Connor’s hand touching his hard dick. Jude whined and removed Connor’s hand from him. Connor’s response was direct. He grabbed Jude’s both hands and forced them underneath him. When having them there, Connor grabbed Jude’s both wrists with one hand and pinned them firmly against the backseat.

With no way of defending himself as his hands were pushed down, Connor started jerking Jude’s cock with his free hand while still kissing and licking around Jude’s hole.

It didn’t take long for Jude to feel close to coming. Connor licking him while jerking him off was more than enough to bring Jude closer and closer to coming.

Connor must have noticed as he shifted some, bending Jude even more, making Jude’s cock being positioned above and close to his own face.

Connor stopped tongue-fucking Jude for a second as he said with a steady and clear voice, “Open your mouth.”

“Wh-what?” Jude managed to whimper as Connor was jerking him towards orgasm.

Connor started fingering Jude harder and harder. “Open your fucking mouth,” Connor ordered.

“Open your mouth and keep it open or I’ll add another finger,” Connor said firmly. Jude already felt stretched to the limit, slowly he parted his lips while at the same time feeling like he was falling, a known sensation from when he was about to come.

Connor jerked Jude’s cock even faster when he felt Jude’s body starting to tremble. Jude started whining and moaning louder and louder. Laying on his shoulders with Connor bending his lower body over himself Jude couldn’t fight the orgasm anymore.

Jude started coming while he screamed Connor’s name. Connor’s remembered words forced Jude to come in his own face and mouth. Connor had to pull his fingers out of Jude as the boy clenched his hole tight during the orgasm.

Connor witnessed as spurts of Jude’s come hit his own face, catching most of it in his mouth. The sight made Connor lose all control. His free hand, the one that had fingered Jude, started jerking his own cock that was begging for release.

Jude had no idea of anything. His vision had blackened during the orgasm and he was still panting and trying to return to the real world when he felt Connor lowering him down, making him rest on back. Quickly, Connor moved up Jude’s body and put his knees on each side of Jude.

When Connor grabbed his hair with one hand, Jude opened his eyes, or rather his eye. The one that didn’t have his own come in it. Jude was met by looking at Connor’s hard huge cock a few inches from his face.

Jude was still dizzy when Connor stuttered, “Fuck, fuck baby I’m gonna come.”

Within two seconds, Connor started seeing white dots before his eyes as he started coming. As a reflex Jude closed his eye, as another reflex Jude opened his mouth allowing Connor’s come to shoot straight into it. As had happened in Jude’s bed Connor made a total mess, he kept coming spurt after spurt, hitting Jude’s face, mouth and probably re-painting the whole backseat.

Jude swallowed as much as he could while listening to Connor wailing out his orgasm.

“Fuuuuuck!” Connor said when Jude leaned forward and engulfed Connor’s exposed head. Jude continued sucking and cleaning Connor’s cock as Connor concentrated on not passing out. Even though it felt so good, Connor had to pull his cock out of Jude’s mouth, it was too sensitive. Jude leaned back and rested the back of his head on the backseat. Connor breathed heavily, trying to catch his breath.

Connor had his eyes closed, sitting down on Jude’s lower abdomen, when he heard Jude laughing slightly.

Connor opened his eyes, it was a special thing seeing Jude laying with his face full of cum while he was giggling.

“What?” Connor said smiling wide. Fuck, he wanted to kiss Jude.

“I feel like such a slut,” Jude said still giggling.

Connor laughed and reached into his backpack in the front seat and took out a small towel.

“Hi, I’m Jude Adams-Foster. Profession – Cum dumpster.”

Connor’s laughed again, his insides bubbling. Jude sounded happy and by god it was the best sound in the world. He started cleaning Jude’s face with the towel.

“Thanks…,” Jude said smiling sheepishly.

Connor snickered.

“What?” Jude said with his eyes closed as Connor wiped his face.

“It’s just… It’s adorable seeing you blush with your face covered in… you know,” Connor said feeling glad Jude didn’t see the way he smiled right now.

“I think I got it all,” Connor said and put the towel away. Connor touched Jude’s chest with his hand, he felt cold. Connor leaned over and carefully laid down on top of Jude. Jude still had his eyes closed when he felt Connor’s body warming him in more than one way.

Jude gulped feeling Connor’s thumbs stroking his cheeks, he wasn’t ready for that. Connor looked at Jude as he ever so slowly opened his eyes. Connor’s heart skipped a beat the moment Jude’s brown eyes focused on his. They laid there for a minute, eyes searching each other, both scared of saying the wrong things. For a moment, life felt easy for Connor. It felt like he was exactly where he was supposed to be, not a familiar feeling to him. Connor had stroked Jude’s cheek for a while when Jude raised his hand and starting touching Connor’s face with his finger tips. Jude’s eyes followed his fingers as he explored every inch of Connor face, caressing it.

Connor’s eyes looked at Jude’s pink lips as they moved and Jude said just above a whisper, “I’ve never felt like this before…”

Jude’s eyes looked back deep into Connor’s hazel ones. Connor met them and said, “Me neither.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: www.tumblr.com/blog/awesomemarrcusuniverse  
> Twitter: @OstlingMarcus


	13. Unbreakable

_“I’ve never felt like this before…”, Jude said as he looked deep into Connor’s hazel eyes. Connor met them and said, “Me neither.”_

Jude’s lips parted after hearing Connor’s uttered words. They stayed absolutely still, just looking into each other’s eyes. Jude was searching for… something, he didn’t know what. Connor was hard to read, but after a few moments Connor’s eyes widened as a hint of fear flashed before him. Connor cleared his throat and pulled back from Jude.

Jude dared to blink, he inhaled deeply and forced down saliva. Jude felt surprised over how relieved he was that the tense moment was over.

Connor sat up in his backseat and looked for his clothes. With a sheepish smile he found Jude’s underwear and gave them to him. Jude made an effort not to make a whining sound as Connor put on his underwear hiding his cock from Jude.

They got dressed in silence. It wasn’t exactly awkward, but the both of them found it hard to find the words to say.

When Connor put his tank top on he leaned back. He scratched the back of his head and looked at Jude who still was laying down with bending knees. After looking at each other for a few moments they started to smile, Connor is pretty sure Jude started it. It didn’t take long before they were snickering.

“Wow… that escalated quickly,” Jude said smiling wide.

“Yeah… yeah you can say that again. Fuck.”

“What happened?” Jude said while chuckling.

”I don’t know… One minute we were walking back to the car and the next… well, you know,” Connor said while shaking his head slightly.

Jude’s laughter filled the car and Connor could listen to it all day. Jude put a hand over his eyes and said, “You know that you are kinky as fuck, right?”

Connor opened his mouth and huffed a small laughter and said, “Me? Me? You’re the kinky one.”

Jude replied, still with a hand over his eyes, “You forced me to come in my own face, pretty sure that’s not standard procedure.”

Connor chuckled as he felt his cheeks warming up. ”Whatever,” he said while smiling.

“And don’t get me started on your dirty talk,” Jude continued as he put his hand away seeing Connor blushing some.

“Shut up, you like it,” Connor said.

They snickered for a few moments, still high on their orgasms but mostly because of how much they just enjoyed being close again.

“Hey, was it… you know… too much? The… face thing?” Connor asked. ”You can tell me,” he filled in.

Jude didn’t say anything but his lips tugged more and more upwards. After a while he said quietly, “No…”

“You sure?” Connor said.

”Yes… I… I like it when…,” Jude said and stopped, blushing from head to toe.

”When…?” Connor said, loving the sight of Jude looking embarrassed. Jude looked up at the car roof.

“Umm… you know… when you… do stuff… to me,” Jude mumbled while burning up. Connor bit his lip and chuckled.

“Okay, good. I… I like it too,” Connor said as he settled with that. He knew what Jude meant and forcing him to say it might be in character but he decided against it.

Another minute of silence, just thinking about what just had happened before Connor suggested they should drive back to Salem. Not that Jude really wanted to return to reality but it was getting dark and he didn’t want his moms to worry, so he agreed.

They talked about this and that, mostly school and wrestling. As they were getting closer to home, Jude said, “Umm… so… You know how we almost…”

“Fucked?” Connor said, making Jude blush. Again. One of them much more used to talking about stuff like this than the other. Jude cleared his throat.

“Yes… fucked. It’s just… I can’t… I don’t trust myself around you. I get too…”

”Horny?” Connor said causing Jude to snicker and hit Connor’s shoulder and say "You're such a fuck boy.”

“But yes,” Jude continued, “I almost asked you to fuck me without lube and… that’s just… it’s not possible. And you’re so fucking big, I would have died if you pushed that monster inside me.” Jude wasn’t looking at Connor knowing he probably had that smug fucking smile on his face.

Jude looked over at Connor. Yupp. The smile was there. Jude did snicker and shake his head seeing it, thinking “Asshole…” without really meaning it.

“I mean I’m… I’m not sure it’s possible,” Jude said honestly. To which Connor replied, ”It’ll fit.”

Jude sighed and looked up. “Gah, can you try not being a dick for once.” Before Connor got the chance Jude filled in, “No. Dick. Jokes.”

Jokingly, Connor pouted and said, ”You’re no fun.”

After that they kept the conversation light, both finding it difficult not to smile and laugh more often than they should. Before they knew it, Connor had pulled up outside Jude’s house. It wasn’t until they parked that they realized their afternoon and evening together was about to end. They lingered in silence.

“I… thank you. For… today. For everything,” Jude finally said.

“You too. I’m glad we did it,” Connor said.

Jude gulped before he said, “I really like… hanging out with you. I’ve missed… you… I’ve missed us.”

“Me too,” Connor said with hesitating.

Jude pressed his lips together while looking down in his lap. He had a hundred things to say, but he didn’t know how to. Before it was about to get really awkward, Jude said, “So I guess… I’ll see you tomorrow at school, yeah?”

Connor nodded, ”Yeah.”

“Ok… good,” Jude said and gave Connor a close-lipped smile while nodding, “Good.”

Jude opened the car door and got out, as he was about to tell Connor goodbye a voice was heard.

“Hello there, I was getting worried.” It was Lena coming around from the back yard. She had some gloves on, probably doing some gardening work Jude figured.

Lena walked up and put her arm around Jude, she waved at Connor still sitting in his car.

“So you’re the one stealing my son for the evening,” Lena said while giving Connor a blinding smile.

“Mom…,” Jude whispered.

Lena sniggered, “Already making friends, I’m proud of you honey.” Lena kissed Jude’s hair.

“Actually we’ve been friends a long time. I knew Jude when he lived here before,” Connor said through the open windshield.

Lena stopped her movement for a second, connecting dots, her facial expression changed before the smile returned. “Oh… I’m Lena, Jude’s mom. It’s nice to meet you… Connor,” Lena said.

Jude froze on the spot. Luckily, Connor didn’t pick up on it.

”Nice to meet you too Lena. I gotta get going. See you tomorrow Jude,” Connor said. Jude managed to wave back at him before Connor drove off.

Lena kept holding one arm around Jude’s shoulders while Connor’s car got out of sight. Her hand kept going up and down as Jude started sniffling. He was looking down at the pavement.

Jude was sure. Jude had never said the name to Lena. The only one he’d told the name to was Emma, and even to her he’d lied about almost everything else regarding him.

“You want to go inside honey?” Lena said. She and Jude were close. She could almost read his mind sometimes.

Jude cleared his throat and took a deep breath before nodding. He kept looking down as they crossed their yard before getting inside the house.

In silence they took off their shoes and jackets. Lena looked at Jude who still was looking down. Seeing her son upset, she reached for him and put her hands on his shoulders.

Jude didn’t know why, but suddenly he started to cry softly. Lena immediately took a step forward and hugged him. Jude embraced his mother and cried into her neck.

Lena felt a tear on her own cheek. When she first met Jude he felt like half her size, thin and scared. Now he was taller than her, she could even feel his muscles through his hoodie.

She had comforted Jude many times before, but this time it was different. They had never talked about it, about this, because Lena hadn’t known what to say. _“What is wrong?”_ she’d asked him many times when he was upset, but he never answered her the way she wanted him to answer. He never said what, deep down, was wrong. Lena knew better than to push a child, a foster child nonetheless, with questions that could be considered as if she thought there was something wrong with him.

Jude’s emotions were in turmoil. It felt like a dam had broken. They hugged each other for a long time, not saying a word. Still standing in the hallway, Lena gave Jude all the time he needed.

“Y-you knew?” Jude said with a weak voice, breaking the silence.

Lena inhaled through her nose, her hands never stopped going up and down Jude’s back. “Yes honey, I knew.”

“Do-does mum know?” Jude sniffled.

“Yes. Mum knows.”

“H-how?”

“We’ve… we’ve talked about it. When you were younger. And… and I had to tell her… before moving here. She had to know,” Lena said. Jude was calming down. His breathing more regular and his sniffling subsiding some.

”I’m sorry for not telling you…,” Jude squealed in such a low voice that Lena barely heard him.

“It’s ok honey. It took some time before I understood it. I should have… I should have talked to you about it. Years ago,” Lena said.

“I know it’s not normal… I know that mom,” Jude said before starting to cry again against her shoulder.

“Shush… it’s ok baby… don’t cry honey,” Lena said and felt a few more tears escaping her eyes. This conversation was long overdue.

Lena rocked Jude in her arms until he stopped crying. She leaned back and kissed his forehead. Slowly, Jude opened his eyes and looked at his mother. Her heart clenched seeing his red and watery eyes.

“Do you… do you still feel the same?” She asked him. She didn’t need to specify.

Jude looked into her eyes. He sniffled once more and nodded slowly before whispering, “Yes.”

Lena smiled and nodded even though not knowing if she liked the answer or not.

She put her hand on his chest, over his heart, and said, “Promise me you’ll be careful.”

Jude did his best not to start crying but he couldn’t stop the tears. Not able to speak, he nodded as a response.

“This thing right here Jude…,” Lena said and pushed against Jude’s chest before continuing, “It’s the most important thing in the world to me.”

She paused for a second before filling in with an unsteady voice.

“If it breaks. I break.”

Hearing Lena’s voice cracking made Jude sob once again and they more or less threw themselves into another hug.

Mother and son held onto each other for a long time. Jude wasn’t sure who was comforting the other, they both seemed like they needed it. There was one thing Jude didn’t get though, so he asked her.

“Ho-how did you know it was Connor?”  

“What?” Lena said as Jude’s voice was a bit mumbled with him talking into her neck.

“How did you know his name was Connor?” Jude said with a steadier voice.

Lena hesitated. When she didn’t answer him Jude said, “Mom?”

Lena closed her eyes and gulped.

“You… you talked in your sleep. When… when things were bad,” she finally said.

Jude forced his eyes together, not wanting to start crying again. They stung to bad. He knew what she was talking about even if it was many years ago. She was talking about the time when Jude couldn’t be left alone, when Stef and Lena had to take turns sitting by his bed all through the nights.


	14. Bro's

“Tell me Jude, anything new and exciting in your life happening?” Kara said as she reached for books out of her locker that was next to Jude’s.

Jude didn’t hesitate for more than a second before he shrugged. “Not really. Can’t wait for the summer though,” Jude said as he closed his locker and leaned back on it waiting for Kara to finish.

“Uh-huh,” Kara said searching through the overfilled locker. “How are things going with Con?”

“What do you mean?” Jude shot back instantly.

Kara turned towards Jude and raised a brow. “Really? We’re still doing this?”

“Doing what?”

Kara sighed. ”Alright then…” When she finally found what she was looking for she closed her locker harder than usually and said, ”You know… it used to be the three of us against the world. No secrets.”

Kara turned around and was about to walk away when a small hand found her wrist.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” Jude said. Kara was hurt, he’d seen.

“It’s just…,” Jude looked around before continuing, “He doesn’t want anyone to know.”

Kara looked at Jude, thinking, for a few seconds before she said, “Doesn’t want anyone to know what?”

Jude swallowed and looked Kara in her eyes without saying anything, eyes pleading.

Kara’s gaze dropped from his eyes and found some spot on the floor next to Jude. The silence unbearable for him. “I’m sorry,” he said in a low voice. They shared a few moments in silence, not knowing what to say.

Kara closed her eyes and sighed, when she opened them again she said, “No, it’s alright. I’m sorry Jude, I shouldn’t have… I’ve been in a bad mood all day, sorry. I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it.”

Jude smiled awkwardly as a way of saying thank you for not pressing harder.

A loud laughter from the other end of the hall interrupted them, Kara looked over Jude’s shoulder and Jude turned his head around. Laughter still coming from the two blonde, and much to Jude’s dislike, very pretty girls standing next to Connor who seemed like he was enjoying himself. Jude had no idea how long who just stood there looking at them. 

“But I do think you’re better than this,” Kara said. When Jude turned back Kara had already started walking away. The feeling settling in his stomach not a pleasant one. He took another look down the hall. Usually, Connor’s laugh was all Jude needed to hear to feel nothing but happy. Not this time though.

 

\-------------------------

 

_Second period_

Jude was sitting in class without paying attention. He kept chewing on his lower lip while being deep in thought. He hated how much Connor affected him, it was like he didn’t have a will of his own. Like he was some pathetic jealous child. He had no right, he thought, being upset with Connor. Jude snorted mockingly at himself. Connor had talked and laughed with some girls and Jude was ready to drive a fucking pole through his heart.

Jude snickered. Reality check needed. Everything was good. He and Connor were friends again. They were reconnecting. Connor liked him. Probably not even close to as much as Jude likes Connor, but still. Mostly to make a point to himself, Jude slapped his own face to snap out of it.

“Umm… you ok bro?”

“Umm…?” Like woken from a dream, Jude slowly turned to his right. Oh, fuck, that’s right. Dylan was sitting next to him.

Jude cleared his throat, “Ehm… yeah, yeah of course.”

Dylan did not look convinced. “You sure? Because you were kind of… I don’t know, making noises and shit, and I’m pretty sure you just hit yourself.”

“Sorry, I… I’m stressed out over finals. I’m way behind,” Jude said and faked a smile at Dylan.

“Damn, you’ve only been here a couple of weeks and Salem’s already got you losing it,” Dylan said while chuckling. Jude joined in, Dylan was always so easy to talk with. No way Kara, Tina or any of the girls from back home would have dropped it just like that.

“Tell me about it, I swear just yesterday I caught myself checking out Linda’s ass. I’m scared D, hold me!” Jude said jokingly while putting his hand on Dylan’s shoulder and exaggerating an upset appearance. Dylan laughed, glad to see Jude not looking as hard-set as he was a few minutes ago.

That reminded Dylan, he had something to ask Jude. Dylan had to repress a smirk thinking about how smooth and discreet Connor had been about it. Dylan had not called him out on it, but they would have to talk about it soon, this was almost getting ridiculous.

“So hey Jude…,” Dylan started but stopped as Jude gave him a tired knowing look.

“Don’t,” Jude said.

“What?” Dylan was confused.

“You’re gonna do the Beatles thing aren’t you?”

“Huh? Who’s Beedles?”

Jude tried to figure out if Dylan was messing with him. Dylan looked genuinely confused. Jude shrugged and said, “Nevermind. It’s a band old people listen to. What were you going to say?”

“Umm… okay. Yeah... where was I…,” Dylan said before remembering, ”Yeah that’s right. You doing anything Saturday? Me and Con are gonna hang out after practice, would be cool if you joined.”

Jude hesitated, not prepared for the question. Before answering he needed to know something. “Is… is Connor cool with that? I mean it’s usually just the two of you and I don’t want to…”

“Yes, Con’s cool with it. He told me to ask you,” Dylan said with a tone that told Jude he was stupid to have asked.

Jude still wasn’t sure. He liked Dylan and hanging out with Connor always a priority, but hanging out with Connor and his best friend wasn’t completely unproblematic.

“So, what do you say?” Dylan asked after Jude hadn’t said anything for a while.

“Yes… yes sure, I think I’m free,” Jude finally said smiling at Dylan who smiled back. “Great,” Dylan said knowing that Connor will be more than pleased.

Class was going ok when Jude’s phone buzzed. He picked it up, text from Connor. Discreetly he opened the text, Jude couldn’t help smiling while shaking his head. Connor sent him a GIF of a cake with a cherry on top. The cherry was demonstratively picked from the cake.

Jude smirked and quickly sent back a GIF of a dog sitting down who was wearing a shirt saying “Fuckboy” on it.

Connor’s response was immediate. Jude had to put his hand over his mouth not to laugh. He glanced to his right, luckily Dylan was busy solving math problems. Jude looked again at the new GIF. It was of a cartoon train violently smashing against the opening of a tunnel, the train being too big to enter. After having smashed against the opening a few times the train made it through. Connor accompanied the GIF with a text, “#itwillfit”.

Jude was most certainly not getting a semi, that would have been slutty of him. His underwear was just getting tighter because of some other unclear reason.

 

\----

 

_Lunch_

Jude was a bit late going to the cafeteria, he was behind in math so the professor gave him some pointers after class. Half-way to the cafeteria, his phone buzzed again, the text said.

[C] Looking forward to Saturday, glad you could make it :)

Jude smiled while putting his phone away. Dylan had obviously told him. Once again Jude noticed the pull Connor had over him, just by telling him he was looking forward to hang out with him made him happy to his core.  _You're so so pathethic..._

As Jude got into the cafeteria he got a pleasant surprise seeing Kara sitting with Dylan and Connor. He could always talk to Kara if things with Connor got too awkward as it sometimes did when they were in public. Ok, sometimes things got awkward when it was just the two of them as well.

Things were going good, even Kara and Dylan were getting along. Jude tried not to glance at Connor every chance he got but Connor wearing a slim fitted t-shirt did things to Jude that he wasn’t proud of. One look at Connor’s massive arms made Jude shiver. His right arm had a very prominent vein going down his bicep. Jude thought about Connor pinning him down using one hand, ripping his underwear in pieces and-.

Jude’s dirty mind interrupted by an elbow hitting his side. It was Kara who’d been trying to get his attention for quite a while. Before Kara spoke, the two blonde girls from earlier came up to their table. Politely they said hello to the others before turning towards Connor.

Dylan smirked and leaned over and whispered to Jude, “Connor fucked the tall one a few months ago.”

Jude faked a smirk and a snicker to Dylan despite feeling hollow. The knot in the stomach growing larger and larger. Jude tried to keep it together, to act normal. He didn’t try to eavesdrop, but the girls were obviously flirting with Connor and from what Jude heard Connor wasn’t exactly rejecting them.

Without saying anything, Kara carefully followed Jude’s actions. Jude avoided looking at Connor and concentrated on trying to eat something.

When the girls left the table, Dylan smirked at Connor and nodded towards the girls. With perfect timing Jude looked at Connor looking over his shoulder clearly checking them out from behind. Jude felt like he wanted to throw up.

“Umm… umm, you know what. I-I just remembered that I can’t this Saturday. I have plans with Kara,” Jude said praying that she would follow.

“You do? Fuck,” Dylan said. Connor just sat there, his lips had parted for second before he regained posture.

“Yeah, sorry I mixed the days,” Jude said looking apologetically towards Dylan.

“By the way, thanks for inviting me,” Kara sassed at Dylan.

Dylan laughed nervously, “It’s bro’s only, no chicks allowed, you know the deal.”

“You do know I’m practically more of a chick than she is right?” Jude said jokingly causing Dylan and Kara to laugh. Connor joined in with a small chuckle a moment later, it did not sound sincere.

Connor avoided looking at Jude and if he’d noticed Jude did the same thing. After lunch was over, the group went their separate ways.

Jude was deep in thought going down a nearly empty hallway when he heard footsteps closing in behind him. Not that he needed to turn around to know who it was, his presence something Jude could feel in the air.

Jude turned around and was met by Connor looking at him.

“What was that?” Connor asked.

“What was what?” Jude said.

“In the cafeteria, you didn’t think I saw you were lying?” Connor said and Jude was a bit taken from his tone. Connor sounded upset. Not outright angry, something else.

“I… I…,” Jude was searching for words, stammering.

Connor shut his lips together, blinked a few times and looked away from Jude. He sucked on his lower lip, looking frustrated. He took a deep breath through his nose, shook his head and looked back at Jude.

“I just… I don’t get this. I don’t get _you_ ,” Connor blurted out. Connor’s tone and expression taking Jude by surprise for a few seconds. Connor sounded like a mix of being tired, hurt and confused.

“Me? Me!? _You_ don’t get _me_?” Jude didn’t know what to say. He remembered what all the girls had told him about how many girls Connor had been with, he reminded himself of what he’d seen this very day.

Jude gathered strength. He looked intensely into Connor’s eyes, making sure Connor heard him loud and clear.

“ _I_ know who I am Connor. Do you know who you are?”

Jude’s words hit home, he could tell. At once, Connor seemed smaller. Jude kept the gaze until Connor looked away. Jude didn’t need to say anything else, he’d proven his point. Connor was breathing heavily when Jude left him standing in the hallway on his own.

 

 

 

\---

 

_03.15 am, Thomas residence_

“What’s that noise?” Dylan’s mother, wrapped in a blanket, asked Dylan who was coming down the stairs from his room.

Dylan yawned while rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “I don’t know, it sounded like a knock but I’m not sure,” Dylan said and yawned again.

A knock heard on their outer door, being in the dead of night Mrs. Thomas was glad they always kept their door locked at night. Dylan’s mother was a few steps ahead of Dylan, she looked through the door viewer. She turned back and looked at her son, she looked troubled.

“It’s Connor…,” she said. Dylan’s heart clenched and blurted out, barely audible, “Fuck…”

Mrs. Thomas did not correct him before opening the door. Connor was standing on their porch, he had his arms around his body and was looking down. He sniffled. Connor was wearing a lose fitted t-shirt and sweatpants.

Mrs. Thomas reached for him. She could tell that he’d been crying, but as before he seemed determined never to cry in front of her. Connor was cold and his arm was wet form the sprinkles of rain outside.

“Come here child,” she said as she dragged him into the house and into her arms. Dylan closed the door behind them, he put an arm around Connor and hugged him from his side. Dylan’s mother’s head only reached Connor’s chest but when she hugged him she felt like the strongest woman on earth.

The three of them stood in the dimly lit hallway. Connor was breathing heavily and sniffling.

“It’s ok to cry Connor,” she said. Connor was fighting it. They could all feel it.

Connor sniffled again and shook his head as a response.

“I… I hate him…,” Connor said in a hoarse low voice. Dylan closed his eyes and bit his lip. Dylan’s pretty sure he hated Adam Stevens almost as much as Connor did. Dylan knew better than to ask him what had happened, Connor wouldn't tell him anyway. He never did.

After a minute of comforting Connor, Mrs. Thomas said, “We need to get you out of those wet clothes, you’ll get sick. Dylan, get a towel and some dry clothes.”

Before Connor knew it he was sitting down on a chair in the kitchen wrapped in a warm blanket. He hadn’t noticed how cold he must had been until he was heating up again. Mrs. Thomas was going through the cabinets and Dylan had an arm around him for support.

“I hate to ask…,” Connor started in a low voice but Mrs. Thomas turned around and pointed a finger at him.

“Don’t you dare even ask that Connor Stevens. You’re family.” Connor gave her a small smile, not that he felt like smiling but he knew she liked it and by god did she deserve it.

“Hey man, why didn’t you call?” Dylan said. Connor sniffled again. “Sorry, he… he broke my phone,” Connor said and exhaled. Dylan and his mother’s eyes met for a second. Dylan’s mother was a kind woman, but that she was something close to angry not hard to tell.

Connor hadn’t said much, but Dylan could tell it was bad. He didn’t know what to say or how to comfort Connor. Mrs. Thomas came back into the kitchen and said, “I’ve prepared the couch for you Connor.”

“Thanks Julie,” Connor said and looked at her, letting her know how much he meant it.

Dylan followed Connor down to the basement. Connor kept breathing heavily and sniffling, Dylan did his best to comfort him by rubbing his back and shoulders. Connor laid down on the blanket Mrs. Thomas had put over the couch.

Connor was quiet. After a minute, Dylan said, “Alright man, see ya tomorrow.”

“W-wait..,” Connor said as Dylan was about to leave.

“Can you... I don’t… I don’t want to be alone,” Connor said in a low voice, he was close to whispering. Dylan sniffled himself hearing his friend sounding so broken.

It took a while for Dylan to respond. It wasn’t that Dylan was really hesitating, it had just been a long time since Connor had asked him that. “Sure man. No problem.”

Connor laid on his side and Dylan laid down behind him and pulled the thin comforter over them. He put his arm around Connor and hugged him.

Dylan still remembers the first time Connor had asked him to do this. Back then, years ago, Dylan had had feelings for Connor. When your best friend/crush asks you to hold him, it’s not something you forget.

It’s hard to explain but somehow that was also the moment when Dylan stopped having romantic feelings for his best friend. That night, when Connor was at his lowest, they became more than friends. They became family, brothers. Always there for each other.

Dylan’s mind returned to the present. It didn’t take long for Connor’s breathing to go into a familiar pattern, he must have been exhausted Dylan thought listening to Connor sleeping. Dylan looked around the basement. He forced down saliva looking at lightbulbs keeping the room from being dark.

Dylan hugged Connor again and whispered, “You’re not alone man.”

When they were younger Dylan hadn’t paid any attention to it, a lot of kids were. It wasn’t anything that unusual. 

But they were both grown now, and Connor was still scared of the dark.


	15. Viva Forever

_Same night, different part of Salem_

 

“She did not!” Jude said in-between laughs.

“I promise she did, the thirst is real!” Emma said, also laughing.

“Jesus fucking christ… I mean I knew she was thirsty, but binoculars? God, she needs to get the D,” Jude said still chuckling. He closed his eyes. It felt so good talking to Emma. Even though it was literally 1 000 miles between them she felt close. He needed the distraction.

“Talking about getting the D…,” Emma said teasingly. Jude sighed, he guessed it was back to thinking about him. Again.

“Come on Jude, fill me in on the latest,” Emma said when Jude didn’t say anything.

“I think I blew it,” Jude said frankly.

“What? Jude… what did you do?” Emma spoke like she was questioning a small child. Pretty accurate if you asked Jude.

Jude whined before saying, “I… I went all drama queen on him. Again.”

“Why?”

Jude rubbed his eyeballs with his thumb and index finger. After a moment he mumbled, “He pissed me off… or whatever.”

“Okay, so what did he do?”

Jude exhaled and groaned.

“Jude?”

“Umm… he... He talked to some girls…,” Jude said, eyes still closed.

“Wow,” Emma said.

“I know. I fucking know, ok?”

Emma sniggered, she couldn’t help it. Jude groaned loudly and said, “I knooooow.”

“Naturally, you had a reasonable reaction to that? Not making a fool of yourself,” Emma said in her most sarcastic of tones.

“It wasn’t like that, but I… I was kind of mean. Said some unnecessary shit,” Jude said feeling angry at himself. He checked his texts for the tenth time the last hour. Still no response from Connor.

“What did you say?”

“Just… I don’t know. Connor doesn’t… I don’t think…,” Jude stopped and took a few breaths while gathering his thoughts.

“I’m here Jude…,” Emma said hearing that Jude struggled. He appreciated it. Emma being the only one he could talk to about Connor.

“You know how we’ve had sex, yeah?”

“Yes Jude, I think I remember my best friend getting dick,” Emma said making the corner of Jude’s mouth tug upwards.

“Yeah, but I… I kind of called him out on not being… open about it and shit.”

“I think that’s good, it’s nothing to be ashamed of for fucks sake?´.”

“No… no I know. But… It’s not that easy for him. I know that. I fucking know that…,” Jude said before his voice started to crack. His entire jaw trembling.

”Ok, how do you mean?”

Jude took deep breaths, trying to keep it together. He didn’t even know why he was getting emotional.

“I’ve known I was gay since forever. And I had Stef and Lena almost right from the start. Connor… Connor didn’t exactly have that…,” Jude said trailing off. If he’d seen himself he’d noticed him starting to smile.

“You know he’s a good guy. Connor,” Jude said while looking up into the ceiling.

“I thought you said he was a fuckboy?” Emma said while smiling. Jude had that tone in his voice that he’d only get when talking about Connor.

Jude chuckled and said, “Yes, he is a fuckboy. But, he’ nice. He’s… kind. Even if he tries to hide it sometimes.”

“As long as he’s nice to you sunshine. Is he nice to you?”

Jude smiled warmly and said in a low voice, “Yes. He’s nice to me.”

Emma laughed slightly and said, “That’s good. Hey you got a pic of him yet?”

“Oh yeah, fuck I forgot that. He finally accepted my friend request,” Jude said started browsing through Connor’s Facebook pics. Ok, he’d downloaded most of them to his phone. Private folder. Because of reasons.

Jude smirked when finding the perfect one. It was a pic taken after Connor had won a wrestling match. He had pulled down his singlet so that he was bare chested, a clenched fist raised to the sky celebrating the victory made his arm flex in a very satisfying way if you asked Jude.

He sent the pic to Emma and waited.

“Shut the fuck up!” Emma exclaimed, Jude laughed.

“That is not Connor,” Emma said while shaking her head even though Jude didn’t see her.

“That’s Connor,” Jude said and smiled.

“Okay, I need a moment. Might use that pic for later,” Emma said.

“Tell me about it, I think I’ve lost about 3 pounds worth of bodily fluids because of that picture alone.”

“Thank you for that lovely image Jude. You know it’s so hard to imagine you being single,” Emma said causing them both to snicker.

Their laughter died down, after thinking about what to say for a few moments, Emma said, ”So how are things going? Apart from your drama queen moment?”

“I don’t know what to say. It’s hard to explain, we’re friends…”

“You are more than friends Jude.”

“Yeah I know, but… Ok I’ll try to explain, bare with me.”

“I’ll try,” Emma said.

“It’s so weird you know. I got this… feeling, that we’re… connected. Fuck, I know how it sounds.” Jude sighed again and rubbed his eyeballs hoping it would help him think. Emma listened.

After a minute, Jude continued, “I thought about him for eight years Emma. The moment I left Salem… I felt it, I left something behind. That’s why I’m here. To see if I can have it back. If it’s possible.”

Emma listened carefully. Normally, Jude didn’t talk like this. He didn’t use these kinds of words. She’d only heard it a few times before and it was always when he was drunk, and only he talked about _the guy_.

Jude gulped.

“And it’s so weird, because I know he can feel it too. I… I see it on him. This thing… this fucking thing we started when we were kids. And we have these moments when that’s the only thing that matters, this thing we have. And it feels… pure and innocent and kittens and rainbows and fluffy clouds and shit,” Jude stopped and sighed deeply. Emma smiled.

“And the other minute it’s like all I can think of is… not pure and innocent. And then I feel bad because I don’t care about that shit. I just… I just want to hug him you know? And I want him to know that, but then all it takes is that I can fucking smell him and I want to bend over and beg him to make me a fucking paraplegic,” Jude said like he meant it.

Emma laughed.

“It’s not funny,” Jude said trying to sound serious.

 

\---

 

_Following day, Salem Oregon High_

 

“Hey man, you ok?” Dylan asked Connor who was gathering things from this locker.

Connor looked up and nodded, “Yeah, yeah I’m fine.”

Dylan smiled slightly and nodded back. “Ok… good. Hey, did you get it?”

“Yeah I did,” Connor said and held up the sim-card he retrieved from his smashed phone back at home this morning.

“Nice,” Dylan said while trying to see how Connor was holding up.

“Hey thanks again for lending your old phone,” Connor said.

“No problem. You charged it?”

”Uh-huh,” Connor said while putting in his old sim-card into the phone.

“Perfect. So listen I gotta go to class. See you at practice yeah?”

“Yeah see ya. And hey…,” Connor said and grabbed a hold of Dylan’s arm before he could leave.

“Thanks again for letting me crash… and for… you know, everything,” Connor said and mustered a smile.

Dylan smiled back. “Anytime,” he said before letting Connor give him a hug.

At a distance, Jude was watching the two friends hug it out. Connor seemed a bit down to Jude, the feeling of guilt laying heavy on Jude. He waited for Dylan to leave before he slowly walked up to Connor.

“Hey…,” Jude said in a low voice. Connor shut his locker and looked at Jude, he seemed a bit surprised for a second before he said, “Hey,”

Jude held tightly onto the straps to his backpack, he looked down at the floor and said, “So listen-”

“You don’t have to remind me that I’m shit, ok? I just… not today Jude, not… now.”

Jude looked up and saw defeat written all over Connor’s face. Connor picked up his borrowed phone and turned it on, anything to keep his fiddling hands busy.

“What…? No,” Jude said and shook his head before he continued, “No, I want to apologize.”

Connor looked at him quizzically, clearly not expecting that.

“I sent you texts but you didn’t answer me… hey is that a new phone?” Jude said.

“Umm… yeah. It’s Dylan’s old one. Mine broke… I just started it,” Connor said.

“Ok. But anyhow, I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have, you know…”

“I just didn’t understand what I did. All of the sudden you were… you seemed angry at me?”

One of Jude’s hands found its way from his strap to the back of his head, nervously scratching it while looking away.

“You didn’t do anything. I was just having my period,” Jude said faking a small smile.

“You know, Kara would have cut your balls off if she heard that,” Connor said catching himself snickering. _How the fuck this that happen?_

Jude smiled genuinely hearing Connor’s small snicker. He nodded while still looking down and said, “Yeah please don’t tell her I said that.”

Connor’s phone that had finished starting up buzzed. Connor looked at it before showing the display to Jude. “One new message: Jude Adams Foster”

Jude gulped and looked down again. “Brace for impact…” he said under his breath.

Connor’s phone buzzed again.

“That’s probably me again,” Jude said, starting to blush.

Connor chuckled while looking at his display, Jude was right. Connor put the phone away without looking at the texts.

The phone buzzed again. Jude closed his eyes and moved his head from side to side. Saying he felt embarrassed an understatement.

Connor started laughing when the phone buzzed a fifth time. “Last one?” he asked.

Jude didn’t have time to answer before it buzzed again.

“Apparently I wasn’t quite done…,” Jude said cursing himself for being so fucking pathetic.

When Connor’s phone hadn’t made a sound for a few moments, Jude looked up into Connor’s eyes and said, “Can we get out of here?”

Connor didn’t have to think for long. “Yeah, let’s bail.”

 

\--------

 

Even though neither of them were exactly honor students they didn’t skip classes every day. However, Jude and Connor walked out of the doors of Salem High without feeling the least bad about it. Connor tried to think of something to say while Jude was mostly busy cringing over his embarrassing text rampage that he had to unleash upon Connor.

After walking for a few minutes, without really having a destination in mind, they passed a desolate playground with some swings. All they needed was a quick look to decide in silence that sitting down in the swings seemed as good a place as any other to stop.

“So…,” Connor started. He was sitting still on his swing with his hands in his lap.

“So…,” Jude responded. Jude had put his swing in motion while holding onto the chains with his hands.

After both boys had shown excellent conversation skills for a few minutes, Connor said, “You sure I didn’t do anything wrong?”

Jude hesitated. It was just for a second, but it was noticeable. “Yeah, I’m sure. I was just… I don’t know. Had a bad day I guess.” Jude having no idea whatsoever how to answer the question truthfully without showing Connor the amount of jealousy he’d felt seeing some girls talking to Connor.

Connor was looking at Jude who was looking down into the sand beneath his feet. He knew full well that Jude wasn’t telling him everything, but he also knew all about having good reasons to keep things to himself.

“I also had a bad day,” Connor said. Jude burrowed his feet into the sand, stopping the swing, and looked over at Connor.

“Yeah?” Jude said.

”Yeah. I… My phone. It didn’t break. Well ok it broke, but it wasn’t an accident. Dad threw it into the wall.”

Jude’s eyes widened. ”But, why?”

Connor shrugged, “Drunk as always. Doesn’t matter.”

Jude didn’t know what to say, the only thing he knew was that it sure as fuck mattered. Before Jude could say anything Connor looked away into the distance and said, “Truth is Jude… Things haven’t been that good. I guess I’m used to it, but it’s not… it’s not been good.” Connor’s voice lowering as he went on.

Connor went silent and Jude felt like an idiot for not knowing what to say. He wanted to comfort Connor but Connor’s body language was not exactly telling him to hug him.

“Sorry for lying about it earlier…,” Connor more whispered than said.

“Hey, it’s ok. You know you can tell me anything. I won’t care,” Jude said. Connor grinned slightly and looked over at Jude who sighed and chuckled. “I mean of course I care. I care a whole fucking lot Connor. I just mean that I don’t care about what you… I don’t think anything less of you… fuck, you know what I mean!”

Connor grinned without laughing, “Yeah I know, just kidding.”

Small nervous laughter died out after a moment, Connor filled in, “You know you also can tell my anything.”

Jude instantly thought to himself, “Nope, I really can’t.”, but to Connor he just smiled politely. After thinking about what Connor had told him and said, Jude said, “About that… I wasn’t exactly telling the truth when I told you about California.” Jude trailed off, he was back at looking down at his feet that was digging up sand.

Connor, still sitting still, waited for Jude to continue.

“I haven’t told this to anyone. Not even Emma…,” Jude said and cleared his throat.

“I kind of… Things were… I guess you can say that things were a bit more… ok a whole lot worse than I said. I didn’t… I wasn’t doing that good, at first, in Cali…,” Jude barely spoke in complete sentences, the topic an embarrassing one for him without knowing why.

Connor waited for Jude to go on, when he didn’t, Connor said, “Jude?”

Jude cleared his throat again, for a moment lost in his head.

“So yeah… This was before the adoption and a long time ago so don’t get… you know, worried or anything, ok?” Jude said and looked at Connor. Connor nodded even though already being worried about what Jude was going to say.

“Umm…,” Jude hesitated. He put his right hand on the right side of his neck, just below his ear where his jawline started. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but I have this small scar here,” Jude said.

“Yeah I’ve seen it, been meaning to ask you about it,” Connor said.

“Yeah… When things were bad and… I didn’t know how to handle shit, and I didn’t have friends and I mis-,” Jude started but was able to stop himself. He took a few deep breaths.

“So when things were bad I kind of… I guess I… I tried to… you know… hang myself,” Jude said and closed his eyes, shame washing over him like it did every time he thought about it.

“Wh-what?! You… you what?!” Connor couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Sounding close to being in chock. “No… no no no why the fuck would you do that Jude?!”

Connor was about to start yelling to Jude how fucking stupid he was but Jude’s silent tears going down his cheeks made all anger inside Connor vanish without a trace.

“I’m sorry…,” Jude whimpered and hid his face in his hands.

Immediately, Connor got off his swing and took the few steps needed to get to Jude. Connor kneeled in the sand and cupped of Jude’s small hands who had gone from hiding his face to lying in his lap. Jude flinched as Connor touched him, but it didn’t take more than a second for him to feel like he didn’t want Connor to ever take his hands away.

Slowly, Jude opened his eyes and looked down at Connor. The sight a heartbreaking one. Connor looked so sad and Jude knew it was because of him, because he had been weak.

“I’m ok now. Don’t worry.” Jude said in-between sobs.

“How… how long ago?” It was all Connor could come up with, he had a million questions, one more inconsiderate than the other.

Jude sniffled and said, “A long time ago, don’t worry.”

Jude had no intention to tell Connor that his phone call on Connor’s 11th birthday was his way of saying goodbye to Connor.


	16. The day before you came

Connor kept cupping Jude’s hands until Jude felt like he was back in control again. It had been hard, talking about the time when Jude didn’t want to be alive anymore and had done something about it. However, it also felt good telling Connor. He wanted Connor to know, it felt like they got even closer after telling his secret.

If it was hard for Jude to talk about, it was probably even harder for Connor to hear. Connor did not look forward being alone in his bed thinking about what might had been. Connor got up from sitting on his knees. He looked around before kissing Jude’s forehead. He stayed with his mouth pressed against Jude and said, “I honestly don’t know if I had been able to handle it…”

Jude took deep breaths and sniffled as Connor walked back to his swing. After a minute, Connor said, “What happened? I mean if it’s ok with you.”

Jude nodded and blinked away some tears.

“The next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital. I remember that moms were constantly crying. It took a while before I remembered,” Jude said and paused.

“Stef had gone up to my room to check up on me and… I’d passed out and they rushed me to the hospital. They… well as you can see I didn’t die,” Jude said. He felt the feeling of shame and embarrassment once again creeping up on him.

“As you’ve noticed they couldn’t do anything about the brain damages,” Jude said and looked at Connor while trying to smile and snicker. Connor was not even close to smile back at Jude, calling his bluff. Jude’s faked smile faded and Jude looked away and gulped.

“After that moms took turns watching over me. Took a long time before they left me alone. Stef’s… Stef’s still… She worries too much, over me. She can’t help it and I know she tries, but it’s hard I guess. I hate… I really hate that I did that to them. Took many years before I forgave myself.”

“I wouldn’t have forgiven you. I would have beat you up in heaven,” Connor said it like he meant it.

Jude sniffled, a small smile creeping up on him. “You know you’re not supposed to say things like that to people trying to kill themselves?”

“I don’t care. I would have kicked your ass,” Connor said. Jude smiled, Connor’s tone not really jokingly but Jude knew he was trying to make Jude feel better, and it worked.

“By the way, heaven? Really Connor? Fat chance you’re going there,” Jude said and dried the last tears from his cheeks. Connor finally smiled, even if he did his best to repress it.

It felt good to smile again, for the both of them. Connor had to make sure though.

“You promise you’re ok Jude? I mean you have to tell me if-,”

“I promise Connor. I’m more than ok. I’m ashamed of it now and it was like seven years ago,” Jude said and regretted giving Connor a timestamp to go after. Connor did take notice but he didn’t push the topic further.

“You know it’s nothing to feel ashamed of, yeah? I mean I hate that you felt like that but you shouldn’t feel ashamed,” Connor said.

Jude smiled weakly as a response. Somewhere deep inside he guessed that Connor was right, but he had a hard time getting over the guilt he felt.

“Can I ask you something?” Jude said after they’d kept quiet for a while.

“Sure.”

“It’s just… and I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but… I mean with your dad…,” Jude said and trailed off not really knowing what he was saying.

“I mean you’re big as a fucking house,”

“Hashtag it-will-fit,” Connor responded without missing a beat catching Jude off-guard. Connor started snickering and shortly after Jude did the same.

“You’re such a fuckboy Connor. I’m trying to be serious over here and you… god I can’t even with you,” Jude said feeling frustrated even though he smiled mostly from the way Connor was giggling.

“Sorry. Couldn’t resist.”

Jude shook his head and snickered again before he regained a serious posture.

“Ok, but… I know Adam’s kind of big and everything but, you could break him in half, yeah?”

“Yeah, so?” Connor said.

Jude pressed his lips together. It wasn’t a comfortable topic that’s for sure, but Jude had wondered about it.

“So why… Why don’t you? At your house that night I was there and… if he threw your phone. You could just punch him out?”

Connor closed his lips and swallowed. He leaned forward and looked down for a moment before looking up into the distance.

“You said that I didn’t know who I am.”

“I’m sorry Connor, please I was just being-,” Jude said with a groan before Connor interrupted him.

“No. No, you meant it. And we… we both know what you were talking about,” Connor said with a calm tone.

“And no, maybe I don’t know everything,” Connor continued, “But I know one thing Jude.” Connor turned his head towards Jude and looked him in his eyes.

“I know that I will never be like him.”

Jude gulped, Connor’s intense gaze piercing through him. Jude nodded slowly and felt like an idiot, again.

“Sorry,” Jude whispered.

“It’s ok. It’s not like I’ve never thought about it,” Connor said and smiled slightly at Jude.

Jude and Connor sat in their respective swings for a minute, just enjoying the company. Seemingly out of nowhere, Jude giggled.

“What?” Connor asked.

”I was just thinking. Our conversations… we don’t exactly do small talk do we? Always super heavy stuff,” Jude said with a grin. Connor chuckled and said, “I know.”

From the side, Connor looked at Jude who was smiling. Jude looked like he was thinking about something, something that made him happy. Connor got warm, he couldn’t stop smiling noticing the way that Jude’s eyes squinted. Connor found himself thinking that the boy sitting next to him was gorgeous. The soft pale skin, the pink lips, his brown hair that he knew smelled so good.

Connor finding another person attractive not anything strange. Not even the fact that Jude was a guy and not a girl something that really scared Connor, he knew he found some guys attractive. The thing that made Connor not able to look away, even when Jude turned his head towards him and looked him in his eyes, was because of something else entirely.

What it meant, Connor did not know. The feeling not even brand new to him. He’d felt it before. Even if it was eight years ago, Connor remembers the feeling. It was one of the best feelings Connor’s ever felt.

Connor trusted the boy sitting next to him. Connor trusted Jude.

Jude grew worried looking into Connor’s hazel eyes. He’d lost his way more than once looking into said eyes. First time it happened he was just ten years old, he’ll never forget how they took his breath away.

Many times, Jude had wondered about what was going through the head of Connor Stevens. Especially when he looked right at him like he did just now.

If Connor looking at him didn’t stress him out as much as it did, then probably Jude wouldn’t had spoiled it all by saying something stupid like, “What are you thinking about?”

It took a second for Connor to react, but he did so like the pro he was. Connor grinned and chuckled a bit and said, “Just thinking it’s good you’re back in Salem.”

It was just a hint of mischief in Connor’s voice, but it was all it took for Jude to blush and have the mental image of a naked Connor towering him enter his mind. Jude sniggered and looked away after getting a glimpse of a prominent vein on Connor’s bicep. Jude hated this, how Connor made his mind come to this place from almost out of nowhere.

Jude hadn’t even seen himself as particular sexual. Needless to say that had changed since he saw Connor, all grown up, in the flesh. A grown up Connor pinning him to the wall and making him come in his singlet. And once again Jude’s mind was revisiting memories that it only should do when Jude was alone.

“What are you thinking about?” Connor said with the grin still on his face.

Jude took a moment before he looked back at Connor. The sun hit his face, making him squint. Jude bit his lip before he smiled and said, “Just thinking it’s good I'm back in Salem.”

Connor and Jude kept looking at each other for a few moments. Connor sucked on his lower lip before his mouth formed a genuine wide close-lipped smile. Good thing Jude was already sitting down. Jude had to look away. Again.

After a minute of just looking at Jude and his recently colored pink cheeks, Connor remembered something.

“Oh shit, I have practice in an hour with coach. Want a ride home?”

“Yeah sure,” Jude said feeling pretty satisfied that he was at least momentarily saved from embarrassing himself.

Jude got off his swing and so did Connor and they started walking back to the parking lot and Connor’s car. They didn’t say much but still Jude couldn’t help smiling everytime he caught Connor looking at him.

“You see something interesting?” Jude said smugly as Connor had fallen a few steps behind him for the third time in three minutes. Maybe, just maybe, Jude kind of moved his hips slightly more with every step he took.

Connor bit down on his lower lip and squeezed a hardening part of himself through the pocket of his pants.

“New pants?” Connor said with that smug and teasing tone that Jude both loved and hated.

“Yupp. Super comfy,” Jude said trying not to snicker. Connor nearly laughed out loud. Much could be said about the tightest pair of jeans Connor had ever seen but “comfy” was not one of them.

“Yeah looks that way,” Connor said making the both of them snicker. Connor had to stop looking at Jude’s bubble butt, up until now he could kind of hide his erection but he knew that wouldn’t last.

Jude made several attempts of not letting his mind wander. Each time he failed miserably. The moment he sat down in the passenger seat of Connor’s car he knew he was fucked. Not literally, even though that was literally all he could think of. Connor’s scent way too strong. Sitting beside him, feeling his body heat, being in Connor’s presence, too much for Jude to handle.

They didn’t say anything else up until Connor parked his car outside Jude’s house. Connor had no idea how they had gotten there even though he was driving. His mind somewhere else entirely. His mind constantly thinking about tearing off Jude’s pants, flipping him around and fucking Jude’s brains out. No it wasn’t Connor’s proudest moment but there you go.

“Umm… I’ll walk you,” Connor said for some reason. Jude didn’t protest, he didn’t even have the brain capacity to question it.

Jude unlocked the outer door and got in the hallway, Connor trailed him. Jude took off his hoodie and threw it over a chair. When he turned around he got a bit startled as Connor was standing way closer to him than just a second ago.

Connor smiled seeing Jude’s reaction. Connor put his hands around Jude’s arms, starting from his upper arms he gently caressed them as his hands travelled down Jude’s naked pale skin until he got to his wrists. Jude didn’t move an inch. His lips parted slightly as he let Connor touch him.

“I had a great time today…,” Connor said in a low voice. Jude did not look up to meet his eyes, instead Jude said back in an even lower voice, “Me too.” Connor’s fingers touching his arms made him shiver but he did his best not to let Connor notice.

Connor took another step closer, making their bodies touch. The slightly taller Connor let go of Jude’s arms as he instead let his hands rest on the small of Jude’s back. Jude closed his eyes and smelled Connor’s manly musk. He knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t help himself.

Jude gasped as Connor pressed his body tighter against Jude in something that could resemble a hug but neither of them were really sure what this was. Connor’s hands found their way from Jude’s back to his ass. If Jude couldn’t feel Connor’s hard cock pressing against his stomach before he sure could now.

“Fuck…,” Jude whispered. His hands had apparently found their way to Connor’s chest. Jude let his fingers feel Connor’s muscles through the fabric.

Connor leaned in and whispered in Jude’s ear, “Your ass is so hot. Can’t wait to…”

Jude shivered, this time he had no chance to do so without Connor noticing. Once again Jude cursed himself for having no self-control. He didn’t want it to be too obvious to Connor that Jude needed Connor to take his bottom virginity more than he needed oxygen.

By some miracle Jude regained the ability to think. Connor’s greedy hands were squeezing and rubbing Jude’s ass more and more intensely.

“I don’t know if you can. You’re too big…,” Jude said seductively. Jude could swear he felt Connor’s cock twitch. Jude kept touching Connor’s chest with both his hands. Connor moaned as Jude’s fingers found one of his nipples through his shirt.

“You’ll take it,” Connor grunted. Jude whined as Connor’s hands left his ass for a moment to lift up Jude’s shirt just enough so that Connor could press his, by now, rock hard eight inches against Jude’s slim stomach. Jude was nearly passing out from being turned on, after a few moments of fighting what felt like a heart attack Jude said, “I’m not sure…”

Without asking Connor’s hands opened up the button on Jude’s tight jeans. Connor’s hands returned to the small of Jude’s back and before Jude knew it he felt Connor’s fingers making their way to the waistline of his jeans and underwear.

“Connor what are you…?”

Jude gasped and whined as Connor let both his hands go down Jude’s pants until they were touching the naked skin of Jude’s ass.

Connor had troubles breathing as just touching Jude’s ass made his body scream from lust. Playfully, Jude tried to break free but Connor was much too strong. From the way Connor was breathing Jude knew that Connor was way too horny to be able to control himself. Connor’s fingers reached in-between Jude’s cheeks. Still trying to resist Connor, Jude whimpered loudly as one of Connor’s middle fingers grasped against Jude’s tight hole.

“Fu-fuck, love your ass,” Connor stammered.

Jude was about to unzip Connor’s pants, kneel and do his best to become a mute when a most unwelcomed sound was heard from outside.

“Shit! Shit, that’s mom!” Jude panted hearing the familiar sound of their car pulling up on their driveway.

“What? Fuck,” Connor said as his mind returned from the horny mess of a state it had been in.

Jude looked down at his pulled up shirt and stomach where Connor’s crouch had been pressed against. He had a small wet spot smeared over it. With wide eyes he looked at Connor. At the same time, both of them realized that Connor’s precum had leaked through his underwear and jeans and made its way to Jude’s skin.

At the last second Connor pulled down his shirt to cover his crouch and wet spot when Stef opened the outer door. Jude managed to look somewhat presentable and even managed to greet his mother.

“Hi mom.”

“Hi…,” Stef said as she entered the house, she stopped the second she noticed that Jude wasn’t alone.

Connor cleared his throat and reached out his hand and said, “Hi, I’m Connor, pleased to meet you.”

Luckily Connor didn’t notice the way Stef flinched hearing the name, only Jude did.

“Umm, hi Connor. I’m Stefanie. Pleased to meet you,” Stef said not sounding convinced that she was really pleased. Stef put down the grocery bags on the floor and took off her jacket.

“You have a lovely home Mrs. Adams-Foster,” Connor said. Jude frowned, never had he heard Connor sounding that polite before. Jude liked it though. He liked it a lot.

“Oh have you gotten the grand tour?” Stef said as she took off her shoes.

“Yupp, Jude showed me around last time,” Connor said. Jude cursed internally.

“Oh?” Stef raised a brow, a quick knowing look at Jude before she looked back at Connor, ”You’ve been here before?”

“Yeah, we had a movie night like a week ago,” Connor said casually. Stef didn’t have to look at him for Jude to know that he was toast.

“Oh is that right? Good. That’s good.” Stef said. Jude could hear it was far from the truth.

”I’m going to go unpack these,” Stef said and motioned for the bags on the floor, “Nice meeting you Connor”. Stef left for the kitchen and Jude followed Connor outside. They stopped on the porch and closed the outer door.

Connor snickered and said, “Damn that was close.” Jude smiled slightly, he had to admit the situation was at least a bit funny even though he knew that Stef would want to have a serious conversation with him later.

“God you can’t do… It’s not fair,” Jude complained without knowing what he was really saying. Jude looked up and once again Connor did that thing that made Jude weak at his knees. Connor sucking at his lower lip before breaking out in a grin. Jude just shook his head and snickered. What the fuck was his life even?

As Jude was busy blushing over what just had transpired, Connor’s mind was working fast. Having not much more than one thing on his mind, Connor said, innocent enough, “Hey gotta go now. You want to come with me to the gym tomorrow?”

They had talked about it before so Jude didn’t think much of it when he said, “Yeah sure, sounds good.”

“Cool, I’ll text you later,” Connor said and started walking down Jude’s porch.

Then it hit Jude, he frowned and said to Connor who had his back turned, “Umm… Connor, isn’t the gym closed on Saturdays?”

Without hesitating Connor quickly turned his head and said, “We’ll get in, no problem.”

“Ok nice, text you later, bye” Jude said and got back inside.

Connor got in his car and did not stop smiling for a long time. He hadn’t even lied to Jude. They would get in. He made a mental note to give coach Petrasek a gift basket or something for giving him a private key to the gym so he could go there even when the gym was closed.

Connor had great plans for Saturday. Jude being a virgin on Sunday not one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, number 17, is called "#Itwillfit". That chapter will have what you could call sexually explicit material. If you're sensitive to... just about anything you probably shouldn't read it. It's... yeah. I probably won't post it for a while, but consider yourself warned and so on and so on.


	17. #ItWillFit

Connor was laying down in his bed. With his left hand he reached for his phone. 11 p.m. He should probably try to get some sleep. He would need his energy for tomorrow. He put down his phone. His right hand hadn’t stopped going up and down his cock. Connor was hard and he had been for quite a while. He kept stroking it, much slower than he normally did when jerking off.

He had a reason for it. Connor was horny, but he didn’t want to come. Not yet. Connor stopped the movement of his hand as he took a firm grip around the base of the shaft. Connor moaned deeply at the back of his throat. Connor rested his left hand behind his head, using it for support. He looked down at his hard cock.

Connor grinned before he bit down at his lower lip. Connor knew he was big. Connor knew and in all honesty he loved it. One of the best thing Connor knew was when he saw the look on the face of someone seeing him fully hard for the first time. Shocked, he had seen once or twice. Scared he’d also seen. Whatever the look was the result was always the same, they couldn’t look away. Connor loved it. Of course he’d never admit it as he knew how much of an ass he’d sound, but Connor loved it.

Connor let his hand go up his cock, when he got to the tip a drop of precum leaked from it and started going down his shaft. Connor grinned and moaned again. “Fuck…,” Connor huffed as precum ran down and over his fingers holding onto his cock with a firm grip.

Connor thought about Jude. He had been the entire night. All he could think about was tomorrow. About what he was planning on to do with Jude. Sweet, cute, handsome, gorgeous and hot as fuck Jude. Connor thought about when Jude saw his cock for the first time at his place. Lust, the most prominent expression shown on his face. Of course Jude already knew about Connor’s size so he kind of already knew what to expect. Connor moaned and continued jerking off slowly thinking about how Jude had given him the best blowjob of his life. Jude wanted it in a way he’d never seen before. Connor had been with one or two girls that were _really_ into it, but Jude… Jude was another story completely.

Connor had to stop himself from coming. His cock was leaking. Once again he took a hold of the base of his cock. Connor fantasized about Jude, about how Jude’s perfect ass would look with Connor’s eight inches burrowed deep inside it. Connor’s lips parted thinking about the sounds that Jude was going to make when Connor’s cock would be taking his virginity.  

 

\---

_Same night, different part of Salem_

“So sunshine, any plans for the weekend?” Emma said. Despite being hundreds of miles away she felt close to Jude. She’d been his best friend for a long time. Somehow both Jude and Emma knew that the sad truth was that their connection would fade as time went on. Remaining as close as they had been when they lived not five minutes from each other was nearly impossible with Jude living in a different state. So they knew, but they were both determined to fight for as long as possible.

Jude snickered nervously, “Umm yeah, you can say that.”

Jude’s tone caught Emma’s attention. “Jude?”

As usually, Jude was laying on his back in his bed while talking to Emma over the phone. He grinned badly and closed his eyes while covering them with the bend of his arm.

“Looks like I’m going to the gym tomorrow. With Connor.”

Emma made an undefined squealing sound. “That’s great! Isn’t it? I mean I _know_ how you feel about him.”

”Yeah, but… I don’t know. This… _thing_ with Connor. It’s… not un-complicated,” Jude said truthfully.

“No, I know,” Emma said with a small sigh.

“And, hello!? Working out with Connor? Seeing him… flex… I’m not sure this is a good idea,” Jude said half-jokingly.

“Oh stop it’s a great idea. The more he is around you the better. No one can resist you sunshine.”

Jude snickered, “You’re too nice.”

“I know, it’s a curse. Hey by the way, is he still claiming to be straight or whatever?” Emma said.

“Umm… I don’t know, maybe. He’s… complicated. It’s not like he’s in deep denial. He’s not freaking out about that we’ve had sex, it’s just that… I don’t know Em. He doesn’t want anyone to know.”

“I don’t understand?”

Jude looked up in the ceiling and sighed. Many nights he’d tried to solve the mystery that was Connor Stevens.

“I think that deep down, he knows. But, it’s hard for him. I think he’s more afraid than ashamed, if that makes any sense.”

“What does a guy like Connor has to be afraid of? He’s like all muscles.”

“Yeah… But inside… inside he’s soft. He’s… he’s like me. A mess,” Jude said before swallowing down saliva.

“Okay, I get it,” Emma said. She bit her lip while smiling from the fond way Jude was talking about Connor. Her best friend had it bad, that much was clear.

“So…,” Emma said and left a pause before continuing, “Still a virgin?”

Jude laughed out loud and blushed at the same time. “Oh my god, again with this?”

Emma laughed back, “Always! And don’t even try to tell me it’s not a big deal to you.”

Jude snickered. Talking to Emma was important to him, he knew that she cared.

“No, you’re right. And yes, still a virgin. But…,” Jude trailed off.

“But!?” Emma said sounding excited, making Jude snicker once again.

“But… He… wants to. I think,” Jude said before correcting himself, “No, I _know_ he wants to.”

Emma made an attempt to wolf-whistle. She’d far from perfected the art form but the message got through.

“Awesome! My best friend finally getting the D,” Emma said before continuing in her most motherly of voices, “I’m… I’m so proud of you.” She even faked a sniffle afterwards.

Jude laughed again. ”God I love you. Any normal friend would ask something like _“What do you want?”_ but you just assume I’m up for it.”

“I _know_ you sunshine,” Emma said matter-of-factly. “I mean you’ve been fucking yourself with toys since you were like… 15? I _know_ you want the real deal and add to that getting fucked by someone you…,” Emma stopped knowing Jude would not appreciate her verbalizing what was obvious to her.

“Someone you like,” she said with a wide smile.

The two of them had talked about sex so many times that Jude wasn’t even uncomfortable talking about it.

“But Emma he’s so big… I’m serious I don’t know if it’s even possible,” Jude said.

“Oh come on, it will fit,” Emma said making Jude chuckle. “What?” Emma asked.

“No it’s just… We joke about it sometimes, and that’s what he always says.”

“Oh my god I love him!” Emma said.

Jude’s smile faded after a few moments.

“But what if it doesn’t? What if… what if I’m… if I can’t?” Jude said and gulped.

“What do you mean?” Emma asked, she recognized the real concern in Jude’s voice.

Jude forced down more saliva. “I’m a bit… worried Emma.” Jude was beyond grateful that he had someone to talk to about this. Someone he trusted completely.

“That it will… hurt?” Emma asked.

“No… no I can handle that,” Jude said before continuing half-jokingly, “Trust me.” Emma snickered slightly.

“No but what if we… you know can’t? If I can’t. If he’s too big,” Jude said and sucked on his lower lip nervously.

“Well, what of it? You can still have sex without him fucking you?” Emma said like it was no big deal, but to Jude it was.

“But he wants to… and I want to. And if…,” Jude sighed and closed his eyes, “I guess I’m scared that he’ll be disappointed in me and that he won’t want to… you know, be with me… or something, I don’t know…”

“Hey… sunshine, listen, ok? Are we talking about Connor? _Your_ Connor?”

Jude didn’t need to answer the rhetorical question.

“I hear how you talk about him. He seems like a very good person-,”

“He is,” Jude had to said.

“I know. And really Jude, if he was that much of an asshole that he wouldn’t want to be with you if you guys can’t do _that_ he doesn’t deserve you. Am I wrong?”

“I guess not…,” Jude said in a low voice.

“Am I wrong?” Emma repeated.

Jude snickered, “No, you’re not wrong.”

“Exactly. So are you planning on riding him or-,” Emma started before Jude interrupted her.

“Ok we’re not going into specifics, jesus fucking Christ,” Jude said and snickered, Emma joined in.

“Hey, how are things with Kara? I know you were close before,” Emma asked after a minute.

“It’s good. But, it’s like… this thing with Connor. I can’t talk to her about it and I feel like I’m keeping secrets from her and I don’t like that. I think she thinks I’m not letting her in and stuff, and I don’t know,” Jude said.

“Why can’t you talk to her about Connor?”

“Because she knows him. They were best friends before I knew them. They were really close and…,” Jude trailed off.

“And?”

Jude hesitated, not knowing what to say for a minute.

“It’s complicated Em, but… from what I’ve heard… Connor wasn’t… Connor changed. When I moved away. They all say that Connor changed and I think… I guess I just feel bad, for Kara. I feel so fucking guilty that I can’t look her in the eyes sometimes,” Jude sniffled. He could talk about Kara and Connor’s relationship a lot more, but he wasn’t sure that Emma needed to hear it.

“Hey… calm down,” Emma said with a steady voice. “You know that’s not your fault.”

Two persons in Jude’s life knows why he had to leave his foster-home in Salem on such a short notice. Right now his mothers were sitting downstairs in the couch watching TV. For a second Jude considered the idea of letting a third person know, but he decided against it. What good would it do?

Jude cleared his throat and regained some posture, “Yeah… yeah I know. Sorry.”

A minute of silence lingered until Emma finally said, “You’re careful right?”

Jude answered after a few moments, “No.”

It took Emma a moment to respond to Jude’s unexpected response. When she did she started to snicker and so did Jude. “What? Just being honest,” Jude said while smiling.

Emma was still laughing slightly when she managed to say, ”I was just not expecting that answer.”

“If I was careful and smart and listened to any warning signs whatsoever I wouldn’t be in Salem right now, now would I? No, I’m… I’m not sure what I’m doing but being careful is not it.”

Emma smiled fondly. She waited a moment before she said in a calm voice. “I know what you’re doing sunshine.”

“What?” Jude said.

Emma couldn’t stop smiling. If Jude would have seen her he would have told her to stop it. Emma said, “You’re following your heart. That’s why you’re in Salem.”

Emma was probably expecting some kind of protest from Jude, and frankly Jude was a bit surprised himself when the words left his lips, “Yeah… yeah I am.”

 

\---

_Saturday_

Connor was standing in front of the mirror wearing nothing but his black trunks. He kept turning to look at his body from different angles. Connor flexed different parts of his body, just to make sure. He wanted to look his best for tonight, for Jude. Connor knew that Jude appreciated his muscular body. Connor flexed his biceps and snickered thinking how ridiculous it must look to anyone seeing him right now.

Without thinking about it his left hand stroked his cock that he had to shift to the side to make it fit in his trunks. Images of Jude’s body giving him pleasure like never before flashed before his eyes. Connor had to stop what he was doing. It was already a small miracle that he hadn’t gotten blue balls yet.

Like had happened before when thinking about today, Connor had to stop thinking about how much this day actually meant to him. He had to make an effort to force those thoughts aside. Jude wanted Connor to be in charge, it was easy to see by the way Jude’s entire body shivered with lust whenever Connor took without asking. Connor was determined to give Jude something to remember. Connor wasn’t good enough for Jude. This he knew. The one thing Connor was good at, that thing he was going to make sure to do right. Fucking Jude, he was going to do right.

 

\---

 

Jude was upstairs in his room packing his gym bag.

He was nervous. He’d never been to the gym with Connor before. Fact is that he’d never been to the gym all members of the wrestling team had free access to outside school hours at all. Jude liked wrestling, but Connor took his training far more seriously. Jude was fine with just getting the practice he needed during wrestling classes.

Going to a gym wasn’t the problem, he knew his way around them. Going to the gym with Connor was the problem. A huge problem. Jude was nervous and a bit anxious. He was pretty sure he’d embarrass himself immensely. Probably drooling, like legit drooling over Connor in front of everyone else at the gym.

 _“Oh my god are we going to shower afterwards!?”_ Jude thought as his heart started beating out of his chest and not in the good way. Not in the way it did when he let his heart's deepest desire manifest itself in his mind. Not in the way his heart raced when he pictured himself being held by Connor through all his remaining nights.

 _“No, I’ll make up some excuse, I’ll be fine,”_ Jude reasoned. Nothing was going to happen today. He was just going to hang out with his friend Connor. After all Jude had some self-respect. He was not going to throw himself at Connor or anything. Connor was going to have to work for it and Jude wasn’t going to give in that easily.

Jude looked himself in the mirror. Jude shook his head slightly and whispered “You slut…,” before going into the bathroom and removing any sign of body hair on him. Just in case. Not that anything was going to happen. Jude was extra thorough grooming his lower regions for some reason. Not that anything was going to happen. Yeah.

Jude finally emerged from the bathroom. He checked his phone. Connor was picking him up in a few minutes. Jude hadn’t said anything to his mothers about his plans for the day. They wouldn’t approve. Ok, Lena might. But Stef wouldn’t. Jude had managed to avoid talking to Stef since she almost walked in on him and Connor doing unholy stuff in the hallway.  

Jude took one last look in the mirror. His chocolate brown hair had taken far longer than usual to do right, but he needed to look his best. His black skinny jeans often got him compliments so of course he wore those. He wore his favorite maroon v-neck shirt, he liked the way that his pecs looked while wearing it. They weren’t big but they were there. If you looked closely. And squinted your eyes a bit.

He took his gym bag and put his phone in his pocket before quickly going down the stairs.

“Bye moms I’m going out, see ya!” Jude shouted as he made his way to the outer door.

“Jude Adams-Foster!” Jude closed his eyes and stopped in the hallway. Stef using his full name. Never a sign of a pleasant conversation to come. He had one hand on the door-knob. So close.

Jude took a deep breath, forced a smile and turned around to face Stef who had made her way into the hallway. Lena was a few steps behind her, walking more slowly while holding onto her own arms.

“Yes?” Jude said casually. Why he even bothered a mystery to all three of them.

Stef tilted her head, raised her eyebrows, and said, “You know what.”

For a moment, Jude contemplated trying to play dumb but he decided against it. It was no use. He shrugged and said, “Yeah ok, Connor was here, so what?”

“So what?” Stef said while raising her eyebrows even higher. Jude looked over Stef’s shoulder, Lena looked uncomfortable.

Jude didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t look Stef in the eyes so he looked down instead while biting nervously on his lower lip.

“Jude…,” Stef said with a small sigh. Jude looked up. Stef’s face looked different than the moment before, softer. Stef took a step towards her son and took his hands in her hers. She gulped, looked him in his eyes and said, “Jude. Honey.”

“I’m ok,” Jude whispered back.

“You sure?” Stef said to which Jude nodded.

The two of them looked at each other for a few moments before Stef said, “You have to be careful. Me and mama we, we need you. You know that, right?” Stef’s eyes had a hint of glister in them, like she was holding back.

Jude gulped, nodded and said, “I need to do this mom.”

Stef kept looking him in his eyes for a moment. She tried to look kind and supportive, Jude knew, but he could see that she was nothing other than scared.

Jude said, “I waited for it to go away, but it never did mom. I need to try.”

Stef opened her mouth but before she could say anything a car horn was heard from outside.

“It’s him. I got to go. I promise I’m ok,” Jude said while squeezing Stef’s hands trying to comfort her.

Stef closed her mouth and forced a small smile. She sniffled, blinked a few times and nodded.

“Ok, we’ll talk tomorrow. Have fun,” Stef said and Lena filled in, “Be safe honey. We love you.”

“Love you too,” Jude said before he reached for the door knob. Before he left the house he turned around and said, “Don’t worry. I can handle this. I promise.”

Jude closed the door. Lena walked up to her wife whom was still standing looking at the closed door. Lena held Stef from behind. Lena kissed her hair and said, “We knew this would happen. We got to trust him.”

”It’s not Jude that I don’t trust,” Stef said and relaxed into Lena’s embrace. “Jude had a crush on that boy and it didn’t end up very well for Jude the first time,” Stef filled in.

“How do you know that Connor didn’t have a crush on Jude?” Lena said.

”Really? Connor doesn’t seem gay to me,” Stef said.

“Wow wifey, stereotype much?” Lena said making Stef snicker, Lena continued, “All I’m saying is that we don’t know Connor, maybe we should give him the benefit of a doubt.”

“Yes, maybe,” Stef said.

“I didn’t say this before because I knew you were having a bad day but Connor was actually here this morning,” Lena said.

“Really? When?”

“When you gave Jude a lift to Tina,” Lena said feeling a bit relieved that Stef didn’t seem upset that she had waited to tell her.

“Yes, apparently he’d forgot something in Jude’s room so he just got up and got it. Wasn’t here more than two minutes.”

 

\----

After putting his gym bag in the backseat, Jude opened the door to Connor’s car and sat down with a deep sigh. He closed his eyes and rubbed his eyeballs with his hands.

“You ok?” Connor asked.

”Yeah, I’m ok. It’s just, moms,” Jude said after another exhale.

Connor chuckled and said, “Giving you a hard time?”

“You can say that, but fuck it, doesn’t matter,” Jude said and shook his head and turned his attention to Connor. It took a second for Jude to close his lips that apparently had parted when looking at Connor.

“You look great,” Jude said in a low voice. “ _Fuck,”_ he thought, it just slipped out.

Connor smiled slightly before saying, “Thanks. You too.”

Jude hadn’t meant to say it, but he sure wasn’t lying. Connor had on his tight above knee jeans shorts, showing off more of Connor’s strong legs than Jude could handle.

_”Ok, focus Jude. Look above the waist. Don’t even think about looking at his crotch. Fuck.”_

Jude blushed and looked forward. A nervous giggle heard as he started rubbing his face with one of his hands. He’d not looked for more than a fraction of a second, but if Jude didn’t know better it almost looked like Connor was hard. Or maybe it wasn’t and it just looked that way because of his size. Jude forced himself to believe that was probably the case, for his own sanity’s sake.

Connor couldn’t help laughing slightly at Jude. He was too adorable. Connor took the opportunity to check Jude out while he could do so unnoticed. Those black skinny jeans were a godsent if you asked Connor.

“You ready to go?” Connor asked.

“Yeah, lets’ go.”

Connor opened a bottle of water and took a few gulps. He’s throat had gone dry just looking at Jude from the side. The ever-growing physical attraction he felt towards the brown-haired boy sitting next to him was becoming a problem. He knew. He should probably run away from this, it was starting to become a too dangerous game to play. The stakes way too high and worst-case-scenarios were grim indeed.

Jude turned his head and smiled at Connor. “Are we going?” Jude said.

“ _Shit,”_ Connor thought. It was becoming a real problem. Connor turned his head forwards again and started the car. “Buckle up,” Connor said with a grin.

“I always play it safe, Mr. Stevens,” Jude said playfully while fastening his seat belt. Connor chuckled and said, “Mr. Stevens? I like that.”

Jude snickered, after a few moments he said just loud enough for Connor to hear, “Me too.”

Connor bit his lip and looked down. He had troubles keeping the erection down. Thinking about fucking Jude for so long and now having said boy in the car did not make it easy for him.

Jude glanced at Connor. Of course, Connor had to wear a loose fitted tank top. When Connor moved his right arm, from the side Jude could got a glimpse of Connor’s impressive chest and nipple. Even from the side you could see some of the muscles from his pecs down to where his abs started. Jude’s attention went to Connor’s arms, or rather his right arm. The golden sun-kissed skin in combination with Connor’s biceps and triceps perfectly trained made Jude light-headed.

Despite knowing better, Jude looked at what he considered Connor’s most dangerous feature. No, not that. His face.

From the side he could partially see the chin dimple and his thick lips that Connor wetted with his tongue every now and then. He followed his way up to Connor’s nose, being thicker than his own scrawny thing, Jude found it to be perfect. A few freckles on Connor’s cheeks before reaching what Jude thought was the reason for all this. For not being able to forget about Connor Stevens from the day they met.

Luckily enough he couldn’t look straight into Connor’s hazel eyes. His kind hazel eyes. Everything else regarding Connor’s body and features was rugged, almost harsh. However, his face was the softest thing Jude’s ever seen and his eyes the main reason for it.

Connor lifted his right arm and scratched the back of his head, exposing his armpit. That Jude found every part of Connor’s body worthy or worship nothing new, but Jude surprised even himself when he could feel blood rushing down his lower regions.

“ _Armpits? Really Jude?”_ he thought. While Jude’s own armpits carefully shaved, Connor’s weren’t and Jude was now practically staring. Somewhere Jude had to remind himself he really didn’t have an armpit fetish, he had a Connor fetish.

“You ready to get a workout?” Connor said and Jude had to literally shake his head before being able to answer him using English. Connor’s suggestive tone lost to Jude.

“Umm… yeah, of course,” Jude said and continued, “Will be cool to finally go there. I know we have access being on the team, but I’ve never been. I heard it’s really high-end.”

Connor snickered and said, “I don’t know about high-end. I guess for an Oregon gym it’s pretty neat, but I’m sure you got nicer ones in Cali. It’s clean though and the staff are cool.”

Jude shook his head slowly and looked into the distance trying to remember, in a low voice he said, “You know, I’m almost positive Petrasek said it was closed on weekends.”

Connor bit his lip to help him keeping a straight face.

“Only two more weeks of school. Can’t fucking wait for summer. You got any plans?” Jude said. Connor had to replay in his head what Jude had said, his mind was somewhere else. Somewhere else entirely. They were getting close to the gym, Connor made a turn and said, “Yeah, I’m going to work extra as a PT at the gym. And me and Dylan are going to Cali, he’s been bugging me about it for years.”

Without thinking Jude turned to Connor and said, “Oh cool, you’re gonna love Cali. How come you haven’t gone before?”

Connor tried to act natural and unaffected, but Jude saw it. The way Connor’s face fell for a fraction of a second before he managed to push it aside. Connor forced a smile, “No reason.”

A few minutes of awkward silence before Connor broke it by saying, “We’re here.” Connor made a turn and drove onto an almost empty parking lot. The building in front of it mostly had windows and glass for walls. Jude snickered seeing the name of the gym. He read the sign out loud, “The perfect fit.”

They got out of the car and got their gym bags from the backseat. Walking up to the gym, Jude furrowed his brows and said, “Hey Connor, it looks closed. It’s no one inside and it's dark.”

“Don’t worry Jude, we’ll get in,” Connor said. Jude furrowed his brows once again, picking up on Connor’s choice of words. Jude trailed Connor by a few steps. When Connor got to the front door he took out a key from his pocket and put it in the lock.

“What are you doing?” said Jude.

Connor looked back and grinned, “What? You wanna work out, dontcha?” Connor unlocked the door and said, “After you.”

Jude wasn’t really catching on. Feeling more than a bit confused he slowly walked through the glass doors. Curiously, he looked around and said, “Connor what is this?”

Connor closed the door behind them and made sure to lock it. “Petra gave me a key so I can work out whenever I want to. Perks of being a superstar,” Connor said with a wink.

Jude looked around. Even though it was kind of dark he liked what he saw. Everything from the wooden floor to the reception, and what he could see of the gym behind it, looked nice.

“Who else has a key?” Jude said still feeling confused.

“No one, just me. The owners don’t even live in Salem,” Connor said and walked past the reception, he continued, “Locker rooms are over here.”

Walking towards the locker rooms, Connor had troubles keeping his cock from growing hard. He’d fantasized many times about this. He just had to wait a bit longer.

Connor opened the door signed “Men’s” and turned on the lights. Jude walked in just after him and said, “Wow, it’s so nice. I get why you’re here all the time.”

Lockers and benches filled the edges of the room. There were some doors that Jude presumed led to the bathrooms and an opening leading to what Jude could see was the showers. In the middle of the room there was a slim padded bench that Jude figured was some kind massage bench or something.

Connor put his gym bag on one of the wooden benches and opened a locker. He pulled his tank top over his head before turning towards Jude. Connor snickered slightly seeing Jude standing breathless with his gym bag in one hand. Jude’s eyes focusing on Connor’s body. Jude looked away, taking way too long to do so.

Jude felt like such an awkward idiot. Connor had even snickered over the way that he couldn’t look away from Connor’s body. Yes, Connor went 100 % fuckboy mode, but still Jude didn’t even have the dignity to call him out on it. Fuck, Connor was hot. When Jude fantasized about Connor fucking him it was like being in a porno, until he saw himself that was. Jude figured he lacked at least 20 lbs of muscles not to look like a stick next to Connor’s massive form.

Jude tried to gather some focus. He opened a locker and took off his shirt. His fingers were fiddling. He was nervous. Why was he nervous? It was just Connor. He trusted Connor. Jude was growing more and more aware of the situation. He was alone with Connor. At a place to which Connor was the only one having access to. No one would disturb them here. Jude felt his mouth getting dry as a desert. Jude smiled for himself realizing he was thirsty. It was funny, but Jude had to keep it to himself.

Connor took off his shorts. He looked to the side and at Jude. Jude had taken his shirt off and was searching through his gym bag. Connor bit his lip seeing Jude’s milky flawless skin. It looked so soft despite him being fit. Connor looked down. From his position he could actually see some of his cock as the hardness had made the fabric stretch. Connor looked at Jude again. _Fuck_.

Connor knew that Jude wanted him sexually. Connor was pretty sure that he knew what Jude liked sexually, despite them not having fucked. Yet. Usually, Connor had 100 % confidence in these situations. Something was different though.

Despite giving his best trying to ignore it, he knew this mattered. This mattered a lot because Jude mattered a lot. He was not about to admit to himself just how much the boy standing not far from him mattered to him. Connor had had sex many times before, more times than he wants Jude to know. But, this was different.

_From out of nowhere a distant memory flashed passed Connor’s eyes. He was ten years old, lying in Kara’s bed. She was lying next to him trying to comfort him. He was inconsolable. Connor remembers them lying there a long time before he’d, with tears covering his face and most of Kara’s pillow, said something that he’d never said again._

_“I love him.”_

Connor violently forced the memory aside. He needed to breathe, he felt like he was suffocating. He looked around the locker room. Fortunately, Jude was still changing and hadn’t seen him zooning out.

 _What the fuck was that?_ Not the best timing, Connor told himself. He shook it off and looked at Jude. Jude took off his pants and Connor couldn’t help it. He couldn’t resist any longer. Jude was standing with his back towards him, only wearing his tight underwear. Connor kicked off his own shorts and walked towards Jude.

Jude almost screamed from being startled when he felt Connor’s big hands resting on his hips. Connor was standing right beind him and Jude was only wearing his underwear. Connor’s thumbs were slowly rubbing circles against his side.

Connor smiled, his confidence was back, feeling Jude relax after the initial element of surprise. Connor moved closer and pressed his hard cock that his briefs could hardly (!) hold anymore against Jude’s ass. Jude gasped feeling Connor’s huge hard cock being pressed against him.

Connor leaned to the side and started kissing Jude’s neck. Jude moaned and tilted his head exposing more of his neck for Connor to kiss and lick.

“You feel how hard you make me?” Connor breathed into Jude’s ear. Jude was not able to say anything so he did what his body told him, he moaned and grinded his ass against Connor’s hardness.

“I’m going to fuck you so hard Jude… Gonna make you scream,” Connor whispered into Jude’s ears in-between moans.

Jude lifted his arms and put them over his head around Connor’s neck, connecting them. Connor bit softly at Jude’s earlobe and Jude’s body was shaking. One of Connor’s hands made its way from Jude’s hip downwards. Jude gasped loudly as Connor’s hand felt Jude’s erection through his underwear.

“Fu-fuck, you’re so hard,” Connor breathed. He found it beyond hot feeling Jude being hard from the way Connor was pressing his cock against him.

“You want me to fuck you, yeah? Want my cock inside your tight ass?”

Jude tried to speak, he really did but it came out more like a whine. He nodded intensely, he wanted nothing else than Connor to take his virginity, but there was a problem and no matter how unbelievable horny Connor made him it was a problem that was hard (!) to ignore.

Connor had a firm grip of his body. His one hand holding onto his hip and the other one making his cock growing harder than ever before. Jude leaned into Connor’s embrace, his back pressed against Connor’s chest.

“Can’t wait to fill your ass with my cum, your ass is so fucking hot Jude, can’t stop thinking about it,” Connor said with a husky voice. Jude didn’t even have the notion to process exactly what Connor was saying, he was way too turned on. Connor’s hand that had been touching his cock through the fabric travelled back past his hip and started squeezing one of his ass cheeks.

Connor moaned. Jude had seen and heard Connor being horny, but the way Connor’s hands where touching him now was a bit different. It was more rough, more desperate. “Your ass is so tight Jude,” Connor whispered. Jude had to try to say something. It did not take a college degree to understand where Connor was going with this.

“Bu-but Con… I don’t know. I’ve never before and you’re hu-huge,” Jude whined while Connor kept making him see stars by kissing his neck and touching his body.

“It will fit baby, you’ll see, you’ll take it,” Connor said and Jude hated that Connor calling him baby made him smile for a moment before the hint of fear returned.

“I’m not sure Con, I don’t think-,” Jude gasped slightly as Connor turned them around and led them towards the middle of the locker room.

“Shush… You’ll take it,” Connor repeated and kissed Jude’s neck while continuing leading Jude towards the padded bench.

Jude breathed heavily. Everything was happening so fast, but Jude was too turned on to do anything but moaning from the way Connor’s tongue felt against his skin. Both of them wearing nothing other than their underwear. Connor’s warm chest pressed against Jude’s back, Connor’s hard dick grinding against Jude’s ass.

When they got to the bench, Connor spun Jude around so that they faced each other. Jude looked at Connor’s eyes as Connor looked at his body, Connor’s eyes looked darker than earlier, filled with lust. Connor looked Jude in the eyes for a second before licking his lips and grabbing a hold of Jude’s ass with both hands. Connor pressed their bodies against each other before he kissed Jude. It was nothing like their kiss at Connor’s house. This kiss far sloppier, Connor’s lips and tongue moving more aggressively while he squeezed Jude’s butt cheeks hard.

Jude tried to keep up and kiss Connor back. Jude moaned, he felt lightheaded. Connor’s hard cock pressed against his own hardness. Connor’s warm muscly body pressing against him. Connor touching his ass and Connor kissing him the way that he did was nearly too much for Jude to handle.

Connor felt hornier than ever before. He needed this. He needed Jude. He put his hands inside Jude’s underwear and grabbed the naked skin of Jude’s ass.

“Fuck, your ass is so fucking hot,” Connor said as he stopped kissing Jude for a second. Jude looked down at Connor’s huge pulsating cock and gulped. Connor’s black trunks looked like they were about to explode.

“Can’t wait to have my entire cock inside you, gonna fill your ass,” Connor said. Jude panted, Connor’s words making him weak. Connor’s fingers made their way towards Jude’s hole. Jude tried to resist by grabbing Connor’s arms but Connor was too strong. Connor started kissing and sucking on Jude’s neck as his fingers started grasping against Jude’s entrance making Jude pant even louder.

“Connor…,” Jude whined.

“Fuck baby you’re so smooth. I know you want this,” Connor breathed into Jude’s ear. Connor started to press one of his fingers against Jude’s hole, Jude whined again. Connor’s thick finger creating a burning friction as it tried to enter Jude.

“Need…,” Jude took deep breaths and said, “Need lube, Co-Co-Connor. Lube.”

Connor snickered and, much to Jude’s surprise, stopped pressing the finger against Jude’s hole.

“I know,” Connor said and Jude could hear that Connor was smiling.

“I don’t think… Connor you are too big. I didn’t know we were going to… I need to prepare… stretch,” Jude said in-between breaths as he rested his head against Connor’s shoulder. Connor was still kissing his neck and moaning in his ear.

“I know,” Connor whispered.

Jude didn’t have time to react when Connor suddenly turned him around again and pushed him against the narrow padded bench. Connor pressed Jude down on the bench so that he was laying on his stomach. Connor grabbed Jude’s wrists and pushed them down on Jude’s back, holding the both of them with just one hand

“Connor what are you-,” Jude started to say before he gasped as Connor ripped his underwear off. For a moment Jude felt genuinely scared that Connor was going to start fucking him.

“Connor, no! I need to prepare, no Connor,” Jude said loudly.

“I know,” Connor said firmly. Jude turned his head around and looked at Connor who was leaning down and taking something from his gym bag.

“What are you…?” Jude gulped seeing Connor finding what he was looking for. A roll of duct tape. Connor looked at him, grinned, and said, “You’re not going anywhere.”

Connor leaned over Jude, with one hand he held the roll of duct tape and one of Jude’s wrists while the other hand held Jude’s other wrist. Jude struggled and resisted, playing the game, while Connor put Jude’s arms on either side of the narrow bench. Connor made quick work, Jude wasn’t even sure how he did it but before he knew it his wrists were duct taped together underneath the bench.

Jude was close to tell Connor he loved him from the way that Connor dominated him. Laying naked on the padded bench, his hands tied underneath it so he couldn’t move, left his dick leaking against the bench. The bench ended not more than a foot from where Jude’s groin was pressed against the padding, making most of his legs hanging freely in the air.

Connor took a few breaths and stepped back from the bench, he had had to work some to get Jude where he wanted but looking at him lying on the bench duct taped was worth it a million times over. Jude squirmed and tried moving his hands but Connor had tied him up good. Connor’s lips parted as he looked at Jude’s round and firm bubble butt. He had to touch it. Connor moved so that he was standing between Jude’s legs. Jude winced as Connor’s hands slowly travelled from his calves, passed the bend of his knees and up his thighs. Connor slowed down the movement of his hands when he got nearer to the pinnacle of his desires.

Jude kept making whining noises and made some half-ass (!) attempt at moving his body to escape Connor’s hands but Connor held him down firmly. Connor had to remind himself to take a breath as his thumbs reached the point where Jude’s thighs ended and his ass started. Connor looked down, he’s not sure he’d ever been that hard before.

Connor’s hands fully resting on Jude’s ass cheeks. Slowly he put his thumbs near Jude’s crack before separating the cheeks.

“Fuck…,” Connor huffed. The sight of Jude’s hole, exposed to him, left him breathless. He must have stood there for a few moments, just staring. Jude turning his head made Connor return to the present. He grinned and said, “You’re really not a fan of body hair are you?”

Jude couldn’t help snickering before biting his lip. With a small smile he said, “Shut up.”

Connor returned the small smile before his focus shifted back to Jude’s ass. He moved his thumbs nearer the hole and started rubbing small circles not two inches from his prize. It took self-discipline like never before not to give in to what he really wanted to do, but Connor was about to do this right.

Jude moaned whenever Connor’s thumbs got near. It didn’t take a genius to read Jude’s body language, he was horny and willing.

Suddenly, Jude couldn’t feel Connor’s hands against his ass. He missed them. He missed the warmth. Jude made a displeased noise and looked back over his shoulder. Connor had pulled down his trunks and was now standing naked behind him. Jude took a sharp inhale looking at Connor’s rock hard cock standing right out, the head was wet.

Connor made a low sound and stepped forward again. Jude felt Connor’s heat and for a moment the fear of Connor's cock hurting him in an unpleasant way returned as one of Connor’s hands separated his cheeks again while the other slapped Connor’s thick hard dick against his ass.

“Connor, no, it’ll hurt, I need to stretch!” Jude yelled feeling Connor’s wet heavy head slapping against his ass.

“I know baby, I’m gonna stretch you good, don’t worry,” Connor said. His words didn’t do much to ease Jude’s fear. He heard it in Connor’s voice, Connor was at least going to try and fuck him and that alone was reason to be concerned.

“You’re too big…,” Jude said in-between pants. Just lying down being manhandled by Connor turned him on to the point that he was already feeling exhausted.

“It will fit,” Connor said smugly. Jude hated him and loved him for it.

“Oooh, cold!” Jude squirmed. He hadn’t been prepared as one of Connor’s hands was still grasping his hole when the cold liquid was felt.

Jude looked back. Connor looked like he was in another world. Fully concentrated on pouring the gel-like liquid in Jude’s crack, just above his hole making the liquid run down. Finally, Connor used his fingers to rub the lube against Jude’s hole. Jude had needed the friction more than he knew. Connor kept running two fingers around the rim, not pushing in, driving Jude crazy.

“Say it,” Connor commanded.

Jude kept breathing into the padding while whining and moaning. He didn’t want to give Connor the satisfaction, but Connor’s fingers were now just grasping against his hole and Jude needed them inside him like two months ago.

“Say it,” Connor said again, as firm as the first time. Connor continued, “Beg me.”

”Fuuuu-uuuck…,” Jude moaned loudly as Connor rubbed his fingers against the rim. Every time Jude thought that Connor was about to push them inside him Connor stopped.

Jude’s ass covered in lube, Connor’s fingers constantly teasing him. Jude was desperate.

“Say it,” Connor said for a third time and Jude caved in.

“Finger me,” Jude whispered.

“Louder,” Connor said with that smug tone. Even though he didn’t see Connor’s face he knew Connor was smiling that confident fuckboy smile of his.

“Fi-finger me! Push inside for fucks sake, finger my ass Connor, I need it!” Jude wailed. It was no use to deny it to Connor any longer.

Connor chuckled. ”Good boy,” he said. Connor didn’t waste any time as he put his index finger against Jude’s rim and started pushing inside. Jude grinned badly, it burned.

Connor only got to the first knuckle before he could feel Jude’s body tensing up, his hole clenching around his finger.

“Relax baby,” Connor said and Jude cursed himself silently. He should know better. It wasn’t exactly the first time he had something in his ass. However, somehow having hot-beyond-words Connor fingering him made him lose control over his body.

Jude took deep breaths and tried to relax his body. Connor could feel the pressure against his resting finger easing up. After giving Jude another moment, Connor continued pushing the lubed up finger inside. Jude moaned in a low voice, it still burned some but this time it was only in the good way. The lube did wonders and despite Connor having thick fingers it didn’t take long for Jude to adjust.

Jude didn’t even have to ask Connor to do it, Connor read his body like an open book. Jude moaned in an encouraging way when Connor added another finger. Connor had to focus on what he was doing. His cock was pulsating and it didn’t seem to be able to stop producing precum. He knew he couldn’t start fucking Jude yet, but it was extremely hard (!) to tell his dick that.

Jude moaned and wailed as Connor’s fingers were stretching him. It felt amazing. Connor’s fingers grasping against his prostate every now and then. Jude knew that he would come instantly if he was able to touch himself. Even though he didn’t want this to stop, Jude did know where this was heading and Connor’s fingers wouldn’t be enough.

“Co-Connor, you’re too big, I don’t-,” Jude stopped talking and moaned loudly as Connor pushed his fingers inside him roughly. “I don’t know if we can,” Jude continued.

The thing that Jude had feared happened. Connor stopped fingering him. Jude protested by whining when Connor pulled his fingers out of him.

“I’m sorry,” Jude said. He could hear Connor going through his gym bag again but Jude had to rest from the rough treatment from Connor’s fingers.

“Shush, I know you need to stretch. I got you,” Connor said and Jude honestly didn’t know what he was talking about, all he could think about was to take deep breaths.

“I was at your house earlier,” Connor said after a moment. This caught Jude’s attention, he turned his head and Connor was biting his lip while smiling. Jude’s eyes widened seeing what Connor held in his hand.

“So this is what’s going to happen,” Connor said while he poured lube on Jude’s black latex plug.

“I’m going to put this inside you. I did some research and if it’s inside you for at least twenty minutes it should be enough,” Connor said matter-of-factly. Jude was almost so stupid as to ask Connor _“Enough for what?”,_ but at the last minute his brain caught up.

“So you’ll be here getting ready for me while I’ll be working out some,” Connor said and looked at Jude. Jude couldn’t believe it. In that moment, he probably should have felt a whole lot of emotions but the only thing that stood out was him being grateful. Grateful for Connor, Connor doing everything right. Taking charge, not asking, just taking. Once again Jude was about to tell Connor that he loved him.

Connor took one look at Jude’s eyes, it was all it took for him to be sure that Jude wanted this. Connor started teasing Jude’s hole with the plug.

“Careful…,” Jude said. He figured that Connor didn’t have as much experience with it as he had, and if he pushed it in without preparation it would hurt like hell. It wasn’t probably because of Jude’s words that Connor was careful. Connor wasn’t about to fuck this up (!) just yet, he had to do it right. Slowly he started pushing the pointy latex tip against Jude’s rim. Jude tried to relax, but his body reacted instinctively and his hole clenched for a moment.

Connor was patient and waited. After a minute he started pushing inside, slowly. Connor put one hand on Jude’s back to soothe him as the other pushed the plug inside him.

“Wait,” Jude said as the thickest part of the plug was about to enter him. Jude needed a moment and Connor listened. “Ok,” Jude said and nodded. Connor swallowed saliva and nodded to himself. Connor saw Jude closing his eyes and making a face when the plug stretched him. For a few moments, Jude didn’t take a breath but he didn’t complain. Connor was impressed, Jude took it like a trooper.

When the plug was all the way inside, Jude sighed deeply of relief. Connor exhaled, he hadn’t been prepared for this moment to turn him on as much as it did. And yes, Connor had prepared a lot for this. Connor wiped his forehead, he was sweating.

“Ok I’ll be back when I’m done. Don’t go anywhere,” Connor said and winked. Being occupied with adjusting to the plug stretching him, Jude didn’t dignify Connor’s lame joke with an answer. Connor slid on his gym shorts, he didn’t bother with underwear. Before he left the locker room he took one last look. Jude lying on the padded bench, his wrists duct taped underneath it, with his own butt plug stretching him. Exactly as Connor had planned it, but still even hotter than he ever had imagined.

 

\----

 

Connor put a timer on his phone and walked up to a fitness machine. What was about to follow was probably Connor’s worst workout ever. He had no idea what kind of exercises he did. Needless to say, his mind was somewhere else entirely. He tried to push the thoughts aside, clearing his head to be able to perform better was the plan. The plan wasn’t working though.

He checked his phone. _Fuck._ It had only been ten minutes. Not enough time. He looked around. He saw some dumb bells. Perfect. He started doing some biceps curls. They required the right amount of brain capacity to perform, none.

 

\----

Meanwhile, Jude was lying on his stomach. He started snickering over the situation. There he was, duct taped to a bench, having a butt plug inside him, waiting for Connor fucking Stevens to finish his workout before he was about to take his virginity.

 _What is my life even?_ Jude said to himself.

Connor must have been gone at least fifteen minutes. He had no idea how he was able to still be hard without being able to touch his dick. He moved his ass around, tried clenching around the plug. It felt good. It would feel even better if he was able to fuck himself with it. Ok, he would probably have enough of that.

Jude tried not to think about it, he tried to tell himself that it would be ok. Connor wouldn’t mind if they couldn’t, he wouldn’t be disappointed if it indeed didn’t fit. Jude gulped, images of Connor’s huge dick on his mind.

 _No,_ Jude thought. He needed this. He needed Connor to fuck him. The man that his heart screamed after. The one person that he had probably loved since he was too young to even know what love really was. This had to work. If not today some other day, he told himself. No need to worry, he tried telling himself.

Jude was nervous, Jude was horny, Jude was afraid but more than anything else Jude needed Connor’s touch. His body needed him.

The door to the locker room opened, startling Jude. He looked over his shoulder. It was Connor, thank god. He would probably have felt the need to leave the country if someone else had seen him in this position.

Connor didn’t say anything at first. Jude only heard his footsteps approaching. Connor walked up and stood beside the bench. Connor kneeled beside him and Jude turned his head towards him. Connor looked him in the eyes and said, “Do you want this?”

Connor’s eyes told Jude that he needed to know this, it was important. Connor’s eyes back to being kind, caring. Jude knew what Connor asked him. After him agreeing, there was no turning back. Jude nodded and said barely audible, “Yes.”

Connor smiled and leaned forward and kissed an unprepared Jude. It took a moment for Jude to relax into the kiss, which was more tender than earlier. Jude closed his eyes and tasted Connor’s lips, his upper lip tasted of salt. No doubt from sweating when working out.

Connor broke the kiss and opened his eyes. He started to smile, but this time it was the smug confident smile that no other than Connor could pull off. Connor stood up again. He reached under the bench and with a violent action he ripped the duct tape from Jude’s wrist causing Jude to whimper as it burned for a few seconds.

“Wait, what?” Jude exclaimed as Connor picked him up from the bench. Connor held him around his waist with one arm, carrying him towards the showers.

Connor was showing off, but Jude couldn’t help loving the way the alpha male easily carried him with one arm.

Despite it being a bit problematic to orientate himself while being carried by the waist, Jude got a look at showers. It was clean, mostly white and light blue tiles. There were eight or ten locker room shower stalls. Jude furrowed his brow, on the middle of the big shower room there was something on the floor. Some kind of fabric. As they got closer Jude saw that it was towels. Lots of towels, lying on the tiled floor. Jude forced down saliva. Connor had obviously placed them there.

Connor leaned down and put Jude on his back so that he was lying on the towels. Jude winced, the plug still inside him made itself known when his ass rested against the towels. Jude panted and looked curiously as Connor walked into the shower stalls and turned them on all the way one by one.

“What are you doing?” Jude asked.

Connor turned towards him, winked and said, “Don’t want anyone calling the cops.”

As already established, Jude’s brain not fully functioning. It required him having to ask Connor with a increasingly louder voice to be heard over the running water, “What? Why would…? Oh.”

When Connor was done turning on all the showers, his attention returned to Jude. Up until then, Connor had been wearing his gym shorts. He walked up to Jude and looked down on him lying on the floor. Without breaking eye-contact Connor pulled down his shorts. Which of course meant that Jude broke eye-contact and looked at what Connor’s shorts had been concealing. No judgement.

Connor loved the way that Jude looked at his cock. Connor couldn’t keep himself from making it twitch making Jude’s eyes widen and lips part. Jude looked transfixed.

“You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to fuck you since you moved back,” Connor said. Jude didn’t look away from his aching cock. Connor’s eyes roamed Jude’s naked toned body. Jude’s cock hard, laying against his stomach. He bended his knees, probably because of the plug inside him.

When Connor had planned this he had imagined standing up a lot longer, telling Jude what he was going to do with him. Driving the boy crazy. There and then, Connor’s body in general and his cock specifically finally won the fight and Connor kneeled between Jude’s legs, resting his knees against the towels.

Connor’s massive muscly body leaned over Jude. Jude moaned loudly when Connor started sucking on his neck, Connor’s tongue licking desperately, tasting him.

“Going to fuck your brains out Jude,” Connor whispered before once again kissing Jude’s neck and shoulder. Jude was shivering from the way what Connor’s body felt. Warm, strong. Jude made a high needy sound as he felt Connor’s cock hitting against his thigh. Connor grunted back in Jude’s ear.

“You’re going to take my whole cock baby. Going to ram my eight inches inside you,” Connor said in a husky tone. Like always when Connor talked like that, Jude couldn’t say anything back, only listening to Connor’s imperious voice made him ready to pass out.

Connor’s hands touched Jude’s body all over. Connor’s touch became more and more rough. Connor’s mouth and tongue moved from his neck to his face and found Jude’s lips. Connor pushed his tongue inside while he moaned. Jude tried to kiss back as hard as he could. It didn’t take long for them to make out passionately, their tongues battling for dominance. They both knew who’d win, but still it was a game they both fiercely needed to play.

Without any warning Connor’s hand reached between Jude’s legs and started pulling the butt plug out of Jude. Jude moaned into Connor’s mouth and reached for Connor’s arm in an attempt to slow down his movement. Connor didn’t listen and used his strength to pull it out of Jude’s ass while still kissing him.

Jude screamed into Connor’s mouth the moment the plug’s thickest part exited his rim. Connor snickered and moaned into Jude’s mouth, but never stopped kissing him.

It dawned upon Jude. Laying pinned down on towels in the locker room showers. Kissing Connor like his life depended on it. Yes, it still dawned upon him that the moment was getting closer. Connor had just pulled the plug out, and from the way that Connor’s hands were getting more and more rough Jude knew that Connor wasn’t about to be able to resist much longer.

Jude was right. Connor moved between his legs, still kissing him frenetically, Jude laying on his back and without thinking twice, Jude put his legs around Connor’s back. Connor grunted again and broke the intense kissing. He leaned back and took a hold of Jude’s legs. He looked down at his own cock, just a few inches from Jude’s ass. A drop of precum dripped down on the towels. Jude concentrated on breathing and looked at Connor looking down. Connor pushed Jude’s legs forward, making Jude’s ass raise from the floor.

“Your ass is amazing,” Connor said absentminded, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Connor put Jude’s legs together, with one hand he held onto Jude’s both ankles. The free hand, Connor used to finally touch his own dick. Connor moaned at the back of the throat. His neglected cock had screamed for attention for a long time. Connor moved his knees forward, getting in a better position. Mouth completely dry. Connor guided his throbbing cock towards Jude’s hole.

Connor pulled back his foreskin, exposing his thick wet head. It needed friction. Connor pushed his cock towards Jude’s hole and let his head grasp against Jude’s rim.

Jude whined loudly. Connor bit his lip not to chuckle seeing the way that Jude’s hole clenched, like it was scared.

Connor continued smearing precum all over Jude’s hole. Jude’s heart was beating out of his chest. He closed his eyes and felt his body tensing up. It was happening. He couldn’t believe it was happening.

Teasingly, Connor started putting some pressure against Jude’s rim. Jude opened his eyes.

A reasonable person would have taken one look at Connor’s cock and made a run for it. No way in hell that thing was getting into Jude without any problems. Being something other than reasonable, Jude stammered, “Slo-slo-slow, pl-pl-please Connor.”

Connor kept biting harder and harder (!) at his lower lip. He took a much needed breath and reached for the pocket of his discarded shorts. His fingers fumbled getting the cap off the bottle of lube. Another breath, he sniffled and took the bottle of lube and put the gel on his cock. He applied it onto his entire shaft and head before putting some on his fingers which he used to rub against Jude’s rim.

Connor positioned himself one last time, he pushed Jude’s legs even further up so that Jude’s ass elevated some more. He looked at Jude who nodded at him.

“Fuck you’re beautiful,” Connor said. Jude smiled back. Connor sweet talking him before fucking him. It was 100 % Connor and Jude loved it. That Connor had meant it not even important.

Connor looked back down at his cock and guided it towards Jude’s entrance. Once again Jude’s body tensed as he felt the huge wet head rubbing against his hole. Jude took deep breaths and tried to relax. He looked up at the ceiling and found himself probably sounding like he was about to give birth from the way he was breathing. Connor held a grip of the shaft of his cock and continued just to rub his cock against Jude’s hole, waiting for him to relax some more.

Connor wet his lips and started moving his hips forward. He pushed his pulsating head against Jude’s rim. Before pushing in he looked at Jude and said, “Hey, look at me.”

Jude did what Connor wanted. Their eyes locked onto each other and Connor started putting more and more pressure. Jude felt his hole opening up, stretching, Jude opened his mouth as he moaned. Not able to speak, Jude mouthed “Slow, slow, slow,” at Connor who nodded back at him.

Connor readied his hips. While never breaking their eye-contact, Connor took a small breath and pushed the entire head of his cock inside Jude’s ass. Jude’s throat gave away a sound that was a mix between a scream and a loud moan. It burned. It burned a lot. Connor felt Jude’s hole once again clenching, this time it was his cock that felt it and Connor had to repress smiling.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” Jude whined with eyes closed. The pain had not gone away, luckily Connor wasn’t moving, he was giving him time to adjust. Giving him time to _try_ and adjust.

With Connor’s wide head inside him, Jude opened his eyes again after a few moments. He wasn’t sure if his body had gone numb or if he was adjusting. Perhaps both. Jude didn’t care though. He still felt the burning sensation, but Jude wanted one thing and one thing only.

He looked at Connor and said while panting, “Fu-fuck me.”

Slowly, Connor started pushing in. Jude tried to take as much as he could before he had to tell Connor, “Stop, stop, I need… stop…” Connor stopped, he’d not pushed more than one or two inches of his shaft inside Jude. Jude felt tight, so tight, around his cock. He understood that Jude needed time if this was going to work.

It probably wasn't the right thing to say, but it was the undeniable truth. Connor had never felt anything like this. “Fuck Jude, your ass is the best fucking thing I’ve ever felt.” Jude had no time to listen to the praises coming from the massive wrestling alpha who had has cock inside him. _Breath and relax, breath and relax,_ Jude reminded himself.

Connor started moving his cock, he’d felt Jude relaxing. Slowly he pushed inch after inch inside Jude’s still tight hole. Jude whined, bit his lip and pressed his eyelids shut, but he didn’t tell Connor to stop.

“Fuck you’re so good Jude, you’re so good at taking my cock baby,” Connor said. Jude opened his mouth and Connor stopped seeing Jude scream without making any noise. Connor looked down, Jude had taken about two thirds of his cock.

Connor took his hands and grabbed a hold of Jude’s ankles. He parted Jude’s legs so he could get a better view of Jude and his body lying in front of him. Connor started pulling his cock out, carefully reading Jude’s body language. Jude still had his eyes closed, clearly in some pain which of course was understandable. When he’d pulled out his shaft, keeping the head inside Jude, Connor pushed back again. Jude moaned loudly.

“You feel so fucking good, your ass is amazing Jude,” Connor said. He was still going slow, not risking anything just yet.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” slipped passed Connor’s lips. Jude wasn’t really listening though, still busy just being able to handle the pain from Connor’s huge cock stretching him to limits he’d never experienced before.

Connor stopped his movements at about the same moment as before, he pulled out his shaft and once again pushed it back in with his head never leaving Jude’s ass. Ever so slowly he was fucking Jude’s ass. Holding onto his ankles and looking at the beautiful boy lying on his back taking his cock.

Jude opened his eyes. Jude figured there wasn’t really a bad place to keep looking at, but Jude’s attention went to Connor’s abs. The way his abs moved slowly as Connor was thrusting his hips forwards, slowly fucking him. Jude reached forward and touched Connor’s abs before he had to lie down again. When Connor started pushing into him for the fifth time, Jude was counting, Jude miraculously found some air in his lungs and said, “Fa-faster, go faster.”

“Fuck…,” Connor whispered and did just that. He pushed his cock into Jude a bit faster and perhaps even a bit deeper until Jude’s body told him it hurt too much. Connor pulled out and thrusted back in.

“Like that?” Connor said. Jude whined and nodded, having lost the ability to speak once again. Connor closed his eyes as he pushed inside, Jude felt even better than he’d dreamed of. Connor could feel that his cock was practically filling Jude up with precum. Jude’s warmth and the way his tight ass felt around his cock. Connor just wished that he could keep from coming faster than intended.

Suddenly, Connor felt warm all over. He felt happy, genuinely happy. Jude’s right hand had found its way to his cock and Jude was jerking off while Connor was fucking him. Every time Connor thrusted Jude made these incredibly hot sounds, moaning and whining in a perfect way.

“You like this? You like me fucking you?” Connor said. Jude’s lips shaking as he nodded and said as clearly as he could, ”Ye-yes, fuck me Connor, fuck me.”

Jude was finally able to stop worrying about the pain start enjoying the intense pleasure that Connor’s cock was giving him. Jude had never been fucked before, but Connor must be a superstar at it. Every time Connor’s cock pushed inside him it hit his prostate dead on. It was like Connor’s cock had a GPS and the fucking map to Jude’s ass. Jude was in heaven, he was trembling from the way that Connor’s cock buried deep inside him. Connor was picking up speed and Jude loved the way the pain of Connor’s size made everything feel unreal in the best way possible.

“Take my cock Jude, take it,” Connor said and started fucking Jude harder. Jude’s ass and body lifted from the towels each time Connor’s hips moved forward. It hurt and Jude whined. Connor continued and said, “Yeah you like that huh, you like me fucking your tight ass.”

Up until now, Connor had stood on his knees upright. Seeing that Jude could take it, that he indeed was able to take his cock, Connor leaned forward between Jude’s legs. With about half his cock inside Jude’s hole, Connor felt Jude’s legs lock onto themselves on his back.

Connor was too horny to control himself any longer. He needed this, he needed to fuck Jude, his cock needed to feel Jude’s warmth and tightness. Holding onto Jude’s body, Connor whispered into Jude’s ear the way he liked to do, “Let’s see if you can take it all.”

Jude’s eyes widened, he didn’t get any more time to react before Connor pushed his cock inside him. Jude screamed as Connor bottomed out, feeling Connor’s balls hitting against his ass. Connor pulled out his shaft and rammed it back in causing Jude to scream again. Despite playing the game, the way Connor knew Jude liked it, Connor listened carefully if Jude was telling him to stop in any way. Jude said no such thing.

“Yeah, take my fucking cock,” Connor said as he started fucking Jude harder and harder. In some fantasies he had wanted to fuck Jude for hours, this time he already felt there was no way of doing that. His cock needed to come, badly. Jude screamed, moaned and whined from the rough way that Connor’s eight inches was pounding into him.

Connor had him completely pinned down, all Jude could do was hold onto Connor’s body as his own body moved against the towels as he was riding Connor’s cock.

“Your ass feels so good. You’re so fucking hot,” Connor said between pants. His cock never stopped going in and out of Jude’s ass. Jude was getting sore and his whining sounds got louder and louder.

“You love this, yeah? You let me fuck you without a condom, you let me bareback your tight ass, taking your virginity here on the floor, you love it,” Connor said as he breathed heavily. Jude heard from the way that Connor was talking that he was getting closer.

Jude had plans of his own though. Connor loved talking to him like this, and yes in all honesty Jude loved it too. Connor kept pounding Jude’s ass when he, surprisingly enough, heard the brown-haired boy crying out, “Fuck my ass Connor. I wa-want you to come inside me, fill me Connor, fill me with your come, fuck my untouched ass, fuck me Connor!”

Connor was, for once, lost for words. Jude continued “Fuck me harder, fuck me so I can’t fucking walk, fuck my ass, come in my ass, fuck me Connor!”

Connor’s mouth dry, being completely breathless he was feeling dizzy. He was drowning in pleasure listening to Jude’s words bringing him closer to what undoubtedly would be the most intense orgasm of his life.

Connor’s rock hard cock kept relentlessly pounding Jude’s ass and Jude screamed for pleasure and begged for more. Jude was sore and Jude’s ass hurt like hell but he didn’t give a fuck. Connor had held a perfect rhythm up until know, now his thrust was more frantic, uneven. Connor himself was moaning loudly. Jude had held a firm grip of the shaft of his own cock to keep him from coming for quite a while. Jude released the grip and started jerking off his cock. He wanted to take Connor over the edge with him.

“Come Connor! Fill my ass, I want you to fill me with your huge fucking cock, take me, take me, come Connor!”

“Fuuuuck!” Connor screamed. His vision fading, Jude felt Connor’s cock pulsating inside him. The known feeling of electricity dancing behind Connor’s eyelids.

“Come Connor, come baby, fuck baby, I’m coming, I love you, I love you Connor!” Jude had no control over his words as he was coming at the exact moment that Connor’s cock hit his prostate with all it’s might.

“Fuck! I’m coming, I love you baby, I love you Jude, I love you!” Connor wailed as his cock spilled spurt after spurt of come deep inside Jude. Connor kept fucking Jude’s ass throughout his orgasm.

Jude was shaking. Connor was shaking. Connor had to hold himself up on his elbows not to collapse on Jude. Jude was making these noises. Like he was still coming. He had no idea what was happening.

Jude put his arms around Connor and hugged him for all that he was worth. Jude started to cry and Connor hugged him back. Jude sure as hell didn’t want to cry but there was no way of stopping it. His emotions were literally fucked up. Connor sniffled. Even though his mind was practically blank, he had to make sure why Jude was crying. He hoped he was right. He lifted his head and looked at Jude. Jude looked back.

Despite the tears there was no doubt, when Jude smiled and snickered with tears escaping his eyes there was no doubt. Connor was still inside him and Jude had never felt more vulnerable, but being held by Connor made all insecurities go away.

Connor looked down towards their upper bodies being close to each other. Connor chuckled seeing Jude’s come all over his chest. Jude joined in and didn’t miss the opportunity. He put his thumb against Connor’s chest before putting it against Connor’s forehead, smearing it like he’d done before.

Connor couldn’t stop smiling, he said, “Simba?”

Jude’s smile faded for a moment. He wanted to say something else. _“Boyfriend."_  or  _"_ _Soulmate.”_  

Jude gulped and chickened out. He cleared his throat and said, ”Yeah, Simba.”

Connor snickered and sank his body down, resting against Jude but still holding himself up some as not to crush the smaller Jude underneath him. They laid there for a few minutes, completely exhausted. 

“Hey Jude,” Connor whispered as he kept playing with Jude’s hair with his fingers.

“Yeah?” Jude said.

Connor smiled and said, “It fit.”


	18. The one

They laid on the towels for a few minutes, catching their breath. Connor still, kind of, laying on top of Jude, keeping him warm. Jude had to refrain from breaking out laughing every now and then, thinking about the situation.

“Well,” Jude said while holding his arms around Connor, barely reaching around his muscly torso, “That escalated quickly.” Connor snickered loudly, making Jude smile wide. Connor’s laugh was the best sound in the world.

Suddenly, a sharp pain felt in Jude’s lower regions, he made a hissing sound.

“You ok?” Connor said.

“Yeah, it’s just. When you move it hurts.” Connor interrupted him saying, “But you like-,” before Jude returned the favor and interrupted Connor saying, ”In the bad way.”

Intimacy like this, Jude had never felt before. The sex had been even better than Jude had imagined. Connor had done everything right. For a minute there, Jude thought that he would come untouched when Connor hit the right spot repeatedly. Jude remembers all the times he’d been told that the first time always sucked. What bullshit. Then Jude’s insecurities made him think of why that was. This was Jude’s first time, but it was far from Connor’s. Jude pushed it aside, now certainly not the time.

So the sex had been great, but this was better. This feeling. Connor still inside him, their naked bodies pressed against each other. Connor breathing into his ear while holding him, keeping him warm. Nothing else existed. Slowly, Jude moved his cheek against Connor’s. He leaned his head just enough so that he could smell Connor’s skin. He hugged Connor as tightly as he could. Jude was happy. He doesn’t think he’d ever been happier. Laying here with Connor Stevens. The boy turning into a young man that almost got away. The man that Jude loved. The man that Jude had loved for a long time.

Just like that a chill went through Jude’s body, he opened his eyes. He loved Connor. With every fiber in his body. He’d screamed out his love for Connor to him while they were having sex.

 _“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_ ,” Jude kept repeating. Connor had said something similar, Jude remembered. Of course he remembered. But, sex talk was sex talk and Jude figured Connor had just returned the favor while fucking him.

“ _Ok, chill,_ ” Jude told himself and took a deep breath. Once again reminding himself that now wasn’t the time.

“Fuck, that was… wow,” Connor said which Jude was grateful for, he needed the distraction.

“You can say that again,” Jude said and exhaled. Mind still blown.

“Your ass is amazing Jude,” Connor said and kissed the side of Jude’s head that his mouth could reach.

“Naw, you sure know how to make a gurl feel special Con,” Jude said and chuckled slightly. Connor smiled and said, “Shut up. It really is amazing. Deal with it.”

“Oh, I’m trying,” Jude said jokingly making another hissing sound.

“But really, was it you know… good for you?” Connor said after coming down from laughing.

“I guess it was ok,” Jude said as casual as possible. Connor raised his body and head so that he could look Jude in the eyes. Jude couldn’t believe the genuine look of concern in Connor’s eyes.

“Con, I’m joking. It was the best… you are… I mean… I have no idea what I’m even saying,” Jude said and looked Connor in the eyes making sure he got it. Connor, the adorable puppy, looked relieved and smiled.

“You know how great it was?” Jude said. Connor shook his head, Jude continued, “It was so great that I didn’t even notice when you put on the condom.”

Jude could keep from smiling for about three seconds, but when he did, they both started laughing.

“Wow, for a second there I thought you were being serious,” Connor said.

Laughing Connor still sounded like music to Jude’s ears. Connor’s body moving as he laughed - not as pleasant experience. Jude made a face.

“Fuck, does it hurt? Wait I’ll pull out,” Connor said.

“No! No wait until you’re… not hard,” Jude said quickly, fearing the pain that he knew was coming when his body and mind weren’t busy being delirious.

“Umm…,” Connor made a noise and bit his lip.

“You’re not hard are you?” Jude said rolling his eyes as much as he could.

Connor forced a smile and furrowed his brows, he said, “Sorry.”

“I hate your dick,” Jude said jokingly. Mostly jokingly. Ok, for the first time Jude might have meant it.

Connor snickered and put a closed-lipped kiss on Jude’s nose and said, “I love your nose.”

“Déjà vu…,” Jude whispered.

“What?” Connor said.

Jude smiled and said softly, “Nothing.”

Connor’s knees started to hurt a bit from the way he was laying on top of Jude, so he shifted his position. Connor’s body moving caused Jude’s ass to hurt once again. He made a face and Connor wouldn’t have it. Jude covered his face with his hands and breathed into them. It hurt more than he wanted Connor to know.

“Ok, I think you have to…,” Jude started.

“Yeah, I know,” Connor said and pushed his body up using his arms. Connor missed the warmth from their bodies pressed together, Jude would have felt the same if he didn’t have to concentrate on the pain he was feeling.

Connor started moving. Jude put one of his hands, the other still covering most of his face, on Connor’s arm and said, “Slow.”

Connor gulped and nodded. Connor leaned back so that he was sitting on his knees and chins. Jude still laying down on his back, his ass and legs resting on Connor’s thighs.

Per Jude’s wish, Connor started pulling out his cock slowly. Jude whimpered. Burning feeling going from his ass up his entire body. Jude pressed his lips together while squeezing his eyes shut. Connor stopped, seeing Jude in pain.

“You ok?” Connor said to which Jude nodded. From the way Jude breathed deeply through his nose, Connor knew that wasn’t the truth. He waited a few more seconds before he continued pulling out inch after inch of his cock from Jude’s ass. He stopped when Jude whimpered loudly, his rim clenching hard around Connor’s member.

“Fuck,” Jude said. He continued covering his eyes with one hand. His eyes started to sting and he didn’t want Connor to see.

Connor rubbed Jude’s thighs with his hands, trying to soothe him. After a minute Connor kept pulling out until only his thick head was still inside Jude. Jude felt Connor’s head pressuring against the rim. Once again, Jude put his hand on Connor’s arm, telling him to give him a second. Jude uncovered his face and looked at Connor. Jude nodded and Connor returned it. Jude closed his eyes and took deep shaky breaths.

Connor held onto Jude’s thighs, keeping him in place, as he pulled the head out of Jude’s ass. Jude wailed highly through closed lips, it burned like hell.

Connor couldn’t help looking down as he exited Jude’s ass. His cock started to twitch. Jude’s hole didn’t close and Connor’s lips parted seeing some of his come running out and down Jude’s ass towards the towels underneath. Connor was about to rub his cock against Jude’s ass, covering it in come, and then apply it against Jude’s hole when a loud voice took him out of his daze.

“Hey! Don’t look!” Jude said and slapped Connor’s arm to get his attention.

“Umm… wh-what?” Connor said and looked at Jude before by instinct looking down again.

“DON’T LOOK!” Jude shouted and once again slapped Connor’s arm. Connor looked at Jude feeling more than confused. Connor looked at Jude again and made sure to keep his eyes at Jude’s.

“What are you…? Why?” Connor said.

“I-, You-, gah!” Jude sounded frustrated, Connor still wasn’t following. Jude sighed, Connor didn’t look like he was catching on anytime soon. Jude closed his eyes and sighed again. He opened them and looked at Connor.

“You know, I didn’t exactly have time to… you know… prepare?”

“Prepare?” Connor’s eyebrows closer together than Jude had ever seen them.

“Yes, you know, prepare?” Jude repeated not knowing why he thought that Connor would get it this time. Another sigh from Jude.

“You know, down there?” Jude said. He could almost see how Connor’s brain was trying to start up, failing miserably.

“I don’t want you to look in case there’s like… an accident? You know?”

“Accident?” Connor said before the lightbulb lit, “Oh, you mean? Oh…”

“Yeah,” Jude said feeling glad he didn’t have to keep spelling it out. Naturally he’d never talked about his fear with anyone, he liked to keep it that way. 

“But hey, no problem, it’s you know… clean!” Connor said before looking down for a second and up again at Jude. The idiot was smiling and nodding.

Jude hid his face with both hands. “Stop looking! Please Connor, let’s… just,” Jude sighed for what felt like the tenth time in a minute.

Hearing Jude’s tone and reading his body language, it dawned upon Connor that Jude was beyond uncomfortable. Connor leaned over Jude.

“Hey… sorry. I didn’t know you… worried so much,” Connor said and hugged Jude. Jude took deep breaths. So many emotions running through him in a short time. Jude took his hands from his face, put his arms around Connor, and hugged him back.

“It’s ok, sorry for slapping you,” Jude said and snickered slightly. “I might have overreacted.”

Connor chuckled and kissed Jude on the lips and said, “It’s ok baby.” Jude gulped. He wasn’t prepared for that, any of it. The kiss on the lips or Connor’s words. The warmth he felt inside he couldn’t deny. If Connor hadn’t literally fucked his brains out just before, he might had come up with something to say back, but he didn’t.

“But you know, even if-,” Connor said and paused, “I wouldn’t have cared you know, if there was an _accident.”_

“Connor please let’s just not talk about it,” Jude said trying to get across to Connor that the topic was not a welcomed one. Of course, Connor didn’t notice. In his mind, Connor was trying to make Jude more comfortable.

“No, but I’m serious Jude. It’s not a big deal to me,” Connor looked at Jude for a few seconds before Jude had to close his eyes. The conversation was reaching cringe factor nine and half.

“Please Connor, stop talking-,” Jude said before Connor interrupted him. If Jude had had his eyes open, he’d seen the slight smirk on Connor’s face.

“Because you know…,” Connor said and from the tone, Jude somehow knew where Connor was heading.

“Don’t say it Connor.” Jude was being dead serious.

“I think I have to say it.” Connor was full-on grinning by now.

“Please don’t ruin it,” Jude said, practically begging Connor.

“I’m going to say it,” Connor said.

“Please don’t,” Jude knew Connor couldn’t be stopped.

“I don’t care, because you know. _Shit happens_ ,” Connor said, giggling afterwards.

“Jesus fucking Christ you’re such a dork,” Jude said covering his red face with his hands.

“I’m sorry baby, I had to,” Connor said and hugged Jude tightly as a way of saying sorry. He was still giggling though. Jude snickered. Not over that Connor was funny, but Connor sounded happy and playful. That side of Connor not seen very often, Connor’s walls and shell keeping it hidden.

They laid there for a few minutes. Jude’s hands played with Connor’s hair while listening to him breathing.

“Hey, you ok?” Jude asked. Connor hadn’t said anything for a while.

Connor gulped before nodding. “Yeah… yeah I’m ok. You?”

Jude nodded back. “Yeah.”

A few more minutes of silence. Jude turned his head towards the showers. Jude giggled.

“What?” Connor asked.

“I just imagined the owners to the gym opening the water bill next month,” Jude said to which Connor snickered.

“Man, that sex was not an eco-friendly. Was it really necessary to turn on _all_ the showers?” Jude said.

“Are you kidding me? You almost gave me tinnitus when you came,” Connor said to which Jude laughed.

“Umm… should we, I don’t know, go?” Connor said, not that he wanted the moment to end, but Connor could see that Jude was almost chattering his teeth.

“Yeah, it’s starting to get a bit cold,” Jude said.

Connor raised his body up so he was sitting on his knees and shins again. He put a hand on Jude’s lean stomach and said, “Hey, have you been gaining weight? I could swear this is bigger than just a few hours ago.”

“Very funny Connor,” Jude said to a chuckling Connor.

Connor got up and reached out a hand to Jude. Jude took it and Connor started pulling him upwards when a sharp pain in Jude’s lower regions caused him to whimper.

“Ouch, ouch, ouch, fuck that hurts,” Jude said while grinning badly. Connor let Jude’s body once again rest on the towels.

“Umm… should I, I don’t know, carry you?” Connor said.

“Yes please. And try not to look so fucking smug,” Jude said. Connor was trying to hold back a smirk, but Jude saw it.

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Connor said while biting his lip.

“Fuckboy,” Jude said as Connor picked him up and carried him to one of the showers.

It was kind of sweet, Jude thought, the gentle and careful way that Connor carried him to one of the showers. Connor sat down on his knees underneath the hot shower and put Jude in his lap. Jude didn’t take his eyes away from the Adonis as he thoroughly cleaned Jude’s entire body with shower gel. Connor was even tenderer when he with two fingers rubbed against Jude’s rim, cleaning it from come and lube. Jude couldn’t take his eyes off him. Looking at Connor like this, fully concentrated and focused. More than once Jude had to stop himself from proclaiming what he felt. He could only wish that Connor didn’t notice his beating heart getting louder and louder.

Maybe it was the nerves, or maybe it all just was too much for Jude to make him snicker.

Connor didn’t stop his cleaning process, he smiled while he kept concentrating when he said, “What are you laughing at?”

Jude stopped snickering and gulped before he said, “How weird is it that this probably-… no that this _is_ the most romantic moment of my life?”

Connor kept smiling, and Jude might seeing things, but it sure looked like Connor’s cheeks turned pink. Could be the hot water thought. Yeah, probably the hot water. Connor parted his lips a few times, but he didn’t say anything. Jude doesn’t know if he wanted him to or not. What the fuck was he even saying? Telling Connor the L-word and now saying it was romantic that Connor was cleaning his ass from lube and come after he’d fucked it? Jude rolled his eyes at himself for being such an awkward embarrassment.

Jude winced when Connor’s fingers grasped against his rim. Connor looked at Jude and mouthed a sincere “Sorry.” Jude exhaled through his nose and kept looking at Connor. Beautiful, strong and handsome beyond words-Connor. He’d lost his virginity not half an hour ago, to a boy he knew would never ever would be able to return the feelings he felt. Lying here looking at Connor, Jude’s entire body screamed for _it_. It would not be enough just to have sex. It would not be enough. Connor’s hands and fingers stopped moving, once again he made eye-contact with Jude before saying, “All done.”

Jude smiled at Connor, the big wrestler looked so pleased with himself.

“Is _it_ good as new? Or is it ruined for life?” Jude said.

Connor spread Jude’s legs again and lifted him up, seemingly to inspect his work. Connor bit his lip and inhaled through his teeth, he jigged his head back and forth slowly and said, “Well it’s not ruined. I mean… it’s not _good_ , but it’s not ruined.”

Jude snickered, as did Connor. Connor got up from his knees and turned off the shower. “Wait,” he said as he reached for a towel hanging on the wall. He leaned down and put the towel around Jude before lifting him up in his arms.

“You know you don’t have to, I think I can walk now,” Jude said. Not that he wanted to be anywhere else than in Connor’s warm arms and embrace.

“Nope. You can’t. I wrecked you, remember?” Connor said jokingly and carried Jude to the locker room. Jude smiled and leaned his head towards Connor’s shoulder. Connor put Jude down on the infamous padded bench and walked over to Jude’s locker. He got back with Jude’s bag and opened it.

“Ok, I can certainly dress myself. I’m not a child,” Jude said, a bit more serious this time.

Connor smiled and bit his lip, like he always did when he was thinking about saying something only he thought was funny. Jude sighed, “Just say it. I can see you can’t wait to make some lame joke.”

“I wanna make a _daddy_ joke, but I know you’ll get pissed,” Connor blurted out like he was about to burst.

Jude sighed deeply and said, “Anything but that. It’s too weird. Even for me.”

Connor snickered and said, “Ok, because I respect you so much I won’t.”

Jude laughed out loud and said, “Riiiight.”

Both boys got dressed while keeping messing around, just enjoying being around each other. When it was time for Jude to stand it he winced again. He squeezed his eyes shut and said in a low voice “Fuck.” He was sore. His lower regions hurt, a sharp pain coming from where Connor just had been.

“Hey, you ok?” Connor said as he walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

Jude forced down saliva and nodded, still with eyes shut. Jude took another step and couldn’t but let a whining sound out. “Fuck,” he whispered.

It had been somewhat fun at first, and yes, Connor would probably think it was hot afterwards, but now he was concerned. Seeing Jude in this kind of pain, Connor did not like.

“I can carry you, it’s no problem,” Connor whispered, for some reason.

Jude chuckled and said, “Oh no I’m not letting you carry me to your car after you’ve fucked me. You’ll be way too proud. You’ll reach fuckboy-levels even you’ve not been before.”

Connor didn’t say anything so Jude opened his eyes. Connor looked a bit sad, he was probably messing around, Jude thought. “What is it?” Jude said after smiling slightly.

“You think I’m a fuckboy?” Connor said and Jude could not handle him saying _that_ while using his trademarked puppy eyes.

“Con, you’re _the_ ultimate fuckboy, but I lo-… I like that about you. For some fucked up reason I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Jude said after putting a hand on his shoulder, letting Connor know he was being serious in case Connor had taken some sort of offense. “Ok?” Jude said. After a moment, Connor nodded, snickered and said, “Ok. Good.”

“But… maybe if you can… I don’t know let me lean against you or something,” Jude said realizing that him walking on his own would be possible but not recommended. Connor didn’t say anything, he just leaned down and let Jude put one arm around Connor’s neck while Connor put one arm around Jude’s lower  back.

One step at the time, Jude and Connor walked slowly out of the locker room and out of the gym. It still hurt, but Connor holding him helped a great deal in making it less painful.

Half-way to the car Jude said, “Man, we just couldn’t, I don’t know, have some normal kind of slow sex? No, hardcore pounding a much better idea the first time.”

Connor laughed and said, “I know that’s what you wanted.” Jude sighed jokingly and said, “I know. I’m such a hoe.”

Connor walked with Jude to the passenger side of the car and helped him in. Sitting down hurt, but Jude tried keeping a straight face.

The car ride home they spent mostly in silence. Both of them thinking about what they just had done, and what it would mean for them. Jude deeper in thought while Connor forced it aside. Connor pulled up on Jude’s driveway and turned the engine off. Still silent. Both of them looking down their own laps while fiddling with their hands.

Moments turned into minutes and it was getting awkward. With impeccable timing, Connor said “So listen-,” at the same time Jude said, “So I guess-.” They both stopped talking and snickered.

“So…,” Jude started and Connor waited before Jude continued, “Thanks for the workout.” Jude tried not to smile too wide, but he couldn’t refrain hearing Connor laughing.

“Best workout in at least three months,” Connor said. Jude looked over and gave him a look that could kill. Connor laughed and said, “Best workout ever. Ever.” Jude smiled. He wasn’t falling. He’d already fallen from the moon and landed flat on the ground. It was no use to fight it. He’d lost. Badly. He should say something. Something clever or sassy. Preferably both, but he couldn’t. He found no words. Luckily, Connor of all people, found some.

“Umm… seriously I… This… what we just did. I don’t regret it,” he said. Jude frowned his brow before realizing that Connor must have thought that Jude was thinking just that. That Connor was regretting it.

“Ok, good,” Jude said. Connor kept looking at Jude and it took a moment for Jude to understand what he wanted to hear. “Me neither,” he said and Connor cracked a small smile. It wasn’t new information to Jude. The way big and strong Connor needed the validation. Behind the hard surface, the fragile boy that had been molded by an abusive father was soft. Even needy. He hadn’t been back in Salem that long, but he already understood that not many people knew this. It saddened Jude that not that many people seemed to know the real Connor. It was pretty much Dylan and Kara, and no one else. It hadn’t been lost to Jude that time a few weeks ago, how Connor had turned on the lights before they went to sleep at his house. Jude remembered. Connor had always been scared of the dark.

Jude smiled awkwardly before scratching the back of his head, he said, “So… I should go. But you know, thanks for deflowering me and shit.”   

Connor snickered and said, “Literally my pleasure.” Jude looked at his lap and smiled.

“So… see you around, yeah?” Jude said. Connor pressed his lips together but smiled with his entire face. “See you around Jude.”

Jude opened the door and got out of the car. He made a face feeling the pain, good thing his face was turned from Connor.

“You sure you can walk by yourself?” Connor said while smirking.

“You just couldn’t help it, could you?” Jude said when he turned around with his bag in his hand.

“Nope. Tried. Couldn’t,” Connor said without missing a beat.

“Give my best to Dylan,” Jude said remembering Connor and Dylan was to hang today.

“I will. Bye,” Connor said.

“Bye Connor,” Jude said and closed the door, only hesitating a few seconds before doing so. Once again he was about to say something fucking stupid, but he decided he’d done enough of that for one day.

 

\----

 

 

Connor got home. He was somewhat aware that he had a hard time not smiling. His cheeks were getting sore. He chuckled for himself thinking of some kind of joke about that had to be how Jude felt after Connor had spent the night. He had some work to do on the yard before going to Dylan. He felt happy. Like, truly happy. Such a weird feeling. He even, for a brief moment, thought about telling Dylan about Jude. About what he… had found. It had always been a torn in the side for Connor. He and Dylan talked about everything. Dylan knew stuff about his dad that no one else knew. But, Dylan did not know about Jude. Connor hadn’t said a word. He didn’t dare to. Not that Dylan would care, not in that way. Of course he wouldn’t. Dylan was gay himself, he would be nothing but supportive. But, Connor had tried to close that door for so long. It had been the only way to cope, closing the door as hard as possible.

Then Connor’s mind travelled. An image of Jude appearing. Connor didn’t know why, but it was an image that sometimes returned to him. It was Jude turning around and smiling at him. Smiling that smile that took all the horrible shit out of the world. The sun hit Jude’s face, he was wearing some dark clothing, that was all that Connor saw. All that mattered.

Connor continued working on the yard. Adam had left some old pieces from their old car just lying around.

Catching a break, Connor swiped his forehead. The Oregon sun was giving its very best. Looking around he caught the eye of someone looking right at him. Connor smiled and waved. It was Mrs. Miller. She had apparently been raking the lawn before taking a break. Connor’s smiled faded some as the woman didn’t stop looking at him. She was waving back and she was smiling, but she was smiling in a weird way. Not a bad way, but a weird way.

“You ok there Mrs. Miller?” Connor shouted so his neighbor could hear him.

The elderly woman closed her eyes and nodded. As she didn’t stop looking at him, Connor decided to take a break. He walked over his lawn, crossed the street and walked up the Miller’s lawn.

“You need some help?” Connor asked.

The woman didn’t stop smiling as she slowly shook her head. Connor looked at her. The two of them had shared quite a few private moments. Connor apologizing for his father shouting horrible racist things at her and her husband. Starting when Connor wasn’t ten years old. The woman, Celie, had taken care of Connor when his father hadn’t been able to.

Connor squinted his eyes, it looked for a second like Celie was getting emotional over something.

“You sure you’re ok?” Connor asked again.

“I’m sure child,” she said.

“How is Jude?” Mrs. Miller said.

“He’s good,” Connor said before realizing it was kind of a weird question. Mrs. Miller noticed Connor hesitating.

“You’ve been with him, no?”

“Umm… yeah. How did you…?” Connor said raising a brow.

Mrs. Miller shrugged and smiled. A moment of silence before Mrs. Miller sniffled. She cleared her throat before Connor had the chance to say anything, she said, “You know I stood for quite a while and looked at you Connor.”

Connor didn’t say anything.

“I really looked at you Connor,” she continued.

Connor gulped.

“I couldn’t stop looking, because I love you child. You know that right?” she said and this time Connor saw her glistering eyes. Connor nodded and his own eyes starting to sting.

“I’ve known you since you were in diapers, and I’ve not seen you smile like that for a long time. Eight years to be exact. I’ve missed that boy.”

Connor’s eyes still stinging. He didn’t know why. Lips trembling. Where did this come from?

“And I know you’ve missed him too,” she continued. The ambiguity not lost to Connor. Mrs. Miller took a step towards Connor, she looked up to the young man towering him. She put a hand on his face and stroke his cheek.

“Do you know why he makes you smile like that?” she said.

Connor sniffled. He sure wasn’t going to cry. Ever so slightly, he shook his head. Mrs. Miller smiled and shook her head. The way she looked at him was a mix of someone that loved him and someone that thought he was the most stupid boy alive.

“Because he's the one. He's always been.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awesomemarrcusuniverse @ tumblr, @ostlingmarcus @ twitter


	19. The confession

_Salem Oregon High_

Jude was walking down the hallway. He hadn’t seen Connor since they tried opening a new waterpark down at the gym. They had texted in the same flirty kind-of-joking-kind-of-not-joking kind of way they always had. Today was a school day and honestly, Jude couldn’t wait to see Connor again. He’d missed him. He’d missed him badly.

Jude had considered telling his best friend back in California, Emma, about what had happened, but he hadn’t. He wanted to have this moment with Connor private, at least for a while longer. On the other hand, Jude wanted to shout it out for the whole world to hear. He wanted to tell Kara about it, but he knew that Connor wouldn’t want that. Hell, he even wanted to tell Tina, Oregon High’s own Mrs. Popular that had quickly turned into a close friend.

So as usual these days, Jude found himself having mixed feelings. In a way, he missed the uncomplicated life back in California. At least back there he thought he had it all figured out. Jude literally shook his head, bringing him back to the present. Of course he didn’t miss it. _See,_ he thought for himself. Mixed feelings.

Jude tapped his earplugs changing the song. He must have gotten lost in his own head again because he nearly walked right into someone.

“Fu-fuck I’m sorry,” Jude said before pausing the music and looking up.

“No problem, I thought you saw me but you kept smiling and walking,” the familiar boy said back.

“Of-fucking-course it’s you,” Jude said and hid his face in one of his hands. “I’m so fucking awkward,” he continued.

Connor leaned in and whispered, “You’re hot when you say _fuck_.”

“Shut up,” Jude said and blushed. He had no control over it.

“What are you listening to? You smiled the whole time walking into me,” Connor said and took one of Jude’s earplugs from his ear and put it in his own.

Jude rolled his eyes and sighed. He knew that he and Connor did not share music taste. Connor widened his eyes and nodded, encouraging Jude to turn the music back on. Jude looked at Connor and he could see that Connor wasn’t going to yield. Jude sighed again, pressed the earplug and waited for Connor’s turn to roll his eyes.

Jude tilted his head, pressed his lips together and waited. Condescending comment in 1… 2…

Jude could see it, Connor wanted to be a smartass, but something made him hold back. Connor smiled and gave the earplug back to him.

“Well?” Jude said and sighed slightly.

“No, nothing,” Connor said and shrugged.

“Nothing?” Jude said and raised a brow.

“I mean that’s not the kind of song that would make me smile, but you’ve always been special Mr. Adams-Foster,” Connor said.

“Shut up, she’s awesome,” Jude said trying not to smile too much from Connor calling him Mr. Adams-Foster.

“You keep telling me,” Connor said snickering.

Jude smiled and looked down. Connor did the same. A few moments of silence before Connor asked him, “You wanna grab lunch?”

“Umm, sorry, can’t. Have another class,” Jude said after thinking long and hard about skipping it. “In fact,” Jude said looking at his phone, “I’m late. Sorry.”

“It’s alright, see you later,” Connor said.

“Yeah, see ya,” Jude said and started walking to class. Jude turned around and said, “I’m really sorry about lunch. Would have loved to.” Jude bit his lip, it sounded pathetic saying it out loud.

Connor walked backwards, looking at Jude. He smiled wide and said, “Never mind, I’ll find someone,” before Connor sang the last part, “Like Jude.” Connor snickered and turned his back to Jude who’d stopped dead in his tracks.

Jude’s heart felt like it was skipping a beat. Jude gulped. Connor’s voice when singing, even though it didn’t even seem like Connor was giving it his best effort, hit him harder than it should. Harder than anything should. Nothing sounded better, nothing. It wasn’t fair, Jude thought. How the fuck would he have a chance of fighting this? “Connor fucking Stevens…,” Jude whispered to himself.

Kara gulped. She was standing at a distance looking at Jude and Connor’s interaction. She felt bad about it, she really did. They were both friends to her and she didn’t mean to spy on them or anything. Looking at Jude right now made her worried though. Jude’s standing still looking at Connor as he was walking down the hallway.

The look on Jude’s face, she’d seen it before. Jude’s not the first person that’s looked at Connor like that. Most of the times it never came to that. Connor would just screw the girl and that was that. He had a way of letting them down easy and still being able to be friends with them. However, Kara had seen girls that had loved Connor. Loved with all their hearts.

She understood it, she really did. On the surface Connor must look like the perfect catch. He had the looks, the humor, he was smart enough and he was undoubtedly popular. It wasn’t that surprising that it happened once or twice, that Connor became some unprepared girl’s first love. It was painful to watch. Loving Connor was never uncomplicated, Kara knew all about that. Connor could be a real asshole. Bragging about fucking some girl, playing the game, saying the things he wanted girls to hear. Luckily enough, Kara knew that it got to Connor seeing someone brokenhearted over him.

And there stood her friend Jude, looking at Connor with those longing eyes. Kara had known, but this was the first time she really saw it. Jude was in love with Connor, she was sure of it. Maybe he’s always been.

Why did that not make her feel happy? She had this knot in her stomach and she knew it wasn’t over something as petty as jealousy that her friend had found love. No, she was worried. She was always worried for Connor, she’d grown accustomed to that feeling. But now, she was also worried for Jude. This was dangerous.

Kara thought back to long lost times. It felt like a lifetime ago and in a way it was. Jude moved away and left her and Connor. Mostly Connor. Connor changed so much it still brought tears to her eyes. Watching him alienating himself, building up a shell. What Connor doesn’t know, because Jude strictly forbade Kara, is that she and Jude stayed in contact a few years after Jude had moved away. It all ended abruptly when Jude sent her a letter telling her about his attempted suicide. Jude never said it outright, but Kara understood the reason for him not wanting to have any more contact with her. It hurt too much. The memory of Connor, hurt too much. He needed to try to move on.

But, there he stood. He had a new last name but he was still the same boy to Kara. He might have tried, and Kara would probably never know how much he’d tried, but Jude had failed.

Then there was Connor. If it had been painful to read Jude’s letter it wasn’t nearly as painful as it had been to see the hurt and pain growing in Connor. Watching Connor grow up, always running, deep in denial. It had recently dawned upon Kara, why she and Connor stopped being the best of friends. She can’t believe why she didn’t see it before. Connor had made memories with Jude and Kara. She reminded him of Jude. They stayed friends, but they never shared their most intimate thoughts and feelings anymore. Connor had once told them to her, lying in her bed crying his heart out. He’d told her his secret, and he couldn’t take it back.

The problem was that Jude hadn’t been there. Hadn’t been here. He’d never seen Connor playing the game before. He had no idea what Connor’s father Adam had caused these last eight years. Connor might look ok on the outside, but Kara knew him being broken inside. Jude made him feel good, Jude made him happy, this was easy enough for Kara to see. She knew his secret, and Connor had no way of concealing it when he looked at Jude. Connor not breaking Jude’s heart though? Connor coming out, telling the world?

Kara gulped and thought, _yeah that’s not going to happen._

 

\---

 

“Hey man, what’s up?” Dylan said to Connor as he was sitting down at the lunch table.

“Hey, not much, can’t wait for summer break,” Connor said. “What?” Connor filled in as Dylan was looking at him curiously.

“Have you gotten laid?” Dylan asked with a raised brow.

Connor panicked for a second before chuckling, he said, “No. Still a virgin.”

Dylan snickered, took a bite from his burger and said, “Ok, whatever man.”

Connor smiled looking at Dylan. Dylan looked happy, radiating. It made Connor feel warm inside. Dylan deserved to be the happiest guy in the world if you asked Connor. Dylan, the guy that’s always been there for him. Best of friends. Brothers. He would be forever grateful to Dylan and his mom, they had done things for him that he’d never be able to repay. Connor decided that Dylan deserved to know. Yes, it scared him shitless but Dylan deserved to know. Connor didn’t really know what he was doing or how all this would work out, but Dylan knowing and helping him was an absolute must.

“Hang after school? FIFA? South Park?” Connor asked, deciding that telling him in school wasn’t the best idea.

Dylan chewed and nodded and said with his mouth full, “Fuck yes.” Dylan raised his brow quizzically, put two fingers towards his lips while either mimicking jerking off the smallest dick in existence or suggesting something else.

Connor smiled and said, “Nah man, we can’t. State championship coming up. Remember?”

“Ah, fuck that’s right,” Dylan said.

Connor couldn’t help it, the boy did occupy most of his thoughts. He already knew that Jude and Dylan got along as they shared some classes. Connor said, “So I don’t know, maybe we could invite Jude to come with us when state’s over, yeah? I know it’s usually just the two of us to that party, but…,” Connor trailed off.

Dylan repressed smiling wide. Good thing he was eating. His friend was so fucking see-through. But boy did he love his friend right now.

“You want to bring Jude? You think he would want to come? Those parties can be kind of… primal,” Dylan said snickering.

“I’m sure he’d love to come,” Connor said making Dylan smile wide.

“Alright, ask him then,” Dylan said. Connor and Dylan kept talking about this and that, the whole time Dylan thought that he had to tell Connor that he knew. Sure, it bugged him a bit that Connor didn’t say it outright, but this charade had gone on long enough.

\----

Jude had the weirdest day. His mind kept wandering off. It was like he wasn’t present at all, all he did was thinking about Connor. Holding him, being held by him. Yes, sometimes he might have thought about them being naked together. It felt like he was walking through a fog, and he was just barely making his way through it. He realized he’d just talked to Tina for at least ten minutes. He had no idea what they had talked about. _How the fuck did I even get to school?_ Jude took a deep breath. “ _I’m so fucked,”_ Jude thought. After a moment he giggled over the innuendo.

Jude found himself standing in the boy’s bathroom. He didn’t remember walking there. He splashed water on his face and looked himself in the mirror. “ _I have to tell him_ ,” he said just above a whisper. Jude splashed his face again, this time with ice-cold water to make him get a hold of himself. He checked his phone. Jude realized that Connor had just finished his last class and was probably heading to his car. Not that Jude had memorized Connor’s schedule or anything. That would be very stalker-weird-creepy of him.

Jude didn’t even have to go outside before spotting Connor. He was walking and talking with some girls that Jude knew Connor shared classes with. Jude also knew that he had to do something about the jealousy that he felt just from seeing Connor talk to a pretty girl. It wasn’t an attractive feature. Jude didn’t recognize himself, insecure he hadn’t felt since, well, moving back to Salem.

Jude waved shyly at Connor when Connor looked up and saw him. Not even Connor’s face lighting up made Jude less nervous. Connor said something to the girls he was talking to. They looked at Jude for a moment with a look of disappointment on their faces before continuing walking.

“Hey,” Connor said as he walked up to Jude.

“Umm, hey,” Jude said and closed his eyes for a second, feeling more than frustrated. This was Connor. They’d talked many times. He shouldn’t be this nervous.

“You going home or?” Connor asked.

“Umm, yeah. I just… yeah, going home,” Jude mumbled.

“Ok cool, I can give you a ride home if you want,” Connor said. Jude gulped and nodded.

They walked cross the schoolyard towards the parking lot. Connor glanced at Jude who was a bit quiet. Connor got more and more worried that something was wrong. Had Jude realized that Connor wasn’t good enough for him? Had Jude heard about one of the many truths that Connor regretted? Maybe if Connor could explain, Jude would understand. If Jude only knew that he was the reason for it all, Jude would understand. Connor started sweating.

Connor was about to apologize, not sure over exactly what, but that didn’t matter, when Jude said, “Umm, so I got to… I got to tell you something.”

They took a few more small steps before stopping. Connor looked around. It was a bit windy, some dust blowing by their shoes. There were some students walking towards their cars but they were not close enough to be able to hear them. Jude stood still and Connor took a step and stood before him.

“What, what’s up?” Connor asked, trying not to sound as nervous as he was.

Jude remained quiet for a minute. He was searching for words. Finally, he gave up on finding the right ones. Jude fiddled with his hands, looking down at the ground. Jude could feel Connor’s eyes on him.

“It’s just… I mean,” Jude started to say. Connor got nervous. Jude was about to tell him something and it didn’t look good. Connor hadn’t even gotten the chance to show Jude how much he cared. Connor had tried to play it cool for some fucking reason and now it was too late. Connor’s mind racing.

“I… I like you,” Jude said. Connor stopped breathing. He saw Jude forcing down saliva.

“In fact I like you, a lot,” Jude continued while still stubbornly looking down. Connor didn’t say anything, Jude continued, “I’m sorry because I know you probably don’t want to hear it but I do Connor… I…,” Jude’s voice cracked and Connor saw one solitary tear leaving Jude’s left eye.

Jude raised his head but he didn’t look at Connor, he looked to the side. Jude’s eyes watery. His lower lip trembling. Connor’s own lips parted looking at Jude’s face, he didn’t dare to make a sound.

“I really like you Connor. And if… if you don’t like me you have to tell me…,” Jude’s voice cracking multiple times. He sniffled. Another tear leaving his left eye, joining the previous one making them jointly make their way down his cheek.

Just closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He opened them again, but he couldn’t make himself look at Connor just yet.

“I just… I just can’t keep doing this,” Jude said.

“Do-doing what?” Connor asked, dreading the answer.

Finally, Jude looked at Connor. Connor looked blank, scared. Jude hesitated.

“This. Playing this… game. I can’t pretend that I don’t…,” Jude stopped himself.

Connor took a step closer to Jude. They were probably standing closer than they should.

“I-I like you, Jude. O-of course I do,” Connor stammered.

“But do you, do you like me like that?” Jude said and instantly regretted it, he sniffled and snickered at himself and said, “Fuck I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Please just tell me to shut the hell up. I’m so fucking pathetic and weird.”

Connor looked around. They were alone. Jude gasped as Connor took his hands in his. Jude’s hands were shaking while Connor was trying to calm him by gently rubbing his thumbs against the back of Jude’s hands.

“Look at me,” Connor said. How what he was about to tell him was news to Jude was beyond Connor’s understanding, he didn’t think he was able to hide it at all. Jude looked at Connor.

“I like you. Like that. Ok?” Connor said and nodded slowly. Jude pressed his lips tightly but it didn’t take more than a few seconds for his lips to turn into a smile.

“Ok?” Connor repeated.

Jude sniffled, nodded and said, “Ok.”

Jude did let himself this moment for a minute. For a few moments, he wasn’t scared, he wasn’t feeling uncomfortable, everything felt just right looking into Connor’s eyes. Of course, that didn’t last as Jude’s insecurities kicked in.

“You’re not just saying that so you could keep fucking me?” Jude said.

Connor laughed, let go of Jude’s hands, shook his head and said, “Wow. Way to ruin a moment Jude.”

Jude laughed and said, “Sorry.”

They kept chuckling for a minute, both feeling emotionally drained and relieved. Their privacy disturbed by a car horn. Jude looked up and said, “Fuck I forgot. Mom was picking me up today.” Jude waved at Stef wondering how long she’d been there.

“Ok. Better go with her, she looks pissed,” Connor said snickering,

“Yeah. So… see you tomorrow?” Jude said to which Connor smile and nodded.

Jude looked around before taking one of the least thought-through decisions of his life. Jude reached up and kissed a surprised Connor on his cheek.

Jude walked towards the car with his eyes closed repeating the word “fuck” in his head over and over again. Why the fuck did he do that? He wanted to turn back and ask for forgiveness but his legs didn’t obey him.

After the initial shock, and having made sure no one had seen, Connor touched his own newly kissed cheek. He didn’t move until long after Stef’s car had left the parking lot.

 

\---

_Later that night_

 

Connor and Dylan were in the basement playing video games. As usual they were exchanging insults and laughing. Connor was stalling. He’d decided to tell Dylan about Jude, but every time he thought he’d found the courage he chickened out. Dylan seemed to be in a good mood. A really good mood. Connor wished he’d still be like that after he’d told him. The soccer game being fought over the video game console ended. Connor leaned back into the couch and took a deep breath.

“I asked Jude. He’d love to come with us,” Connor started. Dylan smiled and nodded knowingly.

“That’s great,” Dylan said.

Connor bit his lip, still unsure how to tell him. Turned out he didn’t have to say anything.

“Con, thanks man,” Dylan said to Connor’s surprise. Connor looked at Dylan and noticed his friend looking nervous. Unusual.

“Thanks for what?” Connor said.

“I... I know what you’ve been up to. You’re not that discreet bro’.”

Connor smiled despite still feeling surprised.

Dylan leaned forward and got a serious look on his face, he said, “But listen man, I got to… I got to tell you something.”

Dylan looked down at the carpeted floor.

“I’m not just _interested_ in him. It’s more than that. In fact, it’s way more than that,” Dylan said and Connor was completely lost. Connor furrowed his brows and was about to ask Dylan what the fuck he was talking about when Dylan continued,

“I can’t stop thinking about him. And I know I was so fucking stupid telling you he wasn’t _my type_ ,” Dylan stopped and snickered. “I bet that’s when you knew, yeah?” Dylan said and looked at Connor while smiling.

Connor was not moving a muscle.

“You’re the best, you know that right? I fucking love you man. Always asking him to sit with us, trying to make us spend time together, asking him to join us for whatever,” Dylan said. He was glowing, Connor’s not sure he’s ever seen his friend smiling like that.

Then, Dylan got a serious expression when he said, “You know that I’ve never really… liked anyone… _like that_. And just thinking about the possibility of him… liking me… it’s just. I can’t explain it Con. I mean you’re Connor Stevens, you can have anyone you want. But I’m… I’m just Dylan, you know?”

Connor had gone pale. The world was spinning. The smile returned to Dylan’s face as he delivered the fatal blow to Connor as he said, “I know it’s crazy, but I love him."

Dylan snickered, sighed resignedly while smiling from cheek to cheek, "I love Jude.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awesomemarrcusuniverse @ tumblr  
> @OstlingMarcus @ twitter


End file.
